This Is How It Went
Dashie Punches a Shark
Animal trainers note:
No animals were seriously harmed during the making of this short, though several were most definitely annoyed…
/ / / / / / / / / / / /
About a mile off the coast of Equestria, not exactly sure where, just pick a spot…
Twilight Sparkle was nearly home now, the shoreline of her country well within sight as she flew, gliding from updraft to updraft at a leisurely pace. Though she wouldn’t be quick to admit it, Twilight was beginning to develop an appreciation for the Pegasi love of flight. She loved the feeling of the air rushing through her feathers, of her mane and tail billowing in the wind; the freedom of it all was intoxicating.
The guards following behind her could have their cramped old airship, creaking and groaning under its ponderous balloons as it slowly made its way across the skies. That said though, Twilight would still not wish to try crossing an entire ocean without it, the trip to the Griffon kingdoms was a long one and even the fastest Pegasus ponies needed breaks. No, this flight was mostly just to gain some much needed practice, that and to get out of her stuffy state room. Besides, she had read through all of her traveling books, even the emergency one…
So, despite her guards’ protests, and declining any of their offers to accompany her Twilight had dove head first into the bright blue yonder. It was a perfect day for it to, bright and sunny with a warm salt smelling breeze and a few little wispy clouds. Visibility was nearly endless as she scanned the sky around her, the sandy shore just ahead and her entourage not far behind.
Feeling just a hint of that daring Pegasus spirit burn through her blood Twilight poured on the speed, rocketing along for a moment before pulling up hard into what most flyers would consider the most basic of tricks. For the bookish mare though, the vertical loop was all the rush she needed, letting out a loud whoop as she came down out of the apex and headed back down towards the water below.
Leveling out Twilight flared her wings just a touch, feeling the wind buffet the edges as it slowed her down, a filly like grin plastered over her face. This was such a wonderful way to live! Nothing around for miles and miles, just her and the clouds and that seagull…
Before her own brain could backtrack and register what it had just recognized as a large seabird, larus canus, to be specific. The aforementioned waterfowl slammed right into her snout, knocking Twilights head to the side and generally just ruining both their flight paths in the process.
After an awkward moment of confused fluttering and flailing the two managed to stay airborne as they separated, Twilight offering a sheepish apology as the sea mew flew off, an indignant squawk its only reply. Coughing up another feather the hovering pony watched the gull as it continued on, briefly wondering what had it in such a hurry, squinting as it descended towards the water in the distance. She could see several others coming in from other directions with a number already circling over a particular spot of water in the gentle swells.
Taking a glance back at the distant airship Twilight shrugged her shoulders, figuring she had quite some time until the guards caught up with her, might as well go and see what was so interesting. Her knowledge of sea faring birds might not quite have been on par with that of Fluttershys' but Twilight knew enough about the parts that did interest her, one such subject being that gulls had a tendency to follow feeding pods of whales or dolphins around. Now that would be something worth her time.
Veering towards the avian gathering and shedding some of her own altitude for a better look the Princess took to circling above the birds. Not seeing anything of interest at first she turned around to fly back the other way, traveling with the direction of the swells. Something immediately caught her eye, a sight that made her heart freeze.
Something was just barely floating at the surface as the lazy swells pushed it back and forth, causing it to bob up and down in time with the motions of the water. It was a pony, a blue pony with a rainbow plume of hair splayed out across the water around her. Worse than any of that though, was the slowly spreading cloud of red in the water.
For a moment all Twilight could do was hang there in the air, her blood running cold as she looked down at her dear friend floating away in the ocean current, no signs of struggling. A moment is all that was wasted however as she quickly shook off her stupor and shot towards the water, instinct driving her wings into a blur as she descended.
“No no no no no no no no…” Twilight whispered breathlessly as she came to a stop just above her downed friend, her tearing eyes desperately searching for any signs of life. “Dash?”
Emotionally she wanted to drop down and grab the Pegasus, to carry her to safety aboard the approaching airship and its fully staffed medical room. Intellectually though, Twilight knew that whatever had done this could very easily still be nearby, any number of sea dwelling monsters just waiting to pounce on a second victim.
