• Published 23rd Aug 2020
  • 3,584 Views, 337 Comments

Half-Life: Pastel Paradise - I aint no damn brownie



Equestria is in danger. It’s up to the crowbar-wielding physicist, Gordon Freeman, to save the day.

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GFM

“Wh-what do you mean, you haven’t seen anything like that? “ I asked, becoming very, VERY scared.

Are they really the Princesses? Are they.. another type of monster? Something that can shape-shift, like a changeling? Are they changelings??

“We mean just that,” Luna spoke up, interrupting my thoughts. “We’ve been in this room for hours. If nothing came in, then nothing was seen by us. I don’t doubt that these monsters exist, because I don’t see any reason for you to lie, but I certainly haven’t seen any of them wandering about.”

Damn it.

Buck.

Buck! They haven’t seen them!

This makes, ugh, what does this mean? For me. For Equestria. I’m..

Having a hard time formulating thoughts.

It’s cold, yet my head feels hot. Everything is hot.

W-wait a minute..

My leg..

Is it ? still bleeding?

“Oh my Faust, Pinkie! We forgot to-!”

I was out before I hit the floor.


Oh, shoot! Shoot! Shoot!

Immediately after seeing Pinkie fall, I picked her up in my magic. Shoot! How could we let this happen!? What do we do?!

We have to go! We have to get her to the medical wing. I don’t- if Pinkie was right, and there really are those other monsters out there, then we have to move fast.

I don’t know if my doctors are alright, but I pray they are.

I really, really do.

I push through the exit door and into the hallway, where I begin galloping as fast as I can. Luna rushes out after me, following close behind. I get to the stairs, and I run down, and in the process, nearly trip over my own hooves. I quickly right myself.

I just have to take a right here and it takes me straight to the medical wing. Just one-

It’s blocked.

The path is blocked by debris.

The only way is to take a left. But that takes nearly 4 times longer. Damn it-!

Getting quickly fed up, I hoof Pinkie off to Luna. She’s surprised but she does grab her in her magic.

I charge up a destruction spell, and I fire. The debris is almost instantly destroyed and the path is open.

But it made a very, very loud noise.

And I realize my mistake upon hearing a cacophony of screams, growls, and roars.

“We gotta go,” I said, turning to Luna.

“Wh-“ she starts, but I cut her off,

“Now!”

She shakes her head and nods, and I take off. A vent cover behind us is quickly destroyed, but I don’t stay long enough to see why. I continue running and destroying more and more debris. The medical wing. We’re almost there.

“Hold on, Pinkie.” I said, looking behind me to look at Luna, who still held her.

My pupils turned to pinpricks.

A horde of them.

Monsters of all sizes, shapes. Chasing us. Luna had tears in her eyes. She was terrified, and I was too.

There were some of the zombies, some of those crabs and even a few of those gators; but there were also.. others. Tan beasts with blades for limbs that were coated in blood. A tiny, hump-backed creature that continuously screeched whenever I stared directly at it. It seemed to be trying desperately to latch onto something, given the fact that it was hopping quickly instead of running. I wanted to stay away from it.

Are.. are those the beasts Pinkie was talking about? Oh my..

One of those creatures jumped high and almost latched onto Pinkie, but I shot it with a knock-back spell.

..it froze in the air and fell back down.

That’s not.. why didn’t it?

It jumped again, and I blasted it with a flame spell.

Again, it just froze and fell to the floor.

Wait. No..

No, no, no no no!

No! Oh no! Does magic not WORK on these things?!?

We’ve gotta keep running. Luna takes this initiative and runs ahead of me.

The medical wing is right there.

Something latches onto my head, and I hear a loud bang, along with my face feeling like it got hit by a ton of bricks. Everything was hot.

The last thing I heard was Luna screaming my name, and the last thing I saw was a lot of blood.


I dodged a flying piece of rock with a boost jump to the left. I landed hard on my feet as I continued to shoot at the barriers protecting the healing crystals.

One shot. Wait.

One shot. Wait.

Two shots? Nope. I missed the crystal and hit the barrier.

One shot. Wait.

One shot-

CRSHSHSHSHHSKKKK

The crystal is destroyed.

RREEEAAAHHHHH

FUCK YEAH!

I dodge a giant laser and fire at the next crystal. No ammo. Shit!

I pressed the mag release and watched the metal piece fall out of the handgun. Once that happened, I grabbed another magazine from my suit, this one only containing 4 bullets. I need a refill.

