This Time for Good

by iisaw

14 Solution

"Aaaaah!" Windfall sighed as she let the empty mug fall away from her mouth. "I haven't had a drink in…" She held out her wing and began counting on her primary feathers with a hoof. She ran out of primaries and began on the secondaries, then shrugged and dropped her hoof. "Long damn time, anyway. Fill me up, Princess!"

Twilight's horn lit and a stream of golden cider lifted out of the strange metal keg and headed for Windfall's mug. It twisted into a figure eight knot near the top of its arc, and then dipped into the mug without spilling a drop.

"Showoff!"

Twilight smiled. "Inanimate matter is easy. I once juggled a dozen or so live animals for Saddle Arabian dignitaries!" She leaned over and whispered to the pegasus as if imparting some sensitive information, despite them being the only ponies in the room. "The secret is to make it fun for the critters!"

Windfall didn't reply right away because she was busy draining half of her refill.

"My friends were impressed when I levitated an Ursa Minor, but I soothed her down with some music and a whole lot of fresh milk first, or I don't think I could have managed it."

Windfall nearly spit out her cider, but being a veteran in many senses of the word, managed to swallow her mouthful before blurting out, "You lifted a star bear? You've got to be kidding me! How much does one of those things weigh?"

"Less than you'd think," Twilight replied nonchalantly. "They're magical beings and semi-ethereal. Even with the tank full of milk it probably wasn't over 30 or 40 tons."

Windfall just stared at her.

"What?" Twilight stared back in puzzlement. "That's just a rough estimate. I could check the figures, if you like." A notepad and pencil floated over and settled down on the table between them.

"No math while we're getting drunk!" Windfall said, and swept the pad off of the table with a wingtip.

"Okay, okay!" Twilight held up her hooves placatingly. "But I really don't want to get drunk drunk, if you know what I mean. I did that once, and I didn't much like it."

"Wait a minute! You're supposed to become the ruler of all of Equestria and you've only been drunk once? How are you going to be able to relate to the common pony?"

Twilight laughed as if Windfall had been joking. "Yes, the first time I had my friend Applejack's cider, I definitely over indulged. I wasn't trying to become inebriated, but it tasted so good! It was nice being tipsy, but I didn't stop there, unfortunately."

"Did the Pretty Purple Princess embarrass herself?" Windfall asked with a grin.

"Many, many times," Twilight said with a sigh. "That night was just one of those times. I became a little—overly demonstrative in my affections."

"Ah," Windfall said. "You got to the 'I love you guys!' stage, then? Or was it the 'No, I mean I really, really love you guys! and then barfing' stage?"

Twilight cleared her throat nervously. "Let's just say that it's a good thing I can teleport rapidly moving fluids when drunk, so nopony had to hold my mane out of the way for me."

Windfall laughed, and then asked, "Hey, where did you teleport it to?"

"Uhmn…" Twilight frowned. "I'm not really sure. Just away. I think I aimed it toward the Everfree, but my memory of that evening is understandably hazy."

Windfall lifted her mug in a toast. "Here's to hazy memories!" She drained it and then held it out to Twilight again. "Do a double loop with a twist this time!"

"Too easy!" Twilight's horn flashed, there was a muffled thump from inside the keg, and then a pop as a precise amount of cider appeared with a flash in Windfall's mug. The liquid filled it to within a hair's breadth of the rim, but didn't slop over, or even fizz excessively. "See? I'm drunk, but I can still achieve that level of precision!"

"You've barely had one mug!" Windfall pointed out. "You can't even be tipsy yet."

Twilight gave Windfall a flat, level stare and drained half of her mug. She heroically tried to maintain her sten expression, but she finally had to grimace and stick her tongue out. "Ugh! This stuff really isn't very good, is it?"

"I wasn't gonna say anything," Windfall admitted and shrugged. "But it's not bad enough to not drink."

Twilight opened her mouth to say something, paused, and then shut her mouth and shrugged too. She refilled her mug.

"We gonna try and figure out what's wrong with this place again tomorrow?" Windfall asked after taking a more moderate sip of cider. "Tomorrow afternoon, I mean."

Twilight considered it. "I get the feeling it's too subtle and complex for us to easily discover on our own, even without the problem of the Oracle acting against us. I wish we could just ask my future self."

"Hey!" Windfall said sharply. "We're pretty much partners in all this, right?"

Twilight nodded.

"Then, I'm vetoing the idea where you let the insane hypnotist talk to you again, okay?"

Twilight chuckled. "Fine. But maybe there's another, safer way I could communicate with her."

Windfall considered it. "I dunno. Did you see how easily she snapped that steel wire around her hoof? If you released one of her legs so she could write on the inside of the glass or something, she might smash it or tear off those restraints."

Twilight nodded. "No, I was thinking of something like telling her to blink at us in Horse Code."

"You're kidding right? No? Are you sure there's not any way she could hypnotize you by blinking at you?"

"I don't—" Twilight broke off and burst into a fit of the giggles. "Actually, I have a marefriend who can hypnotize stallions just by winking at them!"

