I - Used To Be
Sunset stared at the tiny little phoenix egg, frowning.
Beside her, the proctor raised his hoof, instructing her to stop. He probably expected her to give up. Everypony always expected her to give up. Well, she’d proved them all wrong before a dozen times over, and this would be no different. It was just an egg, after all. She just needed a little more time.
She planted her hooves, the red flares of magic enveloping her horn burning twice as bright. The proctor again told her to stop, but Sunset paid him no mind—she’d learned how to block out the pompous tones of noble ponies long ago. Her magic swirled and twisted, coiling around the gold and crimson egg resting on the pillow before her. If the phoenix refused to be forced into hatching, then she’d coax it out slowly, no matter what the test’s time limit said.
The first squeeze was gentle enough, pressuring along the widest part of the egg. When the chick within failed to respond, Sunset’s determined glare sank into a frown. Did the hatchling think it was too good for her? Was it waiting for some oh-so-special noble unicorn to free it from its shell? Too bad. It had her, and she was enough, no matter what anypony else said. She squeezed the egg again, this time applying the faintest flickers of flame alongside the pressure.
The proctor stood, repeating his order. Noble ponies loved to order her around. She ignored him and continued watching the egg, continuing to massage it up and down and around, her magic heating up with every passing second. He crossed the room, no doubt intending to open the door and force her to leave.
She could barely see the door in her peripherie, but it was enough. Red sparks of magic gripped the handle and burned, melting the brass to the face of the door. The proctor shouted something—no doubt insulting—but she couldn’t think about that now. The egg was all that mattered.
Her efforts reached a fever pitch, and she stumbled the slightest bit. The heat around her horn was almost unbearable, but still she pressed on, continuing to massage the egg. She had to be close. Just a little more, and she would prove, once and for all, that she deserved to be cared about.
Then, within the flares of her own magic, a smoldering scarlet glow emerged. The egg twitched, splintered, and from within the brilliantly shining confines of its interior, something—something beautiful—began to sing, sing, sing, sing—
—Ring! Ring! Ring!
Sunset’s eyes flickered open, the darkness beneath her eyelids being replaced by the darkness of her apartment loft. She blinked, then blinked again, and finally a groan escaped her lips.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
What time was it...? Whenever it was, it was still dark out. Who would be calling her at this hour? Maybe she needed to start muting her phone before going to bed.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Sunset lurched beneath her comforter, rolling over to the bedside table. A glance at her phone revealed a number she didn’t recognize, but against her better judgement, she picked up the phone anyway.
“Nnnnghh... Hello...?”
At first, there was no answer. After a couple seconds of silence, a meek, whimpering voice finally replied, and Sunset recognized it immediately.
“Sunset...?”
“Wallflower?” Sunset squinted at the far-too-bright screen of her phone. “It’s like three in the morning...”
“I... I-I don’t...” Wallflower’s voice hitched. “Please, I n-need... Please...”
“Hey, are you okay?” Sunset sat up in bed. “I can’t understand you. Are you on speaker phone?”
“I need help...”
“What do you mean?” Sunset asked.
“I don’t think I-I can be alone r-right now…”
"Why? What's going on?"
A series of shaky, crackling breaths were the only reply.
“Wallflower?”
“I-I don’t think...” Wallflower inhaled softly. “I don’t think I can stay safe...”
Sunset’s eyes went wide. In an instant, she threw off the covers, along with any hope of sleeping through the night. There were more important things than that right now. “Okay. Listen to me,” she said. “You’re gonna be okay, alright? I promise. Can you tell me where you are?”
“I-I’m at my place, by m-myself,” Wallflower said. Low, shallow breaths lingered between her every word. “The apartment building b-behind the grocery store...”
That wasn’t too far away, Sunset thought. Only a fifteen minute trip—maybe ten if she ran. She slipped on her shoes, threw on a hoodie and opened the door. “Alright, I’m on my way over,” Sunset spoke as slowly and clearly as possible. “Stay on the phone with me, okay? Talk me through what’s going on.”
