- Member Since 19th Jun, 2019
- offline last seen Aug 31st, 2019
Shadow-Storm
Just thought I'd give writing this kind of thing a go. May write more depending on how well this goes
Shadow-Storm
Joined 19th Jun, 2019 ·
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I know this is an alt-universe, but I'm pretty sure Flash Sentry was never attracted to Sci-Twi, it was Princess Twilight he was attracted to.
9689926 That's what the Non-Con tag if for.
I know they're humanoid, but in the EQG setting they still have pony names, so the blatant OC being "Chris" is kind of obnoxious.
9690579 Chris is just a shortening of a certain name. Go take another look at her description.
9691262
Just got to that part, yeah it's totally Chrysalis. Not sure how someone could miss that color scheme.
Kinda curioius on who's going to be the next two he goes for.
Fluttershy I'd see as the easiest to subvert, Though I think they'd need to get Sunset fairly soon or she'll get superstitious.
9694914
Take Out Sunset first. Then Rainbow and AJ. The Rest will fall like Dominoes after them.
Maybe he should do something about his father. Also a nice little lesbian strip show with Applejack Rainbow Sunset and Twilight
Also there are other girls he can go for
Hey, why didn't Sunsets Geode magic not work so she could have found out what Flash or Sci-twi was up too.
So they were smart about it.
No idea who would be next but Fluttershy is my guess still.
9701734
I think she has to deliberately activate it now and she did later on anyway
9701854
Well I bet Princess Twilight will figure out something is wrong if she returns and she can destroy that stone and free the girls then.
hot damn. -fans self-
9689926
Actually, he was. The whole "She's not my Twilight" speech was about overcoming his misplaced attraction.
It's going to be interesting to see how Timber reacts. Flash could just have Twi break up with him, but he might get suspicious. Or he might hypnotise Timber and another girl to be together instead. Like, say, Derpy. She was always there to comfort him, so Flash's warped mind could see her as a good way to comfort Timber with a slave of his own.
How about Derpy? Either as a distraction for Timber like I noted, or for Flash himself. It would be nice to see him spank Derpy on her bubbly butt too. A return gift for all the times she patted him on the shoulder in pity.
the dazzlings have them punished but before the join meet them beg for it.
Ps how do you do the black out?
9703084
I'm all for Flash punishing the Dazzlings.
You should have several icons for different forms of text, one being a black box with a white SP inside. It's the shortcut for "Spoiler". Or type [ spoiler][ /spoiler] without the spaces after the brackets and the text you want to spoiler inside! In between the brackets, I mean.
Hmm, really would love to see dear Ditzy Doo (Derpy) in this, she showed way too much understanding at the camp for it not to be something more.
Hmm, I'd suggest a small break between the next capture to perhap[s go over Sunsets new life and her place in it. (I'd suggest 'housekeeper for room and food.)
As to captures, the most dangerous after that would be between Pinkie Pie, her nature in of itself is a hazard, capturing her would be a bit odd, though Sunset moving could be a great excuse as to get her alone. A "House Warming" party for Sunset's move to a new place, though helpfully leaving out where, and lie saying that Flash is holding it at his place, due to the room and Sunset's new place being "worked on."
As for the other girls, I say use the Crusaders as happy bait for their connected member of the seven, Applejack and Applebloom being the easier of the lot to use and break. Stubborn as Applejack is she will shatter when it comes to family. Rainbow Dash will persister, but using Scootaloo to first capture, and then using pinkie pie and/or Applejack to break her will should do the drink. Rarity and obviously Sweetie Belle should be a simple matter once she is lured in. Fluttershy has no real weakness to bait, she; however, also lacks any sort of aggression, having Rarity or Rainbow Dash pull her to a trap should work, I hope for a beach for Fluttershy's bit.
I like this story a lot, I hope my suggestions and idea's fuel your imagination for this!
Hmmmm ..... so many girls decisions desicions ... Truthfully i think the dazzling are the dangerous targets he should go after. They've used mental manipulation before so might be resistant. Invite sonata over for tacos then turn her. Between the 3 of them versus 1 ... especially with twilights geode ...they can get her. After turning her have her drug the other two ...(or trick them somewhere one at a time) ...with flash waiting outside.
Cadance is also another target that if turned gets him access to all the crystal prep girls. Have twilight invite her over then bamn drug her or use twilights magic. She has the students come after classes upto the her office... bamn. With twilights magic he can pretty much tie up and gag anyone. Hell have her invite Luna or celestia over drug them then turn them which leads to getting the other.
