Stupid, Vicious Lies
"They've done it! They've done it!! The Canterlot Wondercolts just scored an amazing comeback victory against their rivals, the Crystal Prep Shadowbolts!"
The crowd roared with excitement as the announcer finished, his voice all but drowned out by the sound of cheering teenagers. The stands were filled to the brim, a sea of blue and yellow paper ears and streamers darting back and forth. On the field, a rainbow-haired girl wearing blue and yellow shorts and a jersey clutched the ball that scored the winning goal in her hands as around a dozen similarly dressed girls hoisted her up to the sky, faces lit up with elation. The girls, and many in the bleachers too, chanted her name, even as the opposing team clad in dark blues and purples shuffled off the field, posture deflated.
"Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!" The team called out, marching triumphantly towards the edge of the field before disappearing into the locker rooms behind the bleachers. Six familiar young women weaved their way through the stands to the bottom of the stairs before five of them darted off under them, following the victorious athletes. One figure, a girl with fiery red hair and wearing a distinctive leather jacket, hesitated before taking off in the opposite direction.
"-and then I was like, 'I don't think so!' and I sidestepped her! Indigo Zap didn't know what hit her! Then I faked right, just in time for Lightning Dust to pass me the ball, but Lemon Zest is right on top of me! You know what I did next?" Rainbow Dash asked the room, oblivious to her surroundings as she reenacted the scene.
"Yes Dash, we were all there," Lightning Dust rolled her eyes, elbowing the girl playfully before she got too lost in her story, "All of us were out on the field too, y'know." The locker room was filled with the smell of sweat and freshly cut grass as the Wondercolts soccer team showered and changed. Steam filled the air as Lightning Dust's words snapped Rainbow Dash out of her revelry, the girl's face eliciting a good-natured snicker from Cloud Kicker as she pulled her jersey over her head.
"Sometimes I wonder if your ego stole all the food that was supposed to go to your boobs, Dash," the blonde-haired girl added, "You talk about that game-winning goal like the rest of your team wasn't even there."
"Hehe... Sorry everyone," Rainbow replied bashfully, "I guess I got caught up by how awesome it is to finally beat those jerks. You're right though, I couldn't have done it without you guys."
"Don't worry about it too much, Dash," a calm voice assured her from inside the showers, "We all get carried away in the excitement sometimes. Besides, Fleetfoot and I agree, you were pretty awesome back there." A white-haired girl poked her head up from the other side of one of the lockers, nodding enthusiastically. Rainbow Dash blushed as she started changing.
"Oh uh... Thanks Captain, thanks Fleetfoot." The voice flowed from over the locker once more.
"Dash, for the last time, you've been on this team almost as long as I have. Just call me Spitfire." The captain's response only made the girl's blush increase.
"Yeah, uh, sorry. Thanks, Spitfire."
"Just save it for your friends, alright Dash?" Lightning Dust chimed in again, "We get enough of your big head when you're using it on the field." The whole locker room burst into giggles at that.
Six girls sat together, crammed into a booth at Sweet Snacks Cafe, as they enjoyed their food. One of them, Rainbow Dash, was busy making a mess of the table as her arms flew about in complex motions, her five friends talking amongst themselves.
“Rainbow Dash,” a tired, yet elegant voice rang out, “As much as we love hearing about your exploits, could we perhaps talk about something else, please?” Rarity smiled at the athlete, batting her eyes playfully. The rainbow-haired girl barely even noticed her, however.
“And then I pulled off a Rainbow Spiral and scored the winning goal with a backflip kick!” Dash’s raspier voice yelled, her hand slamming down on the table, rattling their drinks and sending a few drops of fruit smoothie flying. Pinkie Pie followed every moment with unbroken attention, her face the definition of enthusiasm.
“Wow, Rainbow Dash, that’s so cool!! And it gets even better the fifth time you tell it!” The bushy-haired girl’s hair bounced as she jittered in her seat, a wide grin on her face. A look not quite shared by everyone at the table. Putting on a good natured smile, Applejack elbowed the girl next to her softly and chuckled.
