It was the end of the world.
Or rather, it was the closest it has been ever since Nightmare Moon tried to usurp the throne. Not even Discord's brief rampage on Equestria one year ago could compare to this. The Changling invasion fell short on what destruction that this day brought. The last time ponies felt this much pain was when King Sombra was in power of the Crystal Empire.
So what if all four villains were released at the same time?
At the same place?
All with the same goal?
Who would step up to the plate?
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This story is using plot elements BEFORE season 3 episode 2.
Why there is a tragedy tag but no sad tag:
There was a tragedy that happened in the story. That's a part of the plot. However, there is a brief moment of sadness that does not dominate the story. This story also tries not to focus on those sad elements more than needed. The sad element is only build upon a miniscule amount, and is never expanded.
I just feel like that needed to be explained.
NOTE:
I deleted all previous comments because I wanted a fresh start on this story, with nothing from the past to compare it to. Heck, if it wasn't against the rules, I would have probably re-submitted this story anew! I bet the admins wouldn't have even noticed. Never the less, I just in case the off chance that they DO notice I don't want to be responsible for breaking a rule of the site.
So yeah.
Okay, I have the verdict. Your story was interesting in that it follows an O.C. rather than the Mane six directly. I did have trouble following it however because of stylistic and mechanical issues. I am going to assume that this was either written very quickly and posted for editing, or maybe those mistakes just slipped your gaze. I will admit, I was compelled to continue to read to keep up with the events, but I felt that it was a little choppy, and maybe that was because (after reading your description) it is a comedy stripped to a dark, action state. So I would just recommend going over it again and locating the grammatical errors throughout, because there is quite a few of them. The ones pointed out below are just some that REALLY caught my attention and I'm meticulous like that, so don't take offense to any of it. I really do mean to help.
Regarding the bolded parts, the first sentence uses the word 'after' in succession too close to each other. I would rewrite it so that it only uses it once. This is a mechanical error. 'Though' should be 'through'. Those slip, it happens with me too.
I'm finding this sentence to be confusing. I see what you mean, but I think it could be worded differently. I won't write it for you, that is your work, I'm just letting you know.
Okay, this paragraph I feel can be altered to give it a more natural feel. It is as if there is a fact, then stop. Fact, then stop. Fact, then stop. This is just me, but I would advise to not use this style for this particular paragraph. You are basically trying to give the reader an idea of how much chaos has been spread due to the outbreak. So, all of these sentences share the same topic, and should thus flow better together. Maybe transition better. Also, 'not' shouldn't be there.
I just added and/or struck out some grammatical errors.
That first part...I think that's a splicing error from when you were editing this.
His wings are imaginary, not metaphorical.
'was inhaled' is odd to use while 'rejuvenating' is present. 'The refreshing cool breeze entered his lungs, rejuvenating...'
Discord is capitalized and wing beats is to be separated.
I feel like these two paragraphs are dividing information that should be put together. It jumps back and forth between the ponies and the station. Also, you don't reveal in the earlier paragraph that Fluttershy is with R.D. and A.J., though I suppose it was mentioned in the earlier part of the chapter. It's just that it confused me for a moment. Maybe place the scene where Flutters is being useless earlier, like directly after the action between R.D., A.J., and the Shadowbolts. If you want to spread the setting throughout the confrontation, use it as a battleground instead of a backdrop. You did this in the first sentence of the latter paragraph with R.D. and the height of the cave. I guess I'm saying, use it as a weapon in the fight rather than occasionally mention it during the struggle.
TL;DR
I don't know why you wouldn't read it. There are multiple grammatical and mechanical errors. Fluidity is a little rough, but not a distraction. Just go over it again because the few errors I pointed out aren't the only ones. Plot wise it seems like a good story with yes, a lot of potential and I think you can pull that out of it. Okay, Good Writing!
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Thank you very much for reading.
All right, this fic seems much more promising than Return of the Inferno! Let's see what went right and what's still wrong here.
First, the lack of a cover picture is a huge attribution to why you wouldn't have much exposure for this story. The picture is supposed to get the reader to bother reading the description, then the description reels them in for the actual story, which needs a decent hook in the form of a description (both short and long), then a decent hook as the story begins (and the part where I become disinterested most easily). Even if your short description, long description, and story hook are all dynamite, you are still sorely lacking in a description picture; thus, your readers never actually bother to open and look at the story you so lovingly wrote. So, you need a description picture... and a good one.
Your long description is actually quite interesting. Your premise isn't incredibly overplayed; I'm finding myself wanting to look more into this, and it appears that you are, in fact, a good author. There's a few grammatical nuances you still missed in the story description, but nothing earth-shatteringly bad. An decent editor would be able to fix it up for you just fine.
I also don't like your needing to explain why you picked a tragedy tag and not a sad tag. The tags are basically what the reader is supposed to feel as they read; if they ask you to explain why you did one tag but not the other, then explain to them why you did so. Simply put, the reader doesn't feel primarily sadness when reading this, therefore the tag shouldn't be sad; if they do, however, feel the tragedy when it befalls the character(s), then you're going to put a tragedy tag.
In your list of characters as well as your short description, I note that you use an OC in this story. Why do we get no name, no description, and no semblance of an idea what he does? That's not mysterious or interesting, that's just boring.
You also have the Mane 6 tagged, implying that they will be playing a large part. It says that they're scattered; this, at least, indicates why an OC is needed. At least you gave him a reason to exist, and I compliment you on creating a decent second OC.
On to the next fic!
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Thank you very much for taking look at this story.
I made this two years after I wrote "Return of the Inferno", so I like to feel that my writing skill has made some kind of progress. As for the main character not having a description, I wanted the reader to make up a picture of what he looked like as the story went on and he did more and more things. I never made the thought that that would make it boring. Thank you very much for informing me.
I remember that this story had it's first three chapter re-written twice and that I originally wanted it to be a comedy. After I wrote the first copy and actually read it, I started to doubt my comedic ability to use timing effectively in writing. Thus, I decided to re-write it into something more dark. I think that's why I justified the tragedy tag in the description.