• Member Since 7th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Natedogg2006


I've never called myself a brony, now I'm writing mlp fanfiction and enjoying it.

Sequels1

E

Tempest Shadow was saved twice by Twilight Sparkle. First from The Storm King, then from punishment for what she had done under his command. It would stand to reason that she feels eternally grateful towards the princess of friendship and promises to do all she can to repay the kindness she has shown her.
But now Tempest, or is it Fizzle Pop, feels like she cannot fulfill that duty to Twilight, at least not while Twilight herself is around her.

I honestly put off watching the movie for so long because I didn't know how I would feel about it. It was better then I thought it would be, but I was most interested in the new character it added to the series. The prevalence of Tempest fics lately has led me to finally decide to do my own. I'm really interested in diving into a not as well defined character for once, so let me know what you think of my interpretation of her. Comments are always welcome, good or bad.

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 273 )

Undermining the drill sergeant is poor form your highness. It takes a staggering amount of energy to keep up that kind of performance.

9975638
And you'd think she'd know that considering her brother. Though she might have had her reasons.:raritywink:

I like this so far! Ill be keeping an eye on this one

9975767
Always appreciated.:pinkiehappy:

I don't think any of my stories have ever gotten to over a hundred views in under twenty-four hours. Not to mention nine likes and around six favs. Thank you so much to everyone.

Ok, you definitely have my attention.

I like it so far! I really need more Tempest x Twilight in my life so I'll be sure to keep an eye on this fic. :twilightsmile:

9978165
The attention is been getting so far has been really encouraging. Hopefully it'll stay good for you.

Damn. What bloodly cutie chapter this was. Fizzy and Twi interaction was cutie, now the next chapter, with the date (maybe), I can't wait for it!~

Saturday should be interesting. Also I think if Celestia tried the thing from the beginning there would be a nationwide panic as everypony suddenly concluded the Princess had gone deaf.

10000327
It maybe Celestia planned this whole thing from the beginning. :rainbowderp:
... Or maybe not, I'm not sure. I really should have watched the movie again before embarking on this little venture.:twilightoops:

I like this. Been wanting some good romance of these two. I either haven't seen many or im just not looking hard enough
Either way, thank you.

10001134
There were a lot of them for a little while, but a lot of them were really phoned in. That's kinda why I wanted to write one. Glad to see it's working so far.

10001207
Yeah, they were either forced or they just stopped updating.
Im looking forward to yours. Im sure ill enjoy it no matter what.

I half question if Tempest will hunt Dash down for a brief conversation.

10090503
Oh come on. Do I ever provide a satisfactory conclusion to any of my lose plot threads:raritywink:

Thanks so much for 300 views, and sorry for the extended wait for the third chapter. As always I'll try to do better.

10091040
Mostly I just wonder if Tempest is the type to bother to stick her muzzle in such things. Rarity would definitely interfere for Shy’s own good if she was straight up told that shy would never act on it, but while I’m sure Tempest doesn’t care much about going around another ponies wishes she also might be the type to just leave them to it.

10091217
No spoilers, but I will reveal that the answer to that is a definite... maybe.:rainbowwild:

Tempest treasurers that dagger it deserves a name.

Love the story so far.

So Rarity is unlikely to spy on them, that still leaves nearly the whole town.

10151663
I feel like spying on tempest would be as dangerous as it is difficult. Also that was an idea I hadn't considered.:raritystarry:

10151627
Still taking ideas if you had any:raritywink:

10160798
how about a name from Shakespeare's the Tempest? such as Prospero an exiled duke seeking revenge for his treatment. It could represent what Tempest was feeling during her "exile"? and also her redemption as Prospero destroyed his magic to live in peace at the end of the play.
Or another name I think is even more appropriate is Ariel the sprite of air that served Prospero and was always at his side during his exile. I think that would suit a dagger well considering Tempest has had it for six years.

Just some suggestions hope they help.

10162595
Those are not bad. If I was more of a Shakespeare guy that would be a yes on the spot. That is definitely a more obscure Shakespeare, which is actually a plus to me. I like using references only certain people will get.

"Yes now cadet, why would I want it later?" She was deepening the glare she was giving him as he was having a very hard time not cowering in front of her. Were it not for her own resolve, she would be having a hard time not smiling at the feeling of control it gave her.

"Umm... You, you pick a spot in front of you, and you stare at it as if it's a spot a thousand yards in the distance... Ma'am?"

"Very good cadet," she made the words condescending, and yet it seemed to allow him to relax just a little, just as she had hoped. "Then what exactly were you just looking at!" His relief faded fast.

