Equestria has had a violent past, and Celestia is not proud of the things she has done. But when a foe from the past comes back to wreck havoc on a global scale, Twilight and her friends must find a way to stop this foe from achieving his goals. But what secrets about the past does this foe bring with him, and how has Celestia's past sins almost doomed them all.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It's my first work, feel free to scrutinize it.
in that picture... does nightmare moon have humans under her command?
It was pretty good for a first work! There were a few mistakes here and there, at one point you used Butt, instead of, But. There was a case where you used a lower case i instead of I. Celestia's character was also a bit OOC. She was fine in the beginning, but she isn't the type to gloat about destroying a race, and I don't think she would burn the city down. She might wipe it out, but not slowly with fire, she would probably use something quicker. I suggest you get Open Office. It's almost exactly like Microsoft Word, but it's free. It has spell check and grammar check, and you can just copy and past from that, to here with all the indents and spacing intact.
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Thanks for the ideas. Celestia was a bit OOC in this prologue , but my idea was along the lines that she had just watched thousands of her loyal subjects and friends die and wasn't feeling too merciful when it came to the apprentice of the one who has started all this bloodshed. She will revert to her normal character in the coming chapters
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Only in the image. I only noticed it after I had published the story
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Will do. Also, I like your story, Across the sea, your style of writing reminds me of George Martin's.
I like the way you think star seeker! You and I have some very similar stories in general sense. If you enjoy your own story (which of coarse you would) then I urge you to give my own story a look. Also I see you like Discord too! Awsome.
As the old saying goes celestia' an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth'.
It was interesting, but there was a lot of capitalization and other grammatical errors. Also, when you have a character speaking, start a new paragraph. Don't have two characters speaking in the same paragraph.
Hu-man, Hu-man, Hu-man!
I find the humans definition of himself as a monster odd. I would have thought that he would have thought his mission to be 'just'. As he is bringing an end to a Nazi race that has committed genocide on an entire race.
i like were this is going
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If the humans win I'll be very happy, if not pissed.
The ponies are just delaying the inevitable!!
Wow this is realy good. I like how each side can be seen as as not evil nor good. Though it is clear who will have the last word. :P
and hopefully:
1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg
Meh, close enough.
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First post of the chapter
I don't know why but I do hope thet he will be sucessfull resurrecting the human race buuuuuuuuut he is the tipical James Bond villian type which means he tell all of it's plans to the heroes leav them to there "unavoidable dead" they get out from the trap stop the plan from succseding the villian lose/die bad ending for humanity.
Personally I'm with the human on this one I can sympathise with his motives after all his entire race was made extinct for aiding Discord who as far we know never actually hurt anyone Yet Luna as Nightmare Moon tried to bring about eternal night which would have killed every living thing and yet she's wasn't executed.
I still like this but you really need to know this story suffers from being too generic. I don't mean to insult or anything like that but all the ideas, the very CONCEPT, of this story is forgettable and nothing fantastic. I read it only because I like seeing the alicorns getting their comuppance and the updates are infrequent. Sorry but you needed to know.
Sorry about the lack of updates, i have been studying for my WACE exams and that has occupied all the time I normally set aside for story writing. As soon as they are finished, i will get chapters going again. Please be patient.
Story itself seems nice, but the formatting makes it a hard read.
We need more from that guy.
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Working on it, we will have more about the humans reason for revenge in the next 2 chapters. As for the concept, yes it has been done, but I like the concept, which is why I'm writing it like this. I am going to try something different in my next story.
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Now don't get me wrong, I have no real problem with the concept, just how its presented. And I'm write glad to hear some more character development. I don't want to step out of line, I just wish we had a "human" bad guy. Someone who is doing wrong, but we still like/understand/maybe root for him for reasons more than just because he's human or his motivations.
Tada! I found some time to write the next chapter. Hopefully, the next one will come with short delay
They better be banished or killed, the only way for one to pay for their crimes like this is DEATH!!!
Why I am still haveing the feeling thet in the end humanity will be viped out agan? I realy hope thet won't happen since in this fic the human race hawe my total simpaty plz don't make them the full berzerked mindles dark evily horde race and stay wiht the they fight for there survivar and right which they deserve human race.
Yea, new chapter bitches. Just would liem to point out you put "5min" in the chapter. I do not know if it was on purpose or not but please correct that :D Great overall and look forward to the next!
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Thanks for pointing that out, my laptop must have auto-corrected or something
Rally the Legions, Today we go to war against the tyrant Celestia!!!!!!!!!!!
May be harsh, but I am all for it!
Too war my brothers and sisters