Leaving Something Behind
For Krickis.
A call in kindness.
An echo in kind.
“I’ll always remember you”
Technically speaking, Sunset Shimmer was on her motorcycle, doing fifty-seven down a forty-five. The wind on her face, a chilly breeze seeping through her helmet, told her so, as did the dim lights that accompanied her on her journey to the Everton suburbs. And yet, it’d be more apt to say that Sunset was still sitting on a bench at her local nature park, staggered and grasping for answers against a future that crept up on her while she wasn’t looking—the way only lovers can.
Twilight tightened her hold around Sunset’s middle from her position on the backseat of the motorcycle, breaking Sunset from her reverie and grounding her in the present. Sunset chanced a glance back but Twilight’s face, helmet and all, was buried into her leather jacket like she always did when they rode together through the city streets. Sunset knew what to do next.
Sunset hesitated.
Once upon a time this had been a game for them. Twilight would pretend to be scared of the speed and Sunset would speed up, pretending to tease her. Both would pretend not to understand what it really meant, while savoring in the excuse afforded to them by the act.
“So… We’re talking about this then.”
Seems like we’re done pretending. Sunset turned her gaze back towards the road, shaking her earlier words from her mind in the process. Things were different now, would be different for as long as she had left. As little as she had left, she corrected.
The conversation in the park had changed things. Everything was out in the open and Sunset couldn’t pretend that each embrace, each lingering stare, was anything other than what it was anymore. Each indulgence was now an invitation on her part, an agreement to something that Sunset knew she could not deliver. Sunset had made a decision, hadn’t she? While sitting on that cold bench, her lips pressed against a warm forehead, she had made a choice.
Twilight began to loosen her grip on Sunset causing her to crank up the speed, the sharp burst causing the passenger to retighten her embrace. Sunset took a bracing breath, followed by another, yielding in to the comfort leaching from the girl leaning against her. Yes, she had made a choice. And yet… There was this embrace. Twilight’s arms held on as if it was Sunset, and not Twilight, that was at risk of being torn away by the winds and sharp turns. Her arms were shaking, unused to the strain she was exerting and tensed by...something. Sunset wanted to tell her that she had no reason to fear, that she was not going anywhere. But that would be a lie; both she and Twilight knew that now, to varying degrees.
Sunset said it anyway, and listened as her falsehood was immediately swallowed up by the roar of the engine and the whipping gales. A twitch around her midsection answered her, regardless. Sunset slowed her pace to a more reasonable speed but the embrace maintained its intensity for the remainder of their trip. In fact, it was not until they arrived at Twilight’s home that the embrace ended, and even here it took longer than usual. Sunset had always enjoyed the way Twilight lingered for a moment longer than necessary when dismounting the motorcycle as a way to prolong their closeness. There was a subtlety to it, though, that was now missing as seconds turned to minutes with neither girl stepping off the bike. When Twilight did finally dismount, Sunset noticed that she made no attempt to disguise the way she stared at Sunset, as if taking note of every detail of the Equestrian standing before her and archiving it with that incredible memory of hers.
A car drove past them, blinding headlights causing Sunset to blink. Just like that, she was back at the park, sitting on a bench staring into those same studious eyes.
What did they see in me?
“You don’t know what you’re signing up for,” she heard herself say.
“I’m signing up for you. I know you, Sunny…”
If Sunset was good at something, it was reading people and Twilight had been extremely easy to read when she had said that. She had been full of hope and fear. Desire and insecurity. In Sunset she had seen someone who had things together, who could help her in some way her other relationships couldn’t.
But that had been before the conversation.
Sitting side-by-side at the bench, Twilight had looked into Sunset again and, for once, Sunset felt like the one being read. She felt open, defenseless, as Twilight stared at her with that calculating gaze of hers. And what’s more, Twilight gave nothing away as she said,
“Don’t forget me.”
What do you see in me?
“Sunny?”
Sunset took a few blinks to reorient herself. She found herself still outside of Twilight’s home, a soft glow from the porch light illuminating the front yard in a warm orange tint. Then came the sounds, the nighttime chime of the crickets and other bugs that made the yard their home. A car could be heard driving somewhere in the distance. Sunset turned her attention to Twilight, who was still studying her with that unreadable expression.
“Walk me to the door.”
