Anon’s A Villain Because Of A Bet

by Yellowtail

Epilogue: A Happy Ending For a Villain

I keep a small smile on my face as my massager vibes my whole body in the throne room. Diamond dog construction workers scatter throughout the room, taking measurements and writing notes. In front of me, a new movie about monsters fighting plays. It has been... I think three years since my last take over. Celestia and I kind of hit it off, and she suggested that I should move in with her. However, I refused to move out of my castle. Instead, after a couple of fights and a couple of exchanged gifts and kisses, she realized I won’t change my mind for anything. So, she’s moving in with me. At first, I had been hoping that me being stubborn and uncooperative would deter her from liking me, but that did fuck all apparently. At first, we’ve been trying to keep it secret since ponies would freak out. Thus, we kept it secret all the way until now. After Celestia and Luna retired, Celestia figured it’d be a great time to tell everyone since she’s not a power in the government. Luna figured it out about a year after Celly and I started dating, which she did not like at all at first.

So, really, Celestia just has to tell Twilight and Cadence. I imagine Twilight will immediately assume I gave Celestia a love potion or something. Cadence might be able to deter Twilight, but I’m prepared either way. The door to the throne room opens as a dog walks in, confused. “Um, sir?” He asks, running up. “Your list says that one room is to be made into a uh, cakery?” I nod.

“Yep,” I acknowledge. “Sunbutt’s idea.”

“Erm, okay, it’s just... out of all the things here, that felt the most out of place,” the assistant says. God I miss Bones. He’d know well enough whether I made a mistake or not. Bones actually left my army and service to go have a family. Every now and then I’d stop by his home in the Crystal Empire. His family’s nice, and of course, I occasionally send an anonymous gift, like a basket of exotic meats, a basket of toys, and so on. I shake my head to regain focus on the movie I’ve stopped paying attention to. After all, I can’t be distracted since- A crashing noise sounds off from above, and Twilight and her pals drop in like a discount Justice League. Of course, they break the Throne Table when they land, causing it to crack and make a crater in the center. I lazily look past the television and sigh.

“God fucking dammit,” I mutter. As the dogs around us scamper to escape, Twilight lowers her head, and charges her horn. Looks like Celestia’s talk went as well as I had expected. I whip out my gun and fire, only for the charged magic shot from Twilight to push past the bullet and hit my gun, knocking it from my hand. I quickly dive to the floor, just in time for Rainbow to crash into the chair. The chair cushions her impact, and allows her to jump and fly towards me as I roll past the Tv. I sprawl out on my back, reaching towards her with electricity jumping between my arms. “Learned a new trick, bitch!” I yell, before electric energy, having been charging between my arms and building up more energy, launches and contacts Rainbow. She falters and falls, sliding across the smooth floor before stopping next to me.

“Ha! First try!” I exclaim, only for a gripping sensation to overtake me. “Oh shit-“ I fly up before slamming down onto the floor, knocking the wind out of me. Quickly, I’m thrown towards Applejack, who reads up and bucks me in the chest, sending me flying into a wall. This hurts more than usual since my chest actually scarred from the Mag-Pro incident. I grasp my chest, breathing shallowly as I try to stand up. With less focus over my electrical energy, electricity starts coursing around me. “F-fuck-“ I rasp.

“Anon, you better release Celestia from your control,” Twilight warns. I scoff.

“Heh, she isn’t under my control,” I say. Quickly, I throw my hands up, regaining enough focus to send electricity towards the remaining ponies. Applejack, being closer than the others, gets struck, and spazzes a bit before falling down. I look over to finally realize Twilight only brought herself, Skittles, and Applejack. It seems Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy opted out on this one.

“Then, that only means one thing,” Twilight says maliciously. “That nuke, you’re using it as leverage, aren’t you?!” Oh right, I forgot about that. Maybe I should have told her that I disarmed it and dismantled it about a year ago since I realized my warehouses aren’t as secure as they used to be. I start to tell her this, but before I could get a word in, Twilight shoots several magical charges at me, which I throw up a defense spell to block. However, I feel a grip on my head before my face slams into my own shield, causing me to drop it and stumble back into the wall. The magic hits me, three times, tearing through my iconic cloak and shirt. Thankfully, they’re apparently more like punching spells for organisms since it doesn’t cut or burn me. I clutch my chest again, hissing in pain.

