• Member Since 16th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 20 minutes ago

TheVClaw


I'm a shameless neckbeard who has a knack for writing a LOT of smut. I have an Official Patreon page (Patreon.com/TheVClaw), and I also take commissions to help support myself as a freelance writer.

Sequels1

Comments ( 8 )

Will there be any violence in this story series?

11524839
If you're asking that, then you're obviously missing the point.

I liked it, aside from the surprise at the end. Makes me wonder what's in store for the next one. :raritywink:

11527029
I already have plans for Rain from Spirit. :ajsmug:

11527042
No idea who Rain is. :twilightoops: I somehow avoided watching that particular movie over the years. Looks like I have additional weekend plans now. :rainbowlaugh:

No one's done it. I'm the one who has to?

... all right:ajsleepy:

https://m.

11527054
It's not very good

This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!

I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!

Notes:
- So far, I'm really lost as to what the whole enchanted hairpin thing is about... Is it only for outfit changes? Okay, and it also allows her to go back home instantly. Still seems pretty odd and unexplained. Though I suppose that comes from me reading this out of order.
- Very nice use of Bugs's propensity toward crossdressing. I'm glad Lola won the bet. Then again ... it sure would be nice to see her in that cheerleader outfit.
- Peeping Tomboy Now that's a really clever combination of phrases!
- Kind of weird that Bugs would make a big deal about asking Rainbow if she consents to this in the beginning ... and then use that ovulation inducer on her without even telling her.
- I do feel like there's maybe not as much action between Bugs and Lola as there should be. He eats her out at first, yes ... but after that, the two of them never even touch each other again. I get that Rainbow is supposed to be the focus of the threesome, but it seems like there could have been an opportunity for a little more action between the two rabbits.
- Also seems like Rainbow getting eaten out was a missed opportunity. Either of the bunnies could have done that (or both at the same time!) and it would have been a nice addition.
- Quite a nice threesome, with plenty of juicy details. Rainbow going outside of her sexual orientation comfort zone was a nice touch, especially since it was with a cross-dressing bunny that made her feel a bit more comfortable about it.
- Lola's boobs seemed pretty forgotten by the end. They got a nice little bit of attention from herself when she first revealed them ... but after that, nothing. A scene with Rainbow playing with them would have been another welcome addition.
- The scene where it's revealed that both bunnies knew they were being watched was really nicely handled.
- Both Bugs and Lola seem to be very nicely in character here for the most part -- really good job of that.

Scores:
Provocativeness: 91
Progression: 80
Payoff: 75
Pacing: 85
Personality: 89
Prose: 80
Total: 500
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.

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