It wasn’t a question. Twilight had never been one to make demands. Images flashed of a stammering Twilight hiding behind Applejack—of that studious, bookish, anxious, meek Twilight that felt as if she’d been made of glass. The girl before her was different, more her double than herself. If Sunset squinted, she could still make her out, but it was hard to not feel brittle in her presence.
Sunset took a step towards her and the two marched the six-feet walk up to the front door in silence. Sunset pointedly stared up at the moths that circled the porchlight lamp as the jangling of keys was followed by the unlocking of the door. Then she turned to look at Twilight when she felt the latter take hold of her hand.
“I’m sorry about dropping that on you like I did,” Twilight began. “But I meant what I said. If you really have to go... and I do understand why you have to go… I... I just want to make the most of things, ok? Nothing has to change between us.”
“Sure thing,” Sunset nodded, choosing not to comment on how much had changed already. “You really should call Moon Dancer, though.”
“Will you stop,” Twilight snapped, though not unkindly. “I’ll deal with that later. I don’t want to talk about that right now.”
“I don’t mean it like that,” Sunset said, taking her hand back. “I just don’t want you alone right now. You can call Fluttershy instead if you’d like, though I don’t know how she’ll take it. I don’t think this is the type of thing you can go to your parents with, but they’re an option too.”
“And what about you?” Twilight asked. “Don’t you need someone to talk to? That conversation was kind of heavy. Maybe Rainbow or Wallflower?”
“I’ll be okay,” Sunset lied. “I don’t want them freaking out before they have to, you know?”
“Don’t want them trying to stop you.”
“Perhaps.”
A moment passed. Then another.
“Fine,” Twilight said after a while. “At least give me a hug before you go. This is a thing friends do after all.”
“Sure sure,” Sunset said, crossing the threshold into the Sparkle household. The warm air and the smell of a long since eaten dinner reached her for a second and were then quickly replaced by scents and presence of Twilight's embrace.
She smells like Lilacs.
The embrace lasted for a minute; then it lasted longer. Sunset wasn’t sure how much time passed with the two pressed together but she once again wondered what exactly Twilight had seen while staring into her, a self-conscious pit of embarrassment growing in her gut.
“Well, I better get going,” Sunset said, beginning to remove herself from the embrace. “Goodbye, Twilight.”
“Not goodbye,” Twilight said, forcing Sunset back into the hug. “Not goodbye. See you later. Right? That’s what you meant?”
A shiver carried through the hug and it was unclear which of the two it had come from. However, Sunset at once understood what exactly Twilight had seen in Sunset—what Twilight was afraid of. And what’s worse, Sunset found that Twilight had seen more than she had meant for her to.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Sunset said, putting some extra umph into the hug. “See you later, Sparky.”
Twilight let go of the embrace and offered her a smile, reassured it seemed by the strategic use of the nickname. Sunset found that this lie tasted far worse upon her tongue than the previous ones had. Not to say anything of the guilt, which only grew as Sunset mounted her motorcycle and rode away from the quiet neighborhood—away from something wonderful.
A dull thud followed by a wooden creak rang out as Sunset let herself into her empty apartment. She felt around for the lightswitch and bleared as the lights came on. A dry breath followed. She looked around her studio apartment.
I’ve really let things go, huh?
Take out boxes littered the living room table. Soda cans clustered around her computer desk. Clothes lounged on her couch and in bundles on the floor. Books lay on steps and on boxes she had once said she’d throw out but had since been converted into additional surface spaces.
She’d been meaning to clean up for a while but there had always been something else to do. Another class to study for. Another shift at the mall. Another call to make. Another crisis to fix. Another friend to help. Tidying up could wait for later, and so it did… for another day and then another.
And now it’ll have to keep waiting.
Sunset spotted what she was looking for and didn’t bother taking off her shoes as she walked across the room, grasping the hardbound journal that had been laying on the couch. A quick scan revealed no new messages since the heated discussion from a few nights back.
‘I really think you should reconsider, Sunset. You’ll always have a home here, but you have a life there.’
Sunset scoffed as she closed the book.
Not much of a life.
Her time in Everton, in the human world, had been a lot of things. It had been a chance to learn. A chance to grow. A penance. A responsibility. But a life?
