In the aftermath of the Changeling invasion, Twilight Sparkle realized the great (and, in retrospect, obvious) flaw of the Elements of Harmony - They may well be Equestria's greatest weapon against evil in the right hooves, but the artifacts themselves are vulnerable.
But what if the power of the Elements could be summoned without the jeweled necklaces, without the tiara? Working off little more then cryptic hints from her mentor, Twilight embarked on a mission, plumbing the depths of the royal archives to rediscover an ancient ritual, one which could concentrate the Elements within their living vessels...a ritual she has finally found.
What's the worst that can happen?
Chapters (9)
Forgive me, but I'm hijacking this for author's notes, as is the fashion amongst some.
First off, let me begin by offering the following apologies - I had no one to aid in the editting this, and while I believe I caught most of the major errors, I'm sure a few minor ones slipped through. I'll greatly appreciate any assistance in locating them. On a partially related note, if anyone can tell me how to paste directly from a document into the FimFiction chapter submission page and not have to add in any formatting manual, and/or to retain paragraph indentations, I shall be doubly grateful.
Second...my apologies to anyone who thinks this starts rather slow. The first four chapters were originally going to be a single prologue, which...may have gotten...slightly out-of-hand. I implore you, give it a fair shot, please?
Third, constructive criticism is, of course, welcome. Unconstructive criticism, rather less.
Fourth, if I plan on more or less ignoring season three for this (hint - I do), does that necessitate an AU tag? Seriously, I have no idea when those are appropriate to use, and the guidelines...don't help that much. Seems they usually get applied when its some major event that gets changed (i.e. Nightmare Moon wins the first go-round), but...yeah. Opinions are welcome, and will be duly considered. Related, more tags are likely to come as appropriate.
All that being said, I hope at least someone enjoys this.
Well, it's certainly well written. I'm looking forward to more.
Also: 35000 words prologue? Really? Are we looking at another 'War and Peace' here?
Regarding the AU tag, unless you actually change something that has already happened on the show before you posted your story I don't see the need to actually add the tag, I don't know what do you have planned for future, nor what will happen on the upcoming season, but unless there is a big clash in the future there shouldn't be a need for it.
I mean there are fics that establish that Rarity's parents where dead before their appearance on the show, or that Twilight was either a only child or had Trixie as a possible sibling, because the author couldn't have know the existence of Shinning Armor, or that Rarity wasn't rising Sweetie Bell on her own, those didn't require the AU tag. But if you were to write now that Twilight has been adopted by Celestia or simply raised by her after her parents died when they appeared on the wedding THAT would actually require the tag. I might be wrong, but for what I've seen the tag isn't required, at least not yet.
I have to say is your story seems well written, and for now it seems interesting, you certainly gained my thumb up and tracking. Though there is something I feel have to say, unless you are planning to release another chapter before December, you should have rationed the release and publish them over time, like one chapter a week, especially considering you publish 4 7k chapters and then stopped on one BIG cliffhanger, I know you said it was originally one big prologue, but I would rather have several smaller but frequent chapters to big chapters that leave you wondering if the story is on hiatus or not...
Intriguing, can't wait to see where this is going.
1583368 Makes sense, the AU thing. I'll keep it in the air for now. As for the chapter things...yeah, in retrospect, rationing them out might have made more sense. Honestly, I was rather worried that the first three chapters wouldn't stand that well on their own, being, aain, essentially one enormous prologue. That being said...yeah, I expect the next chapter, aka the chapter in which the story I wanted to write actually kicks in, should be done...Tuesday? Maybe sooner.
Love it! can't wait to see more
I do believe I said Tuesday for an update. And I know, for some people, its already Wednesday. For all I know, it might well be the most important Wednesday of your life.
But for me, it's Tuesday.
Apologies, it occured to me earlier I might get to say that, and once I realized that, I had no choice. Regardless...well, sorry, this chapter got away from me, too. It was originally going to cover a lot more, but then I noticed I was at nearly ten thousand words and I thought...yeah, let's wrap this one up. Hopefully, people will continue to like it, as before feedback and the pointing out of spelling.grammar errors is welcome.
Anyway, enjoy.
Wow I can honestly say I did not see the way this chapter ended to do so as it did poor twilight is going is going to be traumatized by what her actions did and the consequences of them and I can't even begin to imagine how rarity will take it or much less how she will react to twilight after this oh and FYI it's still Tuesday for me too.
