• Member Since 23rd May, 2020
  • offline last seen July 17th

I aint no damn brownie


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The Black Mesa Research Facility wasn’t the only thing affected by the Resonance Cascade. As it turns out, multiple planets were put in its blast zone. One of those planets being Equus.

It’s up to Dr. Gordon Freeman, the crowbar-wielding scientist, to save it.

And this time, he isn’t alone.

Featured 2/19/20

Chapters (30)
Comments ( 344 )

Anything Half-Life = Automatic Like

So that's not Gordon, but I do like him as a character so I think I'll keep reading. Good luck ^_^

10399009
Thanks! And Gordon doesn’t really have much of a pre-established personality, so I just made him.. whatever he is now.

Nively done! Though you suffe from the same format error as I do often

“ I had a feeling you would.. ask. Well, Mr. Freeman, your job is simple. The resonance cascade did not only affect our world, you know.. Others were damaged. Some who didn’t have the means to defend themselves. I’m going to be sending you to one of these worlds, exactly twoweeks.. before the disaster. That should give you.. give you enough time to prepare. You are to save this world and its inhabitants.. from certain death. ” The man explained.

Anyway, it's rare to see a half life fuc, let alone completed onces. So good luck!

And by the way, why it got my attention, I had a similar thought about it once

10399058
Thank you :) and believe it or not, that’s not a format error. That was me trying to replicate the weird way GMan speaks. I should fix it tho

10399339
Okay and you're welcome! I also love how you make Gordon speak, I also did that

10399343
I didn’t wanna write a mute character :^)

10399346
Yeah. I can't imagine him mute. I mean, the manual mentioned a telephone call, and in Half-life 1/Black Mesa since you get scientists and guards to follow you by interacting with them, I assume Gordon speaks to them, or how else would he do that?

And sorry, old habit but ironically, dispite my inexperince at the time, being one ofmy first storires, my 2 Half life storires were the most faved of all my older works

I lik s it but can Gordian even prevent an invasion cause if it's not the wild aliens from den and it's the combine. Well the 7 hour war on earth resulted in the military fighting monstrous synth horrors. But if the world Equestria is on survives they might be able too help earth recover they have resources and the animals too help earth recover from the combine straining earth also fun fact oil on earth dose not run out it's renews itself. The only way resources run out is too destroy them completely. So while half life says earth is being picked to the bone it still has resources but their is a danger of the resources on earth being unable to regrow or remake itself. Take oil it is like blood and remakes itself along with water from rain. But mess up with the combine on earth draining resources and messing up the environment to fast and harshly resources can drain not fully replenishing it self. But if the ponies parable too goto earth then then r is hope earth can recover it resources and environment with magic.

10399455
I’ll say only one thing, and it’s that the invading species isn’t the combine. But you’re right, Equestria has the means to recover from the impending invasion.

Ive come to give feedback.

Now, at the moment, a chunk of my finger is missing, so i'm sorry for any spelling errors on this.

Lets get started shall we?


The Plot


So, Half Life is a strange story in itself. It's definitely not an easy story to understand at all. I don't expect perfect plot mirroring, but I think you got the basics down.

However, the G-Man didn't really have Gordon save earth from the resonance cascade. In fact, as we see later on, it fucked the world up majorly. I know it will be answered later, but i'm a little confused on why G-Man would want to save the other worlds.


Gordon Freeman


Gordon Freeman is.. Hard to write.

One of the biggest reasons as to why is, well, he is mute in the games. He doesn't speak, but we do know that he can and does. We just aren't able to hear it.

Gordon is a brilliant scientist, and understands the life and death situation of the event he's faced with. I don't believe he'd be so accepting of the Alien Horse species so fast, but its not terribly unbelievable either.

If you have a chance, read the Half-Life 3 Story Script that was released by one of the story writers for half life. It is in First Person, in gordons perspective. I dont expect you to write him as delicate as he is written in that, but I think it'll give you a better understanding of his internal thinking.


Pace


The biggest thing you need to work on is pacing.

It definitely aint terrible. But, it certainly moves too fast.

Gordon is smart and understanding. But I believe he wouldn't go straight to 'I need a job, and I have no money.' I think he'd first survey the world before anything else.

