Goin’ Down the Fast Way
Dawn of the third day.
12 days remain.
I woke up to someone poking me.
“Gordon, time to wake up. We have to go see the Princess today.” Cheerilee said quietly.
Oh, yeah. That was today.
“What time is it?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. I grabbed my spectacles off the bedside table.
“Uhm... 12:30? I let you sleep in a little.” She said.
Christ, how am I sleeping for this long? I’m never this lazy. I must be pretty damn tired. Although, I can’t say I have a problem with it. Sleep is nice.
“Can you uh..?” I asked, hoping she would get the hint. I need to get up and put on clothes.
Her eyes widened in recognition.
“Oh, yeah! Sorry about that.” She said, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks. She walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her.
I stood up, stretched, and walked to the pile of clothes. I need to buy some more of these, or at least wash them. The last time I did it was a day before.. you know, and I don’t know how long I was in there.
I put on the pants, the undershirt, and the belt. I walked to the dresser and opened a drawer. Pulling out my lab coat, tie, and dress shirt, I sniffed them.
WHEW. These definitely need to be washed. I can probably get away with masking the scent with cologne for now, but I will have to do something about this. This is.. vile.
I threw on the aforementioned clothing, and walked over to the mirror to straighten my tie. Looking professional would do me some good, I am going to see royalty after all.
Wait.
I’m going to see royalty. The Princess. Ruler of the land.
Well, my stress levels just reached max. Can I roll for charisma?
“Gordon, you ready? I made lunch!” I heard Cheerilee yell from the kitchen. Damn it, I wanted to make breakfast for us!
Well, it was too late for breakfast anyway. I’ll have to make dinner.
“Give me a second to brush my teeth!” I yelled back. I heard a faint ‘Okay’, and I walked to the bathroom.
I did my business, and started to brush my teeth. Did I mention that the mint was really strong in this toothpaste? Yesterday, I tasted mint for hours after brushing.
I used less toothpaste this time around, so hopefully it’s different.
I spit in the sink and rinsed my mouth. I grabbed Cheerilee’s hairbrush, and, using it as an impromptu comb; gave myself my Freeman Cut™.
Which was just a combover.
Hehe, I’m in a good mood today. One of those ‘Everything is funny, and if it isn’t, I will make it funny’ moods. This day couldn’t possibly go wrong.
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t say that.
I knocked on a nearby wooden figure twice.
After doing that, I grabbed a nearby bottle of perfume. It was vanilla scented. I opened the cap and sprayed some on my jacket. It makes me smell girly, but at least I won’t smell like sweat and blood.
I walked out of the bathroom, looking forward to whatever Cheerilee had made. It was bound to be good. She made pancakes (usually bland without any sort of add-on, as you know) taste good WITHOUT SYRUP. How did she do it?
A question, that of which has stumped the masses for generations.
After flicking a crumb of god-knows-what off my coat, I pulled out my chair and sat down. On my plate was a sandwich.
“It’s not much, but hopefully it’ll hold you over until we can get a real meal. I was hoping we could spend some time around town after we visit with the Princess. Maybe get something to eat? Just food for thought, we don’t have to-“ I cut her off before she could start rambling.
“I would love to.” I said. It’ll be a good opportunity to look around, maybe get on the good side with the locals.
I bit into the sandwich, and almost spat it out when I tasted something.. foul? Gross? It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t very good. I feel like I’ve tasted it somewhere before, though.
I pulled it out of my mouth to get a closer look. Oh, it’s a dandelion. That explains that.
I have, in fact, eaten a dandelion before. Barney dared me once while we were drunk a while back. It wasn’t an experience I really want to remember, in all honesty.
He still owes me a beer.
I removed the remaining dandelions from my sandwich. “Cheerilee, for future reference, humans can’t digest things like flowers. Thank you for the sandwich, though.” I said.
I didn’t know if that was true. I’m a physicist, not a bio.. whatever they’re called. The sandwich had tomatoes and lettuce, so I could just have that.
