Twilight loses her magical powers due to a reason unknown to her. She soon begins to question what she should do for the remainder of her life. Meanwhile, Trixie hears of this news, and with the intention on getting revenge on Twilight, decides to pay the librarian a visit. However, when the showpony arrives, she begins to feel differently about her 'rival'.
Seeking a different cover image for this story!
Source for the current image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m26zroqNaS1r20q4to1_500.jpg
Chapters (4)
New story because an idea came to me while I was in the shower today.
Well anyway, this is definitely a Twixie fic, and this time, it's about Trixie helping Twilight rather than vice versa! The weaker one helping the ... one that used to be strong.
I kind of know where I'm going with this story. Also, expect a prequel after this story so you know how Twilight loses her powers.
It's no big deal, she just lost her ... oh buck.
(Editing note: "3AM in the morning" is redundant)
1842601
Thanks, fixed! :)
Down voters, would be appreciated if you left a comment as to why you didn't like it so I can hopefully improve on it later on. xD
Poor Twilight, to lose one's cutie mark and become a blank flank again must be horrible.
Romance, huh? I miss those sorta things. Mostly back where I'm from it was "take any girl you can find" or "become a rapist". Good to see that some things good are still going for us.
Huh. I read the synopsis and (minus the romance) this is basically the very first MLP fanfic idea I ever had: Twilight loses her magic and Trixie shows up to help her. Weird seeing something like that just show up out of the blue.
I'm going to follow this story to see where it goes. I'm not understanding the downvotes myself. There's nothing outright bad here. The vocabulary level is not as high as it could be, but the grammar and spelling are both good. There's a nice plot being set up. The whole thing reads pretty easy.
1842900
Lol, great minds think alike? /overused line is overused.
Well anyway, the reason as to why my vocabulary is limited is because I'm always afraid that I'm not using the words properly. It's weird. I just have an irrational fear, that's all. xD
I'll try to shove in more words here and there, though. I really need to face that fear or else I'm going to fail English.
See a story in the New Stories list that has a picture of Twilight and Trixie? MUST READ.
I was hoping that it would be a romance, and was not disappointed, though I am a little put off by the Sad tag. I don't like sad stories unless I'm in the right mood.
But anyways, on to the story.
The beginning is alright; I think we're thrown into the whole "Twilight is an earth pony" thing a little too quickly. I'm assuming that when you write that prequel though, it'll have spoilery information for this story, so I can see your reasoning for not explaining how she became an earth pony right at the beginning.
Just out of curiosity, does this story take place before or after Magic Duel? If it takes place before, it really seems out of character for Spike and Twilight to just accept that Trixie just showed up in the library (Spike was particularly annoyed with her after Boast Busters). However, if it takes place afterwards, didn't Trixie and Twilight sort of resolve their differences, with Trixie admitting that Twilight is better than her? But here Trixie is determined to humiliate Twilight. It's really not a big deal, I'm just curious.
It seems to me that you've got a pretty decent story here. There seems to be a lot of opportunity for romance to develop, and the whole missing cutie mark/magic thing is holding my interest. On the plus side (for me), you seem to be going with the "sad, but not depressing" type of Sad story, rather than "soul-crushingly depressing". Can't wait for the next chapter!
By the way, the image you're using as a cover image can be found on the artist's page here if you wanted to link that instead. Also, according to the MLP wiki (using a source from Lauren Faust), Twilight's pet is actually named Owlowiscious. It really doesn't sound like it though...
1842986
Lol, blech. I wasn't sure if I wanted to choose the 'Sad' or 'Drama' tag, but I began to think of other things that were considered 'dramatic', so I went with the sad tag, and I'm actually kind of thinking that judging by the direction my story is heading, it's more dramatic rather than sad and depressing. I'll actually go and change that right now. @___@
Also, this takes place after Boast Busters, but before Magic Duel. However, both Spike and Twilight have more to think about than to be mad at Trixie. Frankly, if you think about it, Twilight's been depressed for two weeks and Spike's the one who has to take care of her now. They both have a load of stress on their backs, so Trixie is the least of their problems. Also, the story takes place late at night. If somebody I hated were to be in my house at 3 am in the morning, I'd be thinking about how they got in my house instead of ... well, anything else. xD
Also, thanks for the link. :3 And it's Owlowiscious, I know, but I spelt it Owlicious to avoid any confusion, just because it's not even CLOSE to being pronounced as "Owlowiscious". Owlicious is a bit easier on the eyes and mind. :3
EDIT: Okay, so there is no Drama tag.