Well, I think it's safe to say Twilight is going to feel really bad really soon. I've to admit I didn't see THIS coming, though it certainly explains the sad tag...
1612839
It is a pretty important Wednesday, considering I have a linear algebra midterm in an hour
I demand more immediately. This cliffhangery is a violation of my human rights and I will not rest until it has been rectified.
I like this chapter, another!
Always a joy to find a amazing gem of a story such as this.
Also yikes Twilight.
If what appears to have happened, actually did happen I'm not sure all the therapy in the world can fix you.
Nicely done Twi, you just killed your friends and gave yourself an eternity to think about it. Also, you seem to have awoken your own inner Nightmare.
Serves you right for snooping where you weren't supposed to.
Hoo boy. Well, not really sure where this is headed for once. I'll be watching though!
Hmm, I believe I've heard of this somewhere. I can't quite seem to remember though. Ah, well. Hmm, haven't read any Alicorn Rarity fics yet. Guess this is the first.
no hard fealings, but this fic is very heavy to read. I lost my line many times and there is not many gaps to "rest". I like detail fic, but you need more room to read.
Sees cool story.
Fuck sleep, it can wait. I'm gonna regret this because it's new 3 am and I have to get up at 7 for school, fml.
But was it worth it? Very, this is a good story and I shall be following closely.
Some mistakes I could put my finger on while reading.
"[...] handwritten script was in an alphabet which hadn’t been found in any sources more recent then two thousand years old [...]"
That's most certainly a than.
"[...] sent the scholar into an apoplectic fit [...]"
Nah, that's not going to cause an apoplectic fit, it's going to cause a cardiac infarction.
"She had let the subject drop [...]"
You've placed two spaces right in front of the "she".
"[...] herself more times then she cared to count in the last few [...]"
Back then when I cared about those "thans", which are, to be quite honest, still more important than other things, like proper quotation.
These "thens" are pounding against my cerebral cortex. That's not healthy.
"Pinkie finally blurted out, able to control herself no longer."
A space too much in front of this sentence, as well as right behind the dot. In addition to that, Pinkie's not able to control herself any longer. If she was able to control herself no longer, the loss of control would be something to achieve.
"The timing was just about right, as her mysterious trips beginning two weeks after that hectic day."
Same goes for this sentence, one space too much on both ends. Besides that, her mysterious trips began two weeks after that hectic day. I can't foresee any proper usage of the past or present progressive whilst telling the story in past tense. You should combine it with the past perfect. The product of it would be "[...] as her mysterious trips had been beginning two weeks after that [...]"
"After all, this IS Twilight we’re talking about."
OSTMOBS - One space too much on both sides.
"A mildly troubling thought crossed her mind. “She hasn’t, has she? Asked any of you? Or tried to find a book on it, Spike?” As she was answered with a chorus of no’s, she nodded, returning to the tea Spike had offered them. “Well, there you are, she probably isn’t seeing anypo-”"
Two spaces, between every damn sentence.
"The recoil from the door striking the wall was enough that it rebounded closed, clicking shut again just as the unicorn’s tail cleared its path."
OSTMOBS
"The cost of so much time spent among royalty, he had reasoned - an acquired taste for dramatic entrances."
OSTMOBS
"“One second, girls,” she said, her tone clearly making it a command, not a request. The lavender unicorn then closed her eyes, her horn flaring into a brilliant, almost painfully bright, violet aura."
OSTMOBS
"The air around the unicorn’s horn began to hiss with the sound of dust being burnt away by the intense heat, and despite the effort of focusing that much power, Twilight’s brow was devoid of sweat, the moisture evaporating as quickly as it could form."
OSTMOBS
"She held the power within her horn as long as she was able, until she smelt the acrid stench of her own coat beginning to singe, a smell she was not entirely unaccustomed to from past experiments with vastly powerful magic."
OSTMOBS
"Fluttershy tentatively uncurled from fetal position she had assumed, shivering as the temperature dropped lower than it had been before the unicorn’s spell work. “Is…is it safe now?”"
OSTMOBS
Okay, I'm not gonna care about those double spaces anymore. Too fucking many of 'em.
"The spell had been more taxing then she had anticipated"
than
"No, Tia, we - that is, I had no more luck then you did."
than
"three pegasii guards had arrived twenty [...]"
three pegasi guards
"Telling the truth is working out so much better then leaving out a few key details."
thaaaaaan
"[...] but required far less concentration and effort then the types of spells she had seen unicorn physicians cast."
thanthanthanthan
Okay, i'm done, I guess.
