Spike, the Brave and...Metrosexual...?

by Mica

Spike's reaction

“And that, Spike, is why you are the quintessential metrosexual,” the Princess of Love concluded.

Spike sighed as he took a sip of sherry in front of the marble fireplace of his royal apartment. The Canterlot Royal Opera's performance of Aida was playing on the gramophone.

“I just can’t believe I didn’t realize how much I’ve become like Rarity," Spike said. "I guess I’ve just become so spoiled living as a royal advisor.”

Princess Cadence, sitting opposite from Spike, helped herself to another glass of sherry. She suddenly had a thought. “Well…perhaps I've been looking at it the wrong way.”

“Oh?”

“How long has it been since you last saw Rarity?”

Spike took a while to answer. “Last month, at the Council of Friendship.”

The two of them chatted for a few minutes, he about the latest goings-on in the Royal Palace, she about her recent trip to Yakyakistan. They had a few drinks together at the after-party, but that was it.

“You don’t see her as often,” Princess Cadence said. “Maybe you started seeing Gabby as you got older, but you still had that assurance that Rarity would still be there, so long as you lived in Ponyville. But then you moved away. And so did she. Perhaps you subconsciously adapted her lifestyle, her fashion sense, her behaviors…so that you could sort of…have a piece of her with you.”

Spike chuckled it off. “Aww, c’mon, you’re pulling my leg.”

“Well, you got pretty upset when La Porte d'Argent ran out of your favorite sandalwood conditioner.”

“Well, I had every right to upset. I always use the sandalwood conditioner. They’d run out of Rarity’s conditioner, and I wasn’t going to—”

Cadence cut him off. She smirked. “Did you hear what you just said?”

“What?”

“You said ‘Rarity’s conditioner.’ As if…it’s a symbol of her that had been taken away from you.”

It hurt worse than when he thought he’d turned into Rarity Jr.

“You really do miss her, don’t you, Spike?” Cadence said.

Spike stood silent and wide-eyed. The color drained from Spike’s sandalwood-oil-conditioned face.

Princess Cadence stopped herself from saying something that might hurt Spike’s feelings even more.

“I…I miss her” were the only words that managed to come of Spike’s mouth, before he started crying. The 300-pound full grown dragon, drenched in sandalwood scale conditioner and wearing a soft pink Somanbulan cotton bathrobe, burst into boyish tears.

There was still that little boy inside. That little boy dragon that still missed his lovely lady Rarity.

After some consoling, Princess Cadence left Spike’s apartment because she had to wake up early the next day. She was in town for the Crystal Empire trade symposium. It was almost midnight. Spike extinguished the fireplace. He hovered a few feet in the air, then sank into his empty feather bed.

Lying in bed, he took out a quill and ink, and a piece of parchment. He tore off the royal letterhead at the top.

He began writing.

Dearest Rarity,

Author's Note:

Metrosexual (noun):

1. a young, urban, heterosexual male with liberal political views, an interest in fashion, and a refined sense of taste.
2. essentially, Frasier Crane.

(Comment if you found the subtle Frasier references in this story.)

(I originally wanted this to be a comedic shit-post-style sort of story, but it sort of morphed into this semi-tragic story. Go figure.)

Comments

[rikithemonk]

I was thumbing through the site when I came across this pic.

Saw the name, and laughed my ass off.

his deserves a read just for that alone.

The Monk
"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan

[EnderHooves]

Huh, that was interesting. It was good. This really made me think. At first, I thought "bah, there's no way that could happen, he's as bad as Blueblood now." But then you rationalized it with rarity, and although its wacky and over the top, it fits well.
I think after he talks with rarity, he needs some meditation time in a far removed cave alone to find himself again.
I like to think that when dragons meditate, they set themselves on fire, so for his sake, I hope burning sandalwood dragonscale conditioner smells nice.

[Blueninetails]

Well, this was in interesting read. Quite the interesting read.

Also, I guess I learned something new today. Never quite knew what metrosexual meant, always figured it meant a hetro male who was more in touch with their feelings, or something like that.

[Hillbe]

And they were married later that month
I picked out her wedding dress
and I his attire formal
I always knew he was her bitch
And my future foal with Discord now has a play date mate
Another cheese!
I just don't know anymore, Water melon anypony?
they were groomed for each other
I'm so alone

[Mica]

10204713
This is too funny.

[DesiestChangeling]

Hmmm, sequel planned?

[DragonPony]

This was interesting I so want a squeal with this older Spike and a older Rarity. I mean it could be every interesting. As Spike figures out who HE is Rarity could be coming to terms that... well she is older. She isn't in her early 20s anymore and is slightly older mare. That could be fun to see how the two interact with one another.

[Hillbe]

10205100
Ya like them Water Melons ?

Now they're fighting over the conditioner
It's that good
Yea what she said
Ain't love grand

It costs me that much for her hoof polish

SPIKEY SPIKEY LOOK
her 1st grey hair
I'm done for, dust to dust
Here have an ice cream, Your not yourself without it.....

[Spartity101]

You might have switched up the titles of the chapters.

[Mica]

10206033
The first chapter is supposed to be Cadence's answer to Spike's question: "What the hay is a METROsexual? And why did you just call me one?" She is talking directly to Spike.

The second chapter is supposed to be Spike's reaction to what Cadence said in the previous chapter. It is in third person.

I apologize if I didn't make it clear enough.

[Spartity101]

10206123

It is alright, really.

[Mica]

10267339
I based Spike's height and weight on the scenes from The Last Problem:
1.bp.blogspot.com/-wCun2BYge6Y/XaprnMK-qqI/AAAAAAADRAI/PMGsg8Ky_d0_E2m3v2gjo2Da5qjcXhBkACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/large.png
Looking at this picture, he's about the same height as tall-boi Twilight. Tall-boi alicorns have been estimated to be about 6 foot tall, look up "mlp height chart." Based on his build, I'd say Spike is about the same weight as larger NFL players, so like, high-200 to 300 pounds.

It's possible there is large size variation among dragons, like a chihuahua vs a German shepherd kind of thing.

Also, Twilight loves fast food. Especially since, as an alicorn, her arteries are immortally unclogged and she doesn't get fat.

[Phantom Dragon]

Well that was a fun read

[Ice Star]

Spike is acting so beyond hyper-femme gay with his sheer metrosexuality that I think this story made me straight.