• Member Since 10th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 25th, 2019

Tie RoamingHooves


T

The three are surprised when the see they aren't in the now war torn United States of America. Tyrin, the leader of the group, has now been out in a position where his knowlege of HiE fan-ficion is now a survival guide for the three. He knows one wrong move could make them look like monsters in the eyes of the ponies and is trying to find a way to keep that from happening.

I might go through and rewrite the first couple of chapters because my writing has improved significantly since I first started this fic. Until I do I ask any new readers to sit through the first chapters.

Also the general description is due to change anytime now as the nature of the story has changed as well.

Chapters (33)
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Comments ( 361 )

I must say... the whole set-up ruined everything for me right from the beginning.
It tries to reference the real world, but the real world doesn't work that way. Everything contradicts reality.
Seriously, 4 months until 80% of the USA got invaded by a single country? BTW, at this point the breakdown of the country is inevitable - any kind of order or infrastructure in the remaining 20% would have broken down within a few hours and they would have surrendered immediately. Or... would at least be unable to resist anything. Next time... just try an Alien Attack or something. Can reproduce the same conditions much more easily. Less explanation needed and the reader can just hand-wave the "situation in the real world" much more easily.

The starting conditions makes the introduction of the "protagonists" just as unbelievable. Kids playing resistance against the invaders? Really, we are talking about untrained teenagers against Russian troops that managed to outperform whatever America had to offer in their armed forces by lengths.
To me they feel like video-game obsessed kids that started to confuse their games with reality and didn't even notice that someone hit the remote control to change from their gameplay to a channel running "My Little Pony". Actually, I hope this is what this story is all about because would make sense. Yeah, the longer I think about it the more reasonable this becomes. (Did I spoil the story to anyone?)
It would be better than 3 protagonists that are borderline suicidal by going against a real army in a fight that their country had already lost while thinking they are "cool".

Ohh well, they are in Equestria now. Time to leave the whole set-up behind. Looks like they had planed what to do in case they ended up there a long time ago because it looks like they want to skip the usual HiE awkwardness ríght away.

great story i dissagree with Schillok for history has shown that armys even when broken and few in number have still won wars and resisted untill the end. as for them being so young and good at killing, well look at the world wars. underaged recrutment was commen and those men fought just as hard if not better then the rest as they still had to pass training and be able to use a gun. plus some people are just natually good at things.
ok now that ive cleared that up
great story and it will be interesting to see where this leads. the humans (forgotten there names :facehoof:) remind me all to closly of some of my friends :applejackunsure:

nice Halo references lolol. What will you have your Arbiter do?

582116 Ok so a couple things: After reading as much HiE as I have, you can't help but to think, "What would I do if I was in this kind of situtation with these kind of circumstances?". The akwardness you are refering to is coming when I have them explain quote "Foreknowledge" of Equestria and the fact that humans are eat meat and are a violent species. I know that was a little more then I should have said for now. You need too at least wait for more info before you pass judgment on anything. We've learned what happens when you start asuming things from MLP: FIM Season 2 Episode 22 if I'm not mistaken. You do have a valid point on the war but I didn't get a chance to go into the cause of the war yet. I'm not sure how to approach it. About the video game obbsesion, I speak in meme's in real life and quote games frequently as do my friends and lots of others. I honestly would love to live in Equestria (who wouldn't?) and would, if given the chance, leave everything behind to do so. It may be impossible to do this but why can't I pass the time by imagining that I can and therfore I've planned to go.

But thanks for you feedback my friend. I've taken note of it though others disagree.:twilightsmile:

Sorry the chapter is late. Shit has been going on in my life and I had to deal with it.:twilightblush:
I pinkie promise longer chapters in the future.:pinkiehappy:

Enjoy!:twilightsmile:

i just read a happy and yet depressing story wich brings tears to my eyes...... then i saw this updated read through it and almost craped my pants laughing at the LEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOYYYYY JJEEEEEEEEENKIIIINS reference so all in all i thank u for getting rid of this depressing cloud that was above me:yay:

648905 Thanks for that I love the story to and I cant wait to see what happens next!! AND IM WRITING IT!:scootangel:

cant wait for the next chapter and an RPG I think an AR15 or M16 would puncture the armor of it effectively :yay: :twilightsmile:

Oh, dis gon b gud. :rainbowkiss:
Keep up the good work!

649097 Thanks! Expect another chapter by friday.:twilightsmile:

666455 Sweet! I await with bated breath! :pinkiehappy:

Not bad, keep up the good work! The conversation with Celestia felt a bit awkward though, and there were a couple of spelling errors. In order if appearance:
"wounldn't" < extra 'n' in that word :derpytongue2:
"flatley" < that 'e' shouldn't be there
"I don't like having to kill things but I attacked us so we defended ourselves" < that second "I" should be "it"
"writen" < needs a second 't'
"He regained his composer and walked over" < "composer" should be "composure"
"gentley" < again, no 'e' before the 'y'
"Much like a knight would before a king" < this is a sentence fragment, easiest fix would be just add it to the previous sentence by changing the period to a comma
"What do you want to know." < this should be a question
"considerin" < there should be a 'g' at the end of this word, unless you were giving Celestia an accent, which is highly unlikely. :trollestia:
"My country the United States of America and Russia were the two super-powers on the planet the planet so the fighting is brutal"
"the planet the planet" < I don't think that repetition was intended :scootangel:
"assult" < should be "assault"
"thier" < should be "their"
"haave" < should be "have"
"Is there a spell where you can see into the thoughts of others." < should be a question
"teh" < should be "the"
"dont" < needs an apostrophe
"alot" < two words. "a lot" never "alot". This one is a personal pet peeve of mine.
"I want to get to know the main six but I'm not sure how they would react to this kind of news but they do need to know." < run-on sentence
"Thimk" < should be "Think"
You could also do to add more commas, usually the lack of commas doesn't lead to grammatical errors, but it does make some of your sentences confusing and makes your fic harder to read.

