18 Job Security
A few weeks later, Twilight told herself that she would have been a terrible sovereign.
"Not right away," she said in her deeper, more mature voice. "You might have been fine for a generation or two, but then you'd be bored by the routine and wouldn't have been able to resist meddling."
"I—" The younger Twilight's voice cracked a bit. She paused and cleared her throat, feeling a bit envious of the older Twilight's silky tones. She decided to mentally refer to her other self as Old Twilight to compensate. "I might have done just fine. Particularly now that I know how Evil Twilight went off the rails."
The elder alicorn shook her head slowly, sending lines of shimmering reflected lamplight cascading down her gently waving mane. Young Twilight decided to think of her as Decrepit Old Twilight. "You know how, but not why," the elder corrected her.
Young Twilight glanced at Spike for support. He shrugged. "I'm always ready to back you up, Twi," he said, poking at the last few gems left on his plate. "But…" He gestured toward both alicorns with an upraised palm and then shrugged again.
The elder Twilight blew him a playful kiss, which somewhat shocked the younger.
"Well, then," Twilight said, trying to keep her voice level and calm. "Do you know why? Maybe you could explain it to me."
Decrepit Old Twilight teleported the remains of their dinner off the table. There was no flash and crackle of wasted magical energy, no pop of inrushing air. The dishes and silverware vanished with a slight ripple, leaving only their cider goblets behind. The display of masterful magical subtlety was just one more reason for young Twilight to be pointlessly jealous. A glowing diagram appeared on the surface of the table. "This is the structure of a moyo crystal. They are only found in deep caverns beneath the Masimarea Rift where a very rare set minerals combine in unusual conditions to form them over the course of eons."
Young and Foolish Twilight studied the diagram closely. "It seems to have an inherently fractal structure. How large do these crystals grow? Can they be used for magical purposes? Do the—"
The diagram abruptly vanished. "There, you see? That is why you would make an awful ruler."
Twilight frowned. "Because I'm curious?"
"Yes. Curious, inventive, extremely intelligent, introverted, empathic, not just talented, but an actual polymath, and these are all horrible qualities for a politician. The best rulers are honest and hard working, true, but they also need to have the sort of mindset of a big, placid Earth Pony whose job is to turn a grain mill all day long… One who likes it. Otherwise, the job will drive them insane sooner or later."
Young Twilight felt a flush of anger, which she had to admit was an indication that her opponent had scored a point. "But Celestia is intelligent, far more intelligent that most ponies give her credit for, and for over a thousand years, she—"
"And how long did it take for the cracks to appear after her obsessive, millenia-long quest to save her sister was fulfilled, hmn? The risky and irresponsible way she let things fall out in the years after Luna returned wasn't exactly good stewardship, was it? She knew it. She wouldn't have nearly thrown the crown at you if she wasn't desperate to escape. She's a good pony. Moreover, she's a wise pony, and she knew she had to relinquish power before she caused or allowed some terrible disaster."
The dining hall was silent for a long while. The only sounds were those made by Spike as he drained and refilled his cider cup.
Finally, Twilight said, quietly, "You're not wrong, I suppose. In any case, the point is moot, now. Do you think Sunrise Aura will be a good princess?"
Elder Twilight smiled and sipped at her cider. "Well, you've had some time to get to know her. Imaginative and clever, is she?"
Twilight hesitated. She didn't like to speak ill of anypony. "She's—nice. A bit overwhelmed at the moment, and she hasn't had the easiest time of it, but she's truly good-hearted."
"And boring. Yes, she should be ideal."
"You're mean."
"And right."
"Am I really going to become this insufferable?"
"You always have been, and you know it."
"I—" Young Twilight gave up and refilled her own goblet, then took a deep draught.
The deep rumble of Spike's chuckle rolled through the room. "I love you guys," he said.
Both Twilights smiled at him.
After a bit of companionable silence, Young Twilight said, "I suppose it's time for me to get ready to go—back. I've said all my goodbyes, Windfall is set up for life, and now that you're here—"
"Ah, about that…" Old Twilight gave her the side-eye.
"What?"
