- Member Since 3rd Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Last Friday
dukesofhazzardftw
I'm a misfit. I don't belong anywhere, but neither do any of you. We belong to eachother. It's been good to know you all!
dukesofhazzardftw
Joined 3rd Sep, 2013 ·
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Hmm... Well, I like the concept, not to mention that the way this entire scenario could play out is entirely possible. My main complaint is that you seem to be railroading everything to where you want it to be, leaving behind poor characters and making the reading less enjoyable.
In short: I like the concept, but the flow and characters just don't seem to fit.
I do urge you to keep practicing your writing, you have a good foundational idea and that shouldn't be left on the wayside. You have no idea how many fics I found that had an interesting idea only to fall short from trying to ramrod it to where they want it to be. Don't force the interactions to go the way you want them to, let the characters interact and flow with each other.
I'll keep tabs on this, if just to see what happens in the future. I do hope you aren't discouraged by the Wall of Text, and do keep trying, would you?
Sincerely,
Hunter Redflame~
10027548
Thanks RedFlame, I’ll keep your words in mind as I proceed! This fist chapter was going to seem pretty forced, it was ridiculously hard to try to get it as organized as it is, as I usually don’t have a lot of time to write during the day. It should improve with the next chapters.
Okay, I like the concept, but kind of seems fast paced, but that's me, also I don't think a Spartan would be so Trusting of a completely unknown race, and why would he take off his helmet just like that? And I'm pretty surprised the guards weren't speciesist
Besides all that, I do like the story and concept, I'll track this and see how you make it go.. I may not be a Halo know it all, but I just don't think a Spartan would be so Trusting like that
10029745
Note I'm not trying to be mean or rude, just be honest, and please know I got the flu so I'd I don't make any sense, blame that and my lack of proper sleep
10029745. Thank you for your feedback! Things like being so trusting and the helmet removal will be explained, and it makes more sense than you think. Being soldiers, living off respect, he proved himself to them by helping, showing that he wasn’t out to just attack them. (even though he’d have left them otherwise). It showed intent, and as there were four or five of them unable to move it, and he threw it one handed, theres a level of fear/power shown as well.
Being a forward reconnaissance team, their job was just to see what’s going on and prepare for the mobilization of forces, if necessary. They weren’t planning to meet another living thing besides wild animals. They hadn’t prepared to meet something sentient, because more often then not, recon teams dont get told shit, they find out what is going on based off of the area, and a brief overview. With no idea what he is, why he’s here, when he requests to speak to someone who might know what he is, why he’s here, they don’t have many other options.
If you think perspectives, rather than the tropes of other stories, it makes a little more sense.
10029782
Not what I meant, but okay, your welcome
Really good chapter, and Really good to see you're back and working on this, please continue bud
10147318
Thanks for the support! I’m trying to work on pacing to make it more enjoyable to read, I should have another update out fairly soon!
Good to see this is still around. Luna's being a bit stubborn and paranoid, but that makes a degree of sense. Good explanation for having him take his helmet off.
Not a bad chapter, and the interactions feel natural. About the only complaint I have for this is that Applejack seems a bit out of character. It felt more like I was reading a less hyper Pinkie Pie. Still though, it's far from an unforgivable error. Keep at it, you're doing fine.
Real good chapter, interactions were good and I really look forward to next chapter bud
I'm surprised that Pinkie isn't there
10150831
My inspiration was the hyperactive happy AJ from S1E1, when meeting new people she gets a little more eccentric. Thank you for all your feedback, everyone!
I'm really unsure why the formatting is all fuckywucky, but I'll hopefully be able to reformat this chapter soon.
Is AJ caboose? Really good story so far, I look forward to reading more!
Well, that is a Bitch thing to say, Luna!
You might have seen a PART of the War, but the Spartans are FAR from demons. THEY PROTECT Humanity from the Alien Covenant, and then the REAL DEMONS that CAUSE all of this. The Three Prophet leaders in the Covenant. After all, Demons tend to LIE!!!!
10188840
Canonically in the series, the Sangheili (And later the rest of the Covenant races) call Spartans Demons, because only a Demon would hide their face in battle. Only a Demon would have this kind of destructive power.
I've got a plan for the reveal of why the same applies here
Hope you're intrigued enough to stay tuned!
10188883
I know, I'm a heavily Halo fan. it's just insulting that she is calling the Spartan that word. That was coming from the Elites And other Covenant species themselves, that killed over nearly Billions of his people, both Military and Civilian alike. And also jealous or even Assholes like most ODSTs, and ONI. Even though the Spartans helped the MOTHER FRICKIN Human race and their Ungrateful Asses!!!!!!!!!!
And so what, if he is destructive, he is a Super Soldier after all. and if you think about it the SAME implies to the Princesses. The Alicorns can be destructive and more, they have a LOT of MAGIC and can use the MOON AND THE SUN, to use very World Ending Destruction!!!!!!!!
10188908
Indeed, thanks for your insight, I hope you enjoy the story!