“God I don’t miss this,” I mutter.

“Then you shouldn’t have been a villain again,” Twilight remarks, walking over. “This time, you’re losing. This time, you’re going to Tartarus, and nothing will protect you then.” I laugh, heaving. This causes Twilight to tense up and start charging her horn.

“Do you think my guards are here, just for show?” I ask, leering at her. Twilight panics and spins around, firing off several shots from her horn, only to hit air since there aren’t any guards around. She’s so paranoid, she genuinely believes I’ve planned for everything. This gives me enough time to lift an arm and send electricity towards her. However, with a flash, she disappears right before the electricity made contact. With another flash, she’s in front of me, with a charged horn. Well shit. In slow motion, I look at her with surprise as she glares at me. Welp. I’m fucked.

In a split second, I’m shoved to the side, Twilight’s spell shoots forward and hits the wall, and Twilight’s pulled back. “Goodness, Anon, are you slipping?” A teasing voice asks. Through the pain, I furrow my brow and f grimace. This is objectively worse than whatever Twilight’s gonna do. I’m lifted gently into the air, on my back, and come to a step in front of Celestia, who smiles down at me.

“Don’t fucking start,” I say irritably. Celestia snickers as her horn glows brighter. Slowly, my body feels better as her healing magic take effect. Twilight stumbles before looking at Celestia and tensing up.

“Oh no- how am I going to fight them both?” She wonders. Celestia laughs.

“Twilight, you have magic, don’t you?” She asks calmly. Twilight stops and blinks.

“What?”

“Twilight, isn’t there a spell to detect the work of magic or potions?” Celestia asks. “Why not try them on me?” Twilight stares at her former mentor blankly before her horn glows. A minute later, she shakes her head.

“Princess Celestia, if he’s threatening you, I’m sure we can-“ Celestia laughs as I finish healing up. I notice she keeps a hold on me despite that I’m healed.

“Anon, did you forget to tell her about the nuke being disarmed?” Celestia asks.

“Well, she didn’t ask,” I say. “Also, can you put me down now? I don’t need to be held like a child.”

“Aw, but you’re so cute this way,” Celestia says, before leaning in. “~Tsundere~” I blush and cross my arms.

“Fuck off, I could take over the world again and keep it that way,” I say irritably.

“W-wait-“ Twilight says, rubbing a hoof to her head as she feels a migraine coming on. “So, Anon didn’t threaten or poison you? You actually like him!?” Celestia giggles.

“Life’s funny that way, isn’t it?” She asks. Twilight looks at her incredulously as Rainbow and Applejack slowly come to consciousness.

“He took over Equestria, not once, not twice, but three times!” Twilight exclaims. “He’s hurt and endangered Faust knows how many lives, and don’t forget the glitter incident!” Celestia sighs, nodding.

“Yes, I am a bit confused too, but I’ve grown to respect him... somewhat,” she says. “To be fair, he’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him.” Twilights gawks at her as Applejack and Rainbow walk up, dazed.

“He literally killed orphans!” Twilight yells. I stop and look at her.

“Wait, did you think I actually killed orphans?” I ask.

“Are you saying you lied to me?” Twilight asks.

“... Twilight, I was a villain. Would I really kill orphans?” I deadpan. Twilight looks at me for a bit before sighing, nodding. “I would never kill orphans... I just taxed them.” To this, Rainbow and Applejack’s eyes shoot open as Twilight just gives up.

“W-wait, you taxed orphans? Why!?” Applejack asks.

“If you’re small, you still pay it all,” I answer.

“Anon, they were orphans,” Rainbow Dash deadpans.

“Yeah, amazing to see who’s a free loader nowadays,” I say, only adding to the confusion of the ponies.