“It’s... It’s t-too much,” Wallflower whimpered. “Too much...”
Sunset’s grip on her phone tightened as she stepped onto the sidewalk. “Are you safe right now?” she asked.
“... ... ...”
“Wallflower?” Sunset said a little louder. “Are you there?”
The only answer she got was more distant, ragged breaths.
“We’re gonna get you through this, okay?” Sunset’s pace quickened, and she fought against the trembling of her own voice. “Just don’t—”
Click.
Sunset’s run broke into a full-on sprint.
When Sunset at last turned the corner, she was greeted by a sight that was as relieving as it was terrifying. “Wallflower!” she cried out. “O-oh, thank Goddess you’re still okay!”
Wallflower sat in the open window of what Sunset could only assume was her apartment, five stories off the ground. Her feet rested on a tiny ledge just beneath the window, and she blankly stared ahead, her entire body hunched over and motionless.
How could this be happening? She had spoken to Wallflower just yesterday and she had seemed completely fine, if not a bit tired. What had happened between then and now? All it would take was one tiny shift forward, and Wallflower would be gone.
Sunset shook her head. There was no time to think like that. The important thing was that Wallflower hadn’t fallen yet. Whatever was going on in Wallflower’s head, Sunset had to help her. Sunset knew she could help her.
“Please, just listen to me!” Sunset shouted. “I called for an ambulance on my way over, okay? We’re gonna get you somewhere safe and—”
Without a word, Wallflower rose from the window, standing on the tiny little ledge beneath it. She wobbled forward, only held up by her hands gripping either side of the window.
Adrenaline burned through Sunset’s veins. “No no no, hey!” she called up, fear rising through the cracks in her voice. “Stay right there! Talk to me, okay?”
Even with Wallflower so high up, Sunset could make out the girl’s sunken eyes flicking down, and for a moment the two of them held each other’s gaze. In the edge of her vision, Sunset saw the lights of several apartments turn on, and she grimaced. The last thing she or Wallflower needed right now was a crowd of spectators.
Still, Wallflower remained silent. She looked away, staring off into the night sky with an entirely empty expression.
Sunset shivered, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. “Wallflower, say something, please!” she cried. “I can help you! The ambulance is on its way! Just please, listen to me—!”
She was cut off by her own panicked scream as Wallflower drifted forward. Her grip on the window released, and for a split second, the entire world stopped moving.
“Wallflower!"
Then, in the space of a blink, gravity took over, and Wallflower fell.
"Wallflower!”
Wallflower struck the pavement with a heavy crack, and was still.
For a moment, Sunset was entirely frozen. She took a tentative step towards Wallflower, then another, her legs moving autonomously. The girl on the ground looked as if she was merely asleep. In fact, the steadily pooling blood beneath her was the only sign that anything was wrong at all.
When Sunset at last blinked back to reality, her scream sundered the early morning silence.
She fell to her knees beside Wallflower, her lungs shuddering. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be happening. Maybe this was all a nightmare. Maybe Wallflower was still okay. Maybe she was still breathing, still awake, still alive—
Wallflower’s eyes cracked open, looking at Sunset with a half-lidded gaze.
The fallen girl twitched, just barely. Her mouth opened as if to speak, but the only sound she made was a wet cough, which was itself accompanied by a thick spurt of blood that trickled down from the corner of her lips.
Sunset could only watch helplessly. Wallflower was still with her. She was still alive... But for how long?
Sunset tightly grasped the geode hanging from her neck. She couldn’t let this happen. She couldn’t give up. She refused to give up.
Maybe... Maybe there was a way. If she couldn’t save Wallflower’s body, maybe she could save something else.
Wallflower’s eyes started to close. Without a second thought, Sunset reached forward, held Wallflower’s hand, and—
“Wallflower? I’m going to visit your mother, do you want to come along?”
“H-hey there sweetheart... Nah, I’m fine. Meds just l-leave me a bit light-headed.”
