Sentio, Ergo Sum

by stillwedding

Kites and Promises

When Starlight woke up the first thing she registered was not the fact that she wasn’t in her own bedroom, or the cold chilled breeze from the opened windows but rather the lack of another presence beside her. Her arm remained unopened in its fixed position where some pony should have been.

The bed she was lying in suddenly became extremely large and wholly empty. Its grandeur was becoming unbearable.

Starlight let out a sigh. Why did Princesses have so many things to do that made them wake up so damn early?

***

The pair sat in silence. It would be a long time until Spike would woke up. All mornings were practically made up of just their dynamic. The productive pony and the other pony who can barely keep her eyes open.

Starlight had found Twilight nestled at her usual spot at the kitchen island. Dark roast and the morning news, Canterlot Weekly, in her hoof. It was the usual appearance. Nothing was amiss. Even her coat was perfectly brushed and groomed. Fitting for a Princess, a hero, the beacon of hope and respect.

Every day, without fail, her appearance did not waver, no matter if she stayed up late for a project the previous night, defeated another evil being, or nearly drowned in the local lake. Twilight’s image didn’t falter.

It should’ve been a regular, mundane, unimposing morning seeing your roommate being so causally her. Except Starlight was restless in her seat. Often, she would glance up behind her mug to gauge Twilight’s expression, which remained unchanged. If she’s lucky, she will get the rare opportunity to see Twilight sip her cup of coffee, or even flip the page of the paper. Otherwise, everything was unmoving, unchanged, and unacknowledged.

This was an ordinary routine for the two, mornings were never talkative. They were simply not morning ponies. And Starlight knew that. She knew, anticipated, and expected, this exact fleeting scene, and yet she still had hoped for more. Perhaps a difference in their relationship or at least a response after the ordeal she had witnessed.

Another glance. Another sip.

Starlight couldn’t take it anymore. She cleared her throat before speaking, “Twilight?” Even her very name seemed foreign on her tongue.

“Mhm?” She hummed, still not looking up to acknowledge the pony beside her.

Starlight ran her hoof along the textured wood that made up the island in a vain attempt to form an appropriate way to begin her sentences. “Are you okay– from the fall… You didn’t break anything, did you? You’re not hurt?”

Twilight closed her eyes almost to wince; as if it hurt to recall the incident. When they reopened she met Starlight’s frantic eyes. Through the dark overcast shadow under her expression, a soft smile formed. “I’m fine... Really!” She added seeing Starlight’s rigid face, “It didn’t hurt!”

“That’s a relief! I was really worried… diving can be– erm- really dangerous!” She added with a slight giggle.

Twilight furrowed her eyes, and the smile dropped. “I’m sorry, Starlight. I’m sorry I made you feel distressed, you were never supposed to be there and I’m sorry you were in that position. I’m better now. Honestly.”

“No, please don’t apologize. I’m glad I was there,” she hadn’t known when but her hoof was already outstretched to comfort her friend. Starlight was about to retract her hoof when Twilight leaned into the touch. Starlight smiled. “Hey, are you busy today?”

Twilight brought a hoof to her chin, “I would have to check with Spike. I think I am fairly free. I haven’t gotten the chance to book anything just yet…” her voice trailed off to ponder about the things she needed to complete for the day.

“So no impromptu trip out of town?” Starlight asked light-heartedly.

Twilight rolled her eyes, “No, not today. I mean, I just returned after all.”

“It has been a while,” Starlight acknowledged.

The comment warranted a sigh out of Twilight, not one of annoyance, but instead of defeat. As if she herself was disappointed with herself as well. “And I’m sorry. I’ve been so caught up with everything I forget to maintain what I have right now. The school, our friends, the castle, everything except my duties.”

Starlight frowned at the number of apologies she was hearing out of Twilight today. “It’s okay, I understand. Truly I do. It’s busy being a princess, even busier being a Crowned Princess—” hearing the emphasized title made Twilight recoil for a split second “--I’m just glad you’re here now.”

“Me too, me too, Starlight,” she said earnestly.

“Say, if you aren’t busy, I have an idea. Something fun we can do together!” Starlight exclaimed and hopped off her seat.

Twilight smiled at the prospect, “That would be nice, I always enjoy my time when I’m with you.”

***

Starlight ran ahead carrying the two trigonal contraptions with her magic as she climbed further and further up the hill. Twilight couldn’t help to smile at the scene of her giddy accomplice. It was an unusual sight seeing someone who’s normally so serious get so excited at the notion of some kites.

As the two reached the top of the tall hill Starlight immediately threw the kite toward Twilight. “I chose a delta kite for you!” She said excitedly. “They’re relatively easy to fly! It’s a great kite for beginners! They fly well in light to medium winds, about eleven to nineteen kilometers an hour winds if you want to be technical!”

Twilight laughed and unwired the string of the flying device. “I’m familiar with kites, Starlight.”

“W-what, you are?” A blush overcame her features.

“I used to fly them with Shining Armor all the time. A kite with a single string is a single-line kite. They are easier to control, we tend to add a tail to create more drag to fly in stronger winds. Well, that part is more simple concurrent physics– the point is! There are a lot of intricacies to kites!”

Starlight clapped her hooves proud of Twilight’s spur of trivia. Some things just don’t change, and to her that was comforting. “That’s right! Huh, I didn’t know I was dealing with a professional!”

