What Could go Wrong?
Prince Shining Armor had everything that he ever could have hoped for.
He had graduated top of his class from the Royal Guard Academy, something that he still boasted about years later since it was the only academic achievement that he had over his sister, not that she had ever attended, but that wasn’t the point.
He had risen through the ranks of the Guard until he was Captain of the Canterlot Guard at a record-breaking age, which was something that his father boasted about as Princess Celestia’s personal advisor. Shining couldn’t have gone any higher in rank without being made a General, which would have required the retirement of one of the current Generals.
He had married the love of his life who also happened to be the most beautiful Princess in Equestria, though maybe he was biased in his opinion.
And now, he had an equally beautiful, if somewhat hard to control daughter.
At the tender age of three, she was slowly starting to outgrow her snail toy, Whammy, which kinda made things worse because it was getting harder to focus her attention on where it needed to be. Too young for school but too old for stuffed animals, she had outgrown the so-called terrible twos and was fully embracing the thrilling threes.
Some parents could claim that there was no difference, but Shining knew better. The terrible twos were all about Flurry wanting everything that she wanted right that second. The thrilling threes were almost worse because now Flurry was fully speaking and was developing her memory and imagination. While she had always been a little unpredictable, it was harder to say ‘no’ to her now that she was developing a personality of her own that was distinctly different from her parents’.
And today, of all days, Cadance decided that Shining needed to spend more time with their daughter because they had been relying on Sunburst far too much and it was time for Shining to pull his weight as a father.
The thing was… he didn’t know how to be a father. They didn’t teach that at High School or in Guard training and Shining felt awkward asking his dad for advice on how to raise a daughter. He didn’t want to screw up, but he also didn’t want to show weakness.
Being a Prince of the Crystal Empire had thrown him for a loop with all the royal duties he now had. Worse still, he was also the Lord General of the Crystal Army, which gave him military responsibilities that far outweighed what he dealt with as a mere Captain of the Royal Guard. He still liked wearing armor though, that much he could admit, even if Cadance rolled her eyes at it.
Fortunately, he had been preparing for this day, as if he kinda knew Cadance would pull this on him eventually.
Cadance dropped Flurry off with him. “Now Shining, I know you had planned to do some more preparations with getting the Crystal Army back up to fighting standards, but Sunburst needs a break, so I want you to have a play date with Flurry today. She needs her father, not a foalsitter. DO NOT PAWN HER OFF ON SOMEPONY! Clear, General?”
Shining smiled at his wife and mock bowed. “Crystal clear, your majesty.”
Cadance gave Shining a peck on the cheek and left to perform her own royal duties and Shining sighed.
I hope this works.
Shining opened up the armor closet and pulled out a miniature set of crystal armor that had been custom made for the three-year-old filly. Flurry’s eyes widened in wonder at the beautiful pink and purple crystal armor.
“Princess Flurry Heart, Heiress of the Crystal Empire. Would you do me the honor as Lord General of the Crystal Army by accompanying me on a review of the troops?”
Flurry pointed at the armor. “Is that mine?”
Shining smiled. “Of course, sweetheart. After I retire, and until you get married, the Crystal Army will be your responsibility. Your mom will probably get mad at me for doing this, but I want you to respect your position, not simply have fun. I hope you understand.”
Flurry nodded, as serious as a three-year-old can be. “Can you help me put it on?”
Shining dressed the filly in the crystal armor and then donned his own. Shining walked with military precision while Flurry tried to mimic his movements and did so remarkably well.
They walked the line and reviewed the troops. Shining took the time to explain to Flurry what he was looking for and she absorbed it like a sponge. The troops smiled at their Princess and blushed profusely when the three-year-old pointed out a mistake.
Flurry snapped. “Polish that armor, Guardsmen!”
The Guard snapped to attention, but with a smile. “Yes, Princess! It shall be done!”
Shining and Flurry ate lunch with the troops, and they all adored how their princess seemed to embrace the classic guard lifestyle.
The Captain of the Crystal Castle Guard approached Shining. “Sir… some of the troops have requested that the Princess join them in Crossbow practice. Will you consent?”
Shining shrugged. Eh. What could go wrong?
* * *
Thwack.
Shining noted the record. “Princess Flurry wins again. That’s another cookie on her plate.”
The guard walked away smiling but somewhat embarrassed as the filly reloaded a crossbow bolt into a crossbow that was nearly as big as herself.
Shining placed another cookie onto a plate that Flurry was eyeing with greed. The next guard stepped up and they both shot together. The guard’s shot was better than the Princess and Shining gave the guard a cookie.
Flurry eyed the guard with disdain as he ate the cookie in front of her with a smirk while she resolved not to lose again…
* * *
Princess Cadance was whistling a happy tune down the hall, her own royal business having concluded, and she was looking for her family, as they weren't in any of the places she expected to find them. She approached a couple of guards and asked about them.
“Excuse me, Guards. Have you seen my family today?”
The Guardsmare smiled. “Of course, your majesty. Prince Shining and Princess Flurry are at the Crossbow Tournament.”
Cadance frowned. “I wasn’t aware that there was a tournament today… I usually try to cheer on the troops on such an occasion.”
The Guardsmare cleared her throat. “Well… umm… it’s not an official tournament but every guard in the castle has lined up to try their luck. It was truly an honor to participate.”
Cadance smiled. “Oh? And what is the prize?”