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I had no idea! I won’t use them anymore.” Cheerilee apologized.
I put my hand up in protest, “It’s fine. Just avoid using them in the future. Oh, and one more thing: Do you guys eat hay?” I asked.
“Yes, we do.”
“Humans can’t digest hay either.” I said, taking a bite of my sandwich. Not bad.
“Geez, is there anything you guys can digest?” Cheerilee muttered, biting into her own sandwich.
I chuckled lightly at that.
Finishing up my sandwich, I brought my plate to the sink. I rinsed it, dried my hands, and looked at the wall clock. 1:03. Time flies when you’re eating, I suppose.
After lounging around the house for a while, it was finally a good time to leave.
“Cheerilee, you ready to get going? Ready to head out? Burn rubber, as the kids say?”
She smiled, and nodded. “Yep! Let’s get going, I’ve got everything I need.” She said, looking at her saddlebags. Don’t know why she felt the need to bring those, but women will be women, I guess.
Don’t take that out of context.
Cheerilee opened the door and walked outside. I followed after, and she closed and locked the door.
It was a nice day outside. The sun was shining, and it was neither hot nor cold. The perfect mix. Not a cloud in the sky, either. I stepped out into the sunlight and basked in its warmth.
Something about the sunlight here. It just felt.. natural. Cleaner. Like I could feel it revitalizing me.
I loved it.
“Wow, the Pegasi sure did a good job today.” Cheerilee said, walking up beside me.
“The Pegasi?” I asked. She nodded.
“They control the weather.” Cheerilee explained. Oh.. neat!
“Wow, that’s really interesting! They control the temperatures? When it rains? Can they control what the clouds look like?” I asked.
“Yes, Yes, and yes. Do they not do it where you come from?” She questioned.
“No, weather is natural over there. We have no control over it.”
Cheerilee nodded in understanding, “Like the Everfree? Gosh.. I can’t begin to fathom what life would be like without the Pegasi.”
“Yeah. We get city destroying hurricanes nearly every year.” I said, avoiding stepping on a banana peel. Seems that wherever I go, litter will always be a thing. It’s universal.
She froze. “How.. how is your species surviving?”
I stopped, “We’re a strong bunch.” I said, shrugging my shoulders. I continued walking.
She shook her head, jogging slightly to catch up to me. “Whatever.” She whispered.
“What the book is that..?” I heard someone ask in a notable British accent. I looked in the direction of the voice and saw a tiny looking kid. He was white with brown spots.
“Pipsqueak! Watch your language!” Cheerilee scolded. Did she know this kid? And what kind of name is ‘Pipsqueak’?
“Ah! Ms. Cheerilee! Uh.. sorry..” The kid- Pipsqueak- looked down at the floor in embarrassment. Is saying ‘Buck’ as bad as ‘Fuck’?
“I’m not the one to apologize to. This is Gordon, a friend of mine. He’s a human.” Cheerilee explained, pointing at me with a hoof.
“Sorry, Gordon, Sir.” He said, hanging his head.
“Ah, don’t worry about it, Pip. It’s not like humans are a naturally occurring thing here.” I said, and lightly smiled to let him know I didn’t harbor any hard feelings. He looked up at me and smiled too.
“Good, I’m glad I dinnit offend yew. Have a good day, Gordon.” He said.
“You too. And I hope the readers weren’t offended by the written British accent..” I said. Wow, this kid sure knows his manners. I’m impressed.
“Run along, now, Pip. I know you aren’t a little foal anymore, but that type of language is a bad habit. Anyway.. It was nice to see you.” Cheerilee said, patting him on the head. He nodded and galloped away.
“I didn’t know you guys had British people here.” I said.
Well, I kind of expected it, but I didn’t at the same time. You know?
“Britain? You mean Trottingham? Because that’s where Pip is from.” Cheerilee explained.
I tried to hold it in.
I really did.
“It’s not that funny!” Cheerilee said, groaning. I was on the floor laughing.
Trottingham!
TROTTINGHAM!