“Ah think y’did just great, sugarcube,” she began, “but uh, don’t you think it might be better if we talk about somethin’ else for awhile, ‘specially since we had Rainboom business to discuss?” Perhaps to everyone’s relief, the farmer caught Rainbow’s attention with the mention of the group’s band.
“Oh uh, yeah! I wanted to talk about some new songs Fluttershy and I wrote. I think they’d sound totally awesome as part of our new set!” She glanced around at the table, mentally confirming all of her friends were accounted for. “But uh, where’s Sunset? I thought she said she was gonna be here too? We can’t exactly discuss Rainboom business without our second lead guitarist.”
Six pair of eyes met, one after another, in quick succession. One pair, the softest and largest of them all, lit up in recognition first, but before their owner could speak the pink-haired girl spoke.
“I dunno, I thought she said she’d be here too! And she never goes back on a friendship promise!”
“My word, I actually haven’t seen her since the game ended. It certainly isn’t like her to miss a social engagement,” Rarity chimed in as well. Four pairs of eyes honed in on the only girl with glasses sitting at the table. As she noticed the sudden shift in attention, she blushed before shrinking slightly in her seat.
“Don’t look at me! I haven’t seen her since the game ended either!” Twilight’s exasperated voice cried out. She slid further down into the bench, groaning. The girl beside her put a hand on her shoulder, her freckled face sympathetic.
“It’s alright, sugarcube. We just thought you might know ‘cuz the two of you are closer ‘n pigs in a blanket, y’know?”
“Um, excuse me,” Fluttershy mumbled, face lost in her flowing pink hair.
“Why does everyone think that!?” Came the scientist’s response, “It’s not like we’re dating o-or living together or something. Not that there'd be anything wrong with that. Us dating, that is. I just have a healthy interest in Sunset Shimmer’s knowledge of the other world.”
“Well… I mean, you do kind of follow her around like a little lost puppy sometimes, and it’s kind of obvious you have a bit of a crush on her. Even I noticed an- OW!” Rainbow Dash jolted, her hand shooting to the back of her head to nurse what would surely be a new bruise as Rarity swiftly cut the girl off.
“What she means is that you two are very close friends, so you are the first one we think of when it comes to knowing where she might be, darling.” Rarity's words did little to stop Twilight's cheeks from reddening exponentially.
“Um, I actually know where she is,” Fluttershy squeaked before shrinking again. Thankfully, she had managed to attract her friend’s attention this time. Unfortunately, that also meant everyone was staring at her, causing her to blush furiously. “Well, not exactly where she is. But I did see her when the game ended. She came down the stairs with us, but instead of going to meet with Rainbow outside the locker room, she took off towards Sugarcube Corner. I asked her where she was going, but all she said was that she was meeting someone in town, and to apologize for missing the celebration.”
The expressions on her friends faces slowly turned to confusion as they realized what their more timid friend had told them. Twilight looked lost in thought, pondering what this could mean, while Pinkie was the first to recover. As if by Pinkie Sense, she spoke the one question everyone was thinking.
“Huh, I wonder who SunShim’s meeting?”
Sunset Shimmer was having the time of her life. She stood in front of a large, flat screen TV hanging from the wall as a countdown timer ticked down from twenty. Sweat dripped off her body, despite the cool air blasting down on her from the ceiling. Her face had long since turned a bright red, albeit not from embarrassment anymore. A small table littered with glass bottles and a pair of shot glasses sat behind her, while large, incredibly comfortable plush couches lined the other three walls of the room. The smell of alcohol permeated the air. A small machine hummed quietly beneath the screen while a tablet, sitting on one of the couches, flashed with scrolling words and vibrant colors.
The fiery-haired girl tightened her grip on her right hand, raising it up to her mouth. She took in a deep breath, brows furrowing in concentration, as the timer flashed with all zeros. Suddenly, the room lit up in a burst of light and sound as music began to play from every corner of the room. After a brief staccato of horns, words flashed on the screen and Sunset Shimmer began to sing.
She swayed her hips and swung her free arm to the simple baseline, smile wide on her face as sweat started to drip down her face and onto the floor. At the same time, she kept the beat by stomping her feet. The twang of a guitar gave the piece a slight country feel as she launched into the chorus.