Try not to drag a scene on, but definitely don't try to rush a scene.


Overall, a decently written story. I'll have to keep up with it. If you need any help with editing, idea's, or simply want a second opinion on something, be sure to come message me.

Please dont take my words as hate, or insults. I only want to encourage those who are eager to write, and to help them improve. Remember, a master has failed more times than anyone else. The difference between his failures and others, is that he learned from each one.

Happy writing-!

10400614
WOW, holy shit! Thank you so much for doing something like this. I really like to know stuff like this, because it’s really what’s helps me in the end. And yeah, I definitely do need to work on pacing; it’s one of my biggest problems.

And I think I need to work on Gordon’s character a bit, you’re right. When I write characters that don’t have very pre-established personalities, I tend to go with ‘How would I respond in this situation’ but, that’s not going to work because well, I’m not a super genius scientist.

And with the whole ‘Gman might not want to save other worlds’ thing, yes. You’re right. But you do have to remember, GMan is employed. He’s not the employer. Whatever he does, is what he’s told to do. And I wouldn’t say that these mysterious ‘Employers’ are completely heartless, y’know?

But anyway, Thank you so much for making such a detailed comment. Constructive criticism is what I hope for when I ask for feedback, and you totally delivered. I’ll keep in mind what you said about coming to you. And I’ll look into the half-life 3 storyline.

And sorry about your finger!

I shoved them in the microwave.

No, Gordon! You're not allowed to use the microwave. Remember what happened to Magnusun's casserole?

I enjoyed it, wasn't boring for me.

I’m the pancake flipping King!

Is this a Freeman's Mind reference?

10404300
I never actually got around to watching that series. I probably should.

10404340
You're welcome! Keep up the good work! And I hope my work is enjoyable for you too

10404344
I will get around to reading those; not to worry. I just have to finish reading a different story and then I can get on that. I’m excited for what you have in store for me :)

10404341
You absolutely should!

Homie.

Let me give you some props.

I enjoyed this chapter quite a bit, and i'm really liking the different things you've added onto Gordon.

Gordon having PTSD of the events is something I wouldnt have thought of, but makes perfect sense. I mean, a bunch of his coworkers died within hours of the cascade, and he watched alot lf it happen. He dealt with alien creatures that were constantly trying to kill him. And THEN the military gets sent in, and everyone thinks theyre the saviors. But, nope, they fuck everyone there.

It makes sense. And it makes Gordon feel more human. Something thats definitely needed when writing him.

The slower pacing of this story definitely does it justice. I enjoyed reading the finer details of the house, because it gives a description of what to picture while we read.

Also, when Gordon had a flashback, you spelled Barney as Benrey.

That mightve been intentional, who knows. Benrey IS a character from the 'Half Life but the AI is Self Aware' series. Reference, or mispelling.

Anyways, I enjoyed it. You've definitely improved already in my opinion. Its a shame that people arent fully interested in a half life story. People loved the games, but can hardly understand the lore.

Keep it up. Also, sorry if this comment is way less formal than the other. Its late here, and my finger is kind of bleeding everywhere, so.. I dont wanna click a bunch of stuff.

See you on the next chapter.

10405617
Thanks a whole lot, man. It means a lot to me that people are enjoying my story, and it means a lot to me that you would spend the time to make a comment full of praise.

And Barney being spelled “Benrey” was, in fact, a reference to HLVRAI. The first security guard you see in the game that shoots the zombies isn’t Barney because Barney is like.. on a whole different side of the facility. So I made him a different guy.

Also, I’m glad you’re liking all of the things I’m doing with Gordon. I didn’t want him to be the blank “Player-insert” character that he is in the games. And I’m glad you don’t dislike the slower pacing, I’m trying to make this story longer than my last ones. I’m happy you think I improved already, I took what you said to heart last time. I noticed some things other people were doing (Describing locations, mentioning the subtle things) and I see it definitely worked in my favor lol.

Hope you enjoy the next chapter, and by extension the whole story! And again, sorry about your finger. I hope it heals soon :)

10405643
A man who knows HLVRAI is a man of culture.

Also, hopefully my finger makes it! (Haha, jokes. It will. I hope.)