“Your first day of high school, how exciting! Meet any new friends?”
“Oh, was there someone in here? So sorry. I didn’t notice.”
“Look at the big brave nobody. If you didn’t know, I rule this school. Now get out of my face.”
“O-oh, Wally! What a surprise!”
“You grew these yourself? That’s amazing! Ooooh, they smell wonderful. Here, get a whiff.”
“You should be proud! I mean it, really!”
They’re beautiful, Wallflower. Just like m-me, at least when I still had hair! Hah!”
“I’ll keep ‘em r-right here. Nice to have some color i-in the room for a change.”
“Oh look, the worm’s playing in the dirt! That’s rich.”
“You think you’re so brave, don’t you? Well come on, then.”
“If you wanna trade barbs, go jump in a rose bush.
“No one would even notice if you just disappeared.”
“Is that girl still giving you trouble?”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Making friends can be tough, but I know y-you can do it.”
“Wallflower Blush to the front office. Wallflower Blush, please come to the front office.”
“Hah! That’s really your name? What idiot named you, huh?”
“It’s... It’s your mom, Wallflower. She wants to see you.”
“H-h-hey there... Th-there she is, there’s m-my little girl...”
“Just... Look at you. You’re beautiful, y-you know that right?”
“I know, sweetheart, I know... I-I don’t want to l-leave you either... I really did my best, y’know? I gave it m-m-my all.”
“N-no, Wally, there’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“I’m s-so proud of you... No m-matter what you do, you’re gonna be g-great, okay?”
“Hon? M-maybe you should get her some tissues or s-something.”
“It’s okay, sweetheart... You’re gonna be okay, I-I promise. You and your dad. Take care of him, won’t you?”
“I love you, Wallflower. I-I love y-you so, so much...”
“Hey, uhm... I heard about your mom. Don’t expect a hug, but for what it’s worth...”
“I’m sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is.”
“This does not mean we’re friends.”
“Not now, Wallflower.”
“I said not now.”
“Botany? You don’t have the mind for basic math, let alone robotics.”
“Oh. Well, if it makes you happy. Just don’t track dirt into my house.”
“I just got back from work, can’t you leave me alone for five minutes?”
“You know you’re too heavy to be wearing that shirt.”
“You think you’re so much smarter than me, don’t you?
“No, no. Don’t you dare apologize now.”
“You best get over this ‘phase’ and get over it quickly, young lady. Your mother and I didn’t raise a queer.”
“I know, baby girl. I know. I miss her too.”
“Wallflower, why is my shaving kit missing?”
“What the hell is all this, huh? Show me your other arm.”
“If you want to see a damn shrink so badly, fine. But don’t think for a second I’ll pay for it.”
“Do you even understand what depression is? You’re sick. You have a disease.”
“Lord above, you are so ungrateful. When was the last time you thanked me for giving you a roof over your head?”
“Your uncle is an asshole. Your cousins are assholes. Your mother was an asshole. But you, Wallflower? You’re the biggest asshole I’ve ever met!”
“I have had it with this attitude! You’re lucky I don’t throw you out on the street!”
“O-oh God, W-Wallflower? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—just stay right here baby girl, I’ll go get some ice...”
“What in Tartarus happened to you, huh?”
“Of course you didn’t bother to cover that up. What, couldn’t find any make-up that comes in sickly green?”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“I’ll apologize if you swear to never bring this up again.”
“Look, I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I’m sorry. Good enough?”
“I found your little magazine stash. Y’know, if you were my son instead, I’d almost be proud, but this? This is sick.”
“What did I tell you about this queer phase, huh? Answer me!”
“Oh great, now she’s crying, just like always. Fine, go ahead. You’re not fooling anyone.”
“You never... Never speak to me that way again.”
“Roll up your sleeves. Now.”
“Again with this? If you want attention, there are less bloody ways to get it.”
“If you were expecting a pity party from me, you’re dead wrong. At least have some decency and wear long sleeves.”
