Rainbow Dash returns to aerial racing. As the dream dissolves, a stumbling prospect catches her eye – a pony that no other would touch with a bargepole.
Art by Pabbley
Chapters (3)
Acologic
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Since nobody else has commented, I feel the need to. This story just didn't engage me.
The title art and first paragraph really did a good job of hooking me in, between the fat Rainbow Dash cover art, Button Mash as a POV in a Rainbow Dash fic, and some mildly gross detail giving a feel of realism; the trouble is that the fic dropped all of that in favor of things that were way less interesting. Now don't get me wrong, Rainbow Dash being a has-been on its own can be interesting, but the portrayal here seemed really tame, low-energy, and without me being very personally interested in racing and competition, it all fell flat.
Then there's the OCs. Obviously, the story's about Rainbow and Raffia, but Raffia just has very little built and ends up seeming underdeveloped. Eggshell then comes in and steals the spotlight entirely from Raffia in chapter 2, while also not really being fully built up. This POV and attention jumping is rather distracting.
Finally, as for entertainment, there's no comedy to speak of, and the story in the final chapter clearly tries to put in drama, but with Rainbow treating it as nothing, it's hard to take seriously, as it feels like it has no impact.
I might just be the wrong audience entirely for a story focused on sweet tender chats. I will note however it's definitely lacking in conflict, which is something every story needs a fair bit of.
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Thanks for commenting your thoughts as I am a bit starving when it comes to hearing what people think of anything I've done. So I really appreciate that.
Honestly, I'm very surprised – because I really, really enjoyed writing and reading this story. It's exactly the sort of thing that fascinates me, and I did have a lot of energy and excitement when writing it. That's my immediate response. I'm going to address point-by-point just now.
Buttons isn't supposed to be Button Mash, but it isn't as though it makes a difference considering Button Mash's lack of canon character.
Well, this may be the long and short of it. For me it got to what was most interesting – the thoughts and feelings of an elite athlete gone to seed. And I think I did a really good job there because, really, those thoughts and feelings aren't mine. I have curated them from people who are elite athletes gone to seed – did the research, as it were. And that's what this story was meant to be about. It was meant to explore the theme of the best can't be the best anymore. And that's what I think this story does well, and I was especially pleased that it's such a natural fit for canon Rainbow Dash. What do you think?
The only new thing I'd add is just how I wonder whether you think it fell flat for any technical reason or simply because you aren't interested in the scale and focus of the story.
Well, I didn't have any intention to ooze out a heavy profile or anything because it isn't about what he did. It's about what he is doing. And everything relevant to the purpose of the story that the character is doing I included. Or so I thought. I just don't think an in-depth study is important here. The point was exploring the above-stated theme, what a pony who fell from the top really thinks, says and feels, which I think I did pretty thoroughly.
Noted. I don't know. For me? No problem.
What does she treat as nothing? She treats everything as no more or less than what it is. This is a Slice of Life fic, a realist's fic. It's about the painful mundanities, which I find very moving. No over-the-top stuff. If you agree that the story does what it set out to do and that's still not enough for you, fair dos. I just wonder whether it's a taste thing (which you acknowledged) or whether I have messed it up.
Well, the conflict seems blatant to me for both characters: Rainbow Dash's conflict is reality is scuppering what I want to do most of all and she certainly spends plenty of time toiling over this. Raffia's conflict is, ironically, the same but from a different angle. The story explores the attitudes of the arrogant newcomer and the experienced has-been on the same fundamental conflict. Again, I'm more than happy to hold up my hands and say, 'I screwed up.' But for me, as it stands, the story reads true and touches me.
Anyway. Regardless of all this, I'd like to thank you again. I'm very pleased someone took the time to read and to post their sincere thoughts. All the best to you.
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Oh, another OC? My mistake, but that puts even more of a damper really, it's essentially solely Rainbow Dash and characters I'm not invested in from the getgo...