-sadface-
1843015 You don't have to change it, it's just that in my experience, Sad stories usually involve death or heartbreak, which are topics I usually avoid, especially when it comes to romance stories.
Interesting, and that does make sense.
That also makes a lot of sense. I've never really understood why it's Owlowiscious when it doesn't even sound like that when it's said.
i personal don´t like storys where twi loses her powers or rater all storys where unicorns in general can lose there powers. I mean in the most cases it dosen´t even make sence like if a unicorn breaks his horn it loseshis power...forever...i mean serisly a part of his body that will at least 4 times break in his childhood, if he has a childhood...that would be stupid. Just sayen
1844173
There is a story behind it, but I'll be starting on it when I'm deeper into this story or after I'm finished. Also, Twilight doesn't break her horn, it just became defective. Plus, if it broke, Celestia wouldn't even be suggesting an idea like being able to regain her powers back, soooo... xD
Frankly, I said I was going to write a prequel, so it's not like Twilight "suddenly loses her powers"
1844252 it was just an example i know that twilight has still her horn. And i will read your story but when you give us the reason...let it be a good one
You could show more of Trixie's thoughts. You're clearly not limiting yourself to just Twilight's POV, so show us more of what's motivating Trixie. It won't feel as rushed then.
"It was that one special piece of string that roped my friends and I together." -> "I" should be "me". Yes, I'm positive.
Rarity cutie mark represents her ability to find gems. She just happens to love fashion, which she did before she got her cutie mark and found her special talent. Twilight could be a researcher if she thinks about it. I don't know anyone who loves to read as much as she does. In any case, I will be keep an eye on this.
This is HORRIBLE!!!
Nah, just kidding. I really like it so far. What I noticed is that you like to use a period after somepony is done speaking, when instead you should use a comma, unless that's the end of the sentence.
Wrong: "Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie." Pinkie said as she held out her hoof. -the reason you don't use the period is because the sentence did not actually end, instead, you should write it out like this.
Right: "Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie," Pinkie said as she held out her hoof.
Also, if a character is going to start talking again after the brief description, you should put a comma after the description.
"Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie," Pinkie said as she held out her hoof, "what's your's?"
However, if the character says something, and that is the end of a sentence, you can end it with a period, like so-
"Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie."
At least I'm pretty sure that's how it works...
Oh, and to what Softy8088 said about I should be me instead, I am fairly certain he/she is wrong. because "...that roped my friends and me together," does not sound quite right. I know some of this doesn't really add to the story, but it is proper writing, so I felt I should inform you.
But no one's perfect, hell, I only consider myself a decent writer at best. Keep it up, I really want to see how this story turns out!
1847382
Really appreciate the corrections. :3
I'll go back and correct them if I have the time, but I'm mostly focusing on getting the story to progress at the moment. I'll be sure to follow the comma & period thing in later chapters, though. xD
1845883
And restructed: "me and my friends together", it should be.
Anywhom, looking good so far. Twilie really doesn't see the many possibilities her
bookworminessknowledge can bring to her, does she? She could be a scientist, a teacher, a consultant... But yeah, I guess losing your magic that you've loved and been proud of for your entire life can be a massive bummer1847382 I am right. "I" is a subjective pronoun, but in that sentence "It" is the subject. You should use the objective pronoun "me".
You can see this is wrong if you remove "my friends and", like so:
See? Now try:
That's correct, so if we add back "my friends and" we get:
Which is correct. Really, I'm 100% sure of this. Trust me.
If that still sounds "wrong", then you can reorder, as Yukito suggests:
DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, BELIEVE IN TRIXIE THAT BELIEVES IN YOURSELF!
JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK SHE IS?!
1849529
I THINK SHE IS TRIXIE...
OR TWILIGHT.
TO BE HONEST, I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. ;-;
Please don't hurt me.
1849572
I was quoting Kamina from Gurren Lagann :D
1848202
Okay, I see what you mean, you are right. Oh well at least I came out learning something.
Oy yoy yoy! Now Twilight regressed to a foal? This is not going to be good. Not good at all. I think her friends are about to find out that Trixie is back in town.
1849529
Yours is the magic that will pierce the heavens!
Though I am wondering how Trixie knows Zecora, I like how Twilight regressed to a foal!
1852008
Well, I'm sure Trixie has passed by the Everfree Forest a few times, and it's really unlikely that anypony could miss that hut... xD
Must. Get. Book.
Pretty good story so far. Few grammatical errors but meh.
Can't wait for more.
