• Member Since 30th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 14th, 2015

Agarwaen


T

You are a Pegasus that is going through possibly the worst day anypony could ever have, and it is punctuated by your death. Unbeknownst to you, you will find kindness and beauty in the one mare who could pull you back from the end of all things. So, without even a cutie mark on your flank, you move forward into the unknown to discover who you are and what it is to be a stallion with literally nothing from your past to help you.

SFG Rating of: [Romantic] / (With an itty bitty 4 letter instance of [Cheeky] )
Aditional tags:(To aide in searches) Nurse Redheart, You, 2nd Person, PTSD, Amnesia.

Cover Art is 'Good Morning Nurse Redheart ' by the immensely talented John Joseco (Used with permission).

All MLP;FIM Characters and settings depicted are © Hasbro, Lauren Faust, etc.
All Fanart, Fanfics, inserts, and excerpts featured in this story are © thier respective owners.

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 339 )

A/N:As is the case so often, this is my first Fiction. So In the past I've written background stories for my (Yes it's nerdy) DnD Characters. Mostly tales of heartbreak and betrayal leading to cynical, angry, and ham-fisted characters. So you can imagine that writing a love story would be a difficult thing. Oddly enough, they are the kind of stories I most enjoy. After Baby Cakes, and Nurse Redheart having a voice being canon I decided to write a shipfic between 'you' and her. I am a terribly slow and methodical writer, as such this first 4000~ words took me about 3 days worth of typing. (Mind you I worked 2/3 of said days, so I didn't have much time those days). If this goes over well, I hope to end this out at 15-25k words. And I think I intend to include some steamy, but not cloppy content. We'll see when we get there, If it doesn't seem right, it won't happen.

I Just finished reading My Little Dashie, so I needed a boost. that Is why I'm currently pushing this out instead of waiting until I have 4-5 chapters ready to push it out. Constructive criticism is very much welcomed, and I don't think I have to say it (As pretty much all of the comments I've seen on other fics have been pretty sincere) but plz If you don't like it, just say so. Don't be uncouth about it.

A/N: I personally think I'm terrible at dialogue, and since this whole chapter is dialogue. I just hope I don't get burned at the stake. :twilightoops: Also, need a cover art. If you have something that fits feel free to contact me. I'll even give you 50% of the profits I make from this story.

And since I'll make nothing from this..... You're SOL. All you get is your reputation being dragged down by an Author that sucks :derpyderp1:

Not too bad at all, especially considering that this is your first fic. One thing I would mention, however, is that there are a fair few missing commas, especially in the beginning.

For example: Then like a stampede of buffalo it hits you.
Should be: Then, like a stampede of buffalo, it hits you.

Other than that, I'm liking what I see. You, good sir, have earned yourself a track. Keep up the great work!

I agree with Mystic very nice writing style here and I'll be eyeing it closely.

one mistake I noticed was this line "With that sight, your vision fades into darkness for the yet again."
Not sure if you meant to go with "fades into darkness for the second time" or "fades into darkness yet again" just a heads up ^^

136044
Hey, I started writing from DnD, nothing nerdy about it. Right? Right?

Anyway, a great start. Tracking, also, have some stars. :rainbowkiss:

I meant to post this last night, after my story was approved by mods. but I ended up falling asleep before that happened. So here's part 2. Sorry for the cliffhanger of part 1.

Over the next few days I work 10hr shifts, So I won't really have time to do serious writing on part 3 until at least Saturday. Sorry. :fluttercry:

Interesting, very interesting. I am definitely looking forward to what comes next! Keep up the great work!

Hmm... developing nicely. I'm interested to see more.

epic just epic

Yay! I am really enjoying this story. Some grammatical errors here and there, but nothing that makes it too hard to read.

I eagerly await the next chapter. Keep up the great work!

Love it, can't wait for the next chapter!

Nearly two full days of typing and proofing. I hope its not disappointing. :twilightoops: Well 3,500 word in 2 days is pretty disappointing, but I'm easily distracted. sorry.

Good job! also lol oblivious friends. :rainbowlaugh:

Dat' Two's Company, Three's a Crowd reference.