Once I finish my own couple of stories im currently writing, I might just start a half-life one. It'll be a long, long while before that happens. But youve inspired me.

Just because someone has some things to work on in their writing doesnt mean the idea isnt good. Either way, your writing is improving, so.. Thats fucking amazing.

10405666
If you ever do write a half-life story, I look forward to reading it! Glad I could be an inspiration.

And again, thanks for the compliments. Knowing that my writing is improving is a huge confidence boost. I’ve got a long way to go before I become super master rank, but.. I’d say this is a lot better than the cupcakes sequel I wrote when I was 8 lol.

Have a good rest of your day/night :)

Doubt it.

I actually only use those toothbrushes, they've got softer bristles than the ones you can get at stores have which last longer and are better for you teeth.

10405743
You make me want to throw out my old toothbrush.

I assume Gordon's watch is with his passport in the locker as well~?

Good chapter. Very intriguing.

I have started to see the way you write gordon as the HLVRAI version of gordon. Definitely not the same, but theres similarities. And, strangely, I like it. Despite it being much different than the Gordon we know, its interesting.

In my opinion, this chapter didnt drag on at all. But, if youe having trouble writing longer chapters, stick to the shorter chapters. Its better to keep things consistent and short than long and tiresome. You'll burn yourself out if you hate writing for long chapters.

I learned that writing my Solaire story. Although I intend to keep the long chapters and continue, it burnt me out pretty quickly.

Also, may I just add that Cheerilee being used here is kind of awesome? I haven't read many stories with her in it, so its good for her to get some inclusion!

Concerning the part where Twilight speaks to Gordon and says something along the line of "Guards, wait." I think it'd sound better if she signified for them to stop without speaking.

It would send a more authoritarian vibe to her, being able to command without a voice. And, with how Gordon see's her as royalty, it might make sense. Who knows, it still sounds fine either way.

Also, I know that its super boring to write the arcs of certain situations. Believe me, I get it. I hate writing chapters that are solely focused on stuff I dont like. But, if it helps paint your creative vision that much brighter, its definitely worth it. People get invested into characters, and in order for people to care about the conflict, they have to have a reason to care about those involved in the conflict.

Make sense? I might be talking in circles.

Anyways, I liked it. Keep it up!

Sincerely,
Your Sun Bro,
Incandescent Solaire

Very nice! loved Pip's cameo here. That little guy is so cute!

10409185
I’m trying to keep Gordon at a level of Science guy’ and ‘Someone who’s not uptight’. I don’t want him to be boring, but I don’t want him to be a husk. Him being his HLVRAI self wasn’t planned, but I’m not going to say I hate writing Gordon that way.

I’m glad you like Cheerilee! She definitely doesn’t get used enough, so I wanted to use someone who was loved, but at the same time not oversaturated. In the first chapter author’s note I mentioned that she was originally planned to be Derpy. This Is all well and good, but Derpy is just overused to hell and back.

Glad this chapter didn’t drag on too long. That was the one thing I was worried about. And yeah, you’re right. I’ll just burn myself out right quick, so I’m probably going to go back to 2000-2500 word chapters.

Yep. Can’t have any emotional attachment and empathy towards Gordon if Cheerilee hardly knows him! Gotta write the small things.

And yeah, I probably should change up the Twilight scene a bit. Some things felt off about it to me, and clearly I’m not the only one that shares that sentiment lol.

Thank you for all the praise, it means so much to me. Have a good rest of your day, Sun Bro. And thank you for the watch! Follow? Whatever they’re called.

10409234
Glad you liked him popping up! I felt it’d be more realistic for the person that says something about Gordon to be a child (because they don’t really have filters) and I like Pip a whole lot, so eh, what the hell right?

10409368
Indeed! Dinky's my favorite Background filly, and pip's a favorite of me too. In fact, me and a Friend of Mine worked together on a Story with pip

10409371
Neat! Pip’s a radical little dude. He likes Princess Luna so I’d say he’s already up there with the top tier characters. And Dinky’s cute, I like her too.