All around this room was evidence of Sunset’s efforts and of her struggles—evidence of plans, of failures and successes. Sunset Shimmer had survived in this world. But had she really lived? Would she ever be able to? It was always to the next plan, to the next challenge, the next setback. And if it wasn’t the world or happenstance, it was Sunset herself. Ever the ungrateful, ever the unsatisfied, Sunset always seemed to look ahead, not around. This world was too small for her, her human skin too taut.
Book in hand and taking nothing else with her, Sunset walked back across her room, passing in front of a mirror—a flash of association bringing forth memories from long ago. A different mirror, a greed for power and unearned wings, a throne room of shattered silence and hearts. A hurried escape, a banishment.
Your pony skin was taut as well.
“Don’t think of that,” she mumbled, hastening her pace towards the door. “Don’t talk yourself out of it now.”
As she reached the door she took what was meant to be one last look into the building and expected to feel a pang of…something. This building had housed her for a very long time and looking at the guitars and pictures definitely showed her growth of character. And yet, while the girls might remember this as the coolest place to have a sleepover, Sunset looked upon it and saw only the countless lonely nights. The lonely days. The solitary existence.
She took one more look at the table, which she got in the hopes of inviting people over for dinner more often, then the couch and the TV, both bought to cater to the one thing about this world that made things the slightest bit bearable. But life moved on. They all had their own families and priorities. And so, this building saw life once, maybe, every other week. Every other day, Sunset ate alone.
And soon, most of them would be leaving anyway. So what if she left first?
The girls will come looking for you. That stopped Sunset in her tracks. Twilight has a key. Do you really want them to remember you like this?
Echoes of laughter rang out in her ears, permeating through the walls as the ghosts of better times made their semblance known. Sunset knew the longer she stayed, the more the fire in her stomach would dim, that fire that she needed to carry out what she had decided to do. And yet, as visions of games and parties played before her eyes, ill fitting overtop the mess that had accrued in the previous weeks, she knew there really wasn’t much of a choice. The girls had given her a lot. The least she could do was make sure they didn’t have to clean up behind her.
Placing the journal by the doorstep, Sunset made her way back into the kitchen area where she gathered some trash bags before beginning to clean. She began with the take-out and the empty cans, followed by the cardboard and other such trash. Then she tackled the laundry and other obvious mindless tasks. Finally though, came her school books.
Sunset carefully grabbed each one, skimming the page she was on before placing them back on the proper bookshelf, taking in the subject, the topic, the purpose of each tome. By the time she was done with this task, any fear that she would be unwilling to carry out her chosen task was gone. Instead, a cold numbness and clarity had enveloped her.
There were a lot of problems that Sunset struggled with. She felt guilt over her past actions. She felt disconnected from those around her. She always felt like a guest, never a native. She always felt lonely. And yet, ironically enough, it had been redemption which had finally undone Sunset Shimmer.
Sunset had always had a purpose, an end to reach, a goal to meet. This was neither a good nor a bad thing, but rather a core component of Sunset’s essence. Her younger self had been driven to alicornhood. Later, she had been driven to revenge and control. After that, it had been to redemption. Always an end. Always a goal. Always a purpose.
But ever since she had found redemption, there had been no goal to meet. Sunset had been adrift, looking for a sign only to find that there were no more tasks at hand but those she made for herself and she no longer felt she knew how, if she ever did at all. Attempts at finding a goal floundered and sputtered. Dead ends built and passions never flourished. School subjects shunned her like scorned muses and every attempt to build on her talents ended with eventual disinterest.
No matter what road she looked upon, she saw no future worth walking to. And with no future to work towards, with no past to build upon, and with a present coming to a close, Sunset felt herself steady in her decision.
Might as well close it on my terms.
Not too long after that, the work was done and Sunset found herself at her doorway once more. Taking a look across the apartment, she now saw the appearance of a well kept room, bereft of any of the signs of despondency she had gone out of her way to hide in her daily life.
Just one more thing to take care of, she thought, taking out her cell phone from her pocket. She placed it on the table to the side of the door, leaving it behind to avoid any last minute temptations. She then picked up the journal, turned off the lights, and then made her way out of the apartment one final time.
A soft smile curled on the corner of her mouth. After all, she had just done a good thing—left her friends an untarnished memory.