Another burst of laughter. Trottingham! Like Nottingham! But trot! Like a horse!
Cheerilee sighed, “I mean.. I guess it is pretty funny.” She lightly giggled. “Alright, come on. You got your fill. Let’s go.” She said, lending me a hoof. I used it to stand up.
I wiped a tear from my eye, “Heh.. I haven’t laughed that much in a while.” I muttered.
“Well, I’m glad you got your dose of laughter from a poor colt’s hometown.” She judged.
“Oh, now I feel bad.” I said, frowning.
“Eh, don’t be. Basically every town is a pun here. Heck, we live in EQUESTRIA.” Cheerilee said, shaking her head. “But anyway, let’s hurry to the castle. We’ve got a little bit of time, but I’d rather be more safe than sorry!”
I nodded. That made sense. After all, it’s better to be early than to be late. Last time I was late to something.. it didn’t turn out too well. But I shouldn’t think about that. Today is a good day. We can get some progress on thinking of a way to stop the invasion, or we can stop it all together. But if we can’t stop it, we can at least build up an army to take it on. That’s a situation I don’t want to encounter, but you have to be prepared for every outcome. Nothing is definite, after all.
“Speaking of Equestria.. what’s your currency here?” I asked. Cheerilee looked at me.
“Hm? Oh. We use gold coins.. called..” She trailed off, going into her saddlebag. She pulled out a coin purse and opened it up.
She pulled out a thick gold coin and handed it to me. “Bits!”
I rolled it around in my fingers. “Is this real gold?” I asked, feeling it in my hands. Felt too dense.
“No. It’s synthetic. They used to be made with real gold, but gold became more and more rare, so they had to cut back on it.” She explained. I nodded my head.
I started to hand it back to her, but she put up a hoof. “Hold on to it. I don’t really want to go through all that trouble again.”
I nodded, and put the coin in my pocket. I wonder what I can buy with it. Probably not much.
“Thank you.” I said.
“You’re welcome.”
I looked around town as we walked. The trees and houses were slowly becoming few and far between as we continued on a dirt path. The castle was a dead-set forward shot from our current location, so it’s not like we had to navigate. I rolled around the bit in my pocket nervously, thinking about all the ways it could go wrong.
What if she doesn’t believe me?
Well, she can just use a lie detector spell. Hopefully.
I froze, remembering another detail. A (maybe) crucial aspect.
The disappearing text.
What did it mean. What COULD it mean?
I pray to god it doesn’t mean anything and that someone was just playing a prank on the human.
“Okay, it’s 2:15. We can wait out here for a bit. There’s a bench over there.” Cheerilee said, putting away her watch and pointing at a bench.
The bench was wooden, with some details painted on. They were those little loop things that people usually drew to accent things. I didn’t know what they were called.
One was pink, one was blue, one was purple, one was yellow, one was orange, and one was white. And.. I’m confident enough in my masculinity to admit that it was pretty.
I exhaled deeply as I sat down in the bench, glad to be off my feet. I leaned my head back, put my hands on the back of my head and closed my eyes. I sighed.
Today was a good day.
“Ughhh... Spike, who do we have next?” Twilight asked her Number 1 Assistant. She was tired. And annoyed.
Plenty of nobles had come in, either asking for her hoof in marriage or asking for more bits. But those stallions could be categorized in the same area, considering nobody actually wanted to marry her. They just wanted the status.
“Uh.. Gordon Freeman.” Spike said, looking at this list. The human!
“Okay. When are they coming?”
Spike looked at his list again. “2:30.”
Twilight looked at her clock. It was 2:28.
“Do they know they can come in?” Twilight asked.
“I.. don’t think so.”
Spike walked out of the room, and headed towards the main entrance.
Spike opened up the door, looking outside for a human. He saw him with Cheerilee on the Mythical Friendship Power Bench. Patent pending.
“Hey, Gordon!”
“Hey, Gordon!”
I opened my eyes at the voice, and looked towards the castle. Spike stood at the door, waving us over. I tapped Cheerilee’s withers and stood up.
