After the ponyville incident, Trixie finds herself friendless and hopeless. But when Nightmare (NOT Nightmare Moon) shows up offering to help her get her revenge on the mane 6, Trixie accepts her offer and travels back to Ponyville where she begs for forgiveness and starts to make friends. When Trixie starts to fall for somepony she thought she hated, her thirst for revenge becomes less intense. What is Nightmare's master plan; and will Trixie's love interest be strong enough to overcome both Nighmare's will and her own need for revenge, or will Nighmare's plan come to full fruition?
Chapters (5)
I like where this is going. I'm going to keep my eye on this story.
Good luck writing.
"Now your going to start answering some questions or I'm going to leave"
You're*
Also, perhaps a comma after "Questions."
That aside, it's a decent enough start, and I do want to see what happens. Tracked for now.
631495
To be fair, you'll hate the Twilight part of Twixie by about 2/3 of the way through the story, but i'm sure you'll love the story as a whole.
631673
Thank you for the grammar correction, if you notice any others let me know, I can stand grammar mistakes.
Also this is my first story so if any of you guys have any criticism about the actual way it's being written (is it too descriptive, boring, etc.?) I would be very appreciative.
Nothing like that, actually. I'm just telling you by about 2/3 of the way through the whole story you'll really hate Twilight. But don't worry, she's a main character, so of course she gets remdemption.
By the way if anyone reading is musically inclined and would be interested in making a music video or just an audio clip for the song that would be beyond appreciated. I have no way to tell you how the song goes in my head besides the fact that it is daefinitely a large group think like Smile is, so if anypony does decide to make a video or audio file they will have complete creative freedom over the project. Thanks. Btw, I need to know how to make authors notes, so if anypony could tell me i would be thankful.
657441 Cheescake you say... hmmm.... then cheesecake there shall be, who am I to dissapoint a fan. Look for it in the next chapter ('
');
BY the way, Did you by any chance think the song was too cheesy, even for Pinkie Pie? Myfriend who helped me write it did, but I was lazy and didn't want to rewrite it, pus I disagreed. Anyway, in your oppinion is it too cheesy or not?
657466
above comment was a response to yours but forgot to push respond button
657518
not at all actual if you go a little further up theres a comment about asking someone to make a video or just a sound file for it
Well, you asked for criticsm on how it's written, so I guess I could attempt to humor you.
First off, Twilight says to Spike "You're the only pony who has been in there since then." I get it if it was supposed to follow show terminologies, but the fact of the matter is that he's not a pony.
"I just stopped by to see if you wanted to come, but since you said your busy, I guess-"
*You're
Also, I'm not really sure if Rainbow Dash would be the one to tell Twilight to go easy on Trixie. She, and AJ and Rarity as well, were the victims in Boast Busters, and they all have a pretty high sense of personal pride, so I doubt any of them would be particularly nice against her.
And to answer one of your above comments, I thought it was an okay song. It's kind of in the same vein as "You Gotta Share," so I could easily imagine Pinkie singing it. The little hints that Twilight has some more bones to pick with Trixie than what we saw in the show was a nice touch as well.
Finally, and this is just a personal opinion, the use of "A wild Rainbow Dash appeared" kinda rubs me the wrong way.
/attempted feedback
I'm really not that knowledgeable, but I do hope it helped; if only a little
658952
Damn me and my tendency to forget my grammar. will be changing that soon,.
Also, the reason I had Rainbow be the one telling her to back off is to show just how angry at Trixie Twilight still is. UUI figured the best way to do that would be to show somepony who you would think would hate her telling Twilight to calm down
Cheesecake was promised, and has been provided. Special thanks on this one to the reader who had the idea, you can read it in an earlier chapter's comments. It was an important plot device that helped me sculp what I think is the best chapter yet. '
'
She everything about cheeskecake was revolting to Twilight,
"Well... yeah, your who this party is for, silly,"
I'm sorry if that little display of affection was too much for you or offended you.
"Now Lyra was tearing up just the slightest bit, too.
Ugh, you said 'it sounds cheesy' twice in a row, too. >.<
This was a wonderful chapter overall. Although I'm kinda sad I didn't get to help, I really enjoyed it. Good job!
not seeing the grammar mistake in 2 or 3 and i said cheesy twice on purpose
that happens in real life sometimes
*You're in two, and in three it is mostly personal opinion, but there should be a comma before or, or you shouldn't have the first you.
