Brony-wan-kenobi
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Brony-wan-kenobi · 6.6k words · 14 4 · 782 views
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- Brony-wan-kenobi · 6.6k words · 14 4 · 782 views
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I read the first chapter, and had two thoughts:
1. Doesn’t blood mean that this story needs the “Gore” tag?
2. Oh, no! Chaser’s loose!
10833662
I think gore would be something more extreme personally. I have both violence and death so I would assume that blood would be included in there.
Yep, he's loose
10833717
If you say so
Great, we all knew it was gonna happen eventually
Well look who’s back on that yugioh.
10841046
Been back
Ok, finally got a chance to read this chapter and here are my thoughts:
The home movie is an interesting addition. It feels like it goes a long way to show that Hunter's family life wasn't as bad as say Harry Potter's as they took him along trips and the like. Also their fighting was at one point playful. Between this and the previous chapter it feels like we might be getting more glimpses into the past and how things ended up the way they did.
As for the rest of the team, it seems they have really begun to gel as they are getting along better than they did in the beginning of the previous story. And it seems like you are hinting at potential stories down the line
No card games yet
10833662
Did Star Chart seem familiar to you?
10841719 Don’t know, exactly. Do YOU know?
Ok...hmm. maybe I spoke too soon. It seems like Chaser got most of his assholishness from his mom. It could be she didn't want to admit she was wrong, but I highly doubt it considering what happens to them later.
And oh God Chaser. Her 'sins'? You really do see yourself as a golden idol.
And again, Star Chart reminds me of someone but I can't figure it out.
10841046
This story has been out for over a week
10841794
She reminds me of an anime character...but I just can't place her
10841810 Hmm…
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I only just now saw it in recently updated so sue me for being excited for a good series continuing!
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I'm just joking (silently waving away army of Stormtroopers who went to law school)
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No jokes, only cards.
Ok, finally got around to reading this.
Feels like a bit of a stretch on Chaser's part. The idea of him uses other people's phones is a good idea and texting them was smart...but we all know Chaser couldn't do this because that would require him to remember names!
Yeah, I can see Lightning saying something like this
DBZ abridged reference?
Ok, best part!
Looks like we are finally going to see the duel. I have to say, this is an interesting idea for the Shadow Games. We've seen them used throughout the series with various penalties, but this is the first time I think they have ever been used to switch bodies. The Noah arc comes to mind but that was using technology
(Looks at the cover art)
Hmmm. Interesting. Chu Chu YEAH! Wait...does Chaser have the Dragonmaids?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Reads chapter)
Ok, seems like Hunter has Dragonmaids which seems to fit him nicely. He has been shown as someone willing to help others in the background without taking credit for everything he does. Plus the way he's playing the deck is slow, but this deck is a snowball deck meaning that the longer the duel goes on the more powerful it gets. It builds momentium as we saw in the last bit. Chaser's deck Darklords is also fitting seeing how he see's himself.
To be honest, I'm a bit surprised they didn't get the Ursartic and Drytron decks respectfully since those are constellations and well...Star Hunter and Star Chaser? Maybe a bit on the nose, but I can see it
(Reads ending)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(pauses for breath)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I just managed to binge this when I found it. I liked how the chapter titles were each of Duel Monsters. I also didn't expect Hunter's new cards to be Dragonmaids. I kinda thought it'd be Dogmatika due to their Invoked synergy. An interesting choice though.
But damn. That cliffhanger. By the end of this, I hope Chaser suffers a fate worse than Death. Like having his soul destroyed, or mind permanently shattered, or forced to relive his loss over and over again. Or even better, Golden Experience Requiem judgment.
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Yeah, I tried my best to allude to the fact that the cards were Dragonmaids. If you look back at everything Hunter felt when he holds them or in his dreams, it becomes very telling. To be honest, I have loved Dragonmaids since they came out since they are the most fair deck out there. It's just a fun deck that has so many possibilities.
As for Chaser...well, I won't say if he wins or loses. You'll just have to keep reading
10874774
Yeah. The waiting is the hard part. Chaser is just so aggravating. I am thoroughly disgusted by him every time he appears and opens his mouth.
SAVED!
Awesome cliffhanger in the last chapter and good use of a real card.
This chapter...is a mixed bag. The idea that Hunter would consider giving up is troubling. BUT I understand the he has basically been tortured in this chapter and is probably scared and not really thinking clearly. It's a rare thing in the series, we're so used to the main character plowing through the pain, focused on saving the day but this feels a bit more realistic to how someone might handle magical card games.
The flashbacks were also a nice touch.
And this just proves that Chaser is just a petty sore loser. People don't like him? He discards them. He lashes out at anything that doesn't agree with him because he was given everything on a silver platter and can't take failure. He's no god. Just a parasite.
But damn. The people around them growing up were just as bad. They inflated Chaser's ego with special treatment while barely giving Hunter the time of day, putting him down even more. That was just sheer discrimination bias from everyone. Poor Hunter. At least he's doing better. Hope the other people who put him through hell like Chaser rot.
Seriously waiting for Chaser to get his Just Desserts. Just reading about him gives me a migraine.
10877314
Yeah, the thing was that the entire town was putting their hopes in Chaser. Remember how the people treated the Big Brother in the movie, Little Giants? With his name on a watertower, meals named after him, streets named after him? Well, the town saw that in Chaser. Seeing him as a legend in the making.