Hmm I already stated what I thought he should do earlier but if your trying to keep things simple .... rarity next that way she can make them lingerie or outfits or baby clothes at the rate he's going hopefully sunset and RD were allready using something like twilight.... plus she can put cameras in her changing rooms for his enjoyment or use it for blackmail maybe. Have her drug someone she's helping with a dress.
It could be fun if Flash doesn't keep all the girls to himself. Like, he could do something for his guy friends at school, get them slaves of their own. Heck, he could do that to the entire school, one pairing by one.
As for his own use, I still think Derpy is a fine target, especially with her bubble butt. He could have one of the girls ask her if she has a crush on him, and she admits that she does. They abduct her after that. Flash could get her just on the edge, then spank her for it, then edge her again until she begs to be allowed to cum—at which point he spanks her to orgasm.
Pinkie or AJ next. I'd think Pinkie getting invited over to the house for a private party.
As Flash state first, the dangerous one need to be cleared. So AJ would be the first one since AJ and Dash have some "maybe intimate" relationship so it'd be better to strike AJ first.
How? AJ has love to do things barefoot, so why we didn't include some tickling and sexy massaging here?~~
I think that using Dash to get to Fluttershy (via just their friendship, or using Tank as an excuse) would be good, plus her being the demure one means she can be a secret weapon later.
No one expects the Fluttershy Inquisition
I wouldn't mind seeing Vinal, Derpy, The CMC.... >_> Judge me if you want..... lol....
A few spelling errors here and there but over-all a great story, Really enjoying the Mind Control aspect of it, along with the kinky stuff... Keep it up!
I'd love to see Rarity be degraded
Ha ha ha! I didn't look at the tags immediately, so when I was reading the description of the story, I was expecting it to be some kind of action adventure where he uses the Mentis Stone to save Equestria. It was really funny when I looked under the spoiler warnings for the chapters and seeing what I did.
I saw the first two comments about Flesh Sundries non-conning a girl, so I probably won't read this, but I had to stop by and let you know what a laugh you gave me. Have a like regardless.
Well i almost want to call out a dick move by flash here but considering the kinda story this is it's fitting. So I guess I was sorta right for the next girl.
Quick tip: writing conventions commonly suggest putting a comma before the name when characters address one another. That helps avoid misunderstandings. Take this example:
versus
Ok, i had to stop after chapter2 cuz im legit torn on what to do. I would like to continue reading this as im interested to see how this plays out but after looking through the spoiler tags and getting a feel for the story im not sure anymore.
Not because its bad far from it, i think the sex scenes are freaking amazing the problem is... everything else. Yes i know there were plenty of warning signs for people like me but hey, i was curious. So let me just ask this, is this gonna have a positive or negative ending? not asking for spoilers or anything like that! just a small heads up before i go deeper into the rabbit hole. And since i dont want to ruin the fun for others a PM would be nice.
Now, as for additional notes. I do think Flash Sentry would do well not to enslave all the girls just for himself. He already has a hard time keeping up with the ones he has right now. Enslaving some and giving them to also-brainwashed friends as gifts would be a way to go about it. Like, if the CMC start investigating, they might be a tad too young for him, so why not give them to some of the younger guys? Like Wiz Kid, Snips and Snails. For that matter, what happened to Spike? Not saying Spike should be given a girl, dog Spike is frankly not interested in humans, but it's weird how he's not around. Well, whatever, I could see Flash enjoying seeing some more girls enslaved to other guys, and he himself could enslave the principals to subvert the entire school in the long run.
In fact, since he's got Sci-Twi and Sunset Shimmer both in his personal stable, he has two super-smart scientists/magic experts who could work to widen the stone's influence from direct application to some area of effect. Especially with Sunset's Empathy power, perhaps coupled with shards from the Dazzlings' gems. Maybe it'll be slower to take effect or allow for only minor alterations, but that would make it so easy to cover up what he's doing. Let the girls' families think everything is alright... and perhaps make them kinky too in the process. Watch Shining Armor lead Dean Cadance around on a leash, Twilight Velvet lying over Night Light's lap... Lots of fun to watch. Have them make movies for later enjoyment too.
I do enjoy the bondage aspects included a lot. Keep them up!
Depending on how twisted Flash Sentry feels, he could turn Fluttershy into a literal animal lover... that's pretty extreme though, not something everyone likes. I wouldn't mind, not at all, but that's just me. I think Fluttershy, hog-tied and getting really friendly with a doggie would be great fun.