I walked over to the castle, and Spike raised his claw for a fistbump. I delivered.
“What up, my man? How you doing? Twilight’s ready to see you.” Spike said, opening the door wide for us. I nodded at him.
“I’m doing okay. What about you?” I asked.
“Eh, you know. Same-old same-old, gotta keep up the grind and all that.” Spike said, scratching his arm.
“If I don’t know the feeling..” I muttered. We shared a chuckle.
Spike opened a set of double doors, and I basked in the glory of the Princess. Well, that was greatly exaggerated. She just looked like the other ponies, but a little more lanky. And.. she has both wings AND a horn. Neat. Her eyes widened upon seeing me.
“Uh. Hello, your highness.” I said, lightly bowing. Cheerilee did the same.
“Uhm.. how are you here? What’s a human doing in Equestria..? Why didn’t he change into his pony self? Does he even HAVE a pony self?” She started muttering to herself.
“Hey, Twilight. Snap out of it.” Spike said, snapping his fingers. She was surprised for a brief moment.
“Oh, yes! Uh.. nice to meet you, Sir. Gordon Free-mane, was it?” Twilight asked, waving a hoof.
“Freeman.” I corrected. “And it’s nice to meet you too, Princess.”
I gripped the bit tightly in my pocket. Here goes nothing..
“Princess, I’m going to cut to the chase here. Your world is in danger.” I said. Her eyes widened significantly and her pupils dilated. She gained a scowl.
“What?” She asked. “What are you planning on doing to my ponies?” Her tone had edge to it. Shit!
She thinks I’m going to do something!
“No, no Princess-!”
She hit her hooves together, making a loud ‘Clop! noise. Two guards rushed me. Before I could pull out my crowbar, they had tackled me to the floor and started dragging me away.
“No, Princess! I’m not the one who’s causing harm!” I yelled out. Her eyes widened again. “I can explain everything!”
She tilted her head upward, and the guards stopped their movement. She looked at me expectantly, as if to say ‘I’m waiting.’
“Okay, look. In less than two weeks, everything’s gonna go to shit. There’s this ali-“
My voice cut out. I cleared my throat, and began again.
“In two weeks, an al-“
My voice cut out again.
“A-“
Nothing.
What... what the hell? Why can’t I say anything?! What’s the deal?!
“Well? What are you going-“ Twilight began, but her voice got deeper. Time... was slowing down..
Time continued to get slower and slower, until it eventually stopped moving altogether.
I looked around. Nobody was moving. The Guards remained stoic, Cheerilee looked surprised, Spike also; and Twilight still looked a little miffed.
A man with a briefcase walked out from behind a pillar, and straightened his tie.
“Hello, Mr. Freeman.” He said in that creepy, unnerving voice.
“What.. what is this?!” I yelled.
“This.. is subspace. Or at least.. a subspace pocket.” He explained.
“Okay, shit-for-brains, that doesn’t explain WHAT subspace is! And are you the cause of my voice cutting out?!” I yelled. What the fuck did this guy do?
“Now, now.. Mr. Freeman. Calm yourself. No need to get.. angry. Yes, I am the reason your-voice.. is, going quiet. I can’t have you telling them.. anything about the impending.. invasion.” He explained, straightening his tie again.
“W..why?” I asked.
“Well.. let me put it this way. Imagine.. at home, it’s movie night. You have the choice between a-story about a hero with the.. odds, stacked against him.. getting help, and with the power of friendship, defeating the big bad once and for all... Or a story about a lone.. wolf hero, all odds stacked against them, somehow overcoming said odds.. Which one is more interesting to.. you?”
What.. what the fuck did he say? “The.. lone wolf hero.. but what does that have to do with me?”
“Well.. my employers.. and plenty of others-share your.. views.” He explained.
“Wait.. are you saying..?”
“Afraid I am.. Mr. Freeman.”
I’m..
I’m just.. entertainment to these people?
My life..
is JUST A MOVIE TO THEM?!
