• Member Since 15th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

super3rainbow1


A reader and writer, but mostly a reader. I enjoy writing, shipping, and long walks on the beach.

E
Source

Twilight and Pinkie Pie have planned a vacation for their best friends in order to clear up all the stress built up from the past few weeks. Fluttershy has had a crush on Rainbow Dash for the longest time ever. She has always thought Rainbow Dash was oblivious to love and wasn't interested in mares too. During the long train ride, it starts to get harder for Fluttershy to hide her feelings for Rainbow Dash.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 97 )

Great. This is going to be stuck in my head for a few days because of you.

1941541
Sorry about that! :twilightsheepish:
Oh wait, now it's in my head :raritydespair:

Interesting setup so far...:moustache: You have my attention! :pinkiehappy:

Poor Fluttershy. :fluttershysad: Her confidence is not only going downhill, but she seems to be getting more and more signs that her hopes and dreams are completely pointless. It's not fun when you have a crush in that situation. :fluttershyouch:

1941598
Thanks! :twilightsmile:

It really isn't fun when you have a crush on someone who can't return the feelings :fluttershysad:

1941608 You're welcome! :twilightsmile:

Ahem...

RAINBOW DASH! YOU BETTER BUCK UP AND RETURN THOSE FEELINGS!!! :flutterrage:

...If you want to, of course...:fluttercry:

XD Sorry, had to. :pinkiehappy::raritystarry:

Eeh... not bad, but not terribly good either. A number of spelling/grammar mistakes hold it back, but nothing that couldn't be fixed with a little work. Some of the sentences come off as short and choppy, and combining a few of them into one longer, multi-part sentence could help the story flow better. It's hard to make a call on characterization because there isn't much dialog, and there are no actions to accompany it.

Honestly, that's my biggest problem with this whole story: All the dialog is just "<words> <character> <talking verb>". There are no actions to go along with it. If Pinkie Pie is going to burst out with excitement at the prospect of the vacation, she won't just stand there and yell about it. She would leap into the air, surrounded by confetti, but you have to tell us that. You can't just assume the reader will supply all of the little world-building and character details, you need to put them out there.

Although, I will saw that I liked the idea of Rainbow Dash possibly not being a fillyfooler, since she's always the first name thrown out there for "yea, I bet she likes mares." It's a nice change, but not enough to save the story by itself.

The writing is technically sound for the most part, and characterization is done fairly well, even if there are a few gaffes, so no downvote. However, nothing about this story compels me to keep reading. Nothing about it makes me really want to know what will happen next. That, combined with the existing spelling/grammar mistakes, means no upvote either.

Keep working though, practice is the only way to get better. You know, unless you can capture the ghost of Shakespeare and make him write it for you.

1942020
Thanks for the honest critism. I will be taking time for fixing this up

reallly really good!!! i won't critisize you on spelling/grammar, i get way to much of that, i love things like this, i perfur applejack/rainbow dash more then fluttershy, but apart from my petty intrests, one of the best commedy romances i've ever read! :pinkiehappy:

1943407
Sorry to say but I could never really get into Appledash

Comedy? :derpytongue2: not sure what's funny

1943530 sorry!!! i thought i wrote adventure, a thousend sorries o great one, :moustache:

I like it so much can't wait till the next chapter:yay::heart::rainbowwild:

NOOOOOOO Dashie, how could you?

She didn't do any really girly things like putting on makeup.

No, Rainbow Dash would never do that. :twilightsheepish:

Applejack looked over at Rarity. "Ah suppose that we could share a room, Rarity," she said.

Hiynt hiynt? :ajsmug:

This was a good chapter, the pacing is very smooth, everything flows well, and it was a nice read. Keep it up! :)

1965232
Funny thing, I never intended to throw in Rarijack. I actaully like that pairing though. For this story however, I might be only hinting at it. :duck:

Thanks! It's nice to hear that improvement was made. :pinkiehappy:

Okay, so Rainbow is somewhat giving her a chance. KIND OF, by letting them spend time together. She's not leading her on or lying, but at the same time, there will still be that underlying "Will she ever like?" feeling I know Fluttershy is going to have. But it's good that Rainbow also isn't letting this ruin their friendship, which is also good.

I'm looking forward to what's coming with this....:moustache:

1967713
Yes, Rainbow Dash is afraid of ruining their friendship if she dates Fluttershy while she has no feelings for her. You can expect that in the rest of the story, Rainbow Dash is trying to get alone time with Fluttershy so she can find out whether or not she is capable of liking her back.

1968023 Indeedy! I do see that! :moustache:

It's good enough for me to give it a few more chapters, but it needs some work.
Namely in the grammar and pacing department.

This is alright:applejackunsure:
More word variety and fleshing out details in their emotions and body language would do wonders for this story.
I'll favorite it for now to see if it gets better.
No up-vote or down-vote yet though.