A cloudy night sky crested above the school as Sunset crossed the street. Slivers of moonlight peaked through the gaps, illuminating the ground in brief flashes and a dreamlike haze. A cold wind, far crisper than should be expected for Spring rushed through the campus, giving the illusion of cheering or howling as Sunset stepped towards the statue that overlooked the front entrance—a welcome home or a warning.
Sunset looked between the dark clouds overhead and the shimmering dew on the lawn and found the scene eerily familiar. Memories and reality blended seamlessly somehow, the night a replica of when she had arrived in the human world. Looking back at the statue, she waited, expecting to see a younger Sunset crawl out, startled and frenzied upon the concrete walkway to begin a journey that would take the girl through some of the best and the worst experiences imaginable.
The statue remained still, however, its surface unbroken, and the only Sunset Shimmer present that night was not the one there to begin a journey, but rather the one there to end it.
Sunset tried to step towards the statue, but found herself unable.
You always knew it would be like this, she thought, her heartbeat in her ears. Deep down you’ve always known. There was no future here. Not for you.
Another attempt. Still no movement.
Coward.
And she was, indeed. Sunset was scared. She could accept as much. Her grip tightened on the journal.
Back at the park, when Twilight had found out that Sunset was planning on leaving, Sunset had come to a decision. She had to leave that night. By now, the rest of the group had to know. If not, they would soon. They would try to stop her, convince her to stick around. And even if they didn’t, maybe Sunset would convince herself. Sunset could not allow herself to take that chance.
This is what’s best for everybody. They’re getting too attached. If Twilight…
Sunset closed her eyes and took a deep breath that felt hollow in her lungs. The scent of lilacs mixed with the scents of grass in the air.
If Twilight is going to have a future, I cannot be indecisive.
She looked upwards at the towering figure and took a faltering step, then another, then another until she reached the base of the statue. She extended one hand and ran it across the smooth stone surface, finding it to distort into interdimensional ripples at her touch. On previous occasions, this had intrigued or even delighted her, but this time the effect caused Sunset to pull her arm back as if burned by a hearth.
“At least she’s still keeping it open at night just in case,” Sunset muttered, staring at her hand. It was shaking.
This is it.
She made to step forward but was once again unable.
This time her thoughts went to her friends, sleeping soundly and hopefully unaware of what tomorrow would bring. They would want an explanation.
It felt inadequate. To leave without saying something. Anything. For a moment she regretted leaving the phone behind, while knowing that any text message or phone call would have resulted in her being talked down.
Without an explanation, they would go to her place and find nothing. After that, they would surely come here, only to find the portal permanently closed. No way to contact Equestria. Their adventures, nothing but a memory. Surely they’d want something to remember her by.
Sunset pulled at her sleeve as an idea came to her. She then pulled off her jacket and laid it on the floor in front of the statue, with all the reverence she could muster. This wasn’t the jacket the portal had given her. This was made by Rarity, earned by friendship, and a symbol of her growth as a person. And here it was, in the place where she landed. The place where she crashed. The place where she rose again. And finally.. The place here she—
They’ll be ok. I’ve left them a memorial.
She shivered in the breeze, as she stared at the jacket for a minute or so. Memories from when she got it flashed briefly through her mind but with great discipline she managed to quiet them. Sobs rang out into the night.
And then, it was time.
Shaky hands readjusted their grip on the journal. Watery eyes fixed their gaze straight ahead. Unsteady steps regained the ground that was lost while setting up the last-minute shrine. A broken voice tried to speak, but the sobs would not stop. Instead, on some unspoken count, Sunset stepped through.
Then there was an abrupt silence save for the wind and the subtle scraping of leather as it was pushed across the concrete. And all that remained was the many things that Sunset Shimmer left behind.
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darn it im gonna have to read this while i eat dinner.... ill be back ... with thoughts... but imma give you a preread favourite cause i *know*
Gosh this hit just as hard the second time around... Just imagining Twilight the next day, devastated at what happened, realizing that their last conversation was the last conversation. That's a rough feeling, and then she has to tell all her friends about what happened and how she knew Sunset wanted to return... Just ow you know?
10815711
I am looking forward to your eventual essay comment so much. You. Don’t. Even. Know.
God I love the finality of that last line.
And so it begins. Get ready. The way I usually do these is I pick quotes as I’m reading that stand out, and then maybe I’ll add a comment or two. At the end, I come back and talk about them, usually while furiously sobbing.