In time with the beat, Sunset abruptly spun around on her heel, facing the only other person in the room. With a sultry smile and catlike grace, the girl approached the couch, still singing at the top of her lungs. With every step, she paused, taking the opportunity to toss her hair playfully and shake her hips.
With a sudden start, Sunset ripped her jacket off, throwing it to the floor, before continuing towards the other end of the room. Clad only in her signature boots, a thigh-length skirt and a magenta halter top, the redhead waggled her eyebrows playfully, becoming more and more catlike with every step. She could feel her heart pounding like crazy as the song continued into the next verse.
Sunset put all of her effort into dancing to the beat while belting out the lyrics. Holding her arms out wide, she shrugged her shoulders and gyrated her hips, much to the amusement of the only person watching. Sweat poured down her face and back now, the droplets making her shimmer in the dim light of the sound-proofed room. Sunset let out a series of woops as the last chorus ended. The song was coming to a close now, and not a moment too soon as the young woman’s chest heaved up and down.
As the song ended, Sunset struck a pose, doing her best impression of a model or a burlesque dancer. Almost immediately after the end of the music, her date began to clap enthusiastically. Sunset collapsed on the couch next to them in response, breath labored but an expression of joy on her face. Placing her head in her companion’s lap, she stared up at the gorgeous raspberry eyes looking back at her.
“Now do you see why I like coming here, Red?” the voice in Sunset’s ears was deep and melodious, and gave the former unicorn’s stomach butterflies. “I'm so happy I finally managed to get you to join me. It took… more than a few drinks, I’ll admit, but it looks like you’re having fun.” The orange-haired girl sitting beside her ran a hand through Sunset’s locks, a small smile on her face. Clad in the same outfit from when Sunset had first met her, Adagio patted the girl on the head. Then, she reached over to the table, grabbing a still-full shot glass before downing it in one easy motion. “However, I’m surprised you’re such a lightweight, Shimmer. I would have thought the former student of the Solar Princess could hold her liquor a bit better.”
Stirring, Sunset eyed her girlfriend critically, failing to bite back her response in her current state.
“Hey, that’s not fair, ‘Dagi. If we were in Equestria I’d be just fine. It’s not my fault these stupid human bodies don’t handle alcohol as well as a unicorn’s.” After a few moments, she added, “And how did you even buy all this stuff? You don’t exactly look like you’re old enough to get it without an ID card.”
“If we were in Equestria I’d still be drinking you under the table, Red,” the Dazzling countered, her smile widening into a cocky smirk, “the girls and I used to down whole kegs from the ships we’d capsize. Tartarus, we’d sometimes eat pufferfish just to enjoy the trip the venom would take us on. And,” she giggled at Sunset, “I’ve been alive in this world for almost a millennium, Love. I know how to make a fake ID.”
Pouting, the other native Equestrian crossed her arms as Adagio poured herself another shot of vodka, setting the empty bottle back down on the table before setting the glass to her lips and tilting her head back. Grumbling to herself, Sunset stared up at her girlfriend’s beautiful body. Adagio easily gulped down the alcohol before setting the shot glass down on the table with a clink.
“I drank about three quarters of the alcohol we’ve had tonight, and I’m still in better shape than you. Face it, you’re a lightweight, Red.” The redhead’s face scrunched up in annoyance as Adagio continued to tease her. A sudden realization caused Sunset’s eyes to widen as she sat up abruptly.
“Wait a minute, ‘Dagi,” she started, slurring slightly, “I haven’t heard you sing yet. I’ve been singing for hours now and you haven’t done a single song!” Sunset turned to face the girl, tablet in her hands. Adagio eyed her lazily, taking the tablet from her girlfriend’s grasp while rolling her shoulders. She stood up, stretching her legs and arms as she rose, before grinning at Sunset hungrily.
That confidence faded for just a moment as Adagio spoke.
“You know I’d trust you with anything, right? Do you trust me the same way, Red?” Adagio's voice was full of trepidation, though she seemed to spring back to life as Sunset nodded enthusiastically.
