Head First
EIGHT WEEKS PRIOR
“Another Trip to Canterlot?” Starlight Glimmer asked after seeing Twilight adjust her saddle bag. They were the new ones Rarity had crafted for her after seeing her friend’s more frequent trips outside the town. ‘You need a more sturdy bag, darling, all the weight on the poor fabric, oh my!’ she recalled Rarity cry.
Twilight paused, turning her head to meet Starlight’s impending gaze. Her eyebrows furrowed upon seeing the underlying somber expression within Twilight’s characteristic vibrant amethyst eyes. The untrained observer could’ve easily shrugged it to be a trick of the light from the evening’s storm.
She considered her answer for a moment, “It’s different this time.”
Starlight let out a scoff, “Really?” she laughed in disbelief, “Seriously, Twilight I don’t understand how you don’t get sick of all the paperwork Princess Celestia makes you do,” she spat.
Twilight shook her head and smiled as if to lecture a student, she must have picked it up from the princess, Starlight thought, “The well-being of Equestria rests upon a few words on ink.”
“That’s frightening.”
“Bureaucracy.” Twilight reiterated and chucked a deep empty sound. Her horn glowed, and the doors opened revealing the harsh storm awaiting.
“When will you be back?” Starlight asked.
“I don’t know,” she limply admitted. “But I have everything covered for the next three months-”
“MONTHS?” Starlight interrupted. She closed her eyes shut, not being able to look at the pony in front of her. “Twilight, this is ridiculous.”
“Starlight.”
“No. I don’t want to hear your reasoning,” Starlight injected and frowned trying to mask her imminent anger at her friend. She looked at her face, her eyes wandered every surface, every crease, every feature, scanning for any signs of regret. A sign that she was regretting leaving. A sign that she at least knew her absence would impact the ponies around her. Ponies who had been relying on her to be present.
Inhale. Exhale. “You’re forgetting that I enjoy it,” Twilight mustered.
“It can’t be healthy!” Starlight yelled, making the princess flinch. She never raised her voice at Twilight.
“Starlight, I’m fine.” Twilight spoke evenly, her voice unwavering even after the outburst.
“How many more nights?”
Twilight spun back to look directly at Starlight's face showing a sudden crease of a mix of confusion and anticipation, “What?” The question hit her like a slap to the face. She was scared.
“How many more sleepless nights?” Starlight jabbed, taking a step towards her friend, though it felt like no distance had been bridge compared to the fissure that had been forming months ago. “How many more uneaten meals? How many more episodes?” Each point was delivered with great veracity, it dug deep into Twilight and stung like venom.
Moving even closer to her, their faces just centimeters apart, searching her face once more, “What is your breaking point?” Starlight softly said, finally ceasing her berate.
Those were the things Starlight wanted to say. Even with her skill as a master wielder of magic, it wasn't enough, she still couldn’t help her friend, despite how desperate she became. If she had just been wiser than the untrained observers that surrounded her friend then perhaps, she could have been more useful. Instead, she hadn’t even seen Twilight out of the castle. Had she known they would be separated for weeks would she have pushed harder and urged Twilight to stop?
☆ ☆ ☆
After many, many weeks aboard. The only thing that consistently accompanied her was the whispers that followed her reminding her of her position and duty. Even now travelling alone in a lone train cart she could hear the whispers. The gossip. The blinded faith everyone had placed on her.
Princess Twilight Sparkle sighed, her eyes wandered over to the window next to her, where she stared intently at the vitriol town outside and the darkening sky. It was an old dingy abandoned village with the only purpose to serve as a familiar landmark that would tell her that it would be an hour until she would be back home.
The very thought of the small town of Ponyville made her whole being turn. The quill that was suspended in midair threatened to snap from the stress of the magic encasing it.
Twilight snapped away from the town as it was now too far back to even recall and instead cast a melancholy gaze at the blank parchment in front of her. Words seemed to fail her in the last few weeks. Every word, or rather, lack of a word, continued the fissure. A deep and foreign fissure. Crumbling the paper and shoving it back into her saddle bag, and hastily thought they don’t deserve that. It was too late to write anything to them now. She would be seeing them in less than an hour anyway. They could excuse her lack of letters. They could excuse anything. Or rather anything can be excused.
There were much more vital things that they would rather hear her say. Much better things they’d happily listen to instead of the latter she even dared to consider.
