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Comments ( 9 )

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tailsopony

tailsopony #1 · Nov 21st, 2023 · 1 · ·

Pretty decent. I like the content, of course. lol. Feedback:

You have some serious tense issues. Pick a tense and stay with it. Your story alternates randomly between past tense and present tense. That doesn't work well in English and is distracting.

Parts are repetitive. Reads a little like an AI output or something where you have to repeat the things you just said. Don't do that unless it's very deliberate. I'm guilty of that, but I try to be very intentional when I do that.

Pacing is strange. You move quickly and slowly then quickly again. It's only 2k words, it's hard to effectively do that.

Minor plot issue. Not that there is a lot of plot to critique, but... right after Twilight submits, she says that she has been waiting to be of use. Wouldn't that imply that she would have submitted earlier? It's definitely not coherent with the theme of "She just gave in" .

I'd recommend trying to find a real, English as a primary language editor. Some of your verbiage is... odd, and it makes me wonder if this is machine translated or ran through an AI to smooth it out.

Also, uh, where's that 'Dark' tag? I feel like there should be some kind of popup warning about "Are you sure?" if you select 'non-con' but not 'dark' as tags. lol.

Black Butterfly

Black Butterfly #2 · Nov 21st, 2023 · 3 · ·

11755167
I have used AI to rid my writing of typos and the like where I could, so it is possible that it changed things I overlooked. I have looked over the part you mentioned and changed it. Thank you for your feedback. I wrote this mainly for a friend on short notice, I don't have anyone proof-reading my texts. I'll polish it further when time and energy allow.

Wolf Blood

Wolf Blood #3 · Nov 22nd, 2023 · · ·

What is the BoC-Verse?

Black Butterfly

Black Butterfly #4 · Nov 22nd, 2023 · · ·

11755628
The Book of Changelings
I'm not quite sure if I could publish it here since it is not a story but rather a fictional lore library about my interpretation of changelings. It doesn't quite fit any genre, but all of my content uses it as core. Hard to explain.

Wolf Blood

Wolf Blood #5 · Nov 22nd, 2023 · · ·

11755670
Can't you post a link?

Black Butterfly

Black Butterfly #6 · Nov 23rd, 2023 · · ·

11756075
Sadly no. I wish I could. If you want to read more about it, stay tuned, I will keep using it as inspiration pool for writing. You may also pm me or something, I could share some parts of it.

Wolf Blood