Twilight waved her comment off, “No-no, it took a lot of practice and years of making Shining start it for me while I held the string...” she trailed off as the concentration of the task consumed her. Twilight directed her kite away from the oncoming wing and held it by its bridle, holding it up to the sky until a gust of wind caught it. Letting go she let out some of the lines. She adjusted the bridle to adjust to the wind until it was flying even and level.

Starlight watched somewhat amazed by how quickly and seamlessly Twilight had flown her kite.
Unwinding her own string and doing the same, her teal kite was also up in the air. The two shapes drift along the breeze as they wave their tails to the two ponies below them.

Time passed until neither of them spoke up again. When Twilight turned her attention to Starlight she was slightly unnerved by the mesmerizing expression that encapsulated her friend’s features. She cleared her throat which made Starlight startle. “So… this is what you do for fun?” Twilight asked with a small chuckle.

Starlight nodded her head eagerly, “Yeah! Ahem.. I mean– yeah…” she said cooly.

Twilight smiled, “I can see why you like it so much, they're nice to watch. Really relaxing. I must admit, it’s an enjoyable hobby.”

She hummed in equal agreement. Before turning her attention back to her kite. “Twilight, I’ve been meaning to ask…”

“Go on,” she replied.

She paused, “Why did you, you know.”

“Dive?” Twilight answered nonchalantly, not meeting her gaze, her eyes were locked on the wavering kites.

“Yes, why did you do it?” Starlight urged.

Twilight looked off beyond the kites for a moment to summon a response. “I love being reckless,” she said in a coy, sarcastic tone that sounded too much like Rainbow Dash.

“Twilight!” Starlight shouted bewildered by her indifference, her exclaim made Twilight laugh.

Twilight stopped her laughter after seeing that Starlight wasn’t receiving it well. Her eyes were burning holes in her temple which made her shiver. “Do you ever just feel everything all at once and you just need a release?” She asked.

“On several occasions,” Starlight answered. That was true for everyone, it was natural and almost expected for everyone to reach a breaking point.

“It was so tempting, coupled with the culmination of everything that was going on, which I'll spare you the details of. I wanted to feel again. And I’m going to admit it felt nice. Almost like a hug.”

“You could’ve drowned.” Starlight said bluntly. She was almost upset that what occurred was merely something to reminisce gleefully at.

“I wasn’t going to," she said quietly.

“How do you know that?!” She asked, her voice peaking in volume. She was having a hard time suppressing her anger.

“I would have come up. I would have snapped out of it.” Twilight said matter-of-factly with utter confidence. It helped mask the thoughtlessness of her disagreeing.

Starlight stopped her hold on the handle, her kite plundered toward the ground behind her. A snap ranged. “You wouldn’t have! The fact you even entered the water— who knows what could’ve happened! You say you won’t do things but you still considered it! The fact that it happened scares me, Twilight! To think what could’ve happened. I was scared to lose you!” Her breathing was rapid. Tears were leaking out of her eyes. Her feelings were apparent.

It felt nice to stop biting on her own tongue and finally let her thoughts out. Even if she might regret it the next second.

Twilight stood blankly, her own kite was still flying mindlessly although losing some of its stability. “Starlight, I wasn't— I'm still here," she said placing a hoof on Starlight's shaking figure.

Starlight knocked her touch off of her, "You couldn't have known! Do you know how cold you were when I held you?"

Twilight shook her head hard; to forgo the racing memories and bubbling emotions. "I know, I know," she repeated. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do," she whispered and looked away.

Starlight hated that she was apologizing again. Apologies and nothing to show for them except a worn-out alicorn. Except though she was seething, Starlight withheld her berate. Because at that moment the almighty Princess looked so incredibly young. And it suddenly registered to Starlight that she was older, though only by a few years.

There had been only a few times when Twilight had seemed so small. Rare instances where Starlight towered. Their first meeting, the fiasco with the School of Friendship, now. Simply from the measure of their ages.

Her expression instantly softened, her anger wiped away replaced with a look of empathy. “You can come to me.”

Twilight shook her head, “Starlight–”

“We’re friends, remember, I want to be there for your sadness as much as your happiness. I want to work through it all together. No matter the situation,” she confessed.

Twilight was stunned for a split second until her facial features contorted to relief, “You’re right. Thank you. A-and the same goes for me of course, I’m always here to help you, Starlight,” she said with a nudge from her elbow.

This time she didn't reject the affection. Starlight smiled and pulled Twilight into an embrace one that was returned. “And one more thing,” she whispered in her ear.

“What is it?” She hummed.

“Canterlot. Don’t ever disappear to Canterlot. Come to me, promise me you won’t leave again.”

A moment of hesitation, a second of anticipation. “I promise.”

Perhaps promises came mindlessly as apologies did for her. Perhaps we say things because it's correct to say them at the moment. Except it was the pause of contemplation that made Starlight believe that it was genuine and the prospect that it can become a truth was enough for her.

Comments

[RomaRobinsion]

I just read that and feel that I need more like that story. Dinar Guru Updates

[Crimson Eclipse77]

I don't really understand what's going on. Is Twilight depressed? Did she almost die fighting that monster and now she feels bad?

[Nihi]

Great Story so far, hopefully it gets revived