“Dash!?” Twilight called out again, her voice growing louder with concern and desperation as her horn came alight with magic, the lavender glow slowly covering the barely floating mare and gingerly lifting her out of the water.
“Hey! What gives, Twilight!?” Rainbow Dash shouted as she suddenly seemed to spring back to life, flailing like a netted fish in Twilights magical grip. “I’m trolling here!”
With a startled yelp Twilight fluttered backwards, her magic flickering out and dropping the apparently very much alive cyan pony back into the water. A hoof rushing to cover her hammering heart Twilight watched the churning surface uncertainly as various limbs thrashed about while Rainbow attempted to right herself, having been dumped in head first…
Finally, after some water logged sputtering and steely eyed glaring Rainbow Dash managed to straighten herself out, giving her would be rescuer a deadpan stare as she pulled some prismatic mane from her face.
“What the buck was that for Twi, like, I can’t just float here minding my own business?” Rainbow grumbled, shaking her head to clear the water from her ears.
“Minding your own business?” Twilight scoffed, hovering a bit closer now that things seemed to be, for the moment, mostly alright. “I thought you were in trouble, or worse!”
“Trouble?” Dash repeated quizzically, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “Why?”
Twilight was dumbfounded to say the least, able to respond with little more than a slow shake of her head as she gestured towards the red clouds of fluid gently moving in time with the swells.
“Ohhhh…” Dash eventually realized, putting two and two together, kinda. “You mean the spaghetti sauce?”
Twilight’s eye twitched a bit. “Spaghetti, sauce…?” She parroted, taking a moment to get a better look at the rather convincingly grisly substance, eventually spotting the tiny chunks of tomato onion and basil.
One of Rainbows wings held up a large jar of the aforementioned sauce, mostly empty and most likely no longer appetizing as it was quite water logged. “Spaghetti sauce.” She confirmed with a cheeky grin. “I can’t believe you fell for that, Twi, I thought you of all ponies would be smarter than your average shark.”
“What!?” Twilight shrieked indignantly, rubbing at the side of her head as it began to throb out of sheer lunacy. “What does my intelligence have to do with sharks, exactly?”
“Well.” Dash began slowly, sounding as if she were addressing a foal with an obvious fact of life. “Sharks are amazing hunters, but are kinda dumb when it comes to how easy it is to lure em in, like how they can never resist fresh spaghetti sauce.” She lectured, once again gesturing to the clumpy cloud.
If you listen closely you might be able to hear a sound akin to glass breaking as Twilight shakes her head in bewilderment, right about, there it is. Did you hear it?
“There are two things wrong with your statement, one being that sharks are in fact predators, which by definition means they eat meat. Secondly, Dash.” Twilight said sternly, her eyes narrowing slightly as she leaned in closer. “You’re meat! So why, in Celestia’s sweet name, would you ever want to attract one in the first place!?”
“I’ma punch a shark.”
…
“What…?”
“I’ma punch a shark.” Rainbow repeated as confidently as if it had already taken place.
…
“What…?!”
…
“Listen, Twi.” Rainbow said with a long melodramatic sigh, leaning back casually as she spoke. “I’ve won a lot of epic fights in my day. I’ve put the beatdown on Timber wolves, whooped a lookalike Changeling imposter, out foxed Auizotle at least twice now, clobbered Celestia in her sleep, magically blasted a literal nightmare and bucked an honest to Faust Dragon in the face!”
Twilight raised a hoof, her voice managing little more than a flustered stutter as she attempted to ask Dash what she had just said involving her beloved mentor, only for the Pegasus to turn away slightly with a wistful look playing at her eyes as she continued unabated.
“Yeah, I’ve punched and bucked just about every baddy out there, but never a shark. Sooo, I’ma punch a shark!” She reiterated vehemently, raising a hoof and pumping it in a punching motion a few times. “It’s on my list and I can’t rest until I get this one crossed off.”
“You’re gonna get crossed off all right…” Twilight muttered tersely, her shoulders slumping as she shook her head.