Pace seems to be a little fast, but I'm guessing it might be connected to something that will be explained later. I'm looking forward to more.

Hehe not too bad at all. I am liking where this is going! Keep up the great work!

i love it
but i must say this
NEED MOAR!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

I love this concept, its not rushed at all. You're good at pacing your story. I'm curious which one of "that" relationship will bloom with three of his saviors. Applejack, Twilight or Redheart. I'm sure it will end well for all of them. Proceed with this story! *tracks and five stars*

Sorry for the delay everyone. Last weekend I could only find time to bang out a couple paragraphs. But I hope it was worth the wait. I even put in a little extra effort with the excerpt to try and make up for it.

:raritystarry: I love it, keep it up!!! :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:

Yea!!! New chapter, great one I might add.

Keep up the good work!

Nice update! I am very interested to see where you will take the story as our protagonist struggles to work out who he is. It should be good, and I look forward to it!

I should say, however, that when you finish piece of dialogue with a speech tag like 'she responded', always have the first letter of the tag in lower case (unless it's a proper noun). Also, if there is a speech tag, then finish off the line of dialogue with a comma. So for example:

"Hello there," she said.

You don't actually use a lot of speech tags, but when you did I noticed you often finished with periods and not commas - an easy mistake! As an interesting side note, lines like 'her voice was...' don't count as speech tags, so use upper case and periods (just like you have been doing! :twilightsmile: )

Bam! Too easy! :D

Keep up the great work. I look forward to the next chapter!

I'd like to start of by apologizing if there are any blatant errors in this. I spent about 6.5 hours last night doing 2 proofing runs on it. Only to figure out this morning as I was re-reading it that my first 4 hour long rough-to-working draft proofing run didn't ever get published to my Windows Skydrive. Therefore, my finishing proofing run still had a lot of the early errors in it that I had to fix. So now, that leaves me with parts that have been only proofed once. and I really dont want to spend my day re-re-re proofing simply because my save button didn't work. ahh, who am I kidding, no one reads this anyway.

Enjoy. I hope.

I laughed, at the bit where OC had the urge of going bit crazy when Redheart described him as coltfriend :rainbowlaugh:

Keep this up, Im fan of this story :). It's really good.

i really like your story its well written i dont think anyone who reads this is gonna freak out if just one or two grammar mistakes are there :twilightsheepish:

So I just have to say:

-Intriguing plot and mysterious protagonist. Check!

-Unconventional love interest. Check!

-Incredible descriptions of the setting. Check! I could totally visualize the spa like I was there.

-No noticeable grammar mistakes, near perfect spelling. Check!

-Great formatting. Check! This story is easy to read and follow.

You win. This is as good a fan fiction as I've ever read. I cannot see any major problems with it. Keep up the good work; I look forward to reading the rest of this! :pinkiehappy:

I had the choice of splitting this chapter and the next, or having another long wait coupled with an equally long chapter like last chapter. I decided to publish this now. It just feels right. Enjoy the small joke, another fic reference and a lot of corny romancey stuff.

And tonight, the servers are having trouble with posts. Probably from the back-end comment recode. When you post a comment, if you have trouble with it "adding comment" endlessly, just copy your entire post, refresh the page, and edit the blank comment it now created for you. Easy as pie.

I shed manly tears due to love being displayed here.

Include all the shipping cliches! :D

But frankly, I couldn't care less, haha. This was adorable, and I now have a huge smile on my face, so thank you!

Keep up the great work! I look forward to what's coming next. :twilightsmile:

And then my heart was filled with D'aaaawww

I had originally planned for this chapter to include another scene, but unfortunately when I went to get diner tonight some tool nearly ran into me. That's sort of killed my writing mood at this point, until I calm down. So I did my editing, and posted this. I promise to make the next chapter extra long to make up for this short one.

Also, I hope changing the status quo here doesn't kill the story. It's something I've feared since I planned this chapter out.

Hope you all enjoy it,
M@

On the contrary no, the whole Wonderbolt situation just makes this all the more interesting. :pinkiesmile:Looking forward to reading more!