10188909
Thanks, plus if Luna or some other stupid Pony Dumbasses say the "Demon" word to the Spartan. And we all know that's the insulting word from the Elites And Covenant themselves, that nearly caused Human Extinction. Riley can't believe this Xenophobic Assholes say the same insult word, that come from the Alien Monsters that him and his kind have faced. He probably go to a PSTD, Rage Filled Mental Breakdown on the ponies. And a Spartan who is is in a Mental Berserk Mode. Is the LAST MISTAKE the Stupid Ponies have EVER made!!!!!!!!
This was good, and that nightmare, i wasn't expecting you to have him work with Noble, nice one bud, and Luna calls him a demon, Grreat that's gonna be fun later
10189978
Thank you very much, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Amazing, you know the entire time I was narrating to myself what would happen if my fictional kingdom Haven was there. Since their extremely technologically advanced, like a century ahead of the UNSC in places. So that was fun
That isn't the worst name out there kid. Not by a long shot
*deep inhale though the nose* Here we go again
Spartans ranked in the Navy, not marines.
Oh she will, they all do
10221958
The Marines are a branch off the Navy, hence why you only see Marine troopers on UNSC Navy vessels VS an Army type force. I realize canonically they rank with the Navy and would never be as low as an E-6 so late in the war, but I promise I am going somewhere with it. Please stay tuned, and thanks for reading!
10221922
That sounds entertaining! Thanks for reading!
10222163
Oh, okay. I didn't know that. Thanks for the clarity
please update soon
10227529
It’s in the works, my friend! Sorry, I’ve been crazily busy lately!
10227642
that's okay
Cprrect me on Halo's timeline, if I'm wrong, Covenant reached Earth and was barely thrown back thanks to a patriotic treason of kind? The fact that most of games aren't PC and are region locked made me isolated from franchise. Loved first hame and premise of world-building conflict.
I say yes to reading after this story is done and all also I rather liked this chapter and look forward to more from ya.
PS: take care of you're life first bud, life first and story wherever on the list, I can wait for update but life can't
10230213
Those events took place much later in the timeline, when High Charity infects Africa, this story takes place before the events of the Halo Series, a few months before Reach.
10230425
Thanks for your insight and opinion, I’m thinking a reading will probably happen when this is done!
oh it fuck the trues celectia and Luna if you really now what the covenant was doing you would be horrified
10230642
Yeah, and Luna...
*Proceed to PUNCH LUNA IN THE FACE, USING HEAVY BRASS KNUCKLES!!!!!!*
YOU INSOLENT F****** IDIOT!!!!!!!! YOU F***** SAW THE BATTLE, The Covenant are the FRICKIN EVIL HEARTLESS VILLAINS HERE, YOU DUMBASS!!!!! YOU HAVE NNNNOOOOOOO IDEA WHAT THE Covenant DID to Humanity in the PAST 27 YEARS!!!!!!! SEE FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!
*Shows Everyone/Everypony of the Nearly 28 Years of the Human-Covenant War. OVER 23 BILLION HUMAN DEATHS, AND OVER ALOT OF HUMAN PLANET COLONIES BEING GLASSED!!!!!!!*
Celestia, Luna, Twilight and her Friends, Cadence, Shining: 😱😱😰😰😭😭😫😫😨😨
So Luna, DO YOU THINK YOU AND CELESTIA CAN MAKE "PEACE TALKS" OR BEING PACIFIST TO THIS ALIEN ZEALOUS MONSTERS!!!!!! I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!! Stupid "Pacifist" Bitches!!!
10230933
Ay. You got that right comrade. They needed a punch in the face.
10231222
TF2 Heavy: Da! 👍
10230933
oh i can just imagine what Celestia, Luna, Cadence and Shining reaction would be human colonies being glassed
10231834
Heh, never ask to see a glassing, you may be surprised at what you get!
10232481
hehe yep
I want to know what happens next!!!!
Aw hell yeah. A Celestia that knows when she's wrong.
Hopefully she makes another mistake that costs both the sisters.
Good story
10418473
Thank you! Another chapter should be here soon!
I wasn't expecting to see a new chapter so this is Awesome. Love to see your still working on it.
I can understand how he feels alone, although the sudden intro of both more UNSC and the Covies is a sudden plot point, but as long as you make it sound good and it flows. You will do great
Rereading this but I need to say this (can't remember if I already said this) Are you serious? I mean, a alien force destroying a city, a big ass alien ship over it, aliens who you can clearly see have/are trying to murder families, and you question the defenders? The spartan who has likely just witnessed death of a friend or death or his home city? (Btw going by memory but didn't luna kinda see the whole battle, ya know by being inside it?)
Bitch, did you even listen, or even actually Look at that fucking city?
Really happy to see this isn't dead, and this was a good chapter. I also agree with Silver Echo, this Story is one of the few halo stories I know that actually does it right, spartan part at least so please keep up the good work but please don't push yourself bud
10497174
I promise, it will integrate well! I’m working on the part 2 as time allows!