“What was that, Twi?” Rainbow asked as she turned back around from spreading even more of the clumpy red sauce, the huge jar nearly empty.
“I said then why didn’t you answer me when I was calling out to you? Couldn’t you hear me?!” Twilight quickly covered for herself, pointing a hoof accusingly.
“Oh I could.” Dash answered as she stirred the goopy sauce around herself with her wings. “I was just ignoring you.”
That time you could hear several old rusty springs breaking and boinging around inside of poor Twilys head as she once again just kinda came to a stop mid thought. The face that causes her to make is just adorkable too… Ahem…
“You were just… Why...?” Twilight finally managed to ask, her eye starting to twitch in that slightly manic fashion it does sometimes.
“Duh, I was trying to listen for the music.” Dash replied with a slightly annoyed roll of her eyes. She was starting to suspect that Twilight didn’t know anything at all about sharks.
Twilight shook her head as her brow furrowed in what was becoming genuine confusion. “What are you talking about, Dash, what music?”
With a groan Rainbow eased herself onto her back again, turning her head a bit so that one ear was just under the surface, her wings flared underneath for balance. “Yeah, you know, the music. Every shark will dramatically time its attack to a four four string ostinato in D minor, which every sailor knows means death…”
Twilight nearly fell out of the air as her hooves pawed at her face, her already overheating brain threatening to go on holiday as it attempted to process what had just been said.
“I don’t know what part of that hurts my head worse, the fact that you seem to honestly believe such a ridiculous thing, or that you apparently know the proper musical terminology…”
“Termathingies got nothing to do with this egghead, that’s just common knowledge.” Rainbow said with an affirming snort. “That and the Spaghetti sauce thing.”
“It most certainly is not!” Twilight cried with an irate huff, sticking out her chest and pointing a hoof at herself in a ready to lecture like fashion. “As a matter of fact, just last month I had the privilege of attending a marine biology symposium primarily revolving around the current state of Equestria’s oceans. A large portion of which revolved around the habits of local predators and how to co-exist with them.” She stated authoritatively, a triumphant smirk growing at the edges of her muzzle. “And you know what? There wasn’t a single mention of anything so ridiculous as, ‘luring sharks with spaghetti sauce or B movie music tracks or putting freakin laser beams on their heads,’ or anything like that!”
After a moment of watching Twilight huff and sputter Rainbow just looked away with a sigh. “Yeah, big surprise there. Eggheads teaching other eggheads things that they read in books and papers written by other eggheads who timidly watched and took notes from a big fancy boat paid for with a grant from my tax dollars.” Dashie replied in that voice that tries to sound gruff but ultimately just makes her sound even more adorable.
“Pfft, I bet they probably told you all that flimflam about how sharks lay eggs and can’t swim backwards too.” Dash added with a chuckle as she waggled a hoof in her friends general direction. “Seriously, Twilight, get your nose out of the books now and then. If you need to learn anything useful about some pony you want to fight, go talk to folks who’ve fought em before.”
Rainbow punched the air a few times to emphasize her point. “You want to clock out a professional martial artist? Go find a kooky old timer to teach you how they would beat the guy; you’d be amazed how useful ‘paint fence’ and ‘wax on, wax off’ can be.” She said smiling up at the still hovering Princess. “Me? I dug up the crustiest craziest old sea captain I could find and worked on his shark catching boat for a week.”
“Shark fishing is illegal…”
“And what a week it was!” Rainbow carried on, flexing the muscles in her forelegs and smiling at them approvingly. “Sixteen hour days, all pro bono: I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard in my life!”
“Between your weather team duties and the Wonderbolts, where did you even find the time…?”
“And don’t even get me started about how little sleep I got, there was only the one hammock in the cabin so the old geezer made me crash up on deck, not that it mattered because all he wanted to do after dark was sing ole’ sea shanties…”
“Do you even still work for the rainbow factory…?”
“The where…?”
“The weather factory!”
“Not since they figured out all they really needed were crayons and pictures. ” Rainbow said, waiving away Twilights question before crossing her limbs behind her head and settling into a lazy pose, her body almost completely submerged.
“What…?”
“What?”