“Be careful what you wish for, then. You're about to have the experience of your life. The Battle of the Bands is going to sound like an elementary school concert in comparison.” Without looking, Adagio quickly tapped a number into the tablet’s keypad before pressing enter. Grabbing the microphone from Sunset, the Siren lowered her head as she stood in front of the TV, legs spread apart.
Pounding drums and thrashing, rhythmic guitars blared from the speakers as Adagio’s chosen song began to play. Staring at the girl before her, Sunset swore she could feel the energy radiate out from her partner as the harsh music filled her ears. The guitars blazed out their notes, quick as lightning, while the drums exploded with aggression. A backup singer’s roar brought a chill to Sunset’s neck before the drone of the guitar and bashing drums overpowered her senses again.
And then she heard Adagio’s voice. A deep, violent growl that was nothing like the voice Sunset had heard before. Guttural, yet oddly beautiful. The hairs on Sunset’s neck stood up in unison. Electricity rolled across her skin. Next, the instrumentals returned to her ears, charging forward like an army behind Adagio’s thundering roar. In that moment, Sunset shuddered as she was bombarded by sheer sonic energy and power. Blinking her eyes, she could have sworn she saw the shape of a massive Equestrian Siren appear behind Adagio for the briefest of seconds, only for it to disappear as quickly as it came.
Sunset Shimmer sat in front of her girlfriend, stunned, the orange-haired girl’s face red with effort. The redhead’s mouth hung open, her arms limp as she stared at her in shock. The room had been almost silent for about a minute now, the only sound being Adagio’s breathing. The Siren’s face was one of trepidation, mixed with anxiety. Sunset slowly rose to her feet.
“A-Adagio…” she stammered, finally coming to her senses. She let out one word at a time. “That.” Her mouth began to quiver, “Was.” Adagio held her breath, straining to keep her eyes open despite the fear building in her. “AMAZING!” Taking two giant steps forward, Sunset grabbed her girlfriend with both arms, pulling her into a hug before kissing the girl on the lips. The alluring scent of rosewood and oranges filled Sunset's nose. Adagio, for her part, could only stare at the taller girl in shock, her head tilting upwards to meet Sunset’s. Slowly, Adagio melted into the kiss, closing her eyes and letting her girlfriend’s tongue push into her mouth. Both girls’ hearts fluttered as they continued to indulge in each other, the shorter girl putting her hands around Sunset’s hips.
Grinning internally, Adagio suddenly slid her hands to her girlfriend’s chest before pushing her back, Sunset falling onto the couch with a squeak. With a practiced strut, the shorter girl quickly closed the distance and climbed on top of her. Straddling the girl, Adagio pressed her lips against Sunset’s again, this time taking the lead. She took both of Sunset’s wrists in her hands, pressing them up against the head of the couch. Sunset moaned into the kiss, the humming vibrations filling Adagio's mouth.
After a few minutes of laboured breathing and making out, the two women separated, Adagio licking her lips as she parted from her girlfriend. Swinging her leg over, the siren plopped down next to Sunset, letting go of her wrists before taking the fiery-haired girl’s hand in hers. Blushing, both of the girls sighed before Sunset leaned over, resting her head on top of Adagio’s poofy hair.
“No one has ever heard me do that, Red.” Adagio began, her voice slightly hoarse, “And I mean no one. Not even Aria or Sonata. They… They wouldn’t get it. I can’t exactly blame them either. It’s ridiculous. But, after we lost our powers? I was just so lost. So angry. One night, I stumbled in here just looking to get drunk. Then I heard that song, and couldn't stop myself. That evening, I learned there was a way for us to sing again. ” She stopped, cradling Sunset’s head in her hand, “I know it seems silly, but this place is my sanctuary. When I sing like that, it's so different than when I had my magic. Here, it’s like the whole world falls away. No pain, no suffering. No hunger. I’m just… me. And I’m happy. Happy like I’ve never been before, other than when I’m with you. It’s almost like I’m back home.” Sniffling, she hugged Sunset tight. “You’re the only person in this whole dimension who has heard me sing since the Battle of the Bands. ” Looking Sunset in the eyes, the older girl smiled before stroking her hand. “You’re really, really special to me. More than I thought possible after all these centuries.” A pause. “W-what I a mean is… I love you, Sunset Shimmer.”