“Are you deaf? Roll them back down. I don’t wanna look at this.”
“You wanna tell me about this rock I found in your bag?”
“It looks ridiculous. Throw it away, and clean out your bag. It’s a total mess.”
“What have I told you about tracking dirt in my house?!”
“No, that’s it. That is it. Get your sorry ass over here!”
“Wallflower! You open this goddamn door right now!”
“You little bitch! I told you to throw that stupid rock away!”
“What the hell—?!”
“... ... ...”
“Who knocks at five in the morning? What’s your problem, kid?”
“Yeah, I think I’d remember having a daughter. Get lost, grifter.”
“I said get lost.”
“Welcome! Can I help you find anything?”
“Shaving equipment is on aisle four, miss.”
“Excuse me, you have to pay for those. Miss? Miss—!”
“You again? Look, I told you I don’t want whatever crap you’re selling.”
“Uh huh. Long lost daughter. Yeah. Sure. Screw off, brat.”
“If you show up here again, I’m calling the police.”
“Welcome! Can I help you find anything?”
“You’ll find the electronics section way in the back.”
“Hey, shoplifter! You think I don’t see you? Get back here—!”
“Welcome! Can I help you find anything?”
“Return services are just over there, ma’am.”
“Well, I do apologize for the defect. Would you like your return in cash?”
“Welcome! Can I help you find anything?”
“We’ve got a one-bedroom open on the top floor. It ain’t much, but it’s cheap.”
“Rent’s due the first of each month.”
“You’re about to see how mean I can get.”
“Everyone matters, Wallflower.”
“Hey, uhm... I meant to ask earlier. You were so upset with me, and I get it... but I don’t remember bullying you. Did you, uhm...?”
“Ah. Can’t say I’m surprised, I guess. If it’s alright, can I ask about, like... What I did to you?”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me directly. Here, just hold out your hand...”
“W-Wallflower..."
“I... Oh Goddess, I’m so, so sorry...”
“I-I need you to know that I was wrong, okay? The world is a better place with you in it.”
“Hey, hey now..."
“Please don’t apologize. There’s nothing wrong with crying. Hey, look at me...”
“See? You’re not the only one.”
“Can you ever forgive me...?”
“Thank you. Honestly. And of course I forgive you too.”
“I didn’t get your rent this month. How’d you miss all the notices I put under your door?”
“You’ve got three days to pack up and move out.”
“Something wrong, Wallflower?”
“I dunno... You look really tired, I guess.”
“Well if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m only one call away. Have I given you my number yet?”
“You think you’re the first tenant I’ve dropped who told me some sob story? Either pay up or get out.”
“You’ve reached the Crisis Prevention Lifeline. A counselor will be available to assist you as soon as possible.”
“A counselor will be available to assist you as soon as possible.”
“A counselor will be available to assist you as soon as possible.”
“A counselor will be available to assist you as soon as possible.”
“A counselor will be—”
“Nnnnghh... Hello...?”
“Wallflower...? It’s like three in the morning...”
“Hey, are you okay? I can’t understand you. Are you on speaker phone?”
“What do you mean? What’s going on?”
“Okay. Listen to me. You’re gonna be okay, alright? I promise. Can you tell me where you are?”
“Alright, I’m on my way over. Stay on the phone with me, okay? Talk me through what’s going on.”
“Are you safe right now?”
“Wallflower? Are you there? We’re gonna get you through this, okay? Just—”
“... … ..."
“Wallflower! O-oh, thank Goddess you’re still okay!”
“Please, just listen to me! I called for an ambulance on my way over, okay? We’re gonna get you somewhere safe and—”
“No no no, hey! Stay right there! Talk to me, okay?”
“Wallflower, say something! Please! I can help you!”
“The ambulance is on its way! Just please, listen to me—!”
“Wallflower! Wallflower!”
The light faded. Her grip on the fallen girl’s hand loosened.