An unusually large swell passed through the area, nearly upsetting Rainbows balance and causing her to flail about, interrupting what could have otherwise been an awkward moment. Twilight not being one to be easily distracted, especially by large ominous shadows in the water that hadn’t been there a moment ago, wasn’t buying it. Because you see, she really did know a thing or two about sharks…
“Uh huh, well I would certainly like to meet this wise old sea captain; he sounds like the type of pony I could really learn from…” Twilight said in a totally convincingly non sarcastic sounding way.
Seriously though, you could practically see it dripping into the water…
Rainbow dash rubbed the back of her head with a guilty smile. “Well, see, that might be sorta hard to arrange.” She said, working her hooves together awkwardly. “Work really took a bite outta him on my last day, I guess you could even say it, pulled him all to pieces…”
Twilight just raised an eyebrow and gave the Pegasus a disapproving shake of her head.
“”What?” Rainbow huffed in a pout, crossing her arms grumpily. “Nothing, really? Even you should know by now what I’m referencing; that was a good joke and you know it! Come on, at least give me one of those little Twilight giggles?”
“Oh, it was funny.” Twilight rebuffed with a strangely stony expression, her eyes to narrowed to notice the growing shadow of something in the water just behind her friend. “I might even laugh if I weren’t too busy waiting for the pin to drop.”
“What do pins have to do with any of this?” Dashie grumbled as she sat up in the water again and crossed her forelegs over her chest. “Don’t tell me, it’s another silly myth they have you believing about sharks, isn’t it?”
Twilight allowed her limbs to dangle limply in the air as she gave her prismatic pal a painfully perturbed deadpan stare, her eyes daring the other mare to take it just one step further.
“Ahh, come on Twi, don’t be like that.” Rainbow Dash said with a sigh, quickly rinsing out the jar and screwing the lid back on before offering it up as if it were a prize. “Why don’t you come on down? It’s hot out and the water’s great; you can use this as a floatie and help me keep an eye out for this thing, what do yah say?” She asked pleadingly, sticking out her lower lip and making a come hither motion with the jar.
It might even have been endearing if she hadn’t then immediately started pushing the bobbing bottle around while making motorboat noises…
Not that it mattered because that was about the same moment that Twilight noticed the huge fin slowly rising out of the water behind her friend…
It was about this same moment that Twilight noticed the huge fin slowly rising out of the water behind her friend, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks as what seemed like a wall of endless teeth rose from the water. Her brain was momentarily conflicted, a divide running right down the middle with two very distinct disagreements of thought.
On the one hoof she felt great satisfaction at being vindicated by the obvious lack of any music, in D minor or otherwise. On the other side of that coin however was one very simple yet compelling thought…
SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHA—BAMF!
The first half of her brain hit the other half in the face with a frying pan…
Despite their differences there were two things the two halves could come to an agreement on, one being that this was no time to go Twilynannas. The other, was that there was just enough time for one last stupid reference…
“I think you’re gonna need a bigger boat, Dash…” Twilight finally managed to stammer out through her chattering teeth as she took in the sheer size of the beast, noting that a single nom could have swallowed the both of them. Its bulk was only exaggerated buy the extreme proximity, the predators jaws nearly gracing the longest of the pegasus’s feathers.
Looking up from jumping her makeshift boat over the chop it only took Rainbow Dash a moment to notice the panicked appearance of her shaking friend. “What’s the matter, Twi? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, or a…” Her voice trailed off as her wings reached out behind her and slowly felt over the beast’s massive snout full of teeth.
Twilight’s horn lit as she prepared to save the blue dummy from herself, again. In all honesty the situation would have been a bit more tense if this wasn’t so typical for a Tuesday. A part of her brain was even insisting that it begin formulating an appropriately worded ‘I told you so’ lecture.
That part was then reminded about the frying pan…
BAMF!
“Uh, Twi, is that what I’m thinkin it is?” Rainbow asked, her own pupils being reduced down to little dots as one wingtip counted the sharks’ upper teeth.
