Another brilliant chapter

11563602
Thanks, friend. I had to actually end it early at certain point, otherwise it threatened to grow out of proportions, wordcount-wise. So the rest of charaters' day had to go to the next chapter

RIP that one guy's tailor shop, I guess

Thankfully there was some action and fun stuff this chapter. The world building, while necessary, can be quite dry. And I look forward to our future Queen Sapphira.

I am very happy about the new chapter of this great story.

Once again, I say that the plot is intriguing, especially now that everything is starting to develop in this way.

I was intrigued by the evasive manner of Saphira's conversation when it comes to her transformation into a queen. Although every time she can call Ray her king more and more often.

P.S. Poor Lily is working while her herd is resting :)

Oh boy, I'm thinking this won't be the last time that particular tailor brought up. It just seems to really stand out. Maybe a chance encounter on the road outta town.

The smuggling trail Lily is following screams sponsored with the amount of details and overall planning. Maybe those past the desert aren't as satisfied with the neutral zone as they let on.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that those two griffs are involved with the train theifs/and/or smugglers. Goldie will definitely become a problem either way.

Another excellent chapter full of entertainment, my compliments to the author 👌 (Thanks Xenobyte!)

11564533
You certainly caught those hints I left in this chapter, my friend. Yes, I like to create a web of connected events, even if it's kinda difficult to keep track of those, but it allows to make a more interesting story, and that's my goal. So yeah, some of those characters are bound to appear later.

And thanks for your support, it helps to keep the story rolling 👍

I do wonder if the 'revenge' griffons will pop back up? Maybe not in the way that seems obvious... Might be cool if they turn out to be cool, but in a bad space now. Then pop up at a critical moment and help out. Ah who am I kidding, they are more likely like this...
media.makeameme.org/created/i-will-get-5c3b0f.jpg

Now remember children, when plotting revenge you must always remember this simple rule!
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ7vw64gsyRev47vhbKFexHvPVFka48KvNXn1ZmnfWC1w&usqp=CAU&ec=48600113

Overally really entertaining story. I am definitely looking forward to read more :D

Hmmmm, I hardly remember how much Sapphire has grown and how soon the moon will have a competitor in sizes and shapes :)

And by the way, shouldn't Celestia be interested in the news that Luna's secret/almost secret attraction has a relationship with a changeling?

Хмммм, я плохо помню на сколько выросла Сапфир и как скоро у луны появиться конкурент в разерах и формах :)

И кстати, разве Селестию не должны заинтересовать новости, что тайное/почти тайное влечение Луны имеет отношения с подменышем?

11566330
After her metamorphosis she had a complexion of an average pony, but with a little longer legs and neck, which already made her higher than an average pony. Over a week she gained a little more height so Ray's eye could finally notice that. As for Luna, she didn't report everything to Celestia for now, deeming herself quite capable to deal with any situation herself. She has enough on her plate right now to add a suspicious alicorn into the mix. xD

Thank you very much for keeping the story going!!

With the size of the world you’re establishing, this story could easily become massive, I think. I imagine bigger plot points will start moving in the next couple of chapters? Maybe? Idk. I like watching MC’s herd just being happy, too.

11566501
Yeah, things will start rolling soon even without the MC involvement, and events might flow in parallel with him and his herd. For a while.
When I had too little time to write (and sometimes, the will, too), I was still pondering about the main plot for this 'arc' and came up with quite a good amount of things currently in motion around Appleloosa and its region. The setup right now is much richer than it might've been a few months ago. So, our 'main cast' can find a lot of ways to butt in those events later. Though I feel the MC needs just a bit more time to better get used to his abilities before he can jump into some serious stuff.

11566400
What a surprise it will be when Seli finds out about the almost changeling queen.

But Cadence and Shining can become a problem, as well as the entire Crystal Empire because of resentments against changelings.

11567264
Indeed, the Crystal Empire issue will come up at some point.

Good shit, but I do have one recommendation, when the pov is changed it would help a lot to add something like "Pov: ray" this way it can make it less confusing, other wise it's pretty good

11570473
That won't be hard to do, though some ppl say it breaks immersion. Do you think it would be better to put a few lines of 'narrator voice' which points out the person and place in question before the new scenes instead?