"N, nothing ma'am." His own resolve was crumbling fast, his ears were now beginning to press back to his head against his will.

"Nothing? I'll have you know there is no room in this outfit for liars. Now what were you looking at because it definitely wasn't anything a thousand yards in front of you."

.......

He stammered, but finally spoke, fear of disobeying her overcoming all else at that moment. "Y, your.... flanks ma'am."

Her glare deepened. His eyes closed to avoid it. "My flanks, is that what you said cadet?" He managed to nod his head just slightly.

Taking a deep breath she finally stepped away from the position. She resumed her pacing as she now addressed the entire line of stallions.

Nameless recruit just signed his own death certificate.

"Oh, well a favor from a friend sounds great. But I'm afraid and official request from the head of the guard is going to have to wait until tomorrow."

You should drop the "and".
It makes it sound like Twilight is saying that she's afraid, and that official business waits for the next day.

It should be "...I'm afraid official request..."

The relief was palpable even if it wasn't visible. "Do to unusual circumstances I will be on light duty the rest of this week and all of the next."

It should be "due"

10310193
I think he will have a name eventually, but you didn't hear that from me:raritywink:

Man, I wish I could spontaneously improve my own eyesight! Would make things cheaper and easier.
(I really should see the optometrist to update my glasses, since my lenses are like 5 years old now)

Rarity collapsing with a note preemptively attached to herself is just too good! Very Pinkie like, but the contents of the note still keeps it Rarity.
Rarity stole the chapter, but Twilight got close to reclaiming it with her flirting. I like the little part where it says that lidded eyes are something that Twilight has never practiced.

One thing that I've noticed that's pretty small, but will likely irk people that are way more detail oriented than me, is that your ellipses (.....) frequently contain a singular comma in it (...,.).

Pretty good writing. Just be a bit more mindful of the small mechanical stuff, and you'll be golden.

Looking forward to the date between two of the most socially and romanticly awkward mares.


As for the dagger's name, you could reference Firefly, and name it Vera.

10310417
This chapter was fun, and Rarity is one of my favorite characters to write for.
As for the commas, they are actually deliberate. It's meant to symbolize, in some way, the moment when a pause becomes an awkward pause. Although I had never considered that that was a way someone might interpret it. I'm going to have to be more careful about it in the future.
And unfortunately, I never did get into Firefly. A little before my time I think, otherwise that would be a good fit. I suppose I could use it to gain some extra nerd cred if nothing else.
Thanks for reading, I'll try to keep the wait as short as possible. You know, despite the fact that it's already been way too long.

10310417
Oh, and thanks so much for the fav:twilightsmile:

10310478
Ah, I see. You might want to include that explanation of the commas in your ellipses, in one of your authors notes, so others aren't similarly confused.

It would be mighty shiny if you did include the Firefly reference. Never too late to get into it (alot of Nathan Fillion's roles since then have had references to Firefly (Castle is pretty saturated with them, but they all still work (Halo 3: ODST also has a few, as well as the fact that the squad is basically half of the main cast))).

The final name of Tempest's dagger is purely your decision though.

Good things are worth the wait!:twilightsmile:

"Fizz, you're already inside."

"NANI!?"
Chocolate devouring noises

10340596
Ha!!! And btw, I honestly couldn't decide on how she ended up inside.

Why not make a story about the Storm King? He was even less defined than Tempest.

I’d have gone with Sparks personally. Also ascension instead of assention. Regardless nice to see a new chapter.

10341117
Honestly I had considered both. It honestly came down to what came out as I wrote it. I think Sparks might actually sound more in keeping with Tempest's personality, but Sparky is cuter.:rainbowwild:

10341204
I can’t argue against that in good faith.

Nice relationship they have. Even makes sense that Shy would adapt to it so easily as she basically has to deal with that level of forwardness from at least 3 of her other friends.

I love this Fluttershy interaction so much. You nailed it!

10426507
Yeah, I like writing for Fluttershy. Glad you liked it.

I’m getting real Tanya the Evil vibes from Tempest’s intro to the survival training.

"A challenge? Or maybe fighting?"
-my brain, years later

10452949
Oh god that has been strong on my "to be read" pile for longer then I care to admit.

10452956
But would a fight really be a challenge to Tempest?

10453156
It’s a good read so long as you don’t mind a main character that has many sociopathic tendencies. It can be odd as well at times as the main character actually refers to their current isekai body in the third person as if to distance themselves from it.

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