Nicholas Winters and William Thorne, two friends ripped from their lives on earth by a strange light, and a car accident, arrive in ye' old Equestria over a hundred years before the banishment of Nightmare Moon. Faced with the new challenges of being in a world of dangerous creatures and magical foes, Nick and Will must learn to survive in this less than modern world populated with sapient, horse-like creatures. Whether they want it or not, stranded a long way from home, the two must come together to find a way home.
Currently working on coming back from the hiatus.
New chapters coming soon
Chapters (22)
You say over 100, but then mention Clover, who lived during the time Nightmare Moon was sent to the moon. So, are you sending them to just as Celestia is forced to figure out how to run everything herself?
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"alternate universe" To tell you the truth, I'm rearranging a lot of equestrian history to tell the story that I want to tell. I'm aware that in the cannon, some ponies that I'll be mentioning may or may not be alive at the time when this story would take place at this point in the 'canon' timeline.
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As I read it, it's not 100 years before Nightmare Moon returns. It's not even 100 years before Luna becomes Nightmare Moon.
This is in the period after the founding of Equestria but before the Discordian era. Which nopony is sure if it lasted days, years, or decades.
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Yes. I found the mistake in the description. It was supposed to say "100 years before the banishment of Nightmare Moon". Thanks for the heads up!
A interesting fic so far, keep up the great work.
I am fairly certain that Hurricane is a direct ancestor of Spitfire, and a 'on my mother's, father's, mother's, father's side' ancestor for Rainbow Dash.
Why isn't there a dark tag?
WELL THEN! This a right shitstorm, now ain't it! (Referencing what was happening, not the story in general.)
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That's not confusing to think about at all! Lemme make it even worse for ya.
On my mother's, brother's, cousin's, father's, sister's side.
Oh for fucks sake...male Chrysalis? Not complaining, just... why *that* villain first...?
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i will say that i haven't changed the genders of any characters in this story. Nor do i plan on it.
You might be right.... or you might be pretty far off
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... I'm not sure if I should hate you for that, or laugh at the joke...
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Dont get me wrong, i will be using chrysalis at some point. Just not right now.
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Ha! Reverse psychology at its finest! That leaves only two others. Grogar, or Sombra.
So.. we just gonna forget about the car in the forest?
Fucking a it's Sombra..
Immortal Humans?
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It hasn't gotten to a point where something like that is needed.
Meet Will. The Human Sponge.
Since humans are naturally non-magical beings, when there's a large amount of magical energy or they are in a magical environment, they start absorbing it at a pretty quick rate. Higher the magical energy, faster the absorption rate. As seen in the last scene, one could pass out from that extreme rate.
The tree is going to harmonize the magic in his system. Saving him.
Dick
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Grogar stays away most of the time. Sombra is more of a danger
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Called it
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Oh yeah.The gold mine of metal and electronics.
At this point, the boys might as well scrap the car into parts.
This chapter, man... talking about heartstrings...
“You know, the last thing a guy wants to hear when he is suspecting the worst is ‘hey, you’re not going to like what I have to say, but you can’t get mad.”’
I loved that line.
And thus began her lust for cake. Congrats, Nick.
So that’s how Celly started her lust for cake. And chess.
Noooooooooooo!
He's the one who made Cakelstia!
A human introducing Celestia to cake, now that's something i can not recall reading in any other mlp fics, this is a interesting twist.
Welp. I called it. It's Sombra. Now the question is, will Nick and Will fight him, or...?
Celly DOES have a habit of pulling fast ones on her visitors...
Sombra's forces would have gotten fucked over by my AU city. Ah. Now theres an idea
Ah. The start of the Sparkle line.
Do they have their phones with them?
Careful. The pony from the scribe guild might disassemble their cellphones without any idea how to put it back. How are Will and Nick going to stave off starvation in a herbivore society? I’m pretty sure “savory” doesn’t exist in a pony’s dictionary, not even in canon.
The best part was the ending, I mean seriously, I'd die from not eating meat for that long. But truthfully, those who usually eat meat on a daily basis would struggle with that transition, so good work adding that thought.
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Most likely, but their probably dead.
Their going to get sick soon if they don't get enough protein. That's a problem.
I found an incomplete sentence! Other than that I don't really like the use of profanity, as I don't think it matches with the FiM universe, but to each his own. Good opening chapter! I like the transition between earth and Equestria. I always found it hard to do a good transition in the few HiE stories I started on (which I never released, for good reason).
Great line mate. Love it.
This is a really good story so far. The ending of this chapter leaves me wanting more! I need to see what happens to Will. Their encounter with the croc was done very well. I genuinely felt the fear of Will when he almost got dragged underwater. That would have been the end, but his best friend was able to help him overcome the threat physically and mentally. Very well written, I have to reiterate.
In terms of anything that was "off", there are a few sentences here and there that are incomplete or confusing. Would I be correct in inferring that English is your second language? If that is the case, your writing is amazing despite the few grammatical farts here and there.
I also have to point out that the reaction of Will and Nick at the start, when they first realize they have been transported somewhere new as if by magic, could have been more realistic. They really should have been freaking out more than they were, or at least one of them should have. This also would have provided an opportunity to contrast and reveal the characters more, if one were more calm than the other. As it stands, I am still a bit unclear about who is who and what each man's personality is. But I am sure that will become more clear in the future as the story progresses. My advice is just to work on fleshing out your characters quicker and more efficiently next time. Leave some mystery about their characters, but ultimately it is the best if readers can get the "big picture" about characters ASAP. Right now I just don't recall anything unique about either protagonist except they are young white dudes and that Will isn't as good at running as Nick.
To end on a high note, I like the way you handled the alicorn sisters! I don't have much interest in those characters in general, as they are handled in fan fics, so it was nice to actually be able to read scenes with them and not feel forced to slog through them. It makes sense what they talked about and the tie in with Luna being jealous of Celestia is well done. Let's me know where we are in the timeline here (though I guess you are sort of going free reign with the time line, as you say in a comment on chapter 1.)
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Hi, and thanks for the awesome comment. To answer your question, English IS my first language, but I just happen to be a piss-poor editor sometimes.
The purpose of this project was to see how much i could improve my writing over time, so please bear with me. I hope the later chapters address some of these issues you've brought up.
Thanks a Bundle!
Psychic Smith
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Not a problem, I will keep reading slowly over time and comment when I have something to say
Could you do me a solid and check out my story "The Storm's Challenge" ? It's a WiP but there is enough released already to get a good idea of the story, I think. Cheers!
Oh no. Also I would have told them from the beginning about human diet needs
Good chapter! Establishes the setting and the princesses well
Well....I wasn't expecting pinkie at the end there.
Well, I like it a lot. The pace is nice, their behavior is not of super nice guys, there is some calculation and good self control. Even if they get more "powerful" I guess it will be balanced to some degree. Ponies act quite reasonable so far... really good story. ^^ I hope it will continue. I wonder how their presence will twist the timeline, no spoilers tho ;)
Good pacing so far. Good to see that we are thrown into the story right away without a unnecessarily long prologue