After a minor accident, a man wakes up on a stone floor in an unfamiliar room. He does not remember how he lost consciousness, nor does he understand why he feels so bad, but not even in his wildest fantasies can he suppose he is no longer on Earth.
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I'll give it a whirl
Monk
Asshole benefactor and forced into becoming a savior human instantly killed my interest. The writing itself isn't too bad though.
I think I spotted a small typo, you changed two C to S.
Otherwise I really enjoy your story so far. I am interested in how this story will develop. Looking forward to more chapters.
10988189
Thank you for your reply! It's indeed a typo. Chapter 2 is already in a draft state, and after chapter 3 or maybe 4, I'll need to make a delay to refresh my memories of G4, geography and races.
Also, please comment on the writing style, I rarely speak engligh (but I read a lot), so my style may seem wierd sometimes.
10988215
I think your writing is pretty good. Sometimes you used phrases I have not heard before, however I am not a native English speaker myself so that might be on me.
The problem I always have is that I cannot critique people well because I always want to try an offer ways of doing it better. While I believe I am reasonably proficient in English I have never written stories myself so all my experience comes from reading as well.
I think your pacing so far is ok and I look forward to more character development.
Что ж, как человек в своё время часто игравший в D&D за варлоков я могу смело заявить, что Фалдаар - вполне неплохой господин.
Хочешь верь, хочешь нет, но у меня была одна задумка где человек, только попав в Эквестрию, находит и разглядывает старое оружие пони и в итоге выбирает копье.
10993536
Это очень логичный выбор для человека в дикой местности, у которого нет никакой брони, кроме пары тряпок.
А так как я любитель РПГ, немудрено, что такие элементы попадаются часто в моём произведении, но скатываться в ЛитРПГ мне ни в коем случае не хотелось, так что вот результат. Ну и ещё хотелось некоторых размышлений на тему "что если". Что если человек будет заброшен в другой мир, имея силы, предназначенные не для разрушению, как минимум не в первую очередь? Что если его сила будет если и не определять, но влиять на его мировоззрение как таковое?
10993536
This is a very logical choice for a human who ended up in the wilderness without any armor, just with his clothes.
As I'm an RPG aficionado myself, it's no surprise those elements are present in my work, but I was strongly discouraged to plunge down into LitRPG genre, so this story is a result. Additionaly, I wanted to have some reflections about several 'what-if's. What if a man will be thrown into another world with powers not suitable to destruction, at least it's not his forte. What if his power will, if not define, but at least strongly affect his worldview. And some other too.
So far I really like how this story is progressing, a very interesting idea to boot. I can definitely tell English is not your first language, but regardless it is still very easy to read, just a few bits of odd wording that trip me up a little haha definitely going to keep my eye on this one.
This is decent and I like what you have so far, but there's some translation issues in a few places, and the dialogue between Celestia and Luna is a bit awkward.
11088470
Thanks for the feedback! I know I have to return to my first chapters for some additional proofreading. I was actively revising my written English when I was writing those, so more mistakes are expected there.
Revised and corrected prologue and chapter 1, there were indeed a lot of mistakes and unclear phrasings.
All those 'ha-ha's' really took me out of the flow.
Couldn't really describe it properly so I went and googled it. >>
11106333
Allright, thanks! I'll keep that in mind for new chapters and when revising the old ones.
I'm inclined towards writing in a more classic format, than most 'web novel' types, so I deem this change as positive.
Gone through an extensive editing of chapter 2.
im sorry but no. i would never agree to anything from something that just told me it wiped me from the face of existence. the unmaking of me in ever way would make me want to go with the clean slate route because from that moment on i would hate him for basically killing me in the worst way possible. anything and everything that would have made and been made by me would either be altered or not exist. i know that not everyone has world shattering lives but unless i was dead anyway than i'd never work with him. maybe im just that stubborn but that really bugs me how willing the protagonist is to accept a deal with the one who basically killed him.
11196310
Cogito, ergo sum. I think, therefore I am, was the principle the MC tried to cope with the sheer confusion he was experiencing. His life was not miserable or filled with pain either, and I'm sure that entity could find such people with ease on Earth if needed. He was chosen also because of his mindset, not prone to falling into rage, anger and anxiety. Blank slate is an offer of suicide of sorts, which is useless and spineless most of the times (just don't mix it with sacrifice for the sake of others which is noble), and blind rage would be of no use to him either. He doubted the very reality of the situation, and if everything he was told had happened, then it is already too late to throw psychotic tantrums, as well as it is pointless. So he decided to see the other option before making any conclusions. There was nothing more to lose anyway.
So yes, the reaction greatly depends on the personality, and can not have any standards. The surrealism of everything around also dampens it by a lot.
Why doesn't he turn to stone?
For anyone who wants to stop reading this after this chapter for reasons of the main character has knowledge/skills that he should not have, in the next chapter that is explained in an acceptable manner and allows the rest of the story to be alright even good at points.
Well, damn, it seems the second chapter failed to save when I uploaded the edited version the last time, or maybe I just forgot to click the button. Now it's fixed.
11196393
Aslo to be fair when given the option of death/being erased and accepting most world chose accept, and when talking about things that could snap your world in half you give up on revenge very quick. Look at any dictatorship people will actually accept a lot just to live.
Intriguing so far. So...he is an OP character.