Nice exposition, although the scene with the Twilight's friends could have used more indicators that Twilight indeed could have been a Changeling.
Those are my two bits.
Oh, and you might want to get a proofreader.
Oh wow, I guess twilight should have read into that scroll a little better, huh? Though I'm not really liking the implication that at least 4 of the elements are dead, cause frankly, that sucks.
1620937 First, to be far, in colloquial usage, apoplectic "means furious, enraged, or upset to the point of being unable to deal with a situation rationally or diplomatically." Granted, that's from Wikipedia, but I've gone most of my life seeing it used that way, when someone is basically reduced to a sputtering ball of indignation. Had I added a 'literal' before that, I would conceed the point, but as is, it IS a valid turn of phrase.
I'll acknowledge, the 'than's, I dropped the ball. Force of habit has always been to use then interchangably, and...well, I was catching most of them through spell check. I should probably go fix that.
As for the whole, "OSTMOBS" thing...not sure I follow. Judging by the "Two spaces, between every damn sentence." remark, I'm assuming the issue is that there are, well, two spaces between each sentence, as opposed to one. But...grammatically, you put two spaces after a sentence. Its...just what you do.
And in general, my thanks to everyone for the comments, and the favoriting. (Is that a word? Is there a verb form for favorite? Ah, well, no matter.) Expect the next chapter sometime before the end of next week, barring unforeseen difficulties.
I wasn't 100% certain, but when you dropped the foreshadow of Pinkie Pie telling the Cakes about her safe's combination number, I had a slight dread feeling of what was going to happen. From what I've gathered, it seems that the spell Twilight cast essentially combined three of the mares each, making both Twi and Rarity Alicorns in the process, much like Luna and Celestia. At least that is the impression that I'm getting. Who. Kills. Fluttershy?!?!?
Looking forward to the next chapter, something tells me that a decent part of this story is going to be Twilight having to face the fallout of her actions. This looks to be very very promising and I am enjoying it so far.
"[...] to expend more of her magical reserves then she’d intended to,"
than
"two pegasii"
Firstly, in English the plural is pegasuses. Secondly, even if you wanted to write the plural in Latin, it's wrong. The plural is Pegasi, with one "i". It's the same as the genitive in Latin, at least for this certain word and its own type of declination.
"‘Now, now, what happened to telling your friends the whole truth? Let it all out, all that anger, all that pain. Let them see the real you…’"
You forgot to write that in italics.
Something about the Princesses and masks, and the Elements do something or other.
Allusion to Eternal? Although it is set in the actual timeline with Twilight Sparkle, so I guess not....
"Older then the Princesses."
than
"I mean, yeah, I suppose I’ll missing the fun-adventure part [...]"
I'll miss, I'll be missing
"There were more pressing issues then her potential descent into madness, though."
than
"And it really is a significantly less fatal option then the rest."
than
"[..] had been tasked with training the pegasii soldiers [...]"
pegasi
"Stallions were still plainly different then mares,"
than
I didn't bother too much with finding any mistakes in this chapter, so I'm pretty sure that there are more than those listed above.
I am very much saddened by the probable outcome of the ritual. Very much saddened.
I can't imagine this doing anything but drive Twilight (and possibly Rarity) mad with guilt.
1621059
Oh, I'm not quite sure about the definition of apoplectic. Sure, apoplectic means "to be furious" etc. etc., but an apoplectic fit (and you called it an apoplectic fit) is a CVA, a stroke. The English language is sometimes quite difficult to define anything. Anyway, by calling it an apoplectic fit, you made it sound related to medicine (and in fact it is a well-known term in medicine). If you're having an apoplectic fit, you're at a loss of words, for sure, but most certainly not because you're furious, but because you're having a problem with supplying your brain with fresh blood. It also could be a wound inside of your brain, which is caused by high pressure of your blood, which could be in fact interpreted as something being caused by furiosity. But since the librarian still lived after his tantrum, we can say that he hadn't suffered from an apoplectic fit.
Regarding the spaces am I going to quote from Wikipedia, too.
In this part of an article about full stops it is stated that, yes there once had been the usage of two spaces after a full stop, but only for the sake of clarity when using the "Monospace" font of the good old typewriters. In the written English language there are no more restrictions of this kind. To be quite honest, I didn't even know about such a thing, but that is probably because of me being German, and having no problems with my mother's tongue straightforward punctuation and spacing - I really haven't ever heard of it in Germany. Still, nowadays you put only one space between an ended sentence and a new one because the problem with monospaced fonts has been eradicated by the letters of the new fonts which have the possibility to give the letters different sizes and lengths.
