10997575
Thank you for your support! While the last chapter might be very different from the previous ones, I'll try keeping the pace of the story at the same level, unhurriedly unravelling the plot and the world around MC.

PS: English is indeed not my first language, but I'm covering the lack of live practice with reading, quite a lot of reading actually. If you find some 'trippy' parts, you can send me those via PM, if it wouldn't bother you too much. I'm quite a fast learner, so I'll try to avoid those in the future.

This is pretty good. Love to see Ray being a perfect gentleman to Luna. Can't wait for more

Seems good so far and is a fairly easy read. Hope to see more soon!

I just started reading. I will say its a bit jarring but its understandable, considering you said english isn't your first language.

Regardless I'm going to give it a read and let you know what I think!

11006206
I believe that it's translated from Russian to English, and trust me, Russians have a distinct way of writing!

Very entertaining story, nonetheless.

11044725
You are right, my friend, but there was no translation involved. I wrote raws in English from the start, without translating them even inside my mind. I guess it's just a way of thinking and a specific habit of building sentences.

11106341

I'm inclined towards writing in a more classic format, than most 'web novel' types

Wait, is that what those are supposed to be?

All these fanfics with 'POV Twilight Sparkle.' \ 'POV Anon.' banners, along with that sticky cinematic present tense narration are supposed to be some weird adaptation of 'Light Novel' style? You cant even translate Light Novels from Japanese without an extensive rewrite.

And the constant self-narration of the pov character, instead of setting the scene, is a part of it as well ah spose? Jeez, it makes so much more sense now.

That's just... no. Why does it even exist? Why would anyone try to parrot auto-translate shortcomings or incompatibilities in languages?
I always thought of them as some weird crutches for beginners and not an actual stylistic choice.

Of course you should go for a real writing style, instead of whatever those are.

11107222
Those PoVs are indeed crutches, and I'm going to get rid of those for good once I find a good method to set up initial scenes. Probably starting from the next chapter and revising the old ones later.

As I'm writing this story in 1st person, which is more difficult, but offers much more insight into characters' thoughts and state of mind, I often stumble across a conundrum of setting up the initial scene. Many ppl say it's bad to mix 3rd person with the first, but using 3rd person in the beginning might help with that and completely rid the story of 'pov's. And in some cases even 3rd person is not needed.

11107244
Ok, hollup.
This here is "Omniscient first-person". You really don't do the alternating first-person narration in fantasy because you really don't want multiple characters referring to themselves as "I" else it will mess with your reader. Unless you are doing some multi-diary thing like a Detective or something.

What would Harry Potter be like if it had constant switches between Potter, all of the Weasleys, and Malfoys? It would still be interesting but would hardly have any sense of awe, and the whole thing literally revolves around that sense of awe.

If we're talking Portals MLP HiE fic, we're talking discovery, new experiences, excitement. We're talking a singular main character, and multiple characters referring to themselves as "I" would be contradictory.

I'd say if you want to move away from the usual HiE stuff and perhaps focus not on "awe" but on politics or war or perhaps converting Magic to Science, with complex systems, laws, (the why's and the how's), might as well keep the switch as it is.

If you want multiple developed characters and to keep the sense of wonder, not just magic but overall high fantasy element, third-person is the way. Not to mention it's simply better in every way.

Also, first-person present tense literally imitates everyday speech, how can it be harder than the rest of them? With almost every other narrator, you'd be keeping tenses in line and it is an adventure in itself, at the very least if English is not your first language. But as a result, you get a lot more engaging and complex experience. Imo. And First-person does not let you explore your characters better, Omniscient Perspective does.

If it was me, at this point I'd consider keeping humus at the present-tense first-person, to keep it close to the already finished chapters, and hybrid it with a limited Omniscient (past tense) 3rd-person for all your development needs with horse-characters.
I'd hope that the horse-third-person parts would be separated and noticeable enough by the past tense, to work well with the main first-person element. The drawback is - you'd be, somewhat, limiting everything else, while putting your MC on a pedestal. But it is HiE. I would try it for a chapter or two, if it doesn't pan out move over to 3rd person and call it a smooth transition.
That said, yeah, not sure if it would work after act 2 or whatever the structure is, but rewrite is always a thing.

Or I might be wrong somewhere and non of this drivel makes sense, who knows.

Oh and last bit of complaining and I'll shut up.

“I’m a mistress of dreams and I will not be scared by some puny nightmare!” I encouraged myself with such a thought.

I appeared somewhere in the depths of the jungle, it was very dark and gloomy. For some reason, the owner of this dream was nowhere to be seen. How strange! I’ll have to search for them then! But as I finished my thoughts, surrounding space became inundated by horrible howling coming from all sides. What is this? Even I have had my coat bristled on my back. Then I saw it all. A bipedal creature in the distance was escaping from the swarm of horrible predators. I could not see it well. Is it its nightmare? Wait, I know what those are! Shadow hounds! If it sees this nightmare, then, most likely, it has survived their attack in real life! There are not much of those who can’t fly who met them and lived to remember their exact appearance! I need to stop this nightmare somehow, its power is decent, this task won’t be easy!

Exclamation abuse is a thing! ! !
Unless she's inner monologuing in her Royal-Canterlot.

Chapter 3 got edited.

The foundation for a good story is being built here. I am curious about how it will proceed. What challenges face our MC? What must the protagonists overcome?

11107613
I 100% agree with the fact that the exclamation mark is being used too much.
The story is still enjoyable tho.