“I love you too, Adagio.” Sunset answered back, not a hint of doubt in her voice. “I can’t imagine what my life would had been like if we hadn’t run into each other again.” She traced her fingers along her forearm, wincing at the memory of the Anon-A-Miss incident that had started it all. “The girls really helped and all, but… meeting you three again after the Battle of the Bands? Taking me into your lives and your home? It turned my life around. And I have you in particular to thank for that.”
A pause soon extended into something longer. Silence reigned, but neither girl felt at all awkward. Minutes passed, the two of them enjoying each other’s company as their ears began to ring from the sudden change in volume level. Both girls wore a look of relaxation. Adagio began to hum an ancient love song as Sunset played with the shorter girl’s hair.
After another minute, a glimmer of an idea formed on the siren’s tongue. She stirred slightly, concern growing on her face.
“Speaking of your friends, are you ready to introduce me to them yet? You still haven't told them about us. And we’ve been dating for over six months now, love.” She chuckled, “I know I said the loud, bratty one was kind of cute but you don't have to worry. I'm a Siren, not a harlot.” Sunset lifted her head, her legs and hands fidgeting uncomfortably. Adagio, noticing this, sighed softly.
“I… Not yet, ‘Dagi. I’m sorry but… I’m not ready. Just… don’t know how I’d tell them.” She trailed off, averting her eyes and clutching herself. The siren placed her hands on the couch, the beginning of a frown on her face as her palms sank into the cloudlike material.
“Is it because of what the girls and I said? About our powers and the Battle, I mean.” Adagio asked, sinking a little in her seat.
“What? N-no,” the redhead began before stopping herself to consider, “Well… Yeah. I guess it is, actually. Just… Adagio, how am I supposed to convince everyone, much less the girls, that you’ve changed if you won’t even apologize for what you did? If you won’t even apologize to me?” The Dazzling sighed again, leaning back in her seat. She chewed idling, as if the action might will her thoughts into words more easily. After a few seconds, Adagio replied.
"Look, Red. I love you. More than I think you realize… And I want to meet the Rainbrats because I know they're important to you. You'd do anything for them. Just like I'd do anything for ‘Nata and Ari’.” Sunset moved to respond, only for Adagio to silence her with an outstretched finger, “Look, I'll admit our magic was harmful. But using it was the only way for us to survive this long. I will not apologize for doing what I thought was best for my sisters, even if my plan at CHS was foolhardy. Without our magic, we would have starved to death centuries ago when that maniac Starswirl dumped us here.” Adagio let that point hang in the air, until it was Sunset’s turn to sigh.
“I… I’m sorry ‘Dagi. You’re right. And I know you want to meet them. As soon as I’m prepared, you will. I just need more time, okay? I really am sorry about making you wait.” Unbeknownst to Sunset, Adagio clenched her fist at the mention of the words “more time”. The tension lasted only a brief moment, however, the girl quickly letting her hand relax. Taking in a deep breath, the poofy-haired girl blinked back a few errant tears before turning back to her partner.
“It’s alright, Red. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Adagio replied, nuzzling her girlfriend with her face. “I love you, so much.” Taking Sunset’s hand, the girl planted a single, chaste kiss on the back of the palm. “We should probably get ready to leave though, Red. It’s getting late and our rental is almost up.” She glanced at the clock above the TV, “Besides, I know for a fact you have school tomorrow.” Groaning, Sunset covered her face with a hand.
“Do we have to leave, ‘Dagi? I want to cuddle with you more… You smell so nice,” came her muffled response.
“Come on, Red,” Adagio giggled, rising to her feet while pulling the redhead to her feet with her, “you need your rest.” She walked over to where Sunset’s jacket lay on the floor, picking it up before handing it to its owner. “Besides, we’re drunk, and since you insisted on taking me here on your motorcycle, we're walking home.” She paused, contemplative. “My place is closer, so you're staying with me and the girls tonight. You can cuddle me all you like,” Adagio winked. At last, Sunset relented, taking Adagio’s hand and putting on her jacket before stepping towards the door.
