• Member Since 7th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Natedogg2006


I've never called myself a brony, now I'm writing mlp fanfiction and enjoying it.

E

The scariest time of year is here. Rainbow Dash is normally on guard to defend her oldest and most skittish friend when Halloween roles around. However this year Fluttershy surprises her and asks to be included in the festivities, to a rather extreme degree. What is the reason for this out of character behavior, and will either girl be able to handle it.

Decided I wanted to do a Halloween story and got it done in a day, so no idea if it's any good. My second attempt at the Equestria Girls universe, but my first to make it to print.

Just a quick one shot, but like with all my stories I like feedback. Let me know what you think, good or bad.

Wasn't sure if it should be classified as comedy or drama, so I put both. Had to drop slice of life though, so let me know what way you think it leans.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

The structure of your paragraphs needs more punctuation. Sometimes your thoughts turn into run-on sentences, because you're missing a period, or dash, or any other sort of separating punctuation. This creates confusion. But honestly, compared to the story as a whole, that technical shortcoming isn't condemning.

The way you describe their emotions, and their bodily gestures, it's so easy to imagine everything that's happening, and the specifics that you don't dwell on, i can fill in my head. Aside from the punctuation, I think this is some decent storytelling, and the emotional ending had me leaning into my screen, and smiling like an idiot in the middle of the library.

At no point in the story was I bored, and you explained the characters' plights well enough, without rambling, or over-explaining. All in all, this was an entertaining, romantic read (especially for a die-hard flutterdash fan, such as myself).

6.7/10

9289337
I love this comment. Thank you so much for the creative criticism. I'm not a good writer, so I'm not sure I'm if I can really clean up punctuation, but run-on's is something I am trying to work on. I know I have a problem writing how I speak which leads to way to many extended thoughts coming out as long segmented sentences. I also posed this one out in a day, so it might not have policed those as well as I usually try to. I'll probably go through and do at least one more edit now that I know it's a noticable problem.
And thanks so much for the praise. I didn't know if this would be well received, I literally thought of the idea the day before Halloween and decided I wanted to do it. Love to hear that I can make people embarrass themselves in public:rainbowwild:
(And I totally ship them hard too)
Thanks so much for this comment, made my day.

I think this is the fastest one of my stories had ever made it to 100 views. Thank you so much to everyone who read and to the flutterdash group. Especially Dexiom for actually putting it on the group page, this has made like my whole month.

Touching. Also somewhat demonic in terms of how much the two doozies would require in effort and therapy bills.

9329406
Yeah, but who needs therapy when you have someone to snuggle. Other then all the people who probably peed themselves when Luna showed up.

Thanks so much to the flutterdash group for helping this get over 200 views.

Sunset wearing pony ears has me dead!!! :rainbowlaugh:
Otherwise, this gave me such mixed feelings! I love being scared and seeing Fluttershy try to overcome was interesting, but then it just got so sad. Seeing how it was hurting Rainbow. I think the ending was a little quick, but the build up of emotion, both romantic and care for each other, was there. Love this. Instant fave. :rainbowkiss:

9384235
If the ending seemed quick it's because this was first thought up the day before Halloween, brainstormed for about two minutes, and written in less then a day. It's actually a lot longer then I thought it was gonna be. Literally I was taking a break from writing after show business and thought, "should I do a Halloween story?" All the ideas just feel into place like nothing for this one. Glad you liked it.

300 views in three months. Thanks so much everyone. Three months on the dot, that's cool.

Please do get yourself an Editor.
This is such a nice story, but the spelling and grammar mistakes make it really hard to enjoy reading it x.x

9500562
I'll give it another once over. Thanks for the fav btw:pinkiehappy:

Little late, but thanks everyone for another hundred views. 400, so happy it's still getting attention.

My stories are getting a lot of attention lately. I don't know why but I guess I'll not think about it and just enjoy it. Thanks so much to everyone for getting this one to five hundred views.

Happy to see this one get to 600.

Ugh lesbian ship story again... I wish I didn’t read this :/

9747652
Not sure if you are being facetious right now or not. Trying to phrase this as diplomatically as possible but I'm not sure how. You are probably in the wrong place if you want to avoid girl on girl ships, but you are entitled to your preferences. Hope the story was enjoyable at least from a romantic prospective.

9748380
Well yeah but lesbian ships are too cringe to read in MLP:EQG
In romantic way, I can’t make a certain comment because it’s all up to this scenerio.

9748466
That's cool, just like to understand people's grievances if they have them. I suppose you're is reasonable even if it was listed as romance and the named characters were female. I do appreciate and applaud you for giving it a try despite that.
I was slightly concerned... No, I'll say more curious, because I've heard tell of people who come on here with the intended purpose of down voting any and all same sex ships, and it's just not a mind set I've ever been able to wrap my mind around. I know romance is not the only type of story on here, and even of them same sex is not the only type of romance, but it is a sizable portion. It just strikes me of someone who goes to a red lobster and complains there's too much seas food on the menu. Thanks for the read and the brain food of your opinion.
And just to clarify I am not accusing you of the down vote, I believe that's been there for a while. No one has yet left a reason as to why any down vote I've gotten has been earned where as you have not down voted and given me your reason for not liking my story. I actually do appreciate that.

9748612
And I thank you for not being needlessly mean like those randos who does not want to understand or listen the real purpose why I didn’t like. Keep up with writing my friend, respect 🤙

9749936
Is all about respect:yay:

Thanks so much everyone, this one had a special place for me and I'm happy to see it still getting attention. 700 views. Thanks so much.

800 views. Woo!!!

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