Windfall chuckled. "A real looker, huh?"

"Drop-dead gorgeous!" Twilight said emphatically, while rolling her eyes.

Windfall gave Twilight a sly smile. "Close friend, is she?"

"Oh yes! She's one of my closest… Wait! What? You mean…" Twilight gasped. "No! Not that way!"

"Funny," Windfall said casually. "But, you started blushing as soon as you mentioned her, Princess."

Twilight made several inarticulate noises before she teleported in a small hoofmirror to check to see if she was blushing. She was, but had only started after Windfall began teasing her.

"See? I think you're sweet on this marefriend of yours!"

"I—I'm not!"

Windfall went on as if she hadn't heard her denial. "Makes sense. Even now, you'd be the big spoon in most relationships. And judging by Future You, it won't be long before you're a freakin' ladle! Yeah, hardly any stallions could deal with not measuring up, so it's only logical you'd be into mares."

"What?!" Twilight leaped to her hooves and only staggered a little bit before shouting. "I'll have you know my brother is the "little spoon" in his marriage, and Cadance tells me he still rides her like a wild—" Twilight suddenly realized what she was saying, sat back heavily on her haunches, and clamped both forehooves over her mouth.

Windfall completely collapsed, spilling her cider and nearly overturning the table as she kicked her hindlegs, bellowing with laughter. "Oh, Blistering Sun! Oh, you Perfectly Polite Princess! You are so damned easy!"

A book thumped into the side of her barrel, then another and another, unti she was half buried in ancient volumes. It didn't interrupt her laughter at all.

Twilight pouted for quite a while, then her horn lit and the keg of cider disappeared with a pop.

"Whoa there!" Windfall protested. "You can't do that! It's not fair!"

Twilight gave her an evil grin. "Oh? Since when did you become a pony who fights fair?"

"It was just a little teasing! I—"

Twilight held up a hoof to forstall her. "Don't worry. I'm not cancelling Girls Night In. Now be quiet for a minute, this will take some concentration. Object-specific teleports get more difficult the more detailed the request is."

Windfall didn't understand what Twilight was talking about, and was pretty sure it wasn't the fault of the cider she had drunk. She shut her mouth and watched.

Soon, in a more violent than usual whumph of displaced air, another keg appeared on the table. A wooden keg with an apple symbol burned into one of the staves.

Windfall blinked at the keg. "So…?"

"Yes," Twilight said. "If I have to put up with your abominable sense of humor all night, at least I can make sure we drink the good stuff!"

A huge grin slowly spread across Windfall's muzzle. "You are a freakin' genius!"

"Yes," Twilight agreed primly as she popped the bung out of the small barrel and filled both of their mugs. "Yes, I am."

= = =

Somewhile later a small brass instrument on the desktop began chiming.

"Whuzzat?" Windfall asked, peering at it suspiciously.

Twilight paused in her exhaustive and somewhat slurred explanation of the intricacies of thaumic node structure and why it was unsuitable to applications involving inorganic gardening. "Huh? Oh, that's a timer. It means I should go check on Future Me." She got unsteadily to her hooves. "C'mon."

Windfall shrugged and got up. She briefly put out one wing to steady herself against the table and then followed Twilight out of the room.

The big doors to the laboratory opened slightly and Twilight peeked in. Windfall peered around her shoulder. Sure enough, even though Twilight had pushed the doors slowly and gently to avoid any noise, her future self was alert and watching her.

Twilight sighed and opened the doors far enough to be able to walk into the cavernous space. She ran her magic over the tank and the restraints, searching for any sign that the monstrous mare had done anything to them. All seemed to be the same as the other times she had performed this check.

They turned to go, but Twilight hesitated and turned back to face the tank. "Do you remember Horse Code?" she asked. "Can you—" But the huge alicorn was already blinking in reply.

Whatever message she was sending was longer than a simple yes or no.

"Twilight?" Windfall asked, walking forward until she could get a good look at her face. "You're okay, right?"

Twilight nodded emphatically but didn't take her eyes off her future self until she had finished reading the blinked message. Then she turned away and sat down heavily, and said, "Hocking's Exclusion Principle applies."

Windfall squinted at her.

"It means that... that we will change the future when we go back, but it won't matter. The results will be the same!"

"I don't get it. If you—"

"Thing… Uhm. Think of time as a river." Twilight launched into her standard lecture mode as well as she was able to in her condition. "A big… big ol' loopy river. If you cut a channel 'cross the neck of a meander, it'll change the river drastically. It'll run a new, faster course, and the old loop will become a backwater, maybe even an isolated oxbow lake. The faster current might even affect the channel for a ways downstream, but it won't change the rest of the river. The river will still empty into the ocean right where it always has!"

Windfall made a face. "Is that how time really works? Because—"

Twilight nodded and staggered just a little. "Not at all. Totally differen'!"

"Thanks, Princess." Windfall snorted. "That sure cleared that up. I think I'm gonna have to cut you off."