Foal, no cutie mark, everfree forest. Wait that sond me familiar...
"she replied with an confused tone in her voice." -> "a" instead of "an".
The writing's definitely improving. I don't know where you're going with this story, but you certainly have my attention.
1853979
Thanks for the correction. :3
Originally, it was supposed to be, "an unsure tone in her voice", instead of what it is now, but I changed it and I guess I missed the "an"
1842592 just a thought shouldent it be "hoof in hoof" since ponies don't have hands.
1859739
Mhm, I thought the same thing. However, 'Hoof in Hoof' doesn't have the same... powerful feel, I guess. Makes it seem more silly and all that.
Well, well... This is pretty good! I just have one question:
How does Trixie know about Zecora?
Other than that, everything was interesting. I liked how you portrayed Trixie throughout the chapter, and will be tracking the story. Can't wait to see an update!
I am really liking how this story is progressing.
Am I the only one to find it weird that Trixie, of all people, is surprised at how badly Twilight is taking losing her magic?
Oh, don't get me wrong, going to rub it in and then having second thoughts once she actually sees her still works as a plot point but thinking "is it really so bad to lose your magic" repeatedly and even asking Twilight that seems weird for someone whose life revolves around impressing people with magic.
Oh great. Absolute mental break. Poor, poor Twilight... I was initially surprised at how fast Trixie slipped into a caring role, but you've managed to pull if off successfully. There's a very thin line between character development and OOC, and the ability to stay on the correct side of that line is the mark of a good author. I'm very happy to say you appear to fall into that category.
So yeah, Twilight's suffering severe mental regression and missing. I have a bad feeling about this. Though maybe that's because of Story of the Blanks. Thanks for the read, looking forward to the next chapter.
Honestly, I think you've hand-waved Twilight's emotional state a bit too much.
Having Twilight loose her magic would be like Rainbow loosing her wings. Not only was it her defining talent and something she's worked the majority of her life towards, but it was one of her defining features as a pony. Nevermind the entire Unicorn = Magic, though that really shouldn't be ignored, but it was the absolute core of her being, identity and self-worth.
Less Celestia knows something and she's simply not telling Twilight, which seems cruel and unusual (though I guess a few justifications could be made). Everypony else is taking this a bit to calmly, either ignorant or unconcerned about Twilight's feelings. A massive, deep depression would probably only be the start, but it doesn't seem like anyone's really trying to support Twilight.
2029324
Yeah, I'm planning on doing a heavy rewrite for my stories soon. Trust me, I have noticed that Twilight's situation is a lot more severe than what I've got written down.
About the Celestia thing...
Spoilers. Highlight at your own discretion.
Celestia does indeed, know how to fix this. However, there are two reasons as to why she hasn't told Twilight about it.
1) This can only be fixed with Twilight's own hands (or hooves, if you prefer).
2) Celestia wants to see if Twilight is able to do it. She's placing all of her faith in her student. She can practically feel that Twilight can fix this. This can be considered a lesson for her to learn. She'll have to suffer through hardships in order to achieve her goal. Wouldn't be much of a lesson if Celestia spoon fed her, right? No pain no gain.
Anyhow, as mentioned before, I'm planning to rewrite some content, so look forward to it. Also, this is just the beginning of the story. I don't believe I've written out a full chapter in Twilight's perspective yet. If anything, I'd say the regression chapters can be considered the prologue to the entire story.
You say you are going to write the story about how Twilight lost her magic in the first place. That ought to be very interesting. I'm also interested to find out how the 'Bad and Misfortunate' Trixie became the'Great and Powerful' Trixie.
Am I the only one who's bugged by the title?
Ya know, the fact that neither of them have hands and such.
Every time I see I just have to tell myself that it says hooves instead of hands.
2247783
Pretty bugged about it myself. I'm terrible at coming up with titles.
If you have any suggestions, feel free to pitch in.
2029324
I think that is a plot device to help the Twixie pairing, everypony else is pushing her and her problems away, and where else could she turn? Hope that helps, but that's the inference I made from it.
Good story; hope you're still writing on it. I like helpless Twilight, and how Trixie interacts with her.
2247905
How about "In Good Hooves"?
1897166
When I first read over it, I thought she was using it as a point. Such as:
'Why does it mean so much to you? You have friends around who care for you. Are they not that wich motivates you? Don't you still care about them? At one time you told me friendship is magic. What happened Twilight? Do your friends mean so little to you?'
Or something like that. But it didn't go that direction.
2247905 so is this story dead...or what?