• Member Since 9th Jun, 2022
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Moproblems Moharmoney

Because Rainbow Lasers Solve Everything


Once an immortal being with powers beyond the ken of man, Adagio Dazzle has been brought low by the forces of harmony. Now little more than another scrabbling ape on the pile, forced to make ends meet, she is a broken shell of a woman.

A simple wager may change all that, though.

A May Pairings 2023 entry.
Set in the same continuity as The Nature Of Love, though no reading is required.

Tags -
Sex : No explicit scenes, some discussions of an adult nature
Profanity : Cursing
Possibly more to come

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Well, this is an interesting take. The reference to Starswirl (or her mother?) is a interesting touch.

Not sure how far you're going to get with the categories and the tags, but I'm looking forward to a story that isn't Adagio just doing it with the first person to white knight for her.

The language becomes a little flowery for my taste, but I always like the premise of Adagio living a mundane life.

You intrigue me. And I will be eager to read more. :pinkiesmile:

Rego #4 · May 14th · · · Monday ·

There's enough clever description here to generate interest, but I feel like nothing of note happened. Did I miss something? If not, then it's not the best foot to start on when trying to leave your first impression.

It's mostly set up and exposition admittedly, but Adagio is clearly not 'well', enough that her boss is calling in a 'ringer'. The second chapter I'm working on atm hits the inciting Incident, which perhaps I should have included here?

In my opinion, you should always try to hook the reader's interest with the moment that kicks off the story itself (the inciting incident usually) or something that foreshadows things to come. Again, I might’ve missed it, but I didn't really get anything here to really get me invested to keep going.

That's a fair take. I'm more used to one shots so it's all about acclimatising myself to pacing things out.

Fascinating stuff thus far, especially the scope of the damage Adagio endured at the Rainbooms’ hands. Good work in setting the scene. I look forward to seeing how Adagio’s promised costar enters into the equation.

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