Twilight allowed herself to rest her head safely on the cushion next to her, with the reassurance that no one could ever see her as tired as she was at this moment.
☆ ☆ ☆
“Sir! When does the train from Canterlot arrive?!” Pinkie yelled, practically grabbing the train station staff by his collar.
“Aah, in a few moments, ma’am,” he answered politely with a weary smile. Pinkie let go of him and let out an exaggerated groan. The whole town groaned as well.
The small station was overflowing with ponies, from all over Equestria to welcome their Princess home. Ponyville has always been a bustling town, especially over the years it had almost become a tourist attraction. Yer ye, yer ye, come to the town where the heroes of Equestria humbly reside. Except now the excitement and anticipation in the air were almost too suffocating.
Rarity placed a reassuring hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder, “Oh dear, Twilight has been gone for a while so I am fairly certain that we can wait a little longer for her return.”
Pinkie’s anger at the train station staff faded immediately upon hearing Rarity’s inclination, “You’re right! Either way, she’ll have the best return party ever!” She beamed, and the whole town rallied and cheered at the prospect. Hearing the sound of the very train they were waiting for they began to roar even louder.
As the train halted to a complete stop the doors opened, and as soon as they saw the shadow of a figure they all know and love everyone dropped down into a low and respectful bow before Ponyville erupted in an uproar.
“You’re back!” Pinkie Pie cried, lunging herself onto the young princess.
“It’s good to see you too, Pinkie,” Twilight replied warmly, returning the hug. When she let go she felt herself drown in the weight of the rest of her friends. Feeling their embrace, the anxiety she felt on the train instantly disappeared.
From the Princesses, Earth ponies, Pegasus, and Unicorns, Equestria came together to celebrate one sole pony and her successful triumph after weeks of battle.
Everyone was deeply, deeply proud. And all they were running on was a blinded pride.
“Ahem,” she cleared her voice, commanding the attention of the ponies around her. “As much as I would love to stay and celebrate, I do have to get things in order first,” Twilight announced to the crowd, pulling herself off from the very welcoming ponies.
“Same old Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said and jokingly nudged the side of her body with her elbow. Twilight sheepishly nodded in response to the routine gag towards her and excused herself. With a bright glow of her horn, she teleported away.
Feeling the smooth, cold, crystal beneath her hooves she opened her eyes and breathed in the empty hollow halls of her castle.
Starlight halted her pacing when she saw her friend materialize in front of her, “Twilight!” she said acknowledging her return home. The first thing she noticed was the deepened eye bags under her friend’s eyes.
She frowned at the fatigue. It was the irony that when things should not have been off at the slightest, Starlight could sense that something was.
“Hey, Starlight,” she replied a bit awkwardly. “We’re expecting some guests, Pinkie is only giving me five minutes of a relief period to get my bags home before I’m dragged out again,” Twilight laughed bitterly.
“Thanks for the heads up,” Starlight said. “But I was expecting that, Pinkie came over last week to decorate,” she explained, pointing at the large pinata plastered with the face of Caligo, the villain whom she defeated days ago, above them.
“Oh great,” she murmured, which prompted Starlight to shoot Twilight, a concerned expression. A sudden thought came to her, Yikes, she definitely doesn’t like the pinata. Poor Pinkie, she made it herself, it’s hard to find merchandise of malicious centipedes, Starlight grimaced. But before she could say anything to justify the decoration Twilight was already making her way upstairs.
Starlight frowned at her absence again. It was the first time she was home in Ponyville in a while. It was the first time she was close to her again and actually within reach. Not on some business trip to Canterlot, or off fighting mysterious threats. Starlight felt that it was all going to start back up, piling herself in work, travelling outside of the town, and being absent again. Both physically and emotionally. Though she was here now, she knew that it wouldn’t be long until she overworks herself again and repeats the brutal cycle.
She signed, turning to face the door and began to count, “Three…two…one,” and smiled when she heard the castle doors burst. Just like they rehearsed, the celebrations were brought into the castle. She greeted everyone until she was dragged to the ballroom by Trixie.
Everyone marveled at Pinkie Pie’s brilliance. She had truly outdone herself if that was even possible. It was a spectacular party. From the timing of the party cannons, the colour of the streamers, the volume of the music, the banner of her face, everything was perfect. Not a single flaw. Not a single mistake for Twilight.
Inside the ballroom, the guests waited in anticipation, hush whispers were exchanged adding to the excitement in the atmosphere.