I put the magazine into the gun,

Wait, shit. That’s backwards.

I turned it around and put the magazine into the gun, and shortly thereafter I pulled the slider to chamber a round. Good to go.

I aimed at the barriers protecting the crystal, and pulled the trigger-

KRSHSH

A giant rock formation burst from the ground, directly in front of me. I quickly lose my balance and fall on my ass.

“Fuck!” I yelled. That was really, really close. Damn.

I stood back up and looked over at the crystal. I aimed down the iron-sights, and moved the gun a little to the left, due to the inaccuracy of the damn thing. The sight was off! Can you believe that?

Anyway, I fired and the small piece of barrier was destroyed. I fired 2 more shots and the mag was empty.

I put the Glock back onto its hook and pulled off my revolver. .357 ammunition, don’t fail me now!

Two shots, two hits; the crystal is destroyed.

The nihilanth screeches in anger, and I have to dodge another air strike.

As soon as I do, I run into one of those pods. I kick the top off and have to ignore nearly everything, save for a box of .357 and a Glock mag. Damn it all. I need more weapons!

I look up from my moment of resupply, only to nearly have my head taken off by a flying red piece of debris.

Uhhh..

Okay.

That was a close call.. again.

But I’m almost done with the crystal portion. I’m almost finished.

I rush as fast as I can to put two new bullets in the revolver. I need to make all of it count. I can’t run out of ammo in the middle of the fight.

I pull the Glock off the hook, drop the magazine, put the new one in and press the slide release. It’s the first time I’ve ever done that, but it’s the fastest way to do it. I can’t dick around and try to be cool by pulling the slider.

I need to focus.

3 shots of 9mm, I destroy one of the barrier pieces. Two shots and I destroy the one next to it, just to give myself a bigger opening.

I put the Glock on its hook and pull off the revolver. I look down the sights and pull the trigger twice. Done, done.

The final crystal is destroyed. Nihilanth screeches, and hell breaks loose.

3 green.. things, show up in the sky.

Giant rock formations shoot up next to me.

Purple orbs appear in the sky, and an entire fucking piece of a building flies out and lands next to me. There’s a box of shotgun shells visible on the desk.

If only I had a shotgun.

I look back up at the nihilanth, and notice that it’s got a force field. Hexagonal panels. I’m guessing I can destroy them.. but how much ammo does it take?

I do a test fire of one .357 bullet. The panel doesn’t change.

One more shot, and the same panel is destroyed.

Okay. It doesn’t take much. I just have to not fuck it up, and..

What the hell?

Two yellow crystals just came up from the ground.

Taking out a grenade, I pulled the pin and chucked it over. After a few seconds, it blew up and destroyed the crystal. Did the next one and focused my attention back on the giant baby thing.

That was odd. Don’t really understand the purpose of those things.. but okay.

I fired through the hole in the barrier and took two shots.

Out of ammo.

I flicked out the barrel and pushed the back. All the empty ammunition fell out, and I put a speed loader in. I pulled off the paper and flicked the barrel back in.

...

Can’t that damage the gun?

Whatever.

Three shots at the nihilanth, and a piece of Black Mesa falls next to me. There’s a box of revolver ammo on the desk.

I run up to it, but I am quickly thrown back by a piece of the Earth spiking up right under my feet.

I feel weightless as I fly through the air and land on my back roughly, almost missing the voice that says “Major fracture detected.”

I have 40 health left, and no suit power.

I stand up quickly and jump back from an orange laser. Damn it, it’s getting too tight. I don’t have much room to move around anymore.

As I’m waiting for the opening in the force field, I dodge yet another piece of Black Mesa, and turn to look at the desk for any supplies.

There’s no desk,

But there it is.

Oh.. it’s beautiful.

The.. the holy grail.

The weapon to help me in my time of need.

It’s a laboratory piece of Black Mesa.

The specific laboratory piece..

That houses the gluon gun.

Another air strike starts and I feel a pang of dread. Fuck, I can’t let it destroy that thing!

I run up to the piece of scientific machinery and pull it away right as the building is destroyed by a laser.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I quickly throw the battery pack on and aim the gluon beam at the forcefield. Ammo be damned, this thing is done.

I pulled the lever and listened to the familiar sound of scientific evolution.