Sunset stared at the body on the ground. She had never observed herself from the outside looking in, had she? Had she...?
The girl wasn’t moving. She wasn’t moving, she wasn’t breathing, she wasn’t...
There were voices all around, louder and louder. People were coming out of the building she had just fallen from. Sunset recognized a few of their faces—nameless neighbors she’d seen around from time to time. There were a few screams, but none of them were hers. Not anymore. She was gone. She was dead, dead on the pavement, dead just like she wanted...
Sunset blinked, shivering. The lifeless body still lay before her—Wallflower’s body. Green hair, not red or gold. Brown eyes, not blue. Not hers, not her body, not her life tumbling down, down, crashing into the concrete, releasing her last exhale through thick, bubbling blood, staring up at herself as she held her own hand, eyes shining and crying the whole time.
It wasn’t her. It wasn’t, she wasn’t, she wasn’t—
...Then how did she know how much it hurt?
Sunset trembled. It was so, so cold. Numbness crawled up her limbs, then all at once, everything hurt. It hurt like her horn when she hatched the egg, like her body when she shattered on the pavement. She fell to the ground again, whimpering. Someone touched her, but their eyes didn’t go white.
It didn’t matter. The world disappeared all the same.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Scampy · 1.1k words · 155 11 · 3.8k views
- Scampy · 5.8k words · 222 21 · 4.7k views
- Scampy · 1.1k words · 51 7 · 1.9k views
- Chinchillax · 1.1k words · 44 5 · 1.5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.129 seconds
Total duration
948 users online
1,482,411 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I love the concept and I especially love the execution. And being able to convey so much emotion and context through exclusively dialogue is just aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Really heckin' impressive. Trackin' the heck outta this.
Sheee-yit. Good start.
Ah.
You've done it.
Oof. That whole memory sequence was brutal.
Everything about this is so fucked up
Can I have more
Scampy, your Wallflower stuff is pure art.
Five words.
Holy shit this is good.
What was said idea?
Wow-za! What a ride. You've done it again, Scampy.
Love your incarnation of Wallflower Blush, and looking to seeing more (in a way? kinda? channeled through Sunset?) of her in the next chapters. Sign me up for everything about this.
(Is that phoenix Philomena? Did Sunset take care of Philomena like Twilight did Spike... but leave Philomena behind when she fled to the human world...?)
Not bad for a start. Hopefully not just a one-shot.
I think you really could break this up into multiple chapters; you've already got it broken up into chunks. On another note, just my two cents, that whole block of one dialogue statement per line without much names or context really isn't the greatest story presentation. I get that stitching a conversation together with scenery can get dull, but it leaves out a lot of context.
Here's hoping this goes a bit further than Sunset + Wallflower's memories, because that would make the story only really about Sunset. And also, magic.
Ow god that is a question to ask
Gotta say. You are talented at this,
But I am starting to get bit worried with ammount of incomplete stories. It is nowhere near compared to some authors I have read from who have good ideas that they never finish. It is painfull to have your curiosity caugh by something that you wait for next few years with no continuation, so I am really hoping you wont end up like that.
But on less depressing matters... At this point I consider you most talented writer when it comes to describing mind that I have encountered so far.
God almighty, that dialogue-only section's stellar, and skilfully done. Powerful and hard-hitting stuff. Bonny start.
I have come to this story after a week onlyreading self harm/suicide stories and when I started I was expecting nothing because of how repetitive those become but this one was so well written and it stuck out as one of the best story I have read in more than 4 years.
That cliffhanger is exceptional and left my mind in turmoil.
Thank you! You just gave me something to agonize for the next few days and I love it.
9959791
I agree with you, the amount of incomplete/dead stories in this site is crazy but this on could stay as a one shot and I would be more than happy with it.
Don't takr me wrong, I still want a continuation, bit read this again thinking it is a one shot and tell me how it changed the experience for you.
9941367
Wasn't tht the point though? For it to be confusing and require the reader to actually think about what they are reading?