“Okay, okay. I’m going,” she groused playfully, “Are we still on for this weekend at the Mall?” Sunset asked, leaning up against her girlfriend.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Red.” The two stumbled out of the room together, arms linked, down the hall and to the exit before stepping out into the crisp night air.
Sunset heard a familiar buzz coming from her bag as she sat down with the girls for lunch the next day. Classes had been as boring as always for the former unicorn, who could skate by on her Equestrian education for every class except for Biology and History. Sure, she shared all of her classes with at least one of her six best friends, but it was hard for her to stay entertained while everyone had to be quiet and listen. So, when Sunset heard the sound of her bag vibrating, she eagerly snapped up the opportunity to see who was trying to reach her.
“Well, the journal isn’t glowing,” she mused to herself before quickly grabbing for her cell phone. She was rewarded with a single notification, from a number identified only by a musical note, and scrambled to unlock her phone and read the precious message contained within. As she read the text, her heart fluttered, a dopey smile appearing on her face. Sunset was just about to send her reply when the sound of her name brought her out of her trance.
“Uh Sunset? You alright, Sugarcube? We asked you a question.” Applejack’s voice sounded just as confused as Sunset felt. The redhead shook her head, face coloring slightly as she realized she’d been ignoring her best friends’ conversation.
“S-sorry. I guess I just got distracted,” she chuckled, tearing herself away from her phone, “What were you girls talking about again?” The six other girls all shared a look.
“Weeeeeeeell, we were asking if you wanted to go to Sugarcube Corner with us after school,” Pinkie’s bubbly voice spoke up, the bouncy girl putting a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “But… Are you alright, Sunset? You’ve had that kinda, spacey-facey look suuuuper often lately. Is something bothering you?” Pinkie frowned, looking at her best friend with concern.
“Yes,” came Twilight’s voice, similarly worried, “It’s not like you to be so distracted, Sunset. And you’ve been missing more and more of our after school activities. Are you alright?”
Caught off guard, Sunset struggled to make her mouth form words, “Er, I mean, th-the thing is…” Taking a deep breath, the former unicorn remembered an anti-anxiety technique her adoptive mother, the Princess, had taught her. After holding her breath for a few seconds, she sighed, letting all her nervousness escape with her breath. “I…” She felt her voice scurry away again, so she swallowed. “I'm fine girls, really. Just been distracted I guess. Y'know, worrying about when the next magical disaster is going to come our way.” She felt a knot form in her stomach.
“Now, I know it’s none of our business,” that was Fluttershy’s soft, ethereal melody, “but, was the reason you missed the party after Rainbow’s soccer game, and why you've been missing so many other of our plans, because you were, um,” the last few words flowed out even quieter than normal, the reserved girl leaning forwards to whisper them, “going to see a therapist about it?”
Sunset almost breathed a sigh of relief as she realized Fluttershy had just given her a way out. Still, she thought to herself, she did feel pretty guilty for lying to them again… Her mouth, however, chose for her.
“L-look… I didn’t want to worry anyone but… Y-yeah. My Mo-, I mean, Principal Celestia set me up with a therapist to help deal with the whole ‘I turned into a she-demon’ thing. After that, the Battle of the Bands, the whole thing last Winter break,” five of the girls’ eyes fell, though Twilight put her hand on Sunset’s with a look of sympathy, “the Friendship Games, and Camp Everfree, she and I felt like it would be best if I found someone else to talk about my problems with. A-a fresh perspective, y’know? And that's why I wasn't there after the game yesterday, sorry.” She bit her lip, the fresh lie causing a storm in her stomach.
“Oh,” All six girls exclaimed together. For a few minutes, they let the table hang in silence as the rest of the school ate their lunches around them. Rainbow Dash, to everyone’s surprise but Fluttershy, was the first to speak up.