Two more crystals pop out of the ground and I quickly destroy them. I aim back at the hell baby and continue to fire.

...

Out of ammo.

“Ammo be damned, this thing is done.

That wasn’t very smart.

I roll away from an orange laser as I run up to one of those pods. I take out an electromagnetic battery and replace the one in the gun.

Fully reloaded, I continue to fire.

This is when hell broke loose once again.

The nihilanth uses a large fucking attack that destroys damn near everything around me, yet it spares me. The reason, well, fuck if I know, but I can’t think about that right now. I have to keep firing.

A bunch of dust is kicked up as the fight continues to rage on. One large attack, and these odd.. walls.. whips? Of orange shoot out. I have to focus on dodging them as I continue to fire.

This is way harder than my previous fight with the nihilanth, even considering the teleportation. That was just annoying. This is deadly.

The thing puts up a small forcefield in front of itself and I just run to the side to continue firing.

Out of ammo.

Grab another pack from another pod.

Reload.

Fire.

I jump out of the way as another air strike begins to fall down, and more of those whips shoot out. My back is against the wall as I close my eyes tightly to avoid the dust getting into my eyes, relying on luck to dodge those whips. They go in a pattern, and I pray I knew it already.

Fuck. This is bad. This is really bad.

I cover my ears as everything becomes too loud. The hot waves go by me in large amounts, and I open my eyes back up because I realize how stupid I am.

I dodge more of those whips, and they stop coming. The air strike ceases.

When it does finally all clear up, I take a moment to catch my breath.

I have 14 health.

...

Where did the rest of it go?!

Damn it. I need a medical kit, but that air strike destroyed everything.

Taking my chances, I continue to fire. If I die, I die. It was a good run- oh fuck who am I kidding. I don’t want to die. Please don’t die!

A giant fireball descends from the sky, and lands right in front of me. The pure force of it sends me flying back about ten feet.

I do a backflip in the air as I land on my feet and slide back.

I balance myself, my knees weak. My glasses are gone, there’s a loud ringing in my ears, and my nose is bleeding profusely. My vision is blurry, and my depth perception is fucked.

After not grabbing it twice over, I grip the handle of the gun tightly. I pull it and continue to fire.

The nihilanth turns towards me, it’s head crystal exposed. I aim directly at it and fire relentlessly, gripping the lever with my life.

Another air-strike starts, and I have to dance around more flame whips.

But right as the first wave passes..

KRSCH

SCCCRREEEEAAHHHHHHHH

The nihilanth begins to move erratically as I continue dodging flame whips. I get hit right in the chest by one, and right as I do, my vision goes white.

I’m outside the arena.

I watch as the island I teleported in on is blown to bits.

I’m about to celebrate, until I stop.

Wait.

Did.. did Spike ever get off that island?

He didn’t fight with me in the arena, did he..

Upon realizing the implications, I fell to my knees.

No..

45 minutes earlier.

“F-Freeman, this isn’t funny. Come out! Please!!!” I yelled, feeling an intense sense of dread and worry.

I can’t- I can’t fight this thing alone. Freeman is always there to help me. I’m nothing without him. He taught me how to reload my gun, he taught me that I just need to kick the absolute shit out of things to deal with them, he taught me how to be angry at the world and use it to my advantage, he..

He’s my lifeline.

kkkkRRRSSSHHH

A row of purple balls shoot out of the damn thing and I boost away, only to instantly hit the wall of the tiny arena. They passed in front of me and crashed into the water but that wasn’t very important.

Damn it. This arena area is tall, not wide. Using my boost won’t work very well here.

Can I use my boost to gain just normal height?

I tried using it midair, but it just pushed me forward.

Guess not.

Yelping, I ran away at his next attack. A green ball.

Alright. What do I do? This thing doesn’t look.. too harmful. But that’s not a chance I want to take.

What would Freeman do?

Run away from that shit, dude!”

Oh yeah. Freeman has.. pretty much the same mindset as I do.

Isn’t he like, 45? That’s odd. Why does he-

The ball hit me.

I expected a great deal of pain, but I actually felt nothing, save for a familiar yet weird feeling of weightlessness. The same kind I would feel when.. teleporting?

Sure enough, I had been teleported.

This room was also tall, though I took notice of those weird things that controlled the vortiguants. They were just.. flying about.

I pulled out my revolver and took them all out individually. That wasn’t too bad. I expected way worse, really.