*nods* yup I'm already in love.
Coming back to this paragraph, I do want to say that I still love it. I love how you’ve shown us exactly how Sunset’s feeling simply by comparing it to something that happened. I loved what you did, bringing us to the place that Sunset’s at in her head; the motorcycle speeding down the road. I also especially love the contrast between what she’s feeling (and what we’re reading) versus what’s actually happening. It’s a true stroke of genius on your part. A simple, effective way to get us right into Sunset’s roaring mind. I say simple, yet what I mean is just... amazing. I don’ t think I’ve really read anything that so effectively put me in a character’s headspace without any problems like you did here (at least, not in such a creative way).
Hoh my god.
Yeah this? This. It was a game but now it’s not. It’s not because Sunset has to leave now. It’s not a game because they both know exactly what it means. A game doesn’t have real stakes. This does. It is not a game, it’s something more. I like the little note about them pretending to not understand what it meant. But we know they do, and they did, and they always did. But now that it’s not a game anymore? Now that it means something, it’s not as fun. Yet... they did it anyway. Something about that kind of... hurts? Like a last-ditch attempt to have “fun” before the bad. The bad in this case is the complete separation between Sunset and Twilight. And boy howdy did this one little trio of sentences really do it for me. Once again, succinct but entirely effective. Especially that last one. It’s just so perfect I can barely even type what my head is saying.
Yo I’m fully crying. This line, apart from being completely heartbreaking brought me back to a moment where a friend said goodbye instead of see you tomorrow.
And coming back to it, it’s almost as bad as what I thought about initially. Suffice it to say, this line reminded me of an event that happened in my life that inspired me to write Obelus many years later. I can just hear how Twilight said this because I’ve had dreams where I’ve said it too. You took an already somber feeling story and completely threw us further into it with this. I want to say that Sunset feels kind of... emotionless during this (but at the same time, bursting with it, if that makes sense) and this little line with Twilight (and the one Sunset says following it) really just reminds you how much Twilight didn’t want this. And maybe Sunset really doesn’t want to leave Twi behind, but:
She doesn’t belong here. She knows that. She might have been here, even had an okay life here, but she feels like she never really lived here. Deep down inside, she is a unicorn, after all. I imagine it’s hard to expect to be able to leave that behind. And while she’s choosing to leave behind something else, she justifies this by saying that she had never really had a life here anyway. And I think this is such a good, powerful take on Sunset as a character. We know she’s got a decent life in the human world (well, after her redemption at least), and she seems happy with her friends. I don’t doubt she’s happy with her friends, I can wholeheartedly believe that. But being happy with the people around you isn’t enough if you aren’t happy with yourself. And like Princess Twilight mentioned (I believe), Sunset would be throwing a lot away. She would be leaving a lot behind. But Sunset isn’t home. She’s in a shell of a home; an apartment pretending to fill that spot for her when really, home is Equestria. She needs her friends, but she needs her home because without a home, are you ever really complete? The saying is that home is where the heart is, but the opposite is true as well. What happens when your heart is at home, but you just aren’t there.
Maybe Sunset needs to let her heart decide. But I believe her heart is in Equestria, because that’s where her home is. She has a place to live here, she has four walls and a roof. But it’s empty, it’s lonely, and it isn’t a home. The most important thing is home. You need to feel full, you need to feel complete. You need to feel safe, and you need to feel at home. Unfortunately, that just isn’t where Sunset currently is. It’s a tough decision, but ultimately, if Sunset feels that home is Equestria, she should absolutely go there.
I believe I picked this because it kind of strikes home for me. If things go as well as they can, I’m going to be moving out come September. All my friends are staying here, but I’m leaving. I think I’m afraid of being left behind, so I... I’m doing the leaving. While it’s obviously not on the same scale as what Sunset is doing (cause at least I have the internet), it’s still something I can think and go “huh. Yeah.” It’s just... crazy to think about what Sunset is doing though. She’ll likely never be able to ever speak to them again, and so what she just had with Twi? That was her last interaction with her. Whatever she last did with any of them is the last thing both sides will ever have to remember. I’d just like to bring back the first line real quick. “I’ll always remember you.” A nice message, yes, and definitely one that one would intend to keep. But, let’s be honest. Eventually, you’ll start to forget because you can’t see them or talk to them. The memories will start to fade. You’ll be left with feelings if you're lucky.
