Shadowblade93
Joined 25th Jun, 2022 ·
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Excellent new story keep up the good work
The scorering in thes story is 10 out of 200 wich is a good score
A nice change of pace from my usual hie fics. The porn dealership had me laughing hard
10789200
what do you consider a bad score, lol
I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you; this needs a lot of work.
The pacing is all over the place, characterisations are almost non-existent, I feel there is more emphasis in shock conversations (example swearing) rather than an actual dialogue between characters to emphasis chemistry between them, and quite frankly boring.
Please don't take this as a way to put you down, but take it as a way to improve. I will admit there is potential here, it's just the problems outlined need to be addressed.
I hope this was helpful and I wish you luck in the future as you improve.
10869841
Yeah this was a bit off, this was a first for me as a whole. Next one will probably be main character raising an OC.
10870860
Just remember; characterisation is key, plot is the engine, concept is the vehicle. Focus on Who they are, What they want, Where are they and where are they going, and how they are going to achieve their goals.