The door creaked.
“Here’s our hero!” Pinkie yelled, as soon as Twilight entered the ballroom the party patrons cheered. She waved the comment off dismissively.
“Care for a drink, Princess?” Applejack said, offering her a jug of cider.
Starlight summoned all her strength to bite her tongue when Twilight actually accepted the drink with her magic. She might as well have bitten her tongue off seeing her actually take a sip of it. It was implausible to see her drink.
“The one thing I truly missed the most were the apples from Sweet Apple Acres,” Twilight said which prompted Applejack to beam.
Starlight however was still hung over the exchange. She didn’t understand why Twilight would take the cider.
“...The night is still young,” Twilight said, smiling as she gazed across the crowd addressing the citizens of Ponyville, practically everyone was in the room, “I suggest everyone take advantage of this and party to their heart's content!”
“We love you Princess Twilight!” Someone screamed in the distance, Twilight smoothly waved them off creating more party-goers to cheer at the humble gesture. Her immediate smile was wiped clean off before being screwed into place as another pony pulled her into a conversation.
As Pinkie Pie and the rest of Equestria cheered and laughed at the vanquished villain, Twilight merely nodded. Agreed to be pulled limb to limb on all the sides of the room. They may have grabbed her hooves and felt her flesh but her mind was always elsewhere. She was almost robotic. Mindlessly agreeing to everything brought to her, mindlessly dragging her hooves and mind where she was expected to go not necessarily where she wanted to go.
“...Truly remarkable work, Princess, Equestria’s debt to you just seems to keep piling onto itself,” The Fillydelphia ambassador lightly laughed.
“Princess Celestia will need an even bigger reward than wings to compensate for your constant hard work!” The Cloudsdale delegate chimed in.
The circle laughed.
Twilight smiled, “No-no, it’s my duty, I enjoy serving Equestria. Your efforts aren't something to look past either Bright Wing, nor is yours Flash Wave. Without your leadership and skill as phenomenal diplomats, I could never fulfilled my role as an Equestrian Princess. Who we should always be celebrating are the representatives that constantly strive for unity.”
“Oh shucks, Princess, the rumours were true, you are diligent with your words!”
Twilight gave an uncharacteristic chuckle accepting the compliment, something she had learned from years of observing Princess Celestia.
Starlight always noticed that being agreeable was just easier for her. Being mindless was something she needed to do. Twilight emphasized and tried her best to be at the very least, amicable. Even if that had meant giving the most shallow compliments and the most hollow laughs.
Although she was the headpiece of the nation she seemed almost annoyed to be the center of attention this particular night.
Though she carried herself well, admittedly even seamlessly, Starlight couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off about her friend. Rather it was because she was carrying herself too well that she couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling.
Starlight still had her glaze on Twilight when she excused herself from the increasingly large circle of Equestrian diplomats, delegates, and ambassadors. She noticed her smile instantly vanished as soon as she thought their eyes had left her.
“STARLIGHT!” Someone yelled beside her, snapping her right out of her daze.
“What? Yeah?” Starlight hastily replied, meeting to turn her full attention back to Trixie. Though she wished she would have continued looking at Twilight to avoid being met with a glare from her best friend.
Trixie frowned, “So you weren’t paying attention!”
Starlight shook her head, “No-no, I was just… distracted!” she said adding a small laugh that turned out to be more awkward than charming.
Trixie rolled her eyes at her excuse and followed her gaze, she didn’t need to follow the line of Starlight’s sight, everyone in the room had their eyes on Twilight Sparkle. Trixie saw Twilight talking to what must’ve been some sort of delegate from Manehatten and smiled, “She’s really something, huh?’’
Starlight really snapped out of her daze when she heard that confession, “Wait, did I hear you- did I just hear you compliment-”
“Don’t tell her I said that!” Trixie hushed quickly, cutting Starlight off. “I didn’t say anything!” Trixie reiterated crossing her arms with a pout.
Starlight slowly nodded, giving her a cheeky smile before turning her attention back to Twilight while Trixie went off to get some more fruit punch.
However, when she turned back to trail Twilight again a sudden burst of streamers came raining down from Pinkie’s cannon, and the crowd looked in delight, “Who’s ready for a conga line!” She heard Pinkie yell. Everyone cheered as they gathered towards the center of the room.
“Where’s Twilight?” She heard Spike say in the distance. The crowd murmured almost coming close to panic when Pinkie spoke up again.