10409376
Indeed. As i said, feel free to Check out my other Stories as well.

And i actually had Another Story with pip in mind but scrapped it, as i am unsure if it would be allowed here

10409378
What was it about that caused it to be scrapped? And I’ll look into your other stories, I just have a lot on my ‘To read’ list.

10409389
Well, it was also a game crossover, set in a Britain which uses a hallucinogenic drug that suppresses all unhappy memories and leaves its user in a chemically-induced euphoria. Now, given thath, I was unsure if the story would be allowed when Pip is seen taking the drug, unwilingy, vecause he isnn't aware what it is

“Oh, yes! Uh.. nice to meet you, Sir. Gordon Free-mane, was it?” Twilight asked, waving a hoof.

Sir? Gordon didn't go through 8 years at MIT just to be called sir. It's Doctor Freeman and don't you forget it!

10409395
Ah, yeah. Children doing drugs probably ain’t allowed

10409449
Yeah, thought the only naswer I got from the staff was

Illegal drugs require a higher rating depending on how they feature in the story. Random 'drug', like some stat booster so to say, is fine for E. Think Chemical X in Power Puff Girls vs Meth in Breaking Bad.

10409521
Yep. I asked again but never got a reply after that

10409366
You certainly earned yourself a watch/follow.

And yeah, I understand the way you wrote him. I don't see him exactly as his VR self, but as a recreation of many things and your own creative idea mashed into one. It works well.

Also, I'm sorry if my commenting may become a nuisance. Many people seem to dislike stories without labeling why, so I tend to comment as much as possible to give feedback to things that might cause someone to dislike it.

Remember, your first few stories are always a weird mish-mash between good and trash! And your on the good side.

Keep it up.

Also, I know you dont have an editor. Once my finger and hands get completely fixed up, I wouldn't mind editing or reviewing for you. Only for mispellings and improvement on wording. I wouldnt be dictating the story in any way.

I dont ask for acknowledgement either. I simply do these things for free, for the community. The payment I get is a good story to read.

Have a nice night. Ciao.

10410656
Never worry about your commenting becoming a nuisance! Having feedback is one of the things that keeps me motivated, and having a consistent source of it makes me feel really good. The fact that I’m getting comments at all is a luxury in my book.

And thank you for the offer, but I don’t really need an editor. It’s not too much trouble to have to edit my own stuff, I actually rather enjoy it.

And you may not ask for acknowledgment, but I’ll probably be six feet under before I don’t acknowledge someone who took the time to both read my story AND leave feedback. I’m sounding like a broken record at this point but it really means a lot to me.

And I’m glad my beginner story is on the good side of things, that makes me proud.

Have a good day/night! :)

Nicely done and interesting idea about Freeman's background.

I also had in mind to try out a game, a new one in fact.

Also, a little error I noticed

He sighed, almost as if he was steeling his nerves. “Okay, look. Twilight may not be on your side.. but I am. I wanna help. I don’t know what’s happening, but I believe you when you say there’s danger. I don’t know what the tartarus is wrong with Twilight, considering she dealt with evil so many Celestia-damn times!Ugh. Look, I’m here to help.” He explained, rambling a bit.

10414159
Ope, shit! Thanks for pointing that out!

That’s a common thing that happens. I usually do one scan-through in the ‘Preview text’ thing but I forgot to. I do all my writing in Apple Notes, so I copy and paste it all. It copies over italics and bold, but sometimes it fucks up. Happens. Thanks for telling me bro.

Mostly personal opinion here, and I'll skip out on other of my criticisms simply because it was already addressed pretty well by somebody else, but I feel like Gordon could have simply skipped the "waiting 2 days part" by saying "the world's in danger" in some way. While that alone would make anybody skeptical, the main six have already dealt with antagonists capable of destroying the world, I think Twilight would at least hear him out unless she wasn't available.

10414167
You make a good point. But people don’t really think about every available option when under pressure and usually do the stupid solution.

Or maybe that’s just me being a dumbass

10414171
I suppose

But another thing I actually just realized to bring up, was how Gordon knew Spike was a dragon? Unless this takes place after he gets wings, it seems like a plot hole, but even then, dragons in mythology aren't bipedal.

10414184
God damn it, you’re right. Lemme change that real quick..

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