• Member Since 2nd Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Diokno44


I am a memebr of the Guardians of Equestria fleet on Star Trek Online

T
Source

The Elements of War have killed Nightmare Moon, and ended her treacherous reign. Empress Celestia and Luna now have control of Equestria. The DARKFIRE police have kept order, and the Equestrian Empire has crushed all resistance, and made the savage Griffons and the moronic minotaurs their slaves. All is well, until a strange group of ponies come to their world, and why do they resemble the Elements? (Mirror-Universe esque fic)

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 17 )

No cover art. Less than 1000 word chapters... ok I admit that I was always a fan of the Star Trek Mirror Universes so I'm going to read it. Griffons doesn't need a cap. You don't cap dog, do you? Lets see how this goes.

One speaker a paragraph. Tisk tisk. Please read a book and see if there's more than one person speaking in a paragraph.

tone then that of, Lady Sparkle

Than that of and no comma.

"Who are you and why do you look like the Avatars?!"

No double punctuation please.

[love] to me!" Celestia said, fuming

Why is love in brackets?

Write out the number. Don't use these little numerals.

The 8 mares looked on,

of DARKFIRE

Is DARKFIRE an acronym? If not then don't put it in all caps.

"Oh right, diffent worlds an all, no matter." Empress Luna said.

Different, and all,

Lets continue"

Let's with an apostrophe.

"Anyhoof,

Not that many puns plz.


The humour is a bit forced... like really forced.

I noticed it was a bit fast paced. You could slow it down, have a bit more distrust between the two parties.

Your changing of fonts is pretty confusing.

1536295
Thanks for the advice. I have no idea how to add cover art, and the brackets, I'm new to adding boldface and the like in FimFic.

1536490
The FAQ is your friend in this case.

1536452
Please. Double punctuation is fine.
Looks interesting, will read later.

1536972
Thank you HylianBatman, also, nice image by the way, TARDIS and all. :pinkiehappy:

As I said. One speaker a paragraph. It's a basic rule.

1537477
Wait, then wouldn't all the 8 Doctors in said TARDI have collied into one TARDIS, like in the mini epidose "Time Crash" in which the 10th Doctor crashes into the 4th or 5th Doctor's (whichever had the celery in his lapel and a question mark umbrella) TARDIS?

1542258 nNo, this is totally different.

1542381
Thank God. Last time that happened in Equestria, The Doctor and Twilight being conjoined at the hip! That was a weird Monday

ok, lemme correct a few things here: mah eyes are bluish green, and it ain't a darn treadmill, its tracks and wheels for a high track bulldozer.

and i do love me some whiskey...

2879224 Thank you for not being a complete dick like skywishes and for being more helpful. I will work on it when I can, and the cover image is from my Star Trek Online fleet, The Guardians of Equestria, and I got the idea mainly from the Terran Empire.

yo go back and edit this crap, not callin the story itself crap, I meant the word count, ONE THOUSAND WORDS per chapter MINIMUM, less than that is a waste of time, I like the story, but you NEED to do a few things before you continue it, one, edit the chapters, re do them if you really need to, but you need to make them at LEAST 1000 words, the minimum needed to post a story on the first chapter on fimfiction, then you can continue the story, I only say this to help you, not to be a dick, or to be rude, or to piss you off, just trying to help

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