I reloaded my gun, and climbed up onto the nearest platform, hopping onto the next one. I continued to climb, and climb, until I reached the top.

That was really.. underwhelming.

I jumped into the purple ball at the top and found myself back in the original room.

I turned to my left, and noticed a pad on the ground. A boost pad!

I ran and jumped onto it, feeling myself go way up into the air. I landed on a platform protruding from the side of the arena, and looked around.

A crystal, a healing pool, and.. a green tube.

I grabbed the tube and popped the top off. A magazine and some shotgun shells fell out. Sweet!

I put them into my suit pouch and pulled my shotgun off the hook.

I aimed it at the crystal on the wall, and fired.

A loud BOOM resonated throughout the walls of the arena as the crystal took the force of two shotgun blasts. My ears rung and my claws ached, but I aimed and fired again.

The crystal was destroyed, and the baby monster roared.

I’m yet to fire a bullet at it. I know that it won’t do much. I need to take out those crystals first. Something about them told me they were important.

Another wave of purple. I dodged it, and jumped off the platform.

The landing gears activated and I kept moving.

On my way over to the next pad, I noticed the thing firing another green ball. These balls homed in on you. No point in trying to avoid it.

It caught me, and I was teleported again.

...

“Well this is rather HIIIGHHH!!” I yelled, falling directly into some more murky water.

Gross! It got in my mouth!

Spitting it out and trying not to lose my lunch, I looked around. This room was wide, but the only tall part seems to be where I came from. Pillars sprouted up from the floors, and more of those controllers were flying about. I took them out with my revolver. I’m glad I have plenty of ammo for this thing.

I ran over to some weird blue light and hopped up the platform. I grabbed two of those green tube things and dumped ‘em out.

Shotgun shells, some Glock ammo, some revolver ammo, a weird battery thing, and one crossbow bolt.

I grabbed the medkit, punched in the number Freeman gave me, and hooked my suit up to it. It gave me 15 percent health, and I continued on.

...so how do I get out of here?

I probably have to get up to where I came from, but- oh.

I jumped up on one of those floating balls and hung on. I’m not standing up while flying on this thing. No way. That’s a death sentence.

It took me all the way back up, and I jumped into the purple orb.

Back to the main room.

Jump on pad, shoot crystal.

Baby thing fires purple, and then green.

Take green. Large room, two pools. Ignore pools. Jump on pad that takes me all the way up to the purple orb.

Original room.

Jump on pad, destroy final crystal.

Baby thing screams. I think I’m good to fire at it now.

I take a few shots at it from my revolver, but run out of ammunition quickly.

I attempt to reload, but only find two bullets left. I.. guess I didn’t have as much ammo as I thought.

I reload the two bullets and fire at the baby thing. I put the revolver away shortly after.

I pull out my shotgun, and I fire a double-shot. Pump. And then another. Pump. One last double-shot (pump) and I’m out of ammo.

I put 8 more shells in, and pull the pump to chamber a round.

I turn my head to face it again and get a face full of green.

Oh. Here again. Same room as last time.

Ugh.

I jump on the pad quickly, avoiding a fire attack from one of those giant fucking blue things we ran away from earlier.

“I don’t want to deal with you!” I yelled as I flew through the air and right into the purple orb.

I land back in the original room.

...

All of my shotgun shells, 10 crossbow bolts, all of my Glock ammo, getting sent back to that room 8 times, and a punch from that blue thing later and it’s weird buckin’ head opens.

I think I know what I have to do.

I run up to a pad, boost, and land on the highest platform.

As I thought: a weak point. It’s a crystal.

I take out a grenade and pull the pin, tossing it into the head. It gets lodged in there and explodes.

Nothing. I do it again.

Nothing.

It fires a green ball. Buck!

I toss one last grenade, right as the green ball hits me.

As I’m falling to the floor in that same damn room, I hear a loud screech.

Did I..?

Did I do it?

I land on the ground, and my landing gears engage.

I stand around for a little bit, riding out the high.

Avoiding that blue guy, I jump on a different pad and up to a new platform.

Did I.. did I do it?

Man, buck, no, wait, I think- Hah! HAH!!!! I DID IT!!

I BUCKING DID IT!!!!

AND IT WAS SO SMOOTH! SO CLEAN! SO..

Easy.

why was killing that thing so easy?

Did I raise a reverse flag?

Usually someone says “This is gonna be easy” and it’s super hard. I went into it thinking it would be difficult..