“Afraid so Dash.” Twilight confirmed as she prepared to teleport them both far into the sky even as she rubbed at the side of her head; it had begun hurting terribly for some reason or another…
Swallowing thickly as she looked back over her shoulder Dash nearly did something involuntary as she peered up into the gleaming pearly whites, the jaws hanging open just enough that she could see into the yawning abyss beyond.
“Heh heh, good fishy…” Rainbow stuttered out sheepishly, one of her wings still patting the side of the predators head. “I don’t suppose you’d mind if I just…”
Twilight willed herself to edge forward just a touch, her spell nearly ready despite her pounding headache. “I really don’t think you should…”
“Smile you son of a--!” Rainbow suddenly roared, the fear in her eyes gone. Spinning in the water with surprising speed the prismatic mare drove a fore hoof straight and true right into one of the beasts eyes with a wet crack.
The reaction was instantaneous as the twenty five plus foot shark released a toddler like shriek before it reared up in the water, one of its pectorals feebly reaching for its stricken peeper. After several scream filled seconds of trying in vain to inspect its obviously wounded eye the massive beast toppled over backwards in a huge splash.
“Why!? Why would you do that!!?” It screamed, clearly in pain as it thrashed about wildly, moaning and groaning in what could only be severe discomfort. “Is that how you greet every creature?!”
At first neither pony could formulate any kind of coherent response to such an unexpected turn of events short of a brief series of surprised horse noises, but eventually the more intelligent of the two managed it.
“Wha…”
Way to go Purplesmart, let’s see if Rainbolicious over there can be any more diplomatic.
“Whata you mean, why?!” Rainbow Dash growled aggressively, her tone apparently ignoring the fact that she was wing stroking away as quickly as her pride would allow. “You were gonna eat me! You had your teeth bared and everything!” She protested.
“That was a smile! I was happy to finally meet you!” The still flip flopping shark yelled back angrily, a particularly violent thrash of his tail drenching poor twilight with so much water it nearly knocked her out of the air.
“Wha…?” Twilight managed to stutter out again through her now drenched mane that had wrapped itself over her face.
“Then why’d you sneak up on us, huh.” Rainbow pressed, still retreating if only more slowly now.
“I was trying to be polite and wait for a spot to slip into the conversation!!” The shark wailed, curling up and trying once again to reach his damaged eye.
Still trying her best to remain airborne with such thoroughly soaked wings and a skull that was practically vibrating by this point poor Twilight finally managed to add to the discourse.
“Bwah?”
Well, she should still get credit for trying, right? Oh! Wait, here comes my favorite part!
The most adorable butterball of a Pegasus you’ve ever seen broke through the surface a short distance away, gasping in as much air as her tiny lungs would hold before turning towards the giant writhing shark.
“Oh my goodness! Bruce, are you okay!?” Fluttershy called out as she tore off a pair of goggles and a snorkel, whipping away a few strands of pink mane that plastered themselves to her face.
Twilight seemed to shake herself from her stupor, though the thousand yard stare persisted as she turned towards Dash and managed to finally say something meaningful.
“You clobbered Celestia in her sleep!?”
BAMF!
Thank you, Bouncing Sugar Horse…
You’re welcome!~
“Do I look okay!?” Bruce, the great white shark, cried indignantly as he turned to reveal a rapidly blackening eye, the flesh around it puffy and red.
“Oh you poor thing!” Fluttershy cooed as she swam to the side of the trembling leviathan. “What happened?” She asked, gently inspecting the suspiciously hoof shaped injury. After some sob filled pointing the little yellow bundle of hug me gave her nonchalantly whistling friend a questioning look.
“I uh, sorta punched him in the eye, really hard…” Rainbow admitted guiltily, rubbing at the back of her head.
With quite possibly the most adorable gasp ever heard by mortal ears Fluttershy latched onto the side of Bruce’s head, her practiced eyes scanning over the damage. “Dashie, why would you ever think to do something like that?!”
“I thought he was going to eat me!” Rainbow Dash protested loudly, throwing up her hooves.
“And why would you think that?” Fluttershy asked demandingly as she gently proded the skin surrounding the weeping eyeball. “I didn’t hear any stringed instruments in D minor, did you?”