Sorry didn't catch number 2. Number three stays...(booming voice) It feels more realistic with the way people talk
673647
your should be you're or you are, and I've never heard anyone talk like that.
674716 Super-duper-extra-awesome-totally-radically-cheesecaky-wonderful-awesomely happy?
674716
Do you know how happy it makes me that you suggested it. The cheesecake gave me a way to begin the chapter and an important mood-setting plot point. Thank you sir.
674673
I said number three stays. You already pointed out number 2 and I will be changing it
675521
Trixie would be proud sir.
675550
How did you enjoy "your" chapter by the way?
I needed a plot device to show how different Twilight and Trixie were, and I needed a beginning to the chapter, so... cheesecake. As for RD being trusting, they have been hanging out for the past 3 days, and it wouldn't even be crazy to believe that RD has some sort of crush on Trixie.
675598 crap forgot to push "Respond to"
675680
Give me another topic/plot device for the next chapter. Last time it worked perfectly.
675725
Cool thanks man I'd appreciate it
Can I please see a Twixie story where, just for once, Twilight starts off feeling at least neutrality or cautious optimism about Trixie like in the show, rather than outright loathing as in chapter 2?
It makes this hard to read. I can even see a perfectly good reason for Twilight to distrust Trixie, specifically the super-fast turnaround, but to me this whole story has been poisoned by the mention of Twilight hating Trixie. It filters everything that happens afterward through that lens. Her distrust looks like it stems from bias, rather than the logical reason.
704216
Chapter 4 which is coming today will ease a lot of your tension. If you're willing to continue, that is... rest assured I think you'll be more satisfied with chapter 4
Either the best or the worst chapter yet. It's subject to massive change as my prereader decides how terrible some parts are.
A few grammar/spelling mistakes, but otherwise another awesome chapter overall!
and 
.
I love drunk ponies, especially
714054
Jonathan im sending you my password please fix the spelling and grammar
First, and very apparent. You need to break up that super long sentence in the beginning, into smaller ones. I don't want to be brunt, but that is the longest run-on sentence ive seen in my life. Also try putting Trixe's thoughts into something other than quotations. I found Italics to be best choice, but to each his, or her, own. Other than that, great story, I love the idea, I shall continue.
Title idea. Nightmare's Extinction. Im joking! but still this chapter is a huge improvement from chp 1. but you might want to improve chp1, because that is your first impression, and you want it to be good. I still need to improve the chp 1 of my F.O.E side fic. but all in all, a very enjoyable story, with a origninal idea. Observe as i fav it.
Dat ending
So I just came back and reread this chapter, and the writings not nearly as shitty as I thought. And I only saw 3 and a half errors as I reread it so.... tis good news. now to make this story popular
Hey, i am very much enjoying the story so far, but you may want to change "manipulate her so that you have her wrapped around your FINGER." to hoof, or something of that nature. Considering that Nightmare, to know that figure of speech would imply she knew of humans. But hey, it's your story so say what you wish, and good luck with the next chapter.
Before I even start reading, in your intro/summary, "After the ponyville incident," Ponyville is capitalized. You could even capitalize "Incident" if you wanted to.
"She checked the time and it was almost midnight." How did she check the time?
Well I just suck already then. Shucks. Keep correcting please.1502474
1507358 Let me know when you fix those errors. Capitalizing Ponyville and explaining how Trixie checked the time when she doesn't have a clock.
1507698
When is the Trixie's thing?
1507774 "She checked the time and it was almost midnight." - in chapter one. Using the moon? A watch? A clock?
This story do have great potential especially for a story that i stumbled across at random.
Im really looking forward to the next chapter when ever it might be out.
I will be watching you and tracking this story
2002447
I went through a long period without updating, and was planning on updating soon, but began to consider abandoning it because virtually nobody is reading it (Admittedly, it seems like a pretty bland and run-of-the-mill Twixie story). After seeing your comment, though, you can be assured that I will update it soon. I just jhave to work up the motivation to actually sit down and write chapter six. Long story short, thanks for making me want to continue the story, bro.
2011055
Yay!
And no worries man and its not really a run-of-the-mill Twixie story.
Trust me i have read lodes of bland run of the mill stories and this isn't one.
this have potential to become a really interesting story so keep it up
Mmm... interesting idea *Last update: 3rd Sep 2012*
Dead, what a shame