• Published 17th Mar 2021
  • 10,465 Views, 136 Comments

Anon’s A Villain Because Of A Bet - Yellowtail

Because Celestia thought he was kidding, she made a bet. Anon decided that conquering the world is a sensible bet to fulfill.

  • ...

Day 1: The Bet.

I sigh as I sit in my massager. No worries, no concerns, and no reason to do anything! This is what I call a high life! I look over to see Bones is almost done fixing the television on the throne table. “My lord, I know you’re not a villain or anything anymore, but might I ask a question?” He says, looking over as he finally manages to get the television working, making it buzz to life as I grab the remote from the arm of my massager. I hum in response. “What exactly are we doing now?” He asks. I stop as a news channel comes on.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well, Erm, don’t take this as disrespect my lord, but uh, we’re bored,” Bones says, turning to me. “You haven’t given an order since... well... two years ago.”

“Has it been two years? Could’ve sworn all that was yesterday,” I mutter, flipping through channels.

“My lord, is it that... are you okay?” He asks. I pause.

“Uh, yeah, why?” I ask.

“You know, if there’s something that’s happened to you-“

“I don’t have cancer you dolt,” I say. “I just don’t have any motivation to do anything. I mean, y’all are free to go if you want. I don’t even pay you guys anymore.”

“Well, true, but we are loyal to you sir. After all we’ve done and been through, we would do anything for you!” He says. I give him a sincere smile.

“Aw, thanks. Y’know, I’ve never told any of you how much I appreciate your loyalty,” I say. He gives a smile and salutes in return.

“No need my lord, we are fully aware,” he says. Suddenly, the throne room’s doors open, and in comes Celestia, carrying a bowl of ice cream.

“Is the TV ready?” She asks tiredly. I look at her with a quirked brow before looking at Bones.

“Round up whoever’s on break. Tell them it’s movie night,” I say. Bones salutes and runs off excitedly as Celestia pulls up a chair next to me, sits down and summons a spoon.

“So, what are we watching?” She asks. I look at her in confusion.

“Hold up, why are you still coming around here?” I ask. “I didn’t do anything if that’s your concern.”

“Well, despite what you may think Anon, I’m not always visiting you because I think you did something,” she grumbles, taking a spoonful of the frozen treat and shoving it into her mouth. “Sometimes, you’re even less annoying than nobles, and I’d prefer dealing with you instead,” she says, muffled.”

“... Did you ditch a Royal meeting or something?” I ask. She nods, nonplussed. “... Nice, welcome to the dark side.” With that, I settle on a channel that focuses on Sci-Fi movies. Soon, I look around to see that there is a crowd of Diamond dogs around us, all happily watching the movie. I smile and lean back, turning on the massager. Celestia laughs as she watches something unfold on screen. I myself am just enjoying the company, honestly. This feels... complete. Like, this is how it’s all supposed to be... it’s nice...

“... Hey Anon, think you could conquer the world like these aliens?” Celestia jokingly asks.

“Of course I could,” I say seriously. Celestia stops and laughs.

“Right, right,” she says.

“No, I could,” I reaffirm. Celestia looks at me, tired. She stares me in the eyes for a moment before snickering.

“Anon, if you conquer the world, I will personally give you a date,” she says.

“No, I’ll conquer the world just because you thought I couldn’t,” I say, genuinely getting mad.

“No no, try,” she says. “But you’ll have to reconquer Equestria lastly, alright?” I scoff and look around to see all the Diamond dogs staring at me, excitement in their eyes.

“Alright then, shake?” I ask her. She rolls her eyes and holds out a hoof. I shake it, nodding. “Now, get out,” I say. She blinks.

“Wait, what?” She asks, suddenly realizing I’m not laughing. “No, Anon, I was joking-“

“I wasn’t. We’re doing this,” I say. All the dogs give a bark of enthusiasm, before running out to tell the others. Celestia looks around wildly, realizing the mistake she just made.