“That pony is so sneaky,” Pinkie said, spinning her disappearance as an inside joke between friends. “Hey Starlight, go find her, tell her that we’re going to be serving cake soon!” Everyone began to cheer again, and the concern that was in the air evaporated.
Starlight frowned quickly leaving the party to find Twilight.
“Tell her that she needs to be the one to slice the cake too!” She heard Pinkie cry out in the distance.
Stepping outside of the reception area. The castle was completely silent save for the echo of her steps on the cold crystal to keep her company.
There were only two rooms Twilight could’ve gone to. Her bedroom and the library.
Teleporting quickly to the library first she was met with grim darkness. The library hadn’t been opened in days.
Teleporting to Twilight’s room she was also met with darkness, except for the rustle of the curtain and the open doors leading to the balcony and the night sky, encasing the room in a subtle glow from the reflection of the crystal structure.
Curiously, Starlight stepped closer, overlooking the balcony she squinted her eyes to make out the slight figure of an alicorn flying off. There was only one alicorn in Ponyville.
With the use of her levitation, she swiftly followed her.
Keeping up with Twilight was easy. She wasn't flying very fast, seemingly more so interested in prolonging her journey if anything.
Eventually, they ended up in a secluded part of Ponyville. Starlight had actually taken her kite out to fly it on more than one occasion.
At that point Starlight had lost track of Twilight, the mist within the clouds made it hard to see let alone pinpoint her exact location. Until a shadow caught her eye because it was plummeting to the ground at speeds even a Wonderbolt would have trouble keeping up with.
Starlight was frozen.
Did she really fall?
Her hooves seemed to move before her mind could register the fact Twilight was falling. She was running at a breakneck speed. Too stunned to do anything else, all she knew is that she needed to run. Until her thoughts caught up to her and it clicked that her efforts would not prevent the incoming impact.
Starlight helplessly watched clinging onto the gravel as she watched Twilight diving closer and closer to the water below.
“TWILIGHT!” She screamed out though it was deafened by the loud crash that ranged when she made an impact with the water. Foolishly she had hoped her words could provoke an abrupt change of course. Foolishly, she always hoped her words would reach her friend instead of being trapped inside her throat.
☆ ☆ ☆
What am I doing? Twilight thought before she closed her eyes and became consumed by the cold water below her.
She almost forgot where she was, all she felt was the water washing away every ounce of her troubles. The burdensome thoughts that had plagued her for months now seemed to slow until nothing remained, it too drowned in the water she wallowed in. Water. Cold. Were the only things she could focus on.
The events of the battle, the anguish, anger, panic, and more painfully, helplessness she felt all culminate and bubbled up. If she hadn’t pushed herself under, her worries would have most definitely drowned her. She felt none of it now. None of the weight.
When she emerged and inhaled the oxygen deeply through her nose, her whole body shook, her teeth rattled and her hooves wandered trying to cling onto anything to stabilize their owner. She greedily took gulps of air as she felt herself being dragged out of the water. She heard her name be repeated to her to ground her, it reminded her who she was.
Twilight felt the gravel below and blinked away the painful feeling from the probing water she had immersed herself in mere seconds ago.
She weakly looked up, making out the subtle silhouette of her dear friend, “Starlight?” she croaked.
Starlight hugged Twilight upon hearing her frail, quiet, voice, she clung to Twilight harder when she saw the void in her eyes. It was a lifeless fixed stare. An emptiness she didn’t know a pony had the capabilities to produce. As she looked more intently into Twilight’s dull eyes there was something she could not confer.
In the tight embrace, the warmth of Starlight's body slowly seeped into hers. She was now crying, which only made Starlight yearn to reach out beyond the hug and into her consciousness, her heart, and head, to rip out everything that was troubling her.
And then she hears, so close to her ear that it is as if the voice is originating inside her own head, Starlight’s soft whispers, “Everything’s going to be okay. I got you, I’m here now.”
Twilight was so cold in her warm embrace. So, so cold.
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It's hard for me to put how I feel about this into words. I don't why. Maybe because I feel like I've been Starlight before, unable to say what needs to be said to someone. Maybe because I've (metaphorically) fallen out of the sky myself. Maybe because I wasn't expecting something like this right now. But this made me feel
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Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad I was able to bring out such emotions, I'm relieved my words conveyed what I wanted them to.
Bro why are you writing this story about me smh
#4daysworkweek