MY NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES...
ENTERTAINMENT!?
I rushed at the suited man, crowbar raised. He raised a hand and I stopped in place.
“Now, now. I’m on your.. side, you know. I just do-what my employers.. say. It’s rather unfortunate.. what happened to you. You may be a form of.. entertainment, but I assure you.. it’s all very real. I wouldn’t recommend. Giving up.”
Of course not. I wouldn’t give up. Even though I’m just some sick man’s chess piece, these ponies are all very real. If I just sat back and let them die.. I don’t think I could live with myself.
“I’m not doing this for you.” I muttered.
He raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
I shook my head. “I’m gonna save this planet. With your help, your setbacks, whatever! I don’t need it. I’m gonna kick alien ass. But this time?”
I pointed at him. “I don’t care what you say. That.. this is a ‘Lone-wolf story.’ No! Fuck that! I’m saving this world. But you know what?” I took a deep breath, and I stared him down.
“I refuse to do it alone.”
The suited man smiled. “Wise.. choice, Mr. Freeman. I’ll be rooting for-you.”
Whatever.
Time slowly kicked back into gear, and Twilight looked at me.
“So.. what? What’s going to happen to my world?” She demanded to know.
“I can’t say.” I said. I accepted it.
If that suited man didn’t want me to say anything, so be it.
I don’t care, I don’t need her help. I can get help somewhere else. Spike seems to like me, maybe he can help me out. And I bet there are some ponies out there who-
She closed her eyes and nodded her head.
The Guards started to drag me away again, but I was able to get the last laugh.
“I’m gonna save your world, Princess. And you’re gonna be sorry. You’re gonna be REAL FUCKIN’ SORRY!” I yelled. One guard yanked on my collar.
The Guards continued dragging me, until eventually throwing me outside. Cheerilee came out soon after.
“You okay, Gordon? I hope they didn’t rough you up too badly.” She said, lending me a hoof to stand up with. I gladly accepted.
Get ready, you alien bastards.
Freeman’s back.
Oh, god damn it! I forgot to ask about the lie detector spell!
“I don’t get it, Twilight. Why didn’t you believe him? You can’t at least take some precautions?” Spike asked Twilight. She rubbed her eyes, sighed, and looked at Spike.
“No, Spike. Look.. imagine it from my perspective. A human comes into your castle, which shouldn’t be possible by the way; the mirror changes your appearance. But that’s not important. He tells you that your people are in danger. But then.. he can’t tell you why? It seems awfully suspicious.” Twilight explained.
“Well, maybe he’s under some sort of spell?” Spike suggested.
Twilight shook her head, “Those types of spells were outlawed DECADES ago. The only people that know any spell like that are Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and I don’t think they would use it on some poor human. With silencing spells now, it’s either every word is silenced, or none at all.” Twilight explained. Spike sighed in defeat.
He wanted to help Gordon.
But how would he go about doing that?
“So, this is Ponyville!”
I opened my mouth, but she shut me up.
“No, no comments. It’s a fine name.”
I pursed my lips.
“Anyhow, this is where we live. Over there is the market, and near it are the actual stores. Back that way is the housing.” She said, pointing at each. Huh.. neat. They have both retail stores, AND a farmer’s market.
“Now, let’s go check out the market! I wonder if they have any paprika. Last time I went, they were all out.”
“Wasn’t that only yesterday?” I asked. She nodded.
“Supply and demand works wonders here. I don’t doubt they have more.” She explained, and started walking away. I followed after.
I looked around, noticing all the weird looks I was getting. Frankly, it was making me kind of self-conscious. Some had looks of curiosity, some of contempt, some of anger, and one mare looked excited. Don’t know what her deal is.
I looked at the watch on my wrist before groaning. What happened to my watch?
Oh, wait. It’s in my locker.
At Black Mesa.
Awesome.
“What time is it?” I asked. Cheerilee pulled out a pocket watch.
“3:00.” She said, putting it back in her saddlebag.
Ah. “Cool.”