It is also a good way to give the reader an insight on ho woul be to have all the memories of another person inserted on your brain in a second/few seconds. Like watching the bee movie but everytime they say "bee" it grts faster. It takes 5 minutes, it is confusing as hell if you don't know the movie but it leaves a superficial understanding of what happens in it.
So I try to avoid stories that aren’t marked complete for fear they never will be. But even incomplete, this was well worth the read and an interesting take on your classic “tragedy befalls <x> and <y> has to live with the consequences”.
That… that hurts.
The dialogue-only section is what sets this one apart from your other works, and your execution of the idea is brilliant. Initial confusion as to who’s speaking, leading into a gradual, gradual understanding of Wallflower’s situation and what led her to that ledge. Sunset’s inclusion is ripe for provoking some powerful self-loathing, the scenes at the store show that Wallflower can be both resourceful and more than a little crafty, and you do a worryingly good job of making the father seem utterly reprehensible in just a few short lines of dialogue.
Well that’s not foreboding at all.
I think I mentioned this on a different story, but the fact that you don’t often use repetition makes it hit so much harder when you do use it, as in Wallflower calling the hotline. What should be a sign of hope turns into despair just by repeating a sentence four times.
Personally, I’m not sure what going through all of Sunset’s speech adds (I might’ve finished the flashback on “It’s like three in the morning…”), but the fact that I’m having to nitpick to that degree just shows how well the flashback as a whole works.
And the ending is almost as tragic as the fall itself. It’s so calm as to be unsettling, almost dissociative. A brief flash of confusion before she just kind of… shuts down.
Why couldn't I go through with taking my life like Wallflower did? I remember the last time I actually tried to kill myself. I was standing in the middle of the road about to jump off a bridge over troubled waters and I wanted to jump but I couldn't go through with it
camo.fimfiction.net/I0NbNo1qCZuBJ2717WJEIcO3HbGomK6-W3yN1dGxRp8?url=https%3A%2F%2Fencrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com%2Fimages%3Fq%3Dtbn%253AANd9GcSsR7y-JYiqN_Q402b-qG9jiesMKUF45xqfLfeC9Dq8z9NzaWNL
Wow.
Alright, so. Let's start with the opening.
I think this is actually the first time I've seen you write Sunset as a pony. The repeated bits about Sunset feeling talked down to by noble ponies makes sense in the absence of clear canon; something had to put the chip on Sunset's shoulder, and constantly being condescended to and thought of as lesser provides a good reason for it. (Plus, she doesn't seem to have any family in Equestria, or, at least, any family she thought twice about leaving behind.) Also, I can't help but feel that the use of a phoenix egg, rather than a dragon one, was a deliberate choice. Rising from the ashes, and all that.
Then, the scenes with Wallflower. This is where the use of en media res is so good, particularly in your stories. We don't need to be shown or told the whole post-Forgotten Friendship backstory to understand the larger context behind that phone conversation. The urgency and despair both arrived and departed as soon as they came—and the story doesn't suffer one bit for it. This is one of the things I like about your stories, and your writing style in general; you don't need to use a lot of words to pack a punch.
Speaking of...
The dialogue.
Wow. Just wow.
The story you told there... I hope you're proud of it. Dialogue-only is really difficult to pull off. I've only tried it a couple times in the past. Without a doubt, I didn't do it as well as you did here. Talk about immersive emotion. So many of these lines... hurt. The "connecting to a counselor" lines were particularly hard to read, as were the ones about Wallflower's father. I don't even know what the man looks like and I want to rearrange his face.
Normally, with dialogue, there's this whitespace between what is said and how the character(s) reacts to it. I'm a big fan of body language, reflective narrative, and stuff like that to fill the gap. But this?
No, you didn't need any of that in here. You're above that. You told us the whole damn story in no uncertain terms, to the point that when it comes full circle, you understand. It breaks your heart even further, but, dammit, do you understand.
Now to read Hollow and see where this fits.
Jojolion be like...