“H-hey, Shimmer? Thanks for telling us. I… I kinda know how it feels.” The star athlete blushed, “After things went South between me and Gilda, I… I took it pretty hard okay?” She rubbed the back of her head. “She was the first person I ever… like liked. So when we had our big fight, Mom and Dad got worried. They set me up with a shrink. He was weird, and kinda lame, but he also really helped.” Applejack and Fluttershy gave the rainbow-haired girl a comforting hug, “I guess what I’m trying to say, uh, is that we still think you’re just as awesome.” Everyone at the table gave a few words of agreement.
“Thanks, Dash. I really appreciate it. And yeah, mine is a bit weird too, but I have to admit I think she’s doing a really good job at helping me stay together,” That was only a half lie, but it still sent a stab of pain through her heart.
“So…” Applejack began, trailing off for a few seconds, “Do you want to tell us about her at all?” She stopped abruptly, waiting for Sunset’s response.
“Y-yeah…” the redhead managed, “I think I’d like that. But,” she paused, looking at her untouched veggie burger, “maybe we ought to wait ‘til after school at Sugarcube Corner.” Her friends smiled before pulling her into a group hug. With that, Sunset’s mind went into high-gear trying to weave together the half-truth she’d just found herself in. It’s almost like you haven’t changed at all, Shimmer, a small, spiteful part of herself thought with a snicker.
As the door to Sugarcube Corner closed, Sunset hummed to herself while waiting for her friends to join her. It would be awhile, she mused, since Pinkie Pie was busy buying up half of the Cake's end-of-day inventory. Stretching, the redhead inhaled through her nose, the familiar smell of sweet confections mixing with the newfound smell of rosewood and oranges. The new scent gave the air a hint of elegance and sophistication.
Suddenly, Sunset's eyes sprang open, pupils the size of pinpricks. She took a frantic step forward, almost tripping over herself as she desperately searched for the source of that heavenly smell. She cursed herself under her breath for wearing her new boots today; although the girl looked as gorgeous as Rarity had said she would, Sunset hadn't quite managed to break them in yet.
Finally, she found what, or rather who, she was looking for. Walking towards her on the sidewalk was a girl dressed in lavender leggings, a short, sleeveless romper, and a pale violet jacket with puffy shoulders. Her massive, curly orange hair restrained by a spiked headband, the girls' outfit was completed by a gold-plated belt and a pair of purple boots with golden bands around the ankles. A pair of large sunglasses covered just about half her face, but even so Sunset noticed the sly grin the other woman wore as she approached.
"Shit!" Sunset shouted, silencing herself with one hand while simultaneously wrenching the other girl into a nearby alley with the other. Sunlight barely pierced the close confines of the alley; the former unicorn rushed her captive behind an open, overflowing dumpster before finally letting her go.
"What’re you doing here?" Sunset demanded. Her heart pounding in her chest like a devil bat out of Tartarus.
"Well, from how dirty this alley is it looks like I'm about to star in some seedy porno," Adagio deadpanned, her bright red lips twisting into a frown. Immediately Sunset realized their position and had the decency to look ashamed. A blush formed on her cheeks as she rubbed the back of her head with one hand.
"I'm sorry, babe... I didn't mean it like that. Just, I wasn't expecting to see you 'til this weekend." Nice save, Shimmer, part of her sniped internally. Adagio looked up at Sunset, her expression softening until a good-natured smirk appeared. Leaning in close, until she was mere inches away from the taller girl, the siren whispered into her ear.
"What, can't I surprise my girlfriend with a little one-on-one time?" Sunset's breathe caught in her lungs for just a moment, her brain vaguely registering how warm her cheeks felt as she took in the smaller woman's hypnotic perfume. She stood there for a few seconds, stunned, before trying to stammer out a response. Adagio put a finger to her lips, instantly silencing the girl's impending rambling. "Or is goody-two shoes Shimmer just embarrassed? Is that it, Red? Are you embarrassed to have stolen my heart?" Despite the look of hurt and the slight quiver to Adagio's voice, Sunset still couldn't keep her heartrate from skyrocketing at her girlfriend's playfully melodic tone.
