A spartan aboard a civilian transport to the Cygnus System is stranded when a malfunction occurs. Half his ship is found by the UNSC, the other half, by the Royal Guard.
Hmm... Well, I like the concept, not to mention that the way this entire scenario could play out is entirely possible. My main complaint is that you seem to be railroading everything to where you want it to be, leaving behind poor characters and making the reading less enjoyable.
In short: I like the concept, but the flow and characters just don't seem to fit.
I do urge you to keep practicing your writing, you have a good foundational idea and that shouldn't be left on the wayside. You have no idea how many fics I found that had an interesting idea only to fall short from trying to ramrod it to where they want it to be. Don't force the interactions to go the way you want them to, let the characters interact and flow with each other.
I'll keep tabs on this, if just to see what happens in the future. I do hope you aren't discouraged by the Wall of Text, and do keep trying, would you?
10027548 Thanks RedFlame, I’ll keep your words in mind as I proceed! This fist chapter was going to seem pretty forced, it was ridiculously hard to try to get it as organized as it is, as I usually don’t have a lot of time to write during the day. It should improve with the next chapters.
Okay, I like the concept, but kind of seems fast paced, but that's me, also I don't think a Spartan would be so Trusting of a completely unknown race, and why would he take off his helmet just like that? And I'm pretty surprised the guards weren't speciesist
Besides all that, I do like the story and concept, I'll track this and see how you make it go.. I may not be a Halo know it all, but I just don't think a Spartan would be so Trusting like that
10029745 Note I'm not trying to be mean or rude, just be honest, and please know I got the flu so I'd I don't make any sense, blame that and my lack of proper sleep
10029745. Thank you for your feedback! Things like being so trusting and the helmet removal will be explained, and it makes more sense than you think. Being soldiers, living off respect, he proved himself to them by helping, showing that he wasn’t out to just attack them. (even though he’d have left them otherwise). It showed intent, and as there were four or five of them unable to move it, and he threw it one handed, theres a level of fear/power shown as well.
Being a forward reconnaissance team, their job was just to see what’s going on and prepare for the mobilization of forces, if necessary. They weren’t planning to meet another living thing besides wild animals. They hadn’t prepared to meet something sentient, because more often then not, recon teams dont get told shit, they find out what is going on based off of the area, and a brief overview. With no idea what he is, why he’s here, when he requests to speak to someone who might know what he is, why he’s here, they don’t have many other options.
If you think perspectives, rather than the tropes of other stories, it makes a little more sense.
Amazing, you know the entire time I was narrating to myself what would happen if my fictional kingdom Haven was there. Since their extremely technologically advanced, like a century ahead of the UNSC in places. So that was fun
10846060 Of course it is, it’s a pet project I really only have time for late at night because I’m constantly working or busy. Thanks for giving it a read, I’m trying to fix the pacing but it’s hard for me to put what’s in my head into writing.
Hmm... Well, I like the concept, not to mention that the way this entire scenario could play out is entirely possible. My main complaint is that you seem to be railroading everything to where you want it to be, leaving behind poor characters and making the reading less enjoyable.
In short: I like the concept, but the flow and characters just don't seem to fit.
I do urge you to keep practicing your writing, you have a good foundational idea and that shouldn't be left on the wayside. You have no idea how many fics I found that had an interesting idea only to fall short from trying to ramrod it to where they want it to be. Don't force the interactions to go the way you want them to, let the characters interact and flow with each other.
I'll keep tabs on this, if just to see what happens in the future. I do hope you aren't discouraged by the Wall of Text, and do keep trying, would you?
Sincerely,
Hunter Redflame~
10027548
Thanks RedFlame, I’ll keep your words in mind as I proceed! This fist chapter was going to seem pretty forced, it was ridiculously hard to try to get it as organized as it is, as I usually don’t have a lot of time to write during the day. It should improve with the next chapters.
Okay, I like the concept, but kind of seems fast paced, but that's me, also I don't think a Spartan would be so Trusting of a completely unknown race, and why would he take off his helmet just like that? And I'm pretty surprised the guards weren't speciesist
Besides all that, I do like the story and concept, I'll track this and see how you make it go.. I may not be a Halo know it all, but I just don't think a Spartan would be so Trusting like that
10029745
Note I'm not trying to be mean or rude, just be honest, and please know I got the flu so I'd I don't make any sense, blame that and my lack of proper sleep
10029745. Thank you for your feedback! Things like being so trusting and the helmet removal will be explained, and it makes more sense than you think. Being soldiers, living off respect, he proved himself to them by helping, showing that he wasn’t out to just attack them. (even though he’d have left them otherwise). It showed intent, and as there were four or five of them unable to move it, and he threw it one handed, theres a level of fear/power shown as well.
Being a forward reconnaissance team, their job was just to see what’s going on and prepare for the mobilization of forces, if necessary. They weren’t planning to meet another living thing besides wild animals. They hadn’t prepared to meet something sentient, because more often then not, recon teams dont get told shit, they find out what is going on based off of the area, and a brief overview. With no idea what he is, why he’s here, when he requests to speak to someone who might know what he is, why he’s here, they don’t have many other options.
If you think perspectives, rather than the tropes of other stories, it makes a little more sense.
10029782
Not what I meant, but okay, your welcome
Amazing, you know the entire time I was narrating to myself what would happen if my fictional kingdom Haven was there. Since their extremely technologically advanced, like a century ahead of the UNSC in places. So that was fun
10221922
That sounds entertaining! Thanks for reading!
It's rushed
10846060
Of course it is, it’s a pet project I really only have time for late at night because I’m constantly working or busy. Thanks for giving it a read, I’m trying to fix the pacing but it’s hard for me to put what’s in my head into writing.