- Member Since 7th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
CrimsonEquine
Improvement is a dire mistress.
CrimsonEquine
Joined 7th Oct, 2012 ·
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How nice.
Lovely story.
And only six babies Button?? I'm surprised that's all you want.
No, he doesn't!
11474011
No he does not.
11473994
yep
11474035
You did well.
I look forward to what else you do
Should probably get the non-con tag.
11474222
it wasn't rape.
11474223
No consent was sought or implied prior to the act, and Button made it pretty clear that he'd keep going regardless of what she thought.
This is... Bizarre.
One day, Button just couldn't help himself. He jumped his mom, went in dry, had some incredibly unnatural dialogue with her and kept pounding for 3 hours (I guess he checked the clock because the act was that bad and boring).
After getting her bearings, Cream Heart decided that she's on board with this, for some reason. Perhaps Button literally bucked her brains out.
11474534
Yep
11474607
Well, I hope for more button Mash x cream heart stuff soon
And then he woke up! 😄
So... want a review?
Foreplay could do with a lot of work. It jumped right into the action far too fast. The entire scenario could have been built up far more. Have more action-based internal monologuing from Button as he stares at her rear, maybe Cream notices, maybe she has an unintentional reaction.
Try to have a maximum of six lines in a paragraph. Any more than that and break it up somewhere in the middle.
On the point of non-con vs dub-con, it started as non-con but morphed into dub-con. Tricky situation, but I'd say leaving out the 'non-con' tag is permissible.
This can be shown rather than told.
Quotation mark is misplaced.
...
It... needs improvement. The foreplay I already mentioned, but the act itself was lackluster. More feelings, more sensations, more description! The pacing was very quick and I feel as if it could have had more added to this to help flesh it out. You had it where she was uncomfortable with it at first where she then eases into it. Maybe some internal thoughts of them both (plus more description of the baby-making)? Cream thinking about how she truly does love him deep down, that it feels so dirty but right. Button thinking about the two of them as a couple rather than mother-son. Something like that.
Sorry if this is a short review. Hope it helps!
11577009
thank you