“Well, no but…”
“Then he wasn’t after you, a shark will only attack to a soundtrack that hypes the drama.” Flutterbutter said smugly, glancing back at her friend through her pink bangs. “If you’re going to be out here you should know that, Dashie. It’s common knowledge after all…”
That last bit, that was definitely a rare sighting of the elusive Sassy Shy.
Also, that splash you just heard was Twilight falling out of the air. She just kinda, stopped flapping...
“Which is why I wanted to stop and talk to you in the first place.” Bruce said as he gingerly rolled himself back over, Fluttershy having wrapped his eye in bandages, somehow. “You really shouldn’t swim in the same area you’ve just spilled spaghetti sauce, it can trigger our hunting desires. Mmm, basil…” He said hungrily, sniffing at a bit of sauce still floating around them.
“Wait, wait.” Rainbow said, holding up a hoof as she gave Bruce a sidelong glance. “How do you two know each other anyhow?”
“I was giving a self help class for ineffectual predators at the reef’s community center; Bruce comes every week.”
“Ponies are friends, not food!” Bruce stated with gusto, making an admirable attempt at a salute with his fin.
“He has problems getting bullied by Orcas.” Fluttershy said sadly, giving the shark a few empathetic pats.
“I just don’t understand why they have such a problem with me, if I want to raise a sponge garden that should be my choice!” Bruce said firmly, thrashing his tail for emphasis.
“That is absolutely right Bruce; I’m so proud of you for finding the strength to say that out loud!” Fluttershy said, beaming up at him with a wide smile.
You know, the one where she gets a little twinkle in her eye and you almost die… Hurk.
“Sharks can TALK!?!” Twilight suddenly shrieked, her tone cracking in a near maniacal way. The sudden outburst caused everyone else, including the giant killing machine, to flinch away from her.
Fluttershy and Bruce both gave Rainbow Dash a concerned look, neither having really expected an outburst of such nature.
“Is Twilight, alright?” Fluttershy asked after a moment of watching her friend twitch and squirm in the water, looking like a half drowned purple rat. “She looks like she’s about to have a Sparkle Spasm or something. What’s gotten her going this time? Or is this another, ‘friendship problem’ gotten out of hoof again?” She added with a shudder. “Because I don’t want that, or need it.”
“Beats me.” Rainbow responded as she rubbed at her ears, having been right next to Twilights outburst. “Given all the things she’s an expert in who knew that sharks would be the one thing that she apparently knows nothing about.”
That sound you just heard? Oh don’t worry about it, that was just Twilights sanity begging for mercy. It will stop soon…
“I’ll say, isn’t sharks being able to speak just common knowledge?” Fluttershy asked with a quizzical look.
With a pitiable whimper Twilight slowly sank below the water.
“Is, is she going to be alright?” Bruce eventually asked, looking from one mare to the other with concern.
“Oh yeah, Twilight’s tough, she’ll snap out of it eventually.” Rainbow said calmly, watching the tiny bubbles rising up to the surface. “Probably...?”
Fluttershy was about to make her own testimony on the matter when the purple princess they pondered on made her reappearance, breaching the surface with a desperate gasp for air. Sputtering and flailing her wings like an overturned goose the poor dear was hardly the spitting image of royalty. Good thing Celestia was off chasing gollywhoppers or something worthy of her time, I don’t know just be glad she wasn’t here to see this.
Anyways…
“You okay there, Sparks?” Rainbow Dash asked as she rowed herself over and patted the coughing Alicorn on the back, wincing every time more water came up.
Was that a herring?
“I’m alright.” Twilight eventually managed to choke out. “I tried to calm myself down with the technique Cadence taught me.” She said, drawing a hoof to her chest as she took in a deep breath before moving it away with an exhale. “But, I was under water…”
“Yup, that’s our Twilight.” Rainbow said endearingly, gently ruffling her friends mane.
“Well, I still think we should move this someplace else.” Bruce piped up, seeming to have calmed down significantly as he drifted a bit closer. “It’s not safe for you ponies to be thrashing around with all this sauce in the water.”