I was always wondering if anyone was going to do a story like this. Good job! Things just got more interesting.

Uh oh... Can honestly say I didn't expect this development... :pinkiehappy:

A/N: Ok, so added on the sad tag. While I don't have the meaning of pushing the story into something with a soul jarringly harsh ending, I did find myself (I think I'm allowed to admit it.) crying when I typed up a portion of this chapter. :fluttercry: I typed it up at lunch time, I guess maybe my lunch was just THAT good. But I've never been moved to tears by chicken strips before, so that's probably not it. :rainbowlaugh: If the italicized portions seem out of place, think of them as 'flashbacks' or 'cut-aways' used in movies/shows. Or like how Thane from Mass Effect 2 relives memories. If they are too distracting I will avoid them in the future. :twilightoops:

Hope you like wrenches, because they are about to get blended.

Also, It took me quite a while to come up with a phonetically fitting acronym noted in the footer. Not to mention putting a true to life - ponified - meaning behind said acronym. If you ever want to re-use said acronym, please do. It would be a waste to let something so fitting simply slip away.

So as far as the next chapter goes, I really want to continue at full pace. But Mass Effect 3 spoilers are getting really hard to avoid now. So I'm probably going to pick up a copy before I accidentally ruin it for myself. Planning, creation, and self-editing of this, sort of, takes most if not all off my weekends. So, If my publishing slows down over the next weeks, I'm sorry. And I hope you continue reading in the future. :duck:

Oh dear! The world just got turned upside down! Yikes, I am hoping you will give this a happy ending, but a happy ending for whom? D:

Also, try to avoid huge walls of text; they're very difficult to read through at times. Break it up with character actions or something.

Anywho, I am enjoying this, and I am eagerly awaiting the next update!

Sorry about that, did a little reformatting. Still not ideal, but better.

Whoa! A twist in the story, but very good twist.

Hope the shit doesn't hit the fan.

So, he's gonna have to choose and choose wisely. Your old girlfriend or your new one. My money is on Red Heart, only cause at his point we as the audience know her better. Then again I'm just a sucker for a happy ending.

Uh oh, that's not going to end well.

Incidentally, very nice chapter title.

A/N: So, the last few weeks have been busy as hell for me. Sorry I couldn't write, but feels like I've been working for the last 3 weeks with no break. (because I pretty much have) Next chapter will probably take me a bit of time, too. :pinkiesmile: Pinkie-sense says its gonna be a doozy. Luckily that means more words too. :twilightsmile:

Holy [Buy some apples!].

Today was a good day for fics I've been tracking. Updates from various stories each satisfying in one way or another, but this chapter just knocked it out of the park. This will be what I remember from the batch of new reading I came home to.

The description, awesome. The pacing, excellent. The dialog, superb.

My only complaint is when the bright flash happened before cutting away to Spitfire and Soarin, I thought the character had passed out for some reason.

397735 Thank you, that means a lot coming from an author like yourself. I re-worded the last clause of that scene. Hopefully, it is a bit more clear now. Although, if I ever do a version without the implied sauce, I could always imply that Redheart got a little too frisky and re-broke his wing :pinkiegasp: (Thus, his passing out just being him being a sissy-filly.)

Also, I removed a semi-colon from dialogue. :facehoof: Can't believe I did that. That might be proper if Twilight Sparkle were talking, though. I can definitely see Twilight somehow using a semi-colon in spoken language.

hehe. Decided to go against what I said last time and break this up a bit.

-M@

come on man

You're making it really hard for me to decide who I want him (me I guess) to be shipped with.:fluttershysad:

By celestia there better not be a 3 week break after that cliff hanger:twilightangry2: wonderfull job

433143 sorry, I'll actually be in Siberia until June. I just had to get this pushed out before I had no Internet access anymore.














:trollestia:

Nah, I only work three days this week, so I should be able to finish up the next section pretty quickly.

433165 I said that exact thing when I read Allegrezza.

Oh man, poor... everybody, really. :pinkiecrazy:

Login or register to comment