• Published 17th Mar 2021
  • 10,512 Views, 136 Comments

Anon’s A Villain Because Of A Bet - Yellowtail

Because Celestia thought he was kidding, she made a bet. Anon decided that conquering the world is a sensible bet to fulfill.

  • ...

Day 15: Griffons Boutta Be Fried Chicken-

It’s been two weeks. Zebrica was a punching bag, and Griffon Stone was next. Surprisingly, Griffon a stone was a bit harder to conquer this time around. That is, they had seriously upgraded since I last saw them. They have iron armor, they have modern swords and bows, though spears are standard issue. Their castle was prepared for a siege, and it took a whole two days to conquer it! Way better than the measly two hours it took last time. Next to a small army of dogs, I walk up the mountain path as Bones tries his best to stick to the wall. “Man, remember when I kicked you down the mountain?” I ask him, smiling. He gulps.

“Verily sir, I’m terrified of heights because of that,” he says.

“Good. One should remember how much it hurts me on the inside as much as I’ll hurt others on the outside,” I say. “Now, what do you think the Griffon’s surrender will entail?”

“No clue sir,” Bones answers. “They were pretty weak last time, and I heard they’ve invested much more into security.” To that, I look at the army beside me, having taken out the Griffon’s army quickly yet again.

“Did they? I hadn’t noticed.”

I kick open the throne room doors of Griffon Stone’s castle, before walking in calmly with Diamond dogs rushing in and surrounding the throne and its ruler. The griffon sitting on the throne looks like the same guy I spoke to last time. “Ah, Anonymous the human,” he says. “I see you’ve-“ I interrupt him by shooting him with a gun. He falls to the floor, clutching the spot the rubber bullet hit him. “OW- WHAT THE BUCK!?!?” He yells. “I WASN’T FINISHED YOU CRETIN!!!” He yells. I shrug.

“Thought you’d know better by now,” I say. “So, do you surrender?” The griffon looks up at me with anger.

“Go to Tartarus!” He yells. I send electricity through him, and he spazzes out. After a moment, he’s unconscious. I snicker.

“Griffon’s down, Minotaurs next,” I say. I turn to my guards. “Take the king away and lock him up. Tell the others to escort him to the new dungeon.”

“Which new dungeon?” A guard asks.

“You know, the one we just made,” I say.

“The one in Zebrica?” He asks.

“No, the other one,” I sigh.

“... There was another one?” The guard asks. I groan.

“Just- tell him to take that bird bastard to the new dungeon!” I yell. Suddenly, a flash comes up behind me, making me sigh. “God damn it-“ I am interrupted by a pair of hooves bucking me into the crowd of guards, who all catch me before falling down as well.

“Stop this Anon!” An all too familiar voice yells.

“Shut up nerd!” I yell back, getting to my feet as my guards scramble to get up. I turn around and snicker as I see Twilight and her friends.

“I want payback,” Rainbow says, flying up. I pull out my gun and fire, but miss her as she simply dodges and flies toward me. I generate electricity and run forward throwing my arms open. Realizing this is a mistake, Rainbow tries to slow down, only to run into me and conduct all those volts of energy. She passes out and falls down as I dust off my coat.

“How do you have so much energy!?” Twilight yells in frustration.

“I’ll do you one better, how are you stooges gonna stop me?” I ask, walking forward. Applejack runs up and attempts to hit me, but I simply keep an electric field around me, effectively gazing her the moment she steps near me. As she falls, a twilight steps forward.

“I can beat you!” She boldly says. I stop.

“Oh really?” I ask. “With that?”

“Legalities!” She says. I stare at her for a minute and shrug.

“Alright, it sounds stupid enough, but send your pals back to Equestria,” I say. “I’ll only listen if you talk alone.” Twilight grimaces before her horn lights up.

“Darling- wait-“ is all Rarity could say before she, and the rest of Twilight’s buddies, were teleported away. I smile.

“See? Isn’t being civil so easy?” I ask. She grits her teeth.

“You violated the contract,” she says. I blink in surprise.

“What?” I ask.

“Your contract with Celestia. You didn’t conquer the past two countries correctly,” Twilight says. I scoff.

“How?” I ask.

“For instance, Zebrica surrendered, it wasn’t conquered,” Twilight says. “Because of the fact that they surrendered-“

“No, they didn’t surrender,” I interrupt. “I simply stormed right into the capital, took down their defenses with ease, and took control with a military force.” Twilight grimaces.

“Well- you didn’t do it correctly,” she reaffirms. “Celestia said, and I quote-“ Twilight stops to take out a paper. “Hey Anon, think you could conquer the world like these aliens?” I cross my arms as I look at her in amusement. “You haven’t conquered either of these countries in a similar manner as aliens do.” I look at her as she looks at me seriously. The Diamond dogs all look at me in shock, wondering if this campaign is over. However, I could only show one single emotion.

“Hahahahahahaaaaaa!” I loudly laugh, confusing everyone.

“Y-you lost! Admit defeat!” Twilight yells. I double over, laughing even harder.