“Well, in any case,” Celestia interrupts. “Anon’s a nice guy. He is a perfectly fine person to fall in love with.” To this, I look away, frowning and blushing a bit as she brings me closer. She rests her head on top of mine, smiling. “I know it’s a bit strange, but please, trust me, okay?”

“You don’t need to be so touchy-feely and shit,” I grumble.

“~Tsuuuuundere~,” Celestia says, making me grumble even more.

“Well... I guess I can’t help it,” Twilight says, sighing.

“Well, look on the bright side. You would have won this time,” I say. I look at her with a smirk. “If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m scarred, tired, and not a villain, you could’ve finally added a number to your score of wins.” Twilight just deadpans at me before turning and leaving.

“H-hey, wait up! What’d we miss?!” Rainbow asks, flying off. Applejack looks at Celestia in confusion.

“I still don’t understand something,” she says. She points to me. “What’s stopping him from trying another take over by using you?” Celestia starts to answer, but I beat her to it.

“Easy. I took over the world. Granted, I was unconscious for a bit of it, but I ultimately won. As a villain, all my goals are fulfilled and all my wishes have come true. I don’t need to take over the world.” Applejack squints her eyes.

“So, how’re y’all gonna earn money?” She asks. “You’re not gold digging our Princess, are ya?” I laugh.

“Applejack, I wouldn’t do something so crude and unimaginative,” I say. I turn my head towards her with a grin. “Remember how some parts of Equestria’s government got a couple of additional branches for financial institutions?” Applejack furrows her brow in confusion.

“Uh, yeah? So?” She asks, unsure of how a government owned building has anything to do with this.

“Who commissioned, built, and wrote the rules for it?” I ask. To this, she suddenly realizes something before looking at Celestia with astonishment.

“No,” she says.

“Yep. I made a monopoly by grabbing the stock market by its neck and shaking it down for lunch money,” I elaborate. “Continuously, mind you. But don’t worry, those new tax laws I made actually created an increase in revenue for the government, it’ll take forever for the system to weed out every single individual tax law I made, which will split the tax between the government and me. I made a pretty fair and balanced share for everyone, sixty percent’s for me, the rest to the pony government.” Applejack looks at me blankly.

“... I’m not entirely sure what you just said, but it sounds really illegal,” she remarks.

“Oh, it is. But by the time it’s fixed, I’ll have enough money for the rest of my life. They know better than to try and freeze my accounts,” I say, grinning. Celestia, shaking her head, sighs as she looks down at me.

“Anon...” She says, disappointedly.

“Hey, I’m not making it worse anymore, so why bother messing with me while I’m alive?” I ask. “Also, can you put me down now?” Celestia smiles.

“Nope,” she says simply, pulling me closer with magic to peck me on the forehead. In response, I grumble try to shrink.

“Fuckin- stop, I’m not a baby,” I complain. Applejack, weirded out and done with me, shakes her head and gives her respects to Celestia before walking out.

With that, Celestia and I are alone in my throne room. Celestia gently puts me on my massager, which I turn on and sink into the vibes. With a flash, Celestia summons a chair of her own before she sits down. “Sorry, I hadn’t gotten around to getting a massager for you,” I say.

“It’s fine, I don’t really think a massager is what I need,” Celestia says, laughing softly. I shake my head as I turn the television back on.

“Everyone needs one. No excuse,” I say, flipping through channels. Several channels have a news story on Celestia and I. I must admit, it does bring a smile to my face, seeing how much drama I’ve accidentally stirred up. Celestia snickers at them, but I know she doesn’t really wanna watch that kind of stuff. Finally, we settle on an older movie, which is in black and white. I think it’s a murder mystery, but I don’t really pay attention to it. I stare off into space as we sit in the throne room. You know what?... I’m happy I’m not a villain anymore. I’ve done what I’ve wanted, no one’s chasing me around, and I got one good fight in with Twilight. I lean back, stretching a bit. This, is the life.

Comments

[GlitchyFox]

next up: anons a villain? 3-anon vs convesion wars equestria

[flub]

And this all started because Twilight didn't pay Anon six bits

[Brony of the Revolution]

I have an idea for the next one: Anon squares off against Pony God so he can tax people in the afterlife.