“Oh for the love of-“

“Don’t touch my castle or I’m conquering Equestria immediately,” I say, getting up. “We’ve got a base of operations in Zebrica already. Bones!” I yell. Bones rushes up, happy. “We’re moving out! All operations going to Zebrica!”

“Yes my lord!” He exclaims. He rushes out as Celestia face hooves.

“Anon, please, I don’t- I was just joking, please don’t bucking-“

“I’m fucking conquering the world! AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME!!!” I yell, running out the room to go pack some things. Celestia slams her head onto the table. “Oh, and if you try to say this deal never happened, it’s on camera!” I yell into the room. Celestia sits upright, looks towards the ceiling, and sees a camera recording.

“Oh for the love of-“ she stops to whimper as she realizes what she’s just done. She knows damn well she can’t stop him, since world domination isn’t really against the law, funnily enough. She briefly wonders if she can still try to arrest him, but she knows everyone’s afraid of trying to stop him with legalities, since that didn’t work last time. No, she’s just gonna have to prepare defenses and hope for the best.

It’s bright and early in Zebrica, as the king Zeal looks through some complaints. He has to admit, it’s nice to have a United country. It’s lowered some prices, brought an increase in tax revenue, and the zebras are getting along well, surprisingly. He sighs as he thinks back about the past two years. It has been so peaceful, it’s almost boring... until I kick open the door.

“Knock knock Zeeeeeal!” I yell, cheerfully. His eyes shrink to pin pricks.

“No,” he says.

“Yep! I’m gonna conquer the world!” I say. He narrows his eyes and clicks a button. I step back, just in time for a volley of arrows to crash down from above. “Nope, can’t catch me with my own tricks!” I say, sauntering up. “I need a bit of a favor-“

“The answer is no! Guards!” He yells. Zebra guards rush in, freezing once they see me.

“Tsk tsk tsk, iron armor? I thought you were smarter,” I note, sending electricity into the guards, knocking them out.

“Why can’t you leave us alone!?” Zeal asks.

“Well, I got some good news, and some bad news,” I say. “Bad news, your country is practically a punching bag for me, but the good news is-“ I grin as I get within arms’ reach of Zeal, and place a hand on his crown. “You don’t need to wear such a heavy crown anymore!” I yank it off, throwing him onto the floor as more guards rush in. They all freeze, seeing me, and sigh before bowing. Zeal looks up at me, terror on his face as I grin down at him. “Call me Mr Bones, cause y’all ain’t stepping off of my wild ride!” With that, I start maniacally laughing, feeling extremely energized for the first time in years.

Celestia glares at Discord, who whistles innocently. They’re in the throne room in Canterlot’s Castle “Tell me, throughout all the times you’ve realized he existed, why have you never stepped in to help!?” She yells. Discord winces, before sighing.

“I made a promise Celestia, simple as that,” he says.

“What promise?” She asks. Discord conjures up a cup of tea, and swirls it with a finger.

“He promised that he’d give me a cake!” He says, pulling out his finger to see the bones are left. He smiles and sips the tea.

“A cake?” Celestia asks. “... Why, in all of Equestria, is a cake stopping you?” She asks.

“It’s a special cake! Whenever Fluttershy’s birthday is coming up, I always forget to get a normal cake. I promised I wouldn’t step in if he promises to give me a cake to bring to Fluttershy every year!” He says. “And I checked him, he’s serious. He’s given me a cake every single year since he first conquered Equestria.” Celestia face hooves.

“I could give hundreds of cakes a hundred times over Discord!” She yells.

“Well, yes, but I like seeing you get mad,” Discord says, grinning as he chomps off a bit of the cup. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to set up a chair. Anon just took over Zebrica, and he’s shooting for Griffon Stone next!” He says excitedly. With that, he dissappears, to the astonishment of Celestia.

“...” she sighs, and trudges out. She’s going to be busy, setting up defenses to actually counter Anon’s inevitable invasion.