And it was easy.

I don’t think that’s how flags work.

It didn’t put up any kind of fight. What the Tartarus..

My vision goes green, and I feel weightless. I’m teleporting.

When my vision returns, a human in a suit is standing before me.


“No..” I said, falling to my knees. It can’t be.

Spike can’t be.. he can’t be gone. There’s no WAY he’s gone. He’s survived this long, why would he die now?! Damn it!

I punch the ground in anger. Fuck!

“Don’t.. worry. He’s fine. Spike the Dragon, is.. doing fine. Heh.”

My eyes open upon hearing that bastard’s voice. What the FUCK does he want??

He said Spike was with me. Bullshit.

“Spike is dead, now, isn’t he? And you’re mocking me.” I accused, standing up slowly and pointing a finger. I’m not in the mood for his fucking games.

“..I’m hurt, Mr. Freeman. Spike.. is fine. I have told you this, I” he sharply inhales, “hope that you can learn to.. trust me, in the future.”

“Prove it.” I muttered. “Prove it to me. Prove to me that Spike is okay, or you’re fucking DEAD!” I yelled, pulling out my revolver and pointing it at his head.

Or at least, I tried to. My weapons were gone.

“I don’t need to do that. Any-way, I have a proposal for you.”

“Fuck your proposal!” I yelled. I’m not going through this shit again. Fuck him! Fuck hiring me! I would rather die!

Hell, I might!

I might die! I will die if I take this proposal. I took it last time, and look at me now. I’m practically knocking on death’s door, my glasses are broken, a lot of innocent ponies have died due to my negligence, and hell, my experiment killed all those scientists!

Fuck, man, speaking of scientists, we’ve got MY problems.. god, I probably traumatized Cheerilee..

“Are you.. sure? Because I don’t believe you have a choice, Freeman, heh.” He muttered, knocking me out of my own head.

“What?” I asked.

“I already.. took the liberty of, say, signing you up for the job. I hope you,” he sharply inhaled, “Trust my judgement.”

No, no he can’t do that. The bastard can’t do that!

“Yes.. I can.”

Did he just read my fucking thoughts?

“And don’t worry.” He started again. “You’ll find that.. Spike, is in the same position.”

“Th-that just makes me worry more! Damn it! Spike! Are you okay?!” I yelled, desperate. Please. If you can hear me just tell me you’re okay!

“Anyway. Our time is up, Freeman. It was.. good to go on this short adventure with you. But, you, have more work to do. You can see Spike when it’s.. done..”

“Damn it, you son of a bitch-!”

My vision went white.

Subject: Freeman

Status: Employee

Awaiting Next Assignment

...

Subject: Spike

Status: Hired

Awaiting Assignment

Author's Note:

And that’s it.

We’re done with this story.

It’s over.

Will there be a sequel? Most likely. I kind of set up for one.

When will it come out?

Well, I don’t know. I’m finishing it before it comes out. Never again am I releasing something unfinished... because writers block seems to be an issue I greatly struggle with. I don’t want to go on month hiatuses from things ever again. That makes me feel like a dick.

Anyway, if you really got to the end, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for reading.

And those of you that stuck with me, that still read the new chapters even when I was going through month periods of not uploading? Fuckin,. Thank you. Seriously.

People who supported me on this, people who talked to me, people who were my friends. People who didn’t make fun of me for writing this. Thank you guys. I love you all.

Now, for I think the last time in a while, thanks for coming, thanks for being here, and...

Thanks for reading!

Goodbye for a while, guys. It was fun.

Comments ( 9 )

Nice work! The boss fight, kinda reminds me of the black mesa experience, finished it with 10Hp left or so

10731233

That shit was hard as fuck I don’t blame you

10731234
Much different from the original but more action. They really putted source to the max here

10731235
Exactly my thoughts, which is why I made Spike’s fight more.. underwhelming. Because the original game’s boss was rather underwhelming too

Will I need to know anything about Half-Life in order to understand this story?

10731400
..maybe? I believe I tried to have a lot of things explained through interactions with the ponies. Maybe a few characters here and there, but you might be okay.

good story, I wait for the second part

I just started today and finished reading this story today. I really liked it and I hope that you will finish the second part and will lay out the chapters gradually, and not all at once in one gulp. It's just very interesting and I don't think I can resist reading the next part as soon as this one. Homies forever!

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