[Allsmiles]

(Ah, a fine ending to a fine series! I actually feel sorry for Twilight though... her mentor and idol hooked up with her biggest enemy who she never beat. I can understand her response here.)

[rikusorasephiroth]

This should finish with one more fic titled, Anon's NOT a Villain (and No-one Believes it).

First chapter having him marry Celestia and each chapter is them trying to enjoy their honeymoon on a world-trip, with every nation angry at his very presence and refusing to accept that he's not taking over again.

[SteampunkBrony]

If you ever consider continuing this story, an arc of "oh the villains are gunning for me now? How cute." would be epic.

[TheUltimateBalanceChaos]

Anon fights pony god/alicorn of afterlife with goal of taxing the afterlife when he wins but secretly to gain immortality so he never has to leave Celestia alone?

[FlamboyantQueer]

A fitting end to the greatest trilogy of all time.

[Rhythmic Gravity Chance]

o> What the heck am I supposed to read now?

oo There's only so much clop a horse can take between these gems!

[AnormalUnicornPony]

Nice ending

[Mr 0]

I would of loved it if Twilight and her crew got a bill for all the windows and stuff they keep breaking, or getting charged with assault and having to pay a fine and or a small amount of jail time.

[Duckaboo385]

I just imagine their kid being the so-called goddess of light in other worlds or dimensions but having Anon's mentalilty. That could be fun, especially with like isekai shenenigans, effectively their child which is a goddess of good was pretty much more better at being evil then the bad guys. I can't get the image out of my head about her getting into evil world domination bets just like her father...

[Prince Jules Moonshade]

This was a stupid but equally funny and fun read can’t wait to see what other shenanigans ya make!

[Kadigan]

10781843
SO FUCKING VERY MUCH THIS PLEASE

Also, I need to see a slice-of-life between them going forward. This was hilarious as fuck, but now I'm hungry for a love story. Something in the spirit of Mr & Mrs Smith, I suppose. ;]

Oh! Make Luna officiate their wedding. I want to see Twilight as a flower mare!
A thoroughly pissed-off flower mare, at that.

[QuicheLorraine]

Rule 128: The story finishes? Gimme your finances.

[NocturnalLillith]

10872667

Rule 128: The story finishes? Your bits diminishes.

FTFY

[QuicheLorraine]

10878149
Yeah but I dunno. It's less fun to make a rhyme with the same conjugation, or maybe it's just me

[Vaguely Demented]

Kind of have to wonder if next he will end up defending Equestria or the world from some “bitch ass wannabe”.

[ynfiltra]

noice!

[Arceaion]

I feel like Anon should come out of Villain Retirement one last time but as an old man and take over the world just to show that he still has it even if he's old and then he dies just as they all declare his victory. A final epic send off to prove he was and always would be the greatest villain ever, future generations would be told the terrifying tale of the Villain known as Anon, the Tax Collector.

[Inqusitor]

One of the best humour I have seen in a while

[Buck Swisher]

Good stuff, man. Can't wait for your next work.

[Dboi1000]

NOOT- NOOT

[Verdauga]

A glorious End.

[rikusorasephiroth]

11045948
Cool.

[Jinx_Zamluna]

Fucking beautiful. You have a gift mate. You have a gift

[Soar00]

Read the whole trilogy, and I'm really glad I did.
I missed being able too loose myself in a story and be excited about it.
Amazing job, thank you for uploading this.

[WojakWriter]

Read the whole trilogy in one sitting and damn were they good

[Reishin Amara]

Anon reminds me of Frank from Shameless...if he was clean the entire time.

[BloodyDitzy]

I know you said this was the last one, and you’re probably tired of writing this story, but please write just one more. The memeiest royal wedding of the century with all the world leaders, catching up with old characters like Bones, Luna and Cadence’s reaction. Hell, the world’s reaction. I feel like it would round it off nicely, and scratch our itches for this fantastically written world you probably just created whimsically. In any case, you’re the author here so it’s really all up to you

[Yellowtail]

11354837
Yeh sure why not. Gimme a couple days or so.