“Oh my god- you don’t understand how fucking FUCKED you are!” I yell in amusement.

“B-but- No! You lost! We’re not the ones who’re screwed!” She says defiantly. I wipe a tear away as I grin at her.

“Answer me this, ace attorney. Which alien?” I ask. Twilight pauses and her eyes shrink to pin pricks. She takes out her notes and looks through them.

“No... No no no-“ she freaks out as I continue laughing my ass off, as my guards join in. “C-Celestia knows! Surely she knows which one!” Twilight says before teleporting out. Bones walks up to me, worried.

“My lord, do you know which aliens you’re copying?” He asks.

“Bones, remember when I made that training film a while back for new recruits?” I ask. Bones nods. “Ever wondered why some Diamond dogs made a television show?” Bones stops as realization dawns on his face.

“W-wait-“ Bones stops and scoffs. “You can’t seriously be telling me, that years in advanced, you made a plan to take over the world, and filmed it,” he says incredulously.

“Actually, it was a joke show I made just to scare the ponies,” I explain. “It’s a cult classic rerun nowadays, and I figured Celestia noticed. Apparently not.”

Meanwhile, Celestia rewatches the movie that she saw two weeks ago. She face hoofs as Twilight, sitting beside her, has her jaw hanging open. “... I almost want to call this cheating,” Twilight says. “It feels like cheating.”

“Twilight, let’s look on the bright side,” Celestia says. “At least we have a way of predicting him. He has to stick close the the movie, right? Which means, he can only use what the movie shows us.” Twilight nods.

“Yes, that’s great and all, but the movie says he has an airship and a cannon that shoots light,” Twilight says. “Normally, I would dismiss it and say it’s impossible, but knowing Anon, this may very well be a secret project he has been developing for years.” Celestia sighs as she watches the antagonist of the movie laugh at her face.

“I suppose I should have seen this coming. If Anon says he’ll do it, he does,” she mutters.

“So, what now?” Twilight asks. “We could try to attack him first. He never said we couldn’t do that.” Celestia looks at Twilight with a smile. She starts to agree, but remembers last time, when a nuke was mentioned.

“Although that’s true, I know Anon has thought of that. He has something that could... effectively counter it,” she says, trying to be careful with her words. “I believe that the most we can do is either send the Elements of Harmony, send resources to the other countries, or just keep an eye on them in general.” Twilight sighs, look back to the television. Who knows what diabolical plan could be unfolding next. Twilight takes out a letter, catching Celestia’s attention. With a spell, she sends it off.

“It’s a warning, for the Minotaurs,” she says, answering Celestia’s question before she asked. Celestia nods.

“Ah yes, the movie does say that the minotaurs were next,” she replies. “Though, the movie only says ‘they were taken by strange and dangerous technology...’”

In a base in a south west sector of Griffon Stone, I hum as I watch a cargo ship arrive at our new port. I stand in a watch tower, similar to that of an airport’s control tower. Computers surround me, yet staying short enough for me to look over them and through the windows. I hear footsteps and turn to see Bones coming up some stairs. “Sir, our ship has arrived. Other than the assigned army and supplies, what should we bring with us?” He asks. I smile and cross my arms.

“Tell them to bring Project Opposer, it’s almost complete and our engineers can finish it abroad,” I say. Bones looks at me in confusion.

“Abroad? Without being tested?” He asks. “Don’t get me wrong my lord, although this is much easier than the BFB, this is still dangerous. What if they weigh too much on the ships?” He asks. I scoff.

“The nerds downstairs did the math. They’ll be fine,” I say. A beep from a computer alerts me that someone’s calling. I pick up a phone. “Yeah?” I ask.

“Sir! This is Mirror Team! We’ve made progress on that project of yours!” A voice says excitedly.

“Good. Can it fire?” I ask.

“W-well, sort of,” he replies. “We’re trying to find a way to make it bigger. However! We’ve managed to make it hold a charge for longer!” I smile.

“Excellent! I’ll call you back when I need another report,” I say. Hanging up, I turn and walk past Bones, going down the stairs. Bones follows close behind, as we start our departure for the minotaur country, Moumany. As I step onto the ground floor, in a huge room full of mechanical parts and machinery, I look up to see the fruit of Project Opposer’s labor. A mother fucking tank. This one is a custom model, designed for me. On the barrel, is a couple of spray painted lightning bolts. The tank’s a dark grey color, but various parts of it are highlighted in yellow.

“Sir, do you wish to move this one first?” Bones asks. I nod.

“Bones, when we get to the minotaurs, I will show everyone what shock and awe truly means,” I say. He grins and looks up at the tank as well, admiring the handiwork of our engineers. “... There are manuals for these things, right?” I ask suddenly.

“Of course, Opposer crews are each given a manual. We can ask for one from the engineers,” he replies. I nod.

“Good, because if something happens to my personal crew, I’ll need to know how to do it all myself,” I say. Bones nods.

“Understood sir,” he says. With that, we turn and walk towards the exit, ready for the next goal.