“Are you sure you’re okay, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked as she gave the mare a closer look, her ever concerned gaze lingering on something. “You look like you might be getting a bruise.
“I’m fine Fluttershy, just a little headache coming on, that’s all.” Twilight replied with a grateful smile as she massaged the side of her head. “Though, I can’t help feeling like I’ve forgotten about something relevant to the situation…” Twilight muttered miserably, rubbing gingerly at the side of her throbbing skull.
“Protect the Princess!!!”
Pegasi, Unicorn and Earth pony guards alike began to rain down in droves from the unnoticed airship that now floated far above, their devoted battle cries ending abruptly in loud splashes, followed closely by shouts of surprise and horror.
“Backup!”
“I can’t swim!!”
“Why is the water here warmer?!”
“Sorry!”
“Why is our armor made of GOLD!?”
“Where’s that music coming from?”
“Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water!”
“Hey Bruce, what’s goin- oh boy spaghetti sauce!”
“There’s another one, it’s an ambush!!”
“Attack!!”
“Open wide you-!” A loud THWAK covered over the rest as an Earth pony stallion rammed a sizeable war hammer straight into the side of a certain surprised sharks’ head…
“AHH! W-Why?!” Bruce cried out as he instantly began to thrash the water again, his voice rising into a childishly high pitched wail. “Seriously, the other one!? Is this just how you ponies greet creatures different from you!? What is wrong with y’all?! AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!”
“It’s attacking! Careful everypony, this here’s a wyly one, he might swim backwards into you at any moment!”
“What fool has been dumping spaghetti sauce into the water?!”
In all the commotion no one noticed poor Twilight, slowly bobbing away with the tide, curled up around the spaghetti sauce jar while stroking her tail and muttering about things no sane pony could conjure.
Nor did any of the rabble happen to notice as Rainbow Danger Dash made her own exit, floating away on her back with a sheet of parchment in her hooves, a smile on her face as she crossed her latest opponent off the list…
Fin
Get it?
Like a sharks fin..?
Duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh…
BAMF!!
La la la la la la! Ooo, a dedication!? Fancy.
For Quint
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This was silly.
I hope it brightened up your day, it did mine.
~Dollars
The Fluttershark by cogwheelbrain
Typo
Typo. Needs apostrophe
11353684
I'm just going to have to start writing the number 2 every time I want to say the word two because getting it correct every time is apparently too much to ask for...
Thanks for that I'll have the editorial staff make another round.
~Dollars
Karate Kid reference
This was delightfully silly in all the right ways.
https://youtu.be/ebYA4cj6MiE
11353478
It did, yes.
Thank you for writing this.
11354159
This poor thing has been haunting the waters of my hard drives for a couple years now. After my latest, ahem, disappearance I thought it a good way to get back into the swing of things. Glad you liked it and I hope it brightened up your day.
~Dollars
11354392
~Dollars
Hmm...she is ready to join the SPC Foundation. Send her the letter...yes, it's a real thing, and I hate it...and love it.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/spc-hub
11354445
Oh my gosh it's so awesome!
~Dollars
11354445
Depends on who you ask, the Mane 6 already are part of the Shark Punching Center.
Not fond of the triple spaced paragraphs, but otherwise good.
A very funny story. But I agree with PiMan, you should cut down to single space between paragraphs (along with looking over a few other writing errors). I'd suggest looking for an editor to fix it up for you.
11354542
We're not particularly impressed with it either, that and the fact it removes the tabs from the beginning of each paragraph.
It's something that always happens whenever we publish something on this site and has been a thorn in our side for years. It has something to do with the change of formatting between my dinosaur computer to email to Jake's computer to gdocs to fimfiction.net. everything always looks right even when previewing the chapter. Unfortunately, as soon as you hit publish, it re formats the whole thing down into cubes...
No amount of attempting to re-edit the changes ever seems to stick either, including manually adding in the correct spacing by hand. We have attempted publishing with all manner of settings combinations and making changes on other computers.
We've been in touch with multiple admins over the years, including Knighty as well as other long term users that have offered aid. None have ever figured it out so, We've just kinda grown to live with it.