She nodded.
..
I drummed the air with my fingers, and clicked my tongue.
..
“So... what do you want to do?” I asked.
“I.. don’t know. I didn’t think this far ahead.” She admitted. “I guess lunch. But what after that?”
Well, we’ll find something to do.
“Hey, Cheerilee, I’ve been meaning to ask..” I said, after finally taking notice of one specific detail.
“What’s that?”
“What’s up with flank tattoos? Are they the new ‘Hip’ thing? ” I muttered. God, I’m getting old.
“Huh? Flank- oh, you mean cutie marks! Cutie marks are special marks that represent a pony’s special talent. You get them at some point growing up, it varies. Usually they mean what your career is going to be.” Cheerilee explained.
Wow, that sounds terrible. No free will? You have to do your life by way of a small mark?
“That sounds terrible.” I muttered.
“Some ponies get unlucky. Like, I don’t even know what mine means, in all honesty. I’m a teacher, and my cutie mark is 3 flowers.” Cheerilee said, looking at her own mark.
“Well, I think it means... you’re sweet. Flowers are pretty and nice, correct? Well, you love to care for your foals. And don’t flowers require some form of care to remain un-wilted? I’m grasping straws here.” I whispered that last part.
Cheerilee took on a noticeable blush. She smiled slightly. “You know, I never thought of it that way. I always thought it had something to do with gardening, so imagine my surprise when I suck at gardening.” She chuckled. “Thanks, Gordon. It makes me happy to hear you say that about me, you charmer you.”
I smiled. “‘Course.”
We walked in silence once more, until Cheerilee spoke up.
“Can we stop here? I have to use the little filly’s room.” She said, pointing to a store. I nodded.
“Go ahead.”
She smiled, and walked inside. I stood around, waiting. The stalls around me were selling various forms of produce. The stall closest to me was being run by a guy, so that’s a good conversation starter I guess.
“So, what’s your name?” I asked the stallion.
“Tailchaser.” He said. Wait a minute..
“What’s your cutie mark?” I asked, using my newfound knowledge of the things. He looked surprised, but turned to show it to me.
It’s a cat.
This guy’s special talent.. IS GETTING SOME.
I smirked and held up my fist for a fistbump. He smirked back knowingly, and bumped it.
This guy’s awesome.
“So what’s your name? And what are you? And why are you at my stand?” He asked.
“My name is Gordon Freeman. I’m a human. And I’m waiting for a friend.” I answered each question as rapid-fire as he gave them.
He nodded in understanding. “Okay. Well, if you’re interested in buying something, I won’t stop you.” He chuckled. I smiled in response, but I don’t actually know if he said that as a joke.
“Gordon, let’s go!” Cheerilee said, walking out of the shop. That was fast. I nodded, said goodbye to Tailchaser, and caught up to Cheerilee.
“So, what now?” I asked.
“Lunch! There’s this neat cafe down the road, I think you’ll like it.”
I was about to speak up, but Cheerilee was faster.
“They have things other than flowers and hay.” She jokingly said.
“I wasn’t gonna-!“
“You so were!” She countered.
“You tell lies!” I countered her counter.
We both looked at each other.
And then we both started giggling.
After a good session was had, we were both off edge. “Ah.. you’re a funny guy, Gordon.” She said, trying to control her laughter.
“Thanks..” I muttered, and then remembered why exactly we had left the house. And now I’m on edge again.
Fuck.. what am I going to do? I’ve got a god damn crowbar. Last time, I had a whole collection of weapons at my disposal!
I can get help, right..
But can I? Can I really?
Can I honestly get somebody on my side?
I’m really betting on Spike here. He seems like the kinda guy that would help save the world.
But maybe I’m misinterpreting. After all-
“Gordon, you alright there?” Cheerilee asked, concern present in her tone. “We’re at the café.”
“Hm? Yeah, fine. Just.. spaced out.” I replied. I looked up at the building.
‘Canterlot Café’
I snorted. Cheerilee punched me lightly.