... Oh wow. I only meant to give a bit of critique, but ended up going through the entire chapter looking for spelling errors. Don't take this the wrong way, I would only do that if I thought your fic had promise, it's a very good fic and I have enjoyed it so far. Also, I'm not in any way asking you to fix all of these. I am a bit of a spelling and grammar Nazi, and just felt obligated to point out the errors. If you want to go back and fix them, that would be awesome and would increase the quality of your story, but I would be completely fine if you didn't. Keep up the good work, and continue writing, I enjoy your work!

669552Accutally thanks for thatdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png . I honestly need an editor and I'm trying my hardest to increase the quality and size of each chapter as well as get them out quickly, but my creativity has been suffering as of late.:twilightsmile: I guess I can force myself to write a bit more and put some more thought into what I do.

672074 No problem, and don't worry about it, it really doesn't detract from the story that much, I am just picky. Don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to do, as long as you keep writing the story I will keep enjoying it! :scootangel:
Also, I agree with Recon3li3t, Celestia took the news a bit too well, that is most of what made her conversation feel awkward, it would be great if you went a bit more into that.

Looks interesting, will read tonight.

Good work again, I will refrain from annoying you again with a huge list of corrections. I am enjoying the story regardless, so I will get over myself and read past the errors, none of which are actually bad, I am just too picky. Please don't take it personally. :twilightblush:
Keep up the good work, and splendid update speed as well!

677492 Hey maybe I can get another chapter out by tomorrow. I had some mountain dew and my brain is poping out Ideas. It may not be for the next chapter but I have a storyline maped out like google: earth in my head. I reread and realized I may be rushing through the introductions to get to the plot. Does it feel rushed in any way?

THE GRAMMAR IT BURRRRNSSSS , Get A Prereader (If You Know What I Mean ) Lil Cliche, (It's Expect) (There Is A Lot OF Fics) But Seems Nice

677629 It is a bit rushed, not to the point that the story suffers, but it would probably benefit from slowing down a bit and embellishing the details. If you wish to work on going a bit more in-depth on some details (such as how the princesses deal with the news that they are being watched from another world) it would result in a better story, but it is still good as is.

you know legally they cannot tell them how the weapons work, because if they did they would have committed treason.
remember knowledge is power, guard it well!

I will publish this, but somthing about this chapter doesn't feel write so I'll leave it to the readers to determine that. I can't put my hoof on it but maybe somepony else can.

692017 Yes I feel a little... chaotic dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png . Hmm... My logic is Pony induced insanity, is best insanity.

692028 Certified By Insanity Himself

Also Bonus Steal Place Comic

puu.sh/yG9L

692041I say! Where my good man, do you find one of these Lyra pouches? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png (I think I pissed my self laughing)

692051 Equestria Royal Mail Or Derp 666 Ditzy 106 Sos Line

remember knowledge is power, guard it well!

692253 They can't return to America or Earth for that matter. how can they commit treason?:rainbowhuh:

692274
It is still treason, our only advantage is our intelligence what kind of moron would help another species (unless it would never attack humanity)

695572The reason to tell them was so that the ponies wouldn't mistrust them. There isn't any possible way for the ponies to go to earth being the fact that it doesn't possess magical properties.:moustache:

695763That my friend is to be explained in the chapter after the one i'm working on now. The chapter i'm working on now is called A Mint Green Morning. Guess who?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png

696220 :rainbowlaugh:
You my friend, have just made my day. That was quite hilarious.

I doubt that they have to explain guns to ponies... mlp looks like they have the tecnologie for (at least)
muskets!

PS: Oi, who said us from the EU only hate each other... we hate plenty of other people... like... Germans... no wait... free speach and equel rights along with spelling... no thats not it... Give me a few chapters and I'll find something we hate.

696441dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult but...
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_smile.png I can give you more. I will start writing... now. expect it a week from now at the latest.:twilightsmile:

On your keyboard there should be some buttos with the symbols (. , ') use them some more and the spelling and word flow shuld improve as well =) Good story btw

I Will Eat Your Soul Traspaser

704944 Om Nom Nom Now I Has YOur Soul


YouMad.jpg ?

704948 No, I'm not mad. I had no soul to begin with.:rainbowlaugh: I sold my soul to Celestia a long long time ago. I don't know what you absorbed but it wasn't a soul!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
ponychan.net/chan/files/src/131941428316.jpg

Lol Now Make Em Work For Eating Too Much Appppppplesssss

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