11570484
it's better to break immersion then cause confusion, plus, it can help set the sense such as location and time which helps people establish a firm time-line, plus you can fit some jokes in like I'm doing in my story.

also I'm not sure what you mean by narrator voice so that's why I'm not responding to it as I don't want a mix up to happen

11570490
Well, 'narrator's voice' is what you read in 3rd person stories most of the time outside of dialogues. As I write this story in 1st person, I generally avoid writing in 3rd, except for few starting chapters where I was still trying my hand, so to speak. Still, I think it won't be too bad to add some 3rd person scene setup before the scenes themselves.

11570526
I see, I mainly use narrator voice then, much easier for me, though I have tried out first person

Also the plot, it's good, but to me it seems a bit slow, and I'm a skim reader so that's saying something, now this by no means makes it bad, but it just seems a little slow to me, but it could also be me just being impatient so you can probably write that off.

I also got a question, is ray going to get those two griffins in his herd? (sorry if my spellings off)

11570530
Yeah, 3rd person is often considered to be an easier one to write. Still, both have their own pros and cons, and both can be used to write a good story if used skillfully. I'd say the 3rd person is best used in stories with depictions of some global actions with many characters involved, while 1st person allows for more personal approach, focused on one or few main characters.

11570534
Yep, the story is turning out to be a slow-burner type. Perhaps that partially me being somewhat nerdy with all the details. I'm even cutting down some of the ideas for the scenes. I'm gonna try to ramp up the pace without losing quality when certain events start happening.

And considering the griffons, I'll put it under spoilers just in case.
Currently, Ray is not interested in expanding his 'herd activities' with the amount of those still on his plate. xD But the griffons will be hanging around.

11570535
Heh, nice to know, hell maybe you check out my story and give me some pointers

11570846
Sure. I'll pm you after I read it. Probably not today, though.

11570867
alright, though please note that the second chapter isn't out yet

Może to być problem tłumacza ale czy po zmianie na perspektywę żeńską używasz dalej męskich zaimków? jak - chciałbym, wyczułbym itp. Bo mi tak tłumaczy.

11595883
W naszych językach jest rodzaj słów, więc nie możemy popełnić takiego głupiego błędu, nawet w języku angielskim. Winny jest tłumacz.

11595904
ok

“That… Remembering yesterday, it’s rather that we are some second-rate villains.”

Hmm, more like a bunch of apt anti-heroes

it's been six months, this ever getting updated or what?

11689819

You can always write such a story yourself, the plot of which will completely suit you. You will get more pleasure from your creative work if you become an author yourself. Then invite me to read your project and express my personal opinion.

Love and express-romance are as real as the characters of this world. Habitual, for human understanding, stereotypes that have been ingrained in consciousness since birth, are an obstacle to understanding what a person considers impossible and unreal.

But I assure you that the universe is vast, and there is everything in it, and even something that is difficult for you to imagine in your fantasies. Including the fact that this world is inhabited by similar advanced life forms (ponies, griffins, dragons.....) it is also a reality.

I know it's hard to believe, but it's a reality. More precisely, it is one of the types of reality. The same goes for infinite "Alternative Universes".

The whole universe is one big information field. You will be able to understand this better if you stop thinking in one plane.

Do not create restrictions for yourself, and a lot of amazing things can open up to your mind.

"Author".

Автор а скоро уже новая глава? Твоя книга очень хорошая!

11753866
Спасибо. Есть определённые наработки по новой главе, но я решил взять перерыв чтобы не "слить" книгу, собираюсь вскоре продолжить. За время перерыва прочитал весьма хорошее количество годной литературы и появилось много сюжетных идей и решений, но самая главная проблема это собственно сесть и написать :)

Update when?

Is a new chapter coming soon?

11887753
I have a draft already, but I need some free time to work on it, which I won't have for at least two weeks. Sorry for such a long delay, but I had certain circumstances.

11887793
Thanks for the answer! I was afraid you'd drop the book... It's good to know that you're still writing the book.