The pacing here is absolutely brutal. And not in the good slang method, I mean in the oh my god what is going on this hurts! term. You should slow things down, take the opportunity to utulize your literary devices, flush out your characters, give us some info. To give an example, a story I'm writing covers a 48 hour period using ~17,000 words. That is more on the extreme end, but you're just going way too fast to enjoy anything about this story.

Plus, the 'me man, every mare want my dick' is extremely Gary Stu, especially without any buildup or preamble into it. It just deters me from wanting to read any further.

1963734 i will say this HiE stories will Always seem "Gary Stu" as you put it. Why because it's one of a kind(or more depending on how many humans to a story)Unique to the ponies. Also there is SOMETHING called Love at first sight, old fashion but it works. since you appear to be anime fan i'll say this, it COULD be as long DBZ But be as lame as Serial Experements Lain. It could be as Short as FLCL but be as Meaningful as Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Oh By the Way

Outlaw Star>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cowboy Bebop

Now Luna wants his cock? God damn this guy is a Stu.

Ok first time someone put that stallions can have multiple partners but I can dig it for this story. And your going slower in the relationship that Dan is sticking with. Nice.

Mate you're going faster than scout on bonk at the moment, that is my definition of your pacing mate.

Luna, heat, human!?!? This wont end well.

About those updates?:3

are you dead or something?! I can understand needing a break but the last time you updated this was in January and its now friggin august seriously dude

Update?

I can,t wait for the next chapter!!!