Anyhow, I may be beating a dead horse at this point (no pun intended), but what Flash said to Fluttershy about beautiful girls makes me think. If he indeed thinks getting fucked is what all beautiful girls are for, he may indeed eventually try to turn more people towards rough maledom/femsub scenarios, not just collect girls for himself. Perhaps once he's managed to find a way to affect more people at once. Especially the close families of his victims, the Rainbooms, Sunset, and Sci-Twi, would make good targets so they won't get suspicious about his activities with the girls.
Here's an idea for another girl: Wallflower Blush. Let's say she gre suspicious but was captured by Sunset or Sci-Twi while sneaking around Flash's house. They present him with a tied-up Wallflower; Flash orders them to tie her right in front of a window and then strip her where people could see her, mockingly asking if her 'invisibility' will protect her this time, while one of his girs gives her oral to excite her against her will. Right when she's about to cum, he uses the Stone on her. You could then explore if he's even attracted to her or of this is the first girl he plans to use as a distraction, like for Big MacIntosh when he's going to target Applejack.
Another idea for a scene: Flash and his four slaves come together; he has them strip and ties their hands behind their backs. Rainbow and Fluttershy, he orders to lie down kiss his feet. Sunset and Sci-Twi are on their knees. leashes around their necks, Flash holding them. While Rainbow and Fluttershy worship his feet, the brainiacs are to explain if and how they think they can spread the Mentis Stone's effects on a wider scale. Sci-Twi proposes building a small machine with Sunset's help, powered by the Stone, that could cover a small area rather than just one victim. They tell him he could then visit each of the girls' families, for example, and brainwash them to be okay with what he's done to them. And while he's there, he can twist them in his image too, making the mothers slaves to the fathers, the daughters submissive to their boyfriends etc. Flash asks if Rainbow wants her family to be the first, she agrees with a wide grin saying she can't wait to see her dad tying her mom to the kitchen table and spank her bubbly ass.
I'd Love to see Rarity in a harem outfit <3
I know Flahs is probably thinking about a straightforward punishment right now, but how about another suggestion: Make it a competition. One between Pinkie Pie and Sunset Shimmer.
For example, housework. Only, Sunset has her legs hobbled and her hands cuffed to a collar with short chains, maybe less than a foot in length each. Flash tells them the winner will get to cane the slower girl's ass three times. Sunset loses, trussed up as she is, and Pinkie spanks her. Then Flash tells them to engage round two, with doube the punishment; again Sunset loses, having her ass beaten six times by Pinkie Pie now. Then Flash says they will have a third round, which Sunset also loses. Sunset is down to begging now; how is she supposed to win if she's tied up and Pinkie isn't? Then Flash explains that was the whole point. He put Sunset Shimmer into an unwinnable situation to remind her he is the master, her owner. If he wants to put her into totally unfair challenges, she's going to have to take it and that she should never, ever presume to go above her station again.
He gives her the twelve strikes himself this time, having her thank him every time for reminding him he controls her life. Then he gives Pinkie three whacks because her bubble butt is just too unviting not to.
This idea can also be used in a different context.
9749978 You mind if I PM you about my plan for the next chapter?
9749982
Not at all, I'd love to hear more.
9749982
Oh, and if these long posts of mine with suggestions of what I would like to see is something you would rather I stop doing, just tell me, I won't mind.
well glad to see the update. Was actualy about to ask how it was coming and now we got it.
Yeah with school starting back up among other things I was expecting a lot of stories to have slowed down considerably... Either way I loved this chapter, The punishment of Sunset was hot! And Sci-Twi and just so adorable!
At this point, Flash should line all his pets up, bent over with their hands bound behind their backs, their legs spread and their eyes blindfolded, tease them until they are dripping and needy and then make it a competition: Who begs the nicest, most submissive gets it while the others get to listen. And maybe masturbate after.
Oh, and with the powers of the stone possible expanding, I wonder if Chris considered this possibility...
No english
Yes spanish
Google traductor :
Me gustó lo capitulos me gustaría que la twilight de mlp observará eso
Flash sentry : es hora de ir por mi verdadero amor
Holy camole, now this is like hentaiheaven on a book! I LIKE IT!
To the author - hi! read your fic in September including the one that you deleted of sci-twi blowing flash in a bathroom stall
i'm not a hater of flash sentry (for i never really understood the hate towards him…like at all!) & love the fact that he's the main character as most authors don't write fics based on equestria girls centered around guys.
p.s: so...is it dead, are you having writer's block, irl stuff got in your way of completion or just got burned out/uninspired?
i would like to read more for it's a dark but fun read.