While I admit I didn't like Cars 3 much with a similar story, there are definitely technical reasons it fell flat. One big one is that POV jumping among 3 characters with very little to establish them divided up attention and thus any impact on them (Cars 3 made me care about the new racer, note), but the biggest one is that it felt very "heady", in that Rainbow Dash's struggle is mostly internal and has little happen in the real world beyond talking about it with Eggshell. This ties in with the "treat as nothing" but, in that Rainbow is very dismissive of the newspaper immediately or any seriousness to it. While that may be realistic for her in the situation, it would've been better I think to have a situation where she doesn't dismiss it so easily.
Conflictwise, the issue is the headiness and that dismissiveness. Eggshell dismisses Rainbow's concerns a bit, making it feel less like things are going wrong. Raffia seems at first at odds with Rainbow, but that evaporates, and no two characters really do anything but get along it seems. As well, the conflict in the final chapter switches to just Raffia mildly upset.
In summary, the basic issue here is that the characters avoid even coming close to tension or real impact, it's like the opposite of normal FiM eps where every character can blow up easily at each other. FiM is unrealistic, but so is 0 friction between characters, and them not making any wisecracks etc..
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Just seems a bit weird to me. I go into every story not knowing the characters. I know it’s fanfiction, but can we really say that, for example, Rainbow Dash is the same pony from fic to fic? What I’m getting at is that any FIM character is essentially an OC from author to author, so I don’t feel as though I know any character named in show or not from fanfic to fanfic. Anyway, that’s a side-point. Maybe just bypass this part of my comment as it’s semi-irrelevant.
As to Cars 3, never seen it, so I can’t speak to any of that.
Yeah, it’s heady, no doubt. I – thought that’s pretty cool, but… Well, guess it isn’t for everyone.
Fair enough. I disagree that it would have been better, but then I guess that’s why the story is as is.
Less things are going wrong. It isn’t the end of the world. No one’s dying. These issues are so insignificant, so selfish, really – but that’s life. Does that make it any less real, any less moving? And Raffia's a colt relying on a persona who crumbles under any real pressure. Of course he gets along with the pony who shows him affection and offers him guidance. Seems real to me.
Yeah, just a disagree from me. I think there's both tension and impact – gentle, I'll grant you, but I think that only adds, makes it believeable. I feel a lot of empathy for these characters. They strike me as people I know from down the road or, as I said, the ex-athletes that I’ve observed. That realness really gets to my heart.
So, impasse, really. But thanks again. I really rate that you’ve named the stuff that’s bothered you. That’s such a help. It gives me perspective on stuff I’ve only seen through my eyes. Makes me think more about it. I’ll give you a watch. Hope we can chat about stuff in general.
If you’re interested in giving something very different a shot, how about Solitaire? That’s the best I’ve got so far as pony stuff goes, and if you feel like reading and commenting, I’d really appreciate it.
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On the matter of characters specifically, it's not about having the exact same Rainbow Dash, just about investment in the basic recognizable character (you can make her unrecognizable, but then it's kind of a lie to call her Rainbow Dash!). Most people who've watched FiM would have feelings about Rainbow one way or the other, and the same is not true for a new character on their first introduction.
Note that this isn't that original characters and canon characters are magically different... If this was a sequel to another fic that set up Button and Eggshell and Raffia rather well, and readers were expected to read the first fic before this, then they would cease to be "new", and thus you could expect the audience to be already invested in them. Of further interest is that the show itself had to set up Rainbow Dash with a very finely crafted introduction to tell us what she's all about, as it did with each of the mane 6, and it did so well in advance of the story using her for conflict.
I'll check out Solitaire. It seems also to be lacking in comments, so I imagine you're starved for feedback on it.
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This seems a case of horses for courses because I don't relate with what you're saying here, but thanks for your time. I hope you get more joy from Solitaire.
This was a wholesome story, i liked how RD found purpose again in coaching Raffai. I also couldn't help but be reminded of Cars 3 story when reading this.
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Thanks for reading and letting me know. Glad you enjoyed it.