We both sat down at a table, and looked at our menus. Hrm.. I found myself at the ‘Griffon’ section of the menu, eyeing an item called the ‘Chicken salad sandwich.’
They had.. MEAT!
My mouth watered slightly. It’s been a while since I’ve eaten some good poultry.
But.. would Cheerilee be okay with it? She’s a herbivore, isn’t she? What if she gets so disgusted she never wants to see me again?
“Hey, Cheerilee?” I asked. She looked up from her menu.
“Yes?”
“Uh.. would you be comfortable with.. me eating, uh.”
Come on Gordon! Spit it out!
“Would you.. mind, if I order.. uh, meat?” I choked out.
Her eyes widened. “You.. uh, you eat meat?” She asked, looking around nervously.
“Yes, I do. Humans are omnivores.” I explained. Please don’t be mad.
She looked nervous, “Do you.. uh...”
I immediately caught on. “Oh, god no! It’s taboo even on earth to eat ponies.” I explained, shaking my head violently. She quickly calmed down, sighing in relief.
“Thank goodness. Okay, now. On to concerning thing number two. Gordon, are..” She lowered her voice, “Gordon, are we really in danger?”
Oh, right. She was at the castle.
Okay, how do I go about this? Being blunt won’t work out too well. Actually? It might. Like a bandage. Just rip it off!
“It’s true. Equestria is in danger. I can’t say why or how, but I want you to know.. I’m gonna deal with it. Okay? I’m gonna fix it.”
“Are you-“ She started, but I interrupted her.
“Cheerilee, do you trust me?” I asked, grabbing her forelegs. I held them up to emphasize my point.
She blushed, but nodded slowly, sighing.
“Yes, Gordon. I trust you.”
I closed my eyes and nodded, letting go of her.
It’s gonna be okay.
It’s all gonna be okay.
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I assume Gordon's watch is with his passport in the locker as well~?
Good chapter. Very intriguing.
I have started to see the way you write gordon as the HLVRAI version of gordon. Definitely not the same, but theres similarities. And, strangely, I like it. Despite it being much different than the Gordon we know, its interesting.
In my opinion, this chapter didnt drag on at all. But, if youe having trouble writing longer chapters, stick to the shorter chapters. Its better to keep things consistent and short than long and tiresome. You'll burn yourself out if you hate writing for long chapters.
I learned that writing my Solaire story. Although I intend to keep the long chapters and continue, it burnt me out pretty quickly.
Also, may I just add that Cheerilee being used here is kind of awesome? I haven't read many stories with her in it, so its good for her to get some inclusion!
Concerning the part where Twilight speaks to Gordon and says something along the line of "Guards, wait." I think it'd sound better if she signified for them to stop without speaking.
It would send a more authoritarian vibe to her, being able to command without a voice. And, with how Gordon see's her as royalty, it might make sense. Who knows, it still sounds fine either way.
Also, I know that its super boring to write the arcs of certain situations. Believe me, I get it. I hate writing chapters that are solely focused on stuff I dont like. But, if it helps paint your creative vision that much brighter, its definitely worth it. People get invested into characters, and in order for people to care about the conflict, they have to have a reason to care about those involved in the conflict.
Make sense? I might be talking in circles.
Anyways, I liked it. Keep it up!
Sincerely,
Your Sun Bro,
Incandescent Solaire
Very nice! loved Pip's cameo here. That little guy is so cute!
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I’m trying to keep Gordon at a level of Science guy’ and ‘Someone who’s not uptight’. I don’t want him to be boring, but I don’t want him to be a husk. Him being his HLVRAI self wasn’t planned, but I’m not going to say I hate writing Gordon that way.
I’m glad you like Cheerilee! She definitely doesn’t get used enough, so I wanted to use someone who was loved, but at the same time not oversaturated. In the first chapter author’s note I mentioned that she was originally planned to be Derpy. This Is all well and good, but Derpy is just overused to hell and back.