1621309 On the other hand, it could be argued that he was having a fit in the non-medical sense, and that said fit was best described as apoplectic. I can see the point you're trying to make, but at the same time it remains a phrase I've heard throughout my life to describe the sort of circumstance I was going for, so I'm not inclined to change it.
As for the spacing...I shall again concede that you present a valid point. That being said, I've been taught since it became relevant, "You have two spaces after a sentence," and its accepted as grammatically allowable, so i don't foresee myself changing. SOrry if it really bothers you that much.
Oh, and I went through and changed all the pegasii to pegasi, and corrected the thens that should have been thans. My thanks for that, as well as the missing italics and the error in Pinkie's reasoning.
Though I do hope that making those changes didn't just set ever chapter as unmarked for everyone. That wouldbe unfortunate.
1621610
Nah, the mark that one has read it is still there.
Ouch Ouch Ouch -- Ali twi and rarity but at such a cost. SUCH a cost.
And the award for most painful alicorn ascension goes to Twilight Sparkle in this story.
I see. As Celestia and Luna before, there are now two new Alicorns able to wield Harmony...
The big question... Are the other elements part of the new alicorns or are they completely
gone, changed into energy to create the new alicorns...
From what I can deduce only Twi and Rarity made it through... and that saddens me deeply...
Do the statues that the crusaders are going to help destroy look something like this?
thehairpin.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/weepingangles.jpg
1632646 Well, by this point, they resemble nothing so much as piles of rubble. Before that...no comment.
1632646 Argh, don't remind me, I hate those guys.
Actually, since Derpy's husband seems to be The Doctor, or at least the equestrian version, the statues could look like that.
Or, something like that as a pegasus/alicorn/whatever.
her seven-hued mane
While real rainbows have seven colors like thisstatic.tumblr.com/4soenyn/MVzm7l54j/119710305688104081mcol_rainbow.svg.hi.png ,
RD only has six colors in her mane.images.wikia.com/mlpfanart/images/e/e6/Scared_Rainbow_Dash_S1E16.gif
1634901 I left it intentionally vague, if he's simply a normal stallion, or actually the Equestrian version of the Doctor, since it was mostly a means to an end. I needed to have the Crusaders off doing something together, and, well, that idea just popped to mind and I decided to go with it. Basically, it comes down to everyone's personal preference as to what they make of it. Though , if you go with the interpretation that he is the Doctor...that more or less means that the Weeping
AngelsPegasi, the nigh unstoppable monsters that can only be destroyed, in canon, by the judicious application of major paradox or by throwing them into a rift that purges anything that passes through it from all of time, were just beaten by the CMC. Think about the implications of that a moment, won't you?As for "Rainbow" Dash's mane only having six colors in show...I'd honestly never noticed that she only had six colors; never bothered to actually count. That being said, I'm going to throw out a justification that I just this second made up - Dash clearly didn't pose for the window, or any other pieces that Luna may have had made in her honor. So, while the artist(s) may have known generally what she looked like, perhaps they didn't have quality color images of her to work with, so, in a bizzare inversion of Rainbow Lite, the artist, at least for that window, assumed her mane had the full seven colors. Yes...yes, that sounds plausible.
Or, more realistically, I'm attributing the lack of the seventh color to animation limitations, and saying that, for my own purposes, she's got the full "traditional" rainbow.
1623215 Well, we now know how Luna and Celestia came to be, so stands to reason that they may have had a similarily painful ascension.
1632475 They are definitely still there, as part of the new alicorns. Just think about it, the common assumption about alicorns is a third of each, unicorn, earth pony and pegasus. Here, we have Twi, Fluts and Pinks, as well as Rare, AJ and RD. This whole thing actually solves the mistery of how Celly and Luna were able to wield the Elements without four other ponies. So their spirit must be still with them, since Twi stated that it was the spirit that powered the Elements.
Lastly, I like the touch with Twi not having Generosity, Loyalty and Honesty, just like she/her subconciousness/the entity behing Luna's fall/whatever said.
Thing is they did it for a purpose where there was a need in full knowledge and with the assent of their fellow elements willing to make the sacrifice.
Twilight's guilt is going to be orders of magnitude higher.
I am really looking forward to the next update.