Twilight angrily stomped a hoof. "Look, it's all math, right? Like really, really, really complex stuff! Iz… It just works this way, okay? Little changes don't matter. Only, like—" Twilight stalled out, seeming at a loss for words.

"Really, really, really big changes?" Windfall filled in for her.

Twilight nodded again and pointed a hoof at Windfall and then at the tip of her own nose. Then she nearly fell down. Then she pretended she hadn't. "I know me. I would try to be the best princess ever! I would always do the good thing. She must have done that! But then I'm still gonna en' up all nasty and mean and I don't wanna—"

She was growing more distressed by the second and Windfall wasn't eager to end up with a drunken, sobbing princess on her hooves. "So do something big when we get back! If anything you try to do as Head Honcho Princess turns you into that—" She flung a hoof at the Thing in the Tank. "—then don't be the princess! Tell the whole rotten kingdom to pronk off and go do something else!"

Twilight froze. She stared at Windfall as if she'd been slapped. "I… I... "

Windfall sighed. Here come the waterworks, she thought.

But Twilight surprised her. Her expression of shock slowly became a pensive one. Windfall waited silently, afraid that anything she might say would only make the situation worse. After what seemed like an eternity, Twilight looked up at her and said, "You may be right. I saved the whole… thing a buncha times. Sometimes, I was princess, sometimes not. I… I… think I gotta think 'bout this some more. Inna morning. Imma go t'sleep now."

She nearly collapsed right there, but Windfall held her up and walked her back to the bedroom, and tucked her in. The pegasus failed to notice the look of horror and fury that twisted the face of the alicorn bound within the tank.

When she was alone, and the departing pony had securely closed the heavy doors to the cavernous laboratory, the ancient princess carefully tested her bonds. Her younger self had done the job well, making sure there was no possible way that she could regenerate her horn or use magic.

Not unicorn magic.

The huge alicorn flexed her wings. The straps that held them clamped to her sides were tight and secure. Those straps could have held back a hundred charging yaks, as could the ones that held her hooves immoblile. But feathers are flexible, and direct force isn't the only way to overcome a physical barrier.

She flexed her wings again, rolling her carpal bones to make a small gap between the leading edge of her wing and her barrel. Then she rolled them back, scooping a tiny bit of the oxygenated fluid that surrounded her under her feathers. It flowed back, through the folded secondaries and primaries, hardly stirring them.

But she strained again and a second pulse followed the first. It took her hours to work out the timing that would produce a constant, consistent flow over her feathers, but she finally did it. Then she concentrated on increasing that flow. The slight hydraulic pressure made her wings ache where the bone and muscle pressed against the enchanted metal bands, but she was fighting for her very existence and ignored the pain.

Tiny bubbles formed in the thick fluid as it slowly began to stir around her.

===

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Comments

[Vision]

Holy Moly

[FanOfMostEverything]

The pegasus failed to notice the look of horror and fury that twisted the face of the alicorn bound within the tank.

Hey, you're the one who was grooming her into a replacement Bearer of Loyalty. And you've given her no reason to be loyal to you.

But yeah, a Twilight in captivity will seek the most efficient means of escaping it, and action just overtook patience on this one's priority queue. This will not end well. I just hope the girls get a chance to sleep off the hangover first.

[iisaw]

10547021

Hey, you're the one who was grooming her into a replacement Bearer of Loyalty. And you've given her no reason to be loyal to you.

That is a perceptive and excellent point!

[AppleTank]

I'm going to guess Future Twi is trying to cause cavitation damage

[Fwelin]

Have to do something big?

Try blowing up Las Pegasus when you get back; no one will miss that no good hive of scum and villainy anyway.

[Archangel of the Silent]

10547362
Excessive and off the table! But, uh, definitely give your number to the receptionist, we're keeping some contingencies on the table.

[Reese]

So, Crazy Future Twilight says that this future can't be significantly changed... but, of course she would say that. Even without considering that there may be ways around it (and Twilight's going to be in a position to make big changes, and many little changes over time), we only have the word of a pony known to be manipulative and exploitative and of dubious mental soundness that Hocking's Exclusion Principle applies. Oh, sure. Maybe that's true. But funny it didn't even occur to Twilight until she was in communication with a mare who already tried to mind control her once before, isn't it? While Twilight was drunk, to boot!
So, yeah, not even buying that that's necessarily a problem (though it probably is good to at least consider it) until it's confirmed by someone reliable and less under multiple potential problematic mental influences.

Of course, it also looks like our protagonists might soon have some much more immediate problems to deal with...

[Herald of Opera]

Fire or acid, people. Imprisoning a genius does not work.

[Walabio]

10547105

I was about to right that. Cavitation can erode steelpropellers. Interestingly enough, it does not erode joints. I suspect that the little bubbles in joints are too small to cause damage. FutureTwilight will have to make very big bubbles which should be as loud as a pistolshrimp.

[BirdsBooksBrownies]

That end though...Insert ominous music