"I sabotaged the power crystals. In fact, I set up a network of crystalline booby traps along most of the major ley lines on the planet. From now on, anypony attempting time magic is in for a big shock." She grinned. It wasn't exactly a pleasant expression. "Literally."
"Wait, what? Then how do I go back?"
"I already did that. There's no reason you have to duplicate my effort."
"B-but, if I don't, you won't… Wait. You're here because of my intention to go back, but once we both existed in the same chronic hypermanifold..." She trailed off, lost in furious thought.
The elder Twilight leaned over the table and whispered to Spike, "I love time travel. You can get away with such awful shenanigans! Just watch. I'll bet you a five pound emerald that she'll be drawing diagrams any second now."
Spike took another pull from his cider mug. "I don't take sucker bets."
Sure enough, soon glowing lines began to form in the air in front of the younger alicorn. After a quarter hour of checking and rechecking her calculations, she was forced to admit, "It is possible. The inciting incident can form an unstable loop that—"
"Been there, done that, had the paper peer-reviewed and published," Decrepit Old Smug Twilight interrupted.
That jolted Young Twilight out of lecture mode. "Really?"
She gave a throaty chuckle that sounded the way that hot chocolate tasted. "No, it's knowledge that I don't want to be generally available, and besides—" She leaned over until her muzzle was almost touching that of her other self. "I don't have any peers."
"Modest, much?"
"And right." Decrepit Old Smug but Admittedly More Experienced Twilight leaned back into her cushions. "I've spent the last quarter century learning the most arcane details of the magical arts, and I just happened to discover the Secret of Life along the way. I am an exceptional pony."
"The Secret of Life? Is that some sort of mystical mumbo-jumbo?"
"Oh, I will freely admit that I spent a few years looking into that sort of thing. But after I climbed Mount Everhoof on hoof and without magic, only to be told by the ancient Yak sage that lives in a cave there at the summit that the Secret is 'squeeze and relax,' I felt disinclined to any further questing in that direction. No, I just happened to realize it one day while I was relaxing and watching a sunset."
"And the Secret is…?"
Older Twilight gave her a silent, infuriating grin. "Since there's no need for you to go back in time now, you could become my student and wander the world with me. I could pass on my hard-won knowledge to you, and then, someday, I would have a peer. And you might also learn the Secret of Life for yourself. Believe me, I could tell you in a very few words, but until you're ready to know it, to believe it, you wont get any good out of it."
From anypony else, Twilight would have dismissed the offer as manipulative nonsense, but despite her recent struggle against a twisted and evil version of herself, she felt certain that this version had nothing but good intentions behind her offer. More importantly, she felt that there was some deep wisdom hidden within her that would cause everything to work out for the best.
"Well—it would be a situation likely to afford some mutual checks and balances on our power that would reduce the possibility of a future Mad Scientist situation, I suppose," said Twilight cautiously. "And someone to share the long centuries ahead with, who could appreciate a certain perspective, shall we say…?"
"Most long-winded, nerdiest 'yes' I ever heard," quipped Spike from across the table.
The Twilight Who Knew the Secret of Life smiled. "I am certain we are going to enjoy ourselves," she said.
= = =
=
I'd like to give a profound Thank You to Archangel of the Silent, not just for commissioning the story, but for being a willing and damned good editor!
I also want to thank everyone who upvoted, left a kind comment, or simply read and enjoyed.
For the Secret of Life™, subscribe to my Patreon at the "Seeker of Truth" level. ($85 per month, no refunds!)
But honestly, it is "squeeze and relax!" Just ask your heart. 
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It's amazing! I was just thinking about this story earlier today, and bam! Update. Fantastic story, I love how you finished it off, even if it is a little sad we don't get to see more adventures. Or see what happened to twilight's friend from the maze, that bit feels like it was left out accidentally. (An epilogue chapter maybe?)
This was a fantastic story, and I would love to see some followup content of it, like short stories about what the 2 twilights get up to, or what happened in the, what, 40 years? that she was gone. If you don't want to, that's fine, this was a good ending.
I both love and hate time travel. Always. :D
10770207
Side stories/one-shots are a definite possibility!
10770225
Me too!
Hmmm...