One thing I thought about adding in this chapter was that the mayor was already ALREADY planning to make a museum for Chaser, pulling funds from the school and other such things to make it, expecting the money to flow back into the town once people flocked to it. It was only because Chaser was exposed and went to jail that the plan went under.
But one of the stories I have planned involves a few of the girls Chaser dated coming to 'see' Hunter
10877325
Damn. That sort of adulation would definitely warp a person beyond twisted. It's sickening.
As for the girls going to 'see' Hunter...why did I get chills down my spine.
10877335
Also, while I did do that flashback with Star Chart in the last chapter, based on a place my aunt always took me to go when it was my birthday, I had thought about adding some more. I had mentioned Hunter's grandparents before, but I had thought to give them a bit more scene time. The idea was that when Hunter got a participation ribbon, his grandfather was going to look at it and point out all his mistakes. Not to make him feel bad, but rather to show him where he went wrong so he'll do better next time. Then his grandmother showing him her first painting, looking awful which confuses Hunter since she's did self portraits for people and was really good.
Bull shit is right! This duel should have ended here. Thankfully for Hunter that trap didn't deal damage to him, instead reinforcing Chaser's hand and life points. It seems that's the focus of Chaser right now, keeping his life points high in the belief that it will keep him from losing. Not completely untrue in a Darklord deck.
Still, love the way Hunter made his comeback as well as the girls ripping on Chaser. Moondancer was savage!
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Don't go forgetting all the other stuff we have seen from his parents
Wow, can't believe I missed these updates. OK, looks like we got a little bit of a look inside Chaser's head. Not even close to make him sympathetic however.
I do like this idea about messing with the rules of a Shadow Game as well as seeing the police working to get them out.
Hmm. Loving the personalities of the maids and it was a nice touch to show them coming out more as the duel reached its conclusion. It was also nice to show Hunter's anger flaring up again as well as it being Breaburn to remind him of what was said in the last story.
As for the ending, good choice on music, but I wish Chaser would have been hurt more.
Did he learn about the duel spirits in his deck?
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Maybe. I was planning on doing a flashback chapter on how he met the Dragonmaids and died, but I felt there wasn't enough interest in this story. Perhaps I'll do it in the anthology
So is this the end or…..?
hmm, the deck choices were rather interesting and the duel itself is rather tense so far; can't wait to see where this goes... 😅
(nods) nice to see that Hunter has already started to expand upon his deck; it'll be interesting to see how things go from here... 🙂
(nods) looks like things are getting rather interesting now; can't wait to see what happens next... 😄
(nods) nice touch referencing Hunter and Chaser's incomplete last duel; overall, I found myself enjoying this: keep up the good work... 😅
(nods) that was a satisfying conclusion: only minor nitpick is that we didn't get to see Hunter and Breaburn's rematch; side note: here's hoping that Moondancer and Hunter take good care of Starry Fields 🙂
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Of this story. As I said in my notes, there will be an anthology coming soon and maybe another team duel story
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I decided to leave that for everyone's imagination. Perhaps in the anthology we'll find out
10882777
(nods) okay then; thanks for clearing that up... 🙂
huh, kitchen dragonmaid for a cover image. interesting choice.
Why is this story is rated M? That's not a card name. So why...
Oh.
Ooooooohhhhhh. Damn, and I was hoping this story would cheer me up. Just dark. I get why people want to see Chaser dead, but this felt a little much. Rotting away in a cell, unable to move for the rest of his life as he screamed at the ceiling would have been enough
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I think I finally figure it out
Star Chart is really:
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/e65e21bd-dc77-499e-962a-fa13cab37fc2/d8wptqw-b0388a53-a8c3-41fe-9326-a2f3a19cbd09.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2U2NWUyMWJkLWRjNzctNDk5ZS05NjJhLWZhMTNjYWIzN2ZjMlwvZDh3cHRxdy1iMDM4OGE1My1hOGMzLTQxZmUtOTMyNi1hMmYzYTE5Y2JkMDkuanBnIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.UhHqTTtK6ci49lbE7U4HrqIDb_tLcVCe24rzV9PtNWY
11078419
Yeah I know all that. Guess it felt a little much with the cigarette moving close to his eye, the sweating blood due to fear, and so on
And with this, Chaser is off for revenge like the crazy delusional freak he is. Karma will catch up with him in the form of a Shadow Game he loses. He won't be missed.
Geez, Hunter and Chart are the only sane members of their family. Chaser's enabling parents are just as shitty as him.
Okay, now we're getting into the action. But before that, I loved seeing Chaser lose it from Lightning's comments and Hunter's deadpan reactions. Don't give that psycho anything. Make him lose.
Interesting decks for the brothers. But this guy's god complex and overinflated ego will break when he realizes he won't win.
Really great to see Hunter call out his brother's shitty behavior and personality.
Chaser failing to know his own abilities and what those flashbacks showed just proves he's fated to suffer.
Loved the victory against Chaser and the maids showing their dynamic off.
Damn.... this was dark. Bastard deserved it all, though.
A very nice end to the story. Interesting to see Hunter have a sister at the end. He'll be a much better guardian for her than their shitty parents who bailed yet again.