- Member Since 23rd Sep, 2017
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Rimmer
Loving Waifu | Connoisseur of Dirty Ponuts | Professional Shit Writer | Commissions: OPEN | Twitter: @RimmerNsfw
Rimmer
Joined 23rd Sep, 2017 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!
I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!
Notes:
- That's an interesting way to have them play off of each other in the end, Rainbow being cocksure and Lola being a little peeved by that.
- Could have been nice to have a moment where Lola is surprised by pony pussy winking when she was first eating Rainbow out. She's probably never seen a pussy do that before! But otherwise, fantastic job or exploring anatomy and their differences.
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“Damn straight,”Straight? I dunno ... seems pretty gay to me... ^.^ Plus, neither of them ever said "No homo"...- Rimming is definitely not my kind of thing, but even I can see you did an excellent job of describing them eating each other's asses.
- Really fun sequel hook in the end! It's a cute scene watching Twilight catch on, and now I only wish we'd get a scene of Lola and Twilight! (Maybe going with the 'all alicorns are futa' angle, so that Lola gets a big surprise in the process, lol!)
- Really great anthro-on-pony action, making good use of their differences.
- Very nice, richly detailed, perfectly paced lesbian lovemaking!
- The only thing I'm maybe missing from this fic is at least one small moment where Rainbow Dash could shine. She's kind of the submissive underdog throughout this whole fic, with Lola playing her like a fiddle. It would be nice if, at least for one little moment at some point, Rainbow came out on top and really took charge or shocked Lola with how good she was at something. (The hint about showing Lola what Rainbow can do with her wings would have been great for that -- using it for some tantalizing feather play that drives Lola crazy, rather than only a throwaway line of dialog.)
- There was a little bit about Lola appreciating Dash's body, but it was mostly about Rainbow enjoying Lola's. Could have been nice to have a bit more of Lola enjoying Dash's sexiness -- looking or groping.
Scores:
Provocativeness: 90
Progression: 95
Payoff: 75
Pacing: 85
Personality: 84
Prose: 67
Total: 496
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.
11553122
Thank you for such an in depth review - I'm glad you enjoyed it! Looking forward to seeing everyone's results!