And in my opinion, an extra obstacle is that Sunset will likely meet and possibly become friends with her friends’ counterparts in Equestria. While you may intend to remember, having others around that are literally the “same”, it’ll be hard. Perhaps, you’ll start to not remember which version of Rarity made that scarf you lost for you, or you won’t be able to recall precisely which Pinkie brought you a cake that time you were sick. It’ll be slow, but memories will start getting fuzzy and replaced by others. And I think at that point, it won’t matter much to either side. Maybe the occasional pang of hurt when you remember the friends you left behind (or on the other side, the friend that left you behind) and that will sting. It’ll hurt so much, but so much time will have passed that likely the wound will have been healed. And just like was the reoccurring message in the first one, all you will remember is that there was something.
Now this one made me do a full ouchie. A lot of this seemed like Sunset was going to die, or that she was dead and someone else was trying to memorialize her existence. It’s often true that when people intend to... disappear, they clean. Did you know that? I think for me, that made this all the more sad and unsettling. We know she’s serious about it at this point. Completely and entirely. And what’s worse is that she’s smiling. What about her friends who will wake up the next day and not hear from her. They won’t see her, and Twilight will be the only one who knows why. And Twilight will be the one to tell them. And Sunset probably knows this, but she at least wanted them to have one good memory remain intact. After all, it was the coolest place for a sleepover. If Sunset cleans it up, they’ll never have to know about the lonely nights. Right?
And then, the story ends. And now Sunset is gone, and she’s left them behind. But she’s paving a way for herself. As I spoke about extensively before, she's going home. Of course her friends will never be able to understand. They belong. She doesn’t. It’s as simple as that. Although she’s had a good run, she needs to be herself. And herself isn’t a bipedal creature. I do have to wonder, what will the rest of her friends think? We know (and saw) that Twilight was very shaken up, and will probably be worse once she realizes that Sunset went through with it. I wonder if... Sunset will have Twilight permanently deactivate the portal until it completely desyncs. That would be so much more bittersweet for her. But again, what would her friends think? I’m sure Sunset’s already put too much thought into that. As cynical as it may sound, Sunset can always make more friends, but she can’t make another home.
To wrap up this essay that I have used all of my one brain cell for, I would like to say that:
OUCH. HOLY SHIT PREP. What the HELL? I was... I wasn’t ready. SAS broke me. This took those pieces, put them back together and then broke them again! You and Kricks are really going to be the death of me! God, both of you write so... well, you write so good! The words hurt! They hurt so much but they feel so good! And by good I mean bad, but a good bad, you know? I want to be mad at you, I really do. But I can’t. I can only sit here in awe and try to process. This really is a fantastic continuation and conclusion in my opinion; just as much as the actual ending to SAS. Seeing it through Sunset’s eyes; her rationale makes it a lot more painful because it... well, at least to me, it makes sense what she’s doing and why. Through Twi, we only get the pain of SUnset leaving, especially after all that build up that she likes her. And Sunset... well, she likes her too, but it... isn’t enough. And it’s not just that, but she knows she isn’t enough for Twilight. She’s torn between two worlds, and now that her (quite literal) anchors to one are disappearing, she must choose. And she chooses to be on the side she knows she’s most comfortable on. At least, that’s the way I’m taking it.
I had such a hard time putting down what I intended to put down. In reality I am screaming and crying on the inside and just flailing about on the outside. Stellar job Prep, you and Kricks must be so proud with what you came up with.
*inhales*
Fuck.
10815869
Cool, just drop a comment that's half the length of the story. No pressure on me to respond to that at all, ha... ha.... ha....
lol
But in all seriousness, I'm glad you liked it. I loved your commentary all the way through and you picked up on some interesting things. I especially liked your notes on the inspiration behind Obelus.
Now, I could sit here and respond piece by piece but I would end up writing another story in the comments, so I think I'll pick the part you picked up on that I was the most glad you did.
I did in fact know about the cleaning being a common activity preceding activity to someone...leaving, and it was intentional. You mentioned that a lot of this felt "like Sunset was going to die." As I said in my author's note, this whole fic is an extended metaphor.
