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A young man stands alone on a hill, contemplating memories of him and his friends and of all the adventures they went through, all the times they had and all the moments where they push through thick and thin as one. He recalls they joys of life and the sorrows of time, the rushes of hope and fears of danger. He remembers all the time he spent with the lot of them, and how the purple one selflessly picked him up off the ground.
How she changed him.
How she broke him.
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Gonna have to hate this story. The character should be elated that his friend is back and better for her experience, but he just hates her? Dude, death changes folks. My wife changed big time when her mother died 3 weeks after we got married. I'll be honest, I liked the person she was before better than the person she became. That was in 2009 and we are still toughing it out.
While I think the descriptive elements in this story are fantastic (minus the grammar errors), the main problem I have with the story is how it’s told. While speaking in first person limited isn't always a bad thing, I immediately thought at the beginning of the story that this should be in 3rd person because it is a reflective story about a man coping with the reality of losing a friend.
Now it that a bad thought? Not really, but I think it would make the story a lot more impactful while having the main character be relatable to anyone that has had to deal with losing a love one. Also, I think the beginning of the story lost itself in the night sky and that it dragged itself along with little to no reference towards the plot. While I will again say that you can paint a beautiful picture of the night sky, the descriptive elements can become meaningless without the main story backing it up.
Overall, I still think it’s a great unedited story and I love that you created drama between your character and Twilight, but I will agree with wildlander84 and say that he shouldn't have been mad at Twilight. He should be thrilled that she is alive and well, unless he was imaging her presence the hold time.
*dun dun dun*
- JR Black Wing
Personally, my hang up is who this guy is and what he is doing in Equestria in the first place? (That's really my biggest problems with one shots: it always leaves you wanting.)
4645780
I wrote this story during a really sleepy and angry state a few months back and didn't really think about who Daniel is or what he was doing in Equestria. Daniel is my feelings about the season 3 finale personified. Nothing more, nothing less.
Glad you enjoyed it though.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5714404
No, I haven't. One, I would need to get a proper editor to look over the story, which is something I don't want to do. Two, Equestria Daily does not particularly like HiE fanfics, so it would be extremely hard to get it accepted. Three, this is not a fantastic story, as much as you like it. I literally wrote this in four hours and refused to edit and change it. If it does get onto EqD, I don't want to be remembered as that guy that got a HiE fic on EqD lol. There are many HiE fics that are better than Changes.
marry should be merry.
6145472
Fixed. Thanks.
6145549 No problem.