The Guardsmare blushed. “A cookie.”
Cadance’s frown hurt her face. “A cookie? Why are all the guards lined up for a cookie?”
The Guardsmare smiled again. “Trust me, it was worth it. Go to the crossbow range and try your luck?”
With a frown, she nodded. “I think I might…”
The guards resumed their patrol and Cadance decided to investigate.
* * *
Cadance walked into the Crossbow range and her eyes grew wide as she saw her daughter holding a crossbow. A guard was standing beside the princess and they both fired.
Thwack.
Shining hummed. “Princess Flurry wins again. That is another cookie on her plate. Someone send word to the kitchens that we need more cookies!”
Cadance yelled. “What the buck are you doing!”
The guards in the room stilled but Shining answered her without hesitation. “I’m teaching Flurry military discipline, as expected of the future Lady General of the Crystal Army.”
Cadance raised an eyebrow. “And the cookies?”
Shining blushed. “A fair reward for a three-year-old outshooting trained Guardsmen.”
Cadance pointed a hoof at it. “That plate is three hoofs high!”
Shining shrugged. “She is a very good shot...”
Cadance trotted forward. “She can’t eat that many cookies, it’ll give her a stomachache. So, this is sudden death. I’ll make the next shot. If Flurry beats me, the cookies are hers. If she loses, she gets one cookie and the rest go back to the guards.”
Flurry stomped a hoof. “That’s not fair! I won those fair and square!”
Cadance smiled a smug smile. “Then beat me to keep them.”
Cadance hefted a crossbow and fired a prefect shot, hitting a dead bullseye. “Beat that!”
Flurry snorted, seething in rage. Shining leaned down to her. “Calm down. Anger leads to loss. Focus. You can still win. I have faith in you, sweetheart. Remember what I taught you.”
Flurry nuzzled her father and then lifted her crossbow. She held the crossbow in both hooves and spread her wings for balance. She took a deep breath and held it, firing on the exhalation, exactly as her father had taught her.
The bolt seemed to fire through the air in slow motion, every pony in the room watching it with anticipation. The bolt smashed into the bolt her mother had fired, splitting it in twain.
Thwack.
Cadance’s mouth dropped open as Flurry put the crossbow down, lifted the plate of cookies in her magic, and turned to leave to room.
“Mine.” She stuck her tongue out at her mother as she left, causing the guards to snicker.
Cadance dropped her crossbow and berated her husband. “I told you to have a play date with our daughter. How did this happen?”
Shining nodded. “It was a play date. We played Crystal Guardsmen. You didn’t see how cute she was in her Crystal Armor?”
Cadance seethed. “You gave her a crossbow! It isn’t safe!”
Shining shrugged. “It’s a shooting range with clear rules, and Flurry likes to obey rules. It’s as safe as it can be.”
Cadance screamed. “She’s a child!”
Shining smiled. “It’s educational.”
Cadance panted. “What if she hurt herself?”
Shining winced. “Then... that would be an important lesson.”
* * *
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You mean boasted?
'She that' lmaoo XD
HELP THIS IS TOO FUCKING CUTE N FUNNY
He's right you know
Apologies for the pointing out 😭 But in all honesty THIS IS TOO WHOLESOME LMAOO
/lh
11833684
Fixed the errors and thanks. I was hoping for a whole reaction.
One is never too old for stuffed animals.
Nice Disney reference.
11833690
You know I try. I appreciate all feedback. Is that Disney or Pixar?
11833695 Disney's Robin Hood.
No credit to Sir Terry Pratchett for that ending?
11833751
I wasn't sure how to give credit for a meme but I'm glad someone got it.
11833860
It may be a meme now, but the original text is in one of his novels.
11833999
I updated the author's note to give him credit. I wasn't able to figure out which book it comes from but I recognized several of his quotes when I read them. He was a talented writer.
11834267
Whoops! My fault for not mentioning that it's from Hogfather. The original quote is about a child getting a sword for (the Discworld's fantasy equivalent of) Christmas.
11834289
That reminds me of novel The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe where Santa Claus gives the children swords and says, "These are tools, not toys."
I mean, at least it was something that only hurts people it's pointed at! He's not an idiot, Cady!
11833690
It's true, my teddy bear has been with me since I was 3 years old.
11834628
I won't lie. I have a stuffed bear that I've had since I was a baby. It's a keepsake now, 40 years old.
Flurry will never get rid of Whammy
honestly this is peak dad
Three year old Flurry outshooting the trained guardsponies does not bode well for the safety of the Crystal Empire… though I suppose most of the serious problems get solved by the royal family anyhow.
11835603
Hence why Shining was trying to work to get them back to modern fighting standards. I choose to believe that maybe crossbows didn't exist 1,000 years ago when the Empire disappeared combined with Alicorns naturally being able to learn faster than the average pony, maybe it makes sense as a headcanon.
I thought this was for the "Shining Armor is a terrible father" contest? He seems like a fantastic dad to me!
11835721
Letting a toddler play with weapons could be consider bad. I personally enjoyed writing the story.
11835732
I'm joking, I loved the story too. Technically I suppose letting Flurry eat her weight in cookies isn't exactly model parent behavior either.
On behalf of the group "My Little Reviews and Feedback", I have read and reviewed this story. You can read said review HERE.
Humph, take the thumbs up.
11833695
Mel Brooks.