I really don't know how to feel about all this. The last chapters definitely feel like a bit of an asspull, if I'm being honest with myself. And extremely unsatisfying in how basically Sunrise and everything around Twilight's friends and family ended. The whole finale felt too abrupt, too... lackluster for what had been a very charming and intriguing adventure-mystery up until this point.
Not a fan of the logic at the end, either. With regards to time travel as well as to good governance. Kind of came across like one of those salty fix-fics that got upset about Season 9.
Still... the story was a fun ride for the most part. And while I'm definitely not a fan of the ending - at all - I don't think this rises to the same levels of 'retroactive ruination' like Game of Thrones or Rise of Skywalker, to give some examples. I guess I just wish it had ended one or three chapters earlier. A solid, exciting story right up until the end. Well done, on finishing this one, however! Don't let my personal hangups detract from having pride in accomplishing that.
10770362
Definitely my feelings too.
The last several chapters felt a bit disjointed, and borderline disappointing, but the overall story was excellent, so I can’t fault it too much.
10770372
Yeah, that's a lot more concise than I was being.
It's like... it just feels like a Bad End, you know? Despite the shiny coat of paint trying to distract us from that fact.
This story has ended up being nothing like I actually expected it to be. The ending is particularly odd. I think I would have liked to see more of Windfall before the story wrapped up.
Squeeze, relax, repeat. That last part is critical.
10770491
If Twi had gone one cave further up, she would have encountered the Addendum Yak Sage!
10770381
it feels like a story that was at the half way point, and was given a rushed ending,
Good stuff for the most part. Even the rather abrupt ending works. It's like getting one of the alternate endings in Chrono Trigger. Twilight the Elder is in New Game + and can short-circuit the plot to get to the good part that much faster. It does still feel quite sudden given how many questions go unanswered and issues unresolved, but it works. That said, Twilight the Younger never getting to say goodbye to her friends as she knew them really stings.
(I'd say there's no shame in Twilight abdicating once she got bored enough to start treating the Equestrian government like a sociology lab, but she'd never see it like that after Celestia's millennium-plus reign. Plus, you know, there's the objective proof of the grim blandness of the far future.)
So yeah, not the neatest ending, but a thoroughly Twilit one. Thank you for a strange but thoroughly enjoyable journey.
Nothing against you as a writer iisaw, but I have to admit that the ending gave me a bit of a whiplash feeling, and the whole multiversal time travel was more than a little confusing. So many unanswered questions...and I am going to quit while I'm still ahead because the more I think about time travel the more I get
10770674
And water is wet, as you pointed out later in your comment.
10770707
Fair (shrugs nonchalantly)
Now that's just cheating.
Good call.
I definitely enjoyed this story, it was interesting.
10770300
I'll even pay for them.
Hard to believe it's already been $400. You know I didn't even originally process this one as the ending at first?
10773227
I debated "expanding" the ending, but all the bits of the story are there (if implied instead of written out explicitly), and as my work schedule is becoming absolutely insane,* I wanted to wrap it up rather than let another few months go by with no updates!
I'm kind of stunned, myself.
That's the thing with long stories; I really need to be consistent with updates (and not die) to be fair to the readers. One-shots may be the way to go until this plague is over and done with.
------------------
* I may be going to set up a lab in Liberia!
10773427
True, you gotta take care of you and yours in times like these. Maybe one day it's revisited, maybe it's expanded on. I'm not a millennia old immortal Goddess-Queen, I don't claim to speak for the future.
This was a terrific story. Thank you.
Thank you for writing. :)
Fantastic story, kinda want to know about their future adventure.
I loved this story, like all your other works I've managed to read so far, but these last two chapters ending it seemed so abrupt, I really felt we were only entering the halfway point and am sad to see Windfall and the possible (bad) future dropped so quickly.
10777225
Yes, a fair number of people seem to feel that way, and I'm sorry I couldn't give a more expanded resolution to the story. It kind of came down to wrapping it up quickly or leaving it in unfinished limbo for a very long time (possibly permanently), and... Well, here we are.
It feels like Windfall just got swept under the rug. Left a bad taste when I got done reading.
I always knew yaks were full of crap. :V
10801087
That's why "squeeze and relax" is such a good basis for Yak philosophy. (It helps them get rid of that crap. (Too bad they keep making more.))