1974367
Ok, thanks for the tip! :twilightsheepish:

After completing this chapter, I can't help but notice how awkward the story is getting. If I can't get this story to flow in a smooth pace in the next chapter, I probably will either put this on hiatus or just scrap it. :facehoof:

Forget the scrapping. I might just end up leaving this to sit for a while before I continue.

If you DARE give up now....:flutterrage:
I'm going to cry...you don't want me to cry, do you? :fluttercry::fluttershysad:

And really, it doesn't seem all that awkward to me. If anything, it actually kind of works since it sets the tone of how mildly awkward things are. Fluttershy is obviously very nervous about coming off too strong, and trying to go along with Rarity's idea. It makes sense, because of the uncertainty and how hard it can be to hold back when she's around her crush. She just needs to relax, spend more time together and get into the flow of things, because it may have an awkward start, but it can get better.

Just like the story. :pinkiehappy: Don't quit now! You're just starting! All you have to do is keep going, keep trying, and see where it all takes off. It's pretty good still, so don't worry. :twilightsmile:

1984718
You're too kind :rainbowlaugh:

Giving up on a Flutterdash? Hmmm... that's a no can do

Thank you for your kindness :twilightsmile: Looks like I will have to keep on trying
It's all about learning from mistakes, I guess

1984733 :pinkiehappy: Exactly! And this happens a lot! Sometimes a story can start off a little iffy, but if you just keep trying and learn from your mistakes, you can still make it along and make it good! :raritystarry:

So you're welcome! :twilightsmile:

This is actually pretty damn good (well it's flutterdash, of course it's good).:rainbowwild: I really like this story, it's well written. Don't you dare stop now:flutterrage:

1997774
Thank you :twilightsheepish:

I don't plan on stopping anytime soon

Hmm...interesting! I actually don't mind this approach. So let's see, Rainbow DOES like Fluttershy and can honestly say that she's the kind of pony she's always wanted. But her doubts and inexperience in the dating department are holding her back, especially since the last thing she wants to do is screw up their longtime friendship and lose her forever. She figures it's safer to avoid the feelings and keep them repressed so she can avoid hurting Fluttershy. At the same time, she can't exactly deny, try as she may, that she has feelings for her and does want to date her. It's because it sounds awesome on paper, but the actual work and effort put into keeping a relationship together is something she's sure she can't do very well. And again, wants to avoid hurting Fluttershy because of it.

And it's partly why she avoids showing affection, despite that we can see she does have a lot of that deep inside. It's also to do with maintaining her image and not becoming too emotionally vulnerable. She's guarded and, in a way, introverted because of it. She doesn't open up about her true feelings because she doesn't want other ponies walking all over her. It hurts her inside but she doesn't know what else to do. And now that dating has come up, which is exposing her heart and real feelings.

So that's why it's called "some truth", because in truth, this is how Rainbow feels. She's just not sure how to go about it.

Short version: Rainbow Dash does have feelings for Fluttershy, who she feels is the only pony for her. But she has a lot of things holding her back that she needs to overcome.

I greatly look forward to what's to come! :pinkiehappy:

2007578
Yes, I believe that's what was intended. It's also about getting past the awkwardness and coming clean to Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash would never want to show how vulnerable she can be at times. Yet, there always can be that one moment for anypony.

Speaking of the title.. you're right! Rainbow Dash lets some of it out but there's more that she hasn't told yet.

I'm trying to not trip over and tangle up the lines of the storyline here. :rainbowlaugh:

2007638 Just as I thought! How interesting! :pinkiehappy:

Uh-oh! XD Spaghetti-O's!

Fluttershy... you dolt:facehoof:

2046769
I take it that you find it cute :raritystarry:

D'awwwww....so cute! :twilightsmile: How lovely! And kissy! :pinkiehappy: It's really sweet that Rainbow went to all this trouble just to show her a good time. To show she's serious about this, and I think Fluttershy must feel a lot better about it all...awww...:pinkiehappy: So sweet!

I know how you feel though, sometimes a story can really just take a life of its own as you go along. XD It happens all the time, big and small, and it's quite incredible how it can change!

As always... :yay::heart::rainbowkiss:

i love the story so far, great work :)

2046834
Yup! However, it's not over just yet :rainbowderp: One more chapter to go!

Yeah.. it does happen. Not everything goes according to plan but that's okay!

2046852
Thanks! Glad to hear that! :twilightsmile:

2046878 Exactly! Sometimes things do change, but that doesn't always make it a bad thing! It's a chance to explore new angles and see where it all goes. :pinkiehappy:

Awwwwwwwww ^^

Also, spaghetti and wheatballs. XD

So adorable how Rainbow is being with Fluttershy. She really wants to make this work. :yay::heart::rainbowkiss:

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