1635257 I can live with all of that, especially the part were the CMC destroyed the angels. And I don't think that it comes down to ones preference, the fact that he knows a state secret, which is only known by eight ponies and not even the ones it concerns, pretty much seals the deal for me. If he'd really turn out to not be The Doctor, then Derpy got herself one heck of a stallion, which would also be true if he IS The Doctor.
So I think I can safely conclude that Derpy gets the best stallion.
1635327 So now the question is what is that white place. Is it a hub where all the elements of an alicorn can converse? And if so, do Luna and Celestia have voices in their heads? Ah! Perhaps those ponies that introduced themselves are previous element holders!
1621059
Regarding the "two spaces between sentences" issues, I'm willing to bet that you learned how to type using a typewriter, possibly even a manual. Without the "highfalutin" features anyone raised on a word processor takes for granted (like proportional fonts in an almost limitless variety of typefaces, sizes, and styles, automatic kerning, full margin justification, fractional line and character spacing, to name just a few), using two spaces to separate sentences was necessary to improve the readability of monospaced typewriter fonts on the page. And once that double-space gets ingrained in muscle memory, it's a hard habit to shake; it took me most of my undergraduate years to do so, and that was just a few years after I learned how to type in high school.
1637059 I like to think so, it would mean that either Celly or Luna are Kindness, since the pony to get Fluts said that her counterpart(so they are the previous bearers) was busy. Now, what could you do in nothing to keep you busy? Mainly nothing(Flutteranimals don't count, as the other bearer was surprised to see them). Also, the pony that went to Fluttershy has to be Generosity or Magic, since her counterpart was also busy and the only ones that have something to do are Rare and Twi.
1637569 This also could mean that the Elements would be most powerful when there's 6 alicorns and they do the ritual... One single form would emerge containing (3x6) 18 ponies and representing all of the elements...
I can just envision Celestia spitting out her tea when she finds out what Twilight is trying to do.
How far are we from the next chapter? Just curious what the update rate is going to be here. This has the potential to be one of the great alicorn stories. So far so good and fingers crossed.
1641887 Right now expect chapter six by the end of the week, possibly by Wednesday. I haven't really set out a proper schedule for myself, so I won't say be making any claims about updating on a certain day every week, but I am aiming for weekly or, at the least, bi-weekly updates. And my thanks for the compliment...now I just have to try not to screw anything up.
I sense the beginning of a story whose quality is of epic proportions. Awesomely written, I found myself chuckling uncontrollably (can't laugh due to sleeping parents) countless times during the story. The detail and quirks leave me excited for more.
I'm going to be mad if you killed a few there. Ponies being led off into the void does not bode well. Also, Twilight screwed up bad.
I like this a bit actually. Normally I can't stand alicorn stories but this might get an upvote.
If my assumptions are correct, this alicornification follows my personally preferred Headcanon. The sad tag had to come from somewhere :<
Assumptions aside, I'm enjoying this... The six POV repetition notwithstanding; one can only read about the same situation so many times. I suspect, however, that won't be a problem anymore. Just one question: do you have a plan for this, or are you winging ut?
1667453 The major plot points are planned out, to the extent that I have a clear narrative progression in mind. The individual chapters...less so. Like I said, the first four chapters were originally supposed to be one prologue, and they keep managing to get away from me. And yeah, the whole repetition thing was done very deliberatly after carefully considering the best way to handle that section. There might be some more repetition like that on occasion, but nothing quite that lengthy. Probably.
Also, heads-up, expect the next chapter later today/tonight.
1669457
Excellent! I can't tell you how many stories I've seen ever off into irrelevance because they weren't planned out... Alicorn stories especially. And if It takes you 4 chapters to do a prologue... I love you. Me and long stories are like two peas in a pod. Or something like that.
As promised, a new chapter before week's end. My apologies, I really had intended to actually, you know, provide at least a few concrete answers. Really, I did.
Also, my apologies if some portions of chapter six seem a bit...off. The best thing to do, before anyone complains about how Celestia and Luna are behaving is to remember, they know more than they've explained so far, so if they come across as cruel...that's likely why. Not sure how well I handled that part; that kind of emotion is difficult to write, it seems.
Anyway, as always, comments are welcome, and hope people enjoy.
Oh, side note - If anyone knows where I might find a decent quality image of Rarity's tiara from 'Sweet and Elite,' without a background, and could direct me to it, I'd be quite thankful.
Edit: Holy Hell, this is in the featured box. I don't know how long it'll remain there, I don't rightly care, this is fantastic.