I was curious if anyone was going to pick up on it or call it out. If I was too obvious or too subtle. I am delighted that you made the connection.
And yeah, you put it best. If she cleaned up, all they ever would see is the epic sleepovers, and not the lonely nights that surrounded them.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience with me
10815836
Would you believe I almost didn't have it on there? The first version didn't, but then I realized "oh, hey, maybe I should have it end with some reference to the title." I'm so glad I didn't just move on the first draft cause I also really ended up loving that line.
10815730
You know... Twilight's perspective on this didn't occur to me until just now that you said it. You would think of that though.
Kind of makes sense why this story got written the way it did, huh?
Part 3? Twilight having to pick up the pieces? Or have we tortured everyone enough?
....Ouch. I know i should've expected these feels after Arc 5 of Dysphoria but srsly ouch
That goes both on the extended metaphor and the literal... To some extent, it is the literal reading that hurts more, realizing Sunset will likely be just as listless in Equestria as she was in Everton, once the novelty wears off, only now she is burdened with the ghosts she's left behind.. I've learned the hard way moving away from your problems won't help you if you're your own enemy, because even if you move to another parallel universe and cut all ties, you still can't escape yourself. Princess Twilight's last message is perhaps the most ominous foreshadowing of Sunset's Equestrian life.
I wanted the Sciset to be true so hard, in both Krickis's and in this fic. Even now I find myself grasping at the smallest plot holes, in an effort to stick my own headcanon in and expand them to a bridge to a happy ending. I've convinced myself, circumstantial theory be damned, that a magic ex machina could restore the portal between the two worlds; Krickis's description of the problem even hints at the way out. After reading her fic, I naively spent a few minutes toying with the mechanics of a hypothetical fix-fic. But after reading yours, I hit the much harsher truth, that even if the portal were opened again, even if Sunset managed to move back to Everton, she would be no better off, because that was never what this was about.
As for the extended metaphor, it raises the terrible hypothetical of what happens if you resurrect a suicide victim'. Realistically for many it is only a return to listlessness and the circumstances that led to the act to begin with. Just as a suicide hot line is unlikely to cure depression, a future restoration of the portal with Equestria is unlikely to silence Sunset's inner demons.
Thank you, to both Krickis and thedarkprep, for making me feel. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to give Twilight Sparkle a hug.
I'll keep my eyes focused on the sun,
No matter how much it hurts.
The light will spill until it's done,
I'll close them on my own terms.
I still see my own reflection,
Every single second hurts.
This door will turn it into retention,
I'll close it on own my terms.
10818692
You have no idea how special this comment is to me.
First things first, thank you for taking this journey with Krickis and I. And yeah, I’m not sure who exactly let us collaborate but, between Dysphoria: Arc 5 and Playing House.. That was probably an oversight on someone’s part.
I totally get wanting for this pairing to work out. The way Krickis wrote their conversations and dynamic really does make them a couple worth rooting for. Even though we knew how the story would end, we still really hoped for more for the couple. We too stan this ship.
And I agree with you, the literal reading is way worse than the metaphor. Sunset really has no way to find peace. If I hadn’t been so married to the metaphor from the get go, I really was tempted to write a scene past the portal where Sunset came to that realization, just for that extra gut punch. I still think I made the right choice of ending the story where I did but, yeah.. As you said. You can’t escape yourself.
As for what would happen if a suicide victim was ressurected? That’s actually not a bad story idea, and definitely not one I had thought of. I’m not sure how I would do it, because I would want to handle it through metaphor and with sufficient tact, rather than address it directly, but still.. There’s a lot of potential there. A lot of tragedy.
If I ever do write it, I’m totally
blamingcrediting you for the idea.Anyway, once again, thank you for your thoughts on my little addition to Krickis’ story. I’m so glad that I got to read your feedback.
=( I read, "Something About Sunset" before this. A long time ago I put the first story that started this in my "Read it Later" folder. After reading these two, I don't know if I can read it and I've got over 56 stories in that folder.
When I first opened up, "Something About Sunset", I expected some drama some heartbreak stuff. ...I didn't expect this. I really hope the desynch is a fake out. I can't see a happy ending without it. I mean Star Swirl had made this portal thousands of years ago. He made hundreds of similar portals leading to different places. Surely this is all a mistake.