Maybe it will go away when my relic machine gives up and I get a newer one? Maybe...
Until then I'll just have to keep making everyone's eyes bleed lol.
~Dollars
11354557
As far as the formatting issues go please see my last comment, they're an ongoing issue...
While we usually do have a fairly stout editor, (glances at Jake's empty chair) the position has been somewhat vacant since oh, about the end of February...
On top of that I have a bad habit of just accepting whatever auto correct suggests when I make a Booboo and apparently punctuation isn't either of our specialties.
~Dollars
11354564 You have a dinosaur computer? Well well well... I happen to be in possession of FOUR different PC towers, of various makes and models!
Let's make a deal....*Alondro holds out his hand... which is oddly wreathed in blue flames...*
(A different form, a different place....)
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/6ab2af2f-1306-4b14-bc25-34389f5af2bd/d8pz4xe-bf072a4c-edbe-49e8-8f23-c850aa49dc59.png/v1/fill/w_600,h_927,q_75,strp/bill_cipher__lets_make_a_deal_by_kittykatmaniac-d8pz4xe.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.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.bolcObCwwv6_q6uubI4maQJTMbnvAWjl8c77guHX6tM
11354582
Alright "Alondro" I think we can work something out. Although, before you shake on it there are a few things about me you should know. I always get the details before hand, I always have a can of hairspray at the ready, I am the master of MY own universe and my mind is not a particularly pleasant place for those who might be emotionally unstable... https://www.fimfiction.net/story/176588/the-bottom-shelf
~Dollars
11354607 I live in the New Jersey Pine Barrens.
(Alondro lays down a royal flush)
Here's my question. WHY is everything so spaced out? Stories should not have this much space between paragraphs.
Take your damn upvote and fav anyway.
11354787
Thanks for the interest Mystic!
As far as the formatting goes well we're not particularly impressed with it either, that and the fact it removes the tabs from the beginning of each paragraph.
It's something that always happens whenever we publish something on this site and has been a thorn in our side for years. It has something to do with the change of formatting between my dinosaur computer to email to Jake's computer to gdocs to fimfiction.net. everything always looks right even when previewing the chapter. Unfortunately, as soon as you hit publish, it re formats the whole thing down into cubes...
No amount of attempting to re-edit the changes ever seems to stick either, including manually adding in the correct spacing by hand. We have attempted publishing with all manner of settings combinations and making changes on other computers.
We've been in touch with multiple admins over the years, including Knighty as well as other long term users that have offered aid. None have ever figured it out so, We've just kinda grown to live with it.
Maybe it will go away when my relic machine gives up and I get a newer one? Maybe...
Until then I'll just have to keep making everyone's eyes bleed lol.
~Dollars
Rainbow Dash: Agent of the SPC (Shark Punching Center)
129% more adorable
With tomato sauce
11355728
Thanks for the feedback, hope it brightened up your day.
~Dollars
Alondro simply stares in awe... "My god, it's full of stars!"
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/24e73e7d-a90a-46f5-ad97-2f5863555146/d8xlor7-07f84321-38eb-4fa7-b752-ec9ffe41b3ff.gif?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpc3MiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwic3ViIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTpmaWxlLmRvd25sb2FkIl0sIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiIvZi8yNGU3M2U3ZC1hOTBhLTQ2ZjUtYWQ5Ny0yZjU4NjM1NTUxNDYvZDh4bG9yNy0wN2Y4NDMyMS0zOGViLTRmYTctYjc1Mi1lYzlmZmU0MWIzZmYuZ2lmIn1dXX0.Fn-b3WGL06SGRwCPLNtlkavZ97Mhk-wyMia3B9MpdVg
Not bad
11356935
Don't worry, it can always get worse...
~Dollars
11356751
11357058 More like....
ER ERM TEH MERNERLERTH!!
But first, open the pod bay doors..
You have stolen my heart.
11360713
The ransom is Klondike bars.
Though Dollars will also occasionally accept a jaunty tune about roads less traveled...
11361229
But now I need to find and obtain a Klondike bar! What would I do for a Klondike bar...