• Member Since 17th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago


Just one of many MLP Fans out there :) also german writer, taking small commissions for stories and art

Comments ( 20 )

This needs to be continued more or a sequel of some kind

This had been a fun read keep it up.

Sure, if you have any idea, tell me ^^

Gibson was a musician, and while Cream hoped he would stay with the piano and become a famous pianist, it seemed like his real love was the electric guitar

As a guitar player myself, I see what you did there.

Cream Heart, better known as Bottum's Mom

have you ever actually played a tabletop game? ever had a session, even if it was only play-by-post? I feel like there was potential for this that was missed out in the inaccuracies. I mean, on one hand, only somebody who's played the game a bit would know what the hell a Warforged was, but on the other hand, I can't guarantee that you had a decent GM who knew how the game was actually played...

Bah, but I ramble. This was... well, I'm not going to lie to you, this needed some extra oomph. Something to hook me and invest me, at least in a literary sense. Your editor did as good a job as they could, I imagine, but I think you need more prereaders. There was also an awful lot of tell, not show - we didn't really learn much about the game, about Button's mom, and about their relationships in a very organic way. Also, we never found out what became of that handy (hoofie?) that Gibson was getting. Also also, Gibson isn't the best pony name.

This felt like a fic that was "researched" from a cursory glance after a Google search. Try harder. You'll have more pride in your work in the end if you put in a bit more effort and seek out more help than a single editor.

I am part of a D&D party and wanted to add some more elements, but the deadline was so close that I had to hurry up :D My editor had only 12 hours to do his job ^^
This was the third story I started for this contest ^^ Time was short :D

And just as a side note: I mentioned, that the plot was poorly planned ^^

“We are?” asked Rumble. (——

He’d never hugged another mare other than his mother.

Cream let go of her son, breathing heavily. “Maybe... we should take a little break now.”

How is this pet play? :rainbowhuh:


Ok i gotta admit the story was good but it was so damn hard to read the second chapter.

About the grammar and spelling? Yeah, I know
... I'm sorry, tryi g to do better with every new story.


No not the grammar and spelling. I mean the description of them playing the so called game?

Yeah, first I wanted to concentrate more on the pen and paper part because I wanted to write an D&D PuP Story in FiM universe... But when I got more into it I felt more like smutt stuff and less like accurate Pen and Paper Scene writing :D
Maybe I will use my experience with Eberron Dungeons and Dragons to write a other story with more plott later ^^


Ok. You will get better!

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