Glad this chapter didn’t drag on too long. That was the one thing I was worried about. And yeah, you’re right. I’ll just burn myself out right quick, so I’m probably going to go back to 2000-2500 word chapters.
Yep. Can’t have any emotional attachment and empathy towards Gordon if Cheerilee hardly knows him! Gotta write the small things.
And yeah, I probably should change up the Twilight scene a bit. Some things felt off about it to me, and clearly I’m not the only one that shares that sentiment lol.
Thank you for all the praise, it means so much to me. Have a good rest of your day, Sun Bro. And thank you for the watch! Follow? Whatever they’re called.
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Glad you liked him popping up! I felt it’d be more realistic for the person that says something about Gordon to be a child (because they don’t really have filters) and I like Pip a whole lot, so eh, what the hell right?
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Indeed! Dinky's my favorite Background filly, and pip's a favorite of me too. In fact, me and a Friend of Mine worked together on a Story with pip
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Neat! Pip’s a radical little dude. He likes Princess Luna so I’d say he’s already up there with the top tier characters. And Dinky’s cute, I like her too.
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Indeed. As i said, feel free to Check out my other Stories as well.
And i actually had Another Story with pip in mind but scrapped it, as i am unsure if it would be allowed here
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What was it about that caused it to be scrapped? And I’ll look into your other stories, I just have a lot on my ‘To read’ list.
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Well, it was also a game crossover, set in a Britain which uses a hallucinogenic drug that suppresses all unhappy memories and leaves its user in a chemically-induced euphoria. Now, given thath, I was unsure if the story would be allowed when Pip is seen taking the drug, unwilingy, vecause he isnn't aware what it is
Sir? Gordon didn't go through 8 years at MIT just to be called sir. It's Doctor Freeman and don't you forget it!
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Ah, yeah. Children doing drugs probably ain’t allowed
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Yeah, thought the only naswer I got from the staff was
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That’s super vague
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Yep. I asked again but never got a reply after that
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You certainly earned yourself a watch/follow.
And yeah, I understand the way you wrote him. I don't see him exactly as his VR self, but as a recreation of many things and your own creative idea mashed into one. It works well.
Also, I'm sorry if my commenting may become a nuisance. Many people seem to dislike stories without labeling why, so I tend to comment as much as possible to give feedback to things that might cause someone to dislike it.
Remember, your first few stories are always a weird mish-mash between good and trash! And your on the good side.
Keep it up.
Also, I know you dont have an editor. Once my finger and hands get completely fixed up, I wouldn't mind editing or reviewing for you. Only for mispellings and improvement on wording. I wouldnt be dictating the story in any way.
I dont ask for acknowledgement either. I simply do these things for free, for the community. The payment I get is a good story to read.
Have a nice night. Ciao.
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Never worry about your commenting becoming a nuisance! Having feedback is one of the things that keeps me motivated, and having a consistent source of it makes me feel really good. The fact that I’m getting comments at all is a luxury in my book.
And thank you for the offer, but I don’t really need an editor. It’s not too much trouble to have to edit my own stuff, I actually rather enjoy it.
And you may not ask for acknowledgment, but I’ll probably be six feet under before I don’t acknowledge someone who took the time to both read my story AND leave feedback. I’m sounding like a broken record at this point but it really means a lot to me.
And I’m glad my beginner story is on the good side of things, that makes me proud.
Have a good day/night! :)
That's not something you say with the intention of making somebody think you're a villain.
So... according to Twilight, a human that she thinks is from the mirror world, yet isn't a pony, won't consider the possibility behind the reason he can't talk about the invasion. I know Twilight is tired, but she's really big braining all this
Yooooooooooo!! Nice little snippet
Didn't Cheerilee explain what her Cutie Mark was in an mlp episode? Call of the Cutie?
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Let me try this again because I commented on the wrong chapter:
I don’t actually know. It’s been a really long time since I’ve watched anything related to season 1, let alone the show at all. I think the last season I watched was season 6.
Did he actually said Buck, where?
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When he says “Book”. It’s buck but with a british accent
i'm sorry