"N-no, it's not that babe," the redhead managed. Planting both of her feet firmly on the trash-covered ground, Sunset cupped the other girls' hands in hers. "You're really, really important to me, Adagio Dazzle. And I'm not embarrassed by you. I just need time to-" Suddenly Sunset heard a hard clattering sound as Adagio's sunglasses hit the floor.
"To what?" Adagio roared, an expression of genuine hurt on her face this time, "To tell your friends the Rainbrats that you're... you're dating a monster?" The last word out of the siren's mouth hit Sunset like a sucker punch to the gut as Adagio gestured wildly at her. "You need 'more time', huh? You said that last month. And the month before that. And the month before that! How much time is enough, Sunset Shimmer? How much time do you need!?" With that, Adagio slammed the bottom of her closed fist against the side of the dumpster with a thunderous clang. Shockingly, the metal caved in, if only just. Sunset barely had time to register that, however. The pain and anger in Adagio’s eyes sprang at Sunset like fire as the girl glared at her.
Paralyzed, Sunset just stood there, arms limp, eyes wide and mouth half open. She'd never seen her girlfriend like this. Never seen her so angry, so vulnerable. Come to think of it, she didn't even think the other Dazzlings had. The severity of the sudden mood swing also caught her off guard. After a long, empty moment of silence, the former unicorn rushed forward, pulling the other girl into a tight hug. Adagio growled, and tried to push the taller girl away, but Sunset refused to let her. After a brief struggle, the siren finally relented, letting the redhead cradle Adagio's head on her shoulder. Tears began to stain the girl's leather jacket as the shorter girl began to sob uncontrollably.
“How many times do we have to have this fight?” she sputtered, her voice muffled by Sunset’s shoulder.
"Adagio Dazzle," Sunset whispered, just loud enough for her girlfriend to hear her over the sounds of ragged breathing, "I love you more than anything. And I'm sorry. It's... It's not right for me to treat us like a dirty secret. I... I promise I'll tell them this week." The siren's sob wavered into sniffles, "You're not a monster, Adagio. And I'd love you even if you were."
Sunset could hear the sounds of her friend's voices, calling out her name. But right now, only the woman in her arms mattered. The world seemed to fall away as the two embraced, lost in time.
After a few minutes, Adagio, still sniffling slightly, peered up at her girlfriend with puffy eyes and running eyeliner. She wore a small smile, but one that seemed genuine. Neither girl moved to untangle themselves.
"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have lost control like that,” the siren murmured. “But... I'm going to hold you to that promise, Red," her voice trembling, "and you can't sweet talk your way out of it, Sunset Shimmer.” With that, Adagio squeezed the taller girl lightly before pecking her on the lips with a chaste kiss. "Now go be with your friends," the siren said, this time with more confidence. "I'll see you this weekend, okay?”
“W-what? Are you sure ‘Dagi?” Sunset stammered, confused. “If you want we can-”
“No,” Adagio countered, the decision clear in her voice, “I mean… Not right now, Red. I-” She paused, looking away for a moment, “I love you, but I need some time alone right now. I want to go blow off some steam.” Realization dawned on the redhead's face after a moment and she nodded, letting go of Adagio.
“Alright, babe. Go have some fun, okay? I… I’ll see you this weekend?” With a smile, Adagio nodded before walking down the alley, back towards where she came from. Sunset sighed before cautiously dipping around the corner to look for the girls. Spotting them, she waved to all six of them as she jogged over. “Hey, sorry! I just had to take a phone call.”
The rest of the week traveled at a snail’s pace. For most of the Rainbooms, the long hours were spent studying for a series of exams that, with the exception of Twilight, the girls had found themselves blissfully unaware of until it was almost too late. As expected for any reasonable high school student, the girls proceeded to panic. Thankfully, the more organized one of the group had expected this exact emergency. Canterlot High’s Twilight Sparkle, in a manner quite unlike her pony counterpart, even opted to skip the lecture on responsibility and procrastination in order to give her friends more time to study. All things considered, preparations were going well.
Sunset Shimmer, however, found herself silently panicking over a completely different issue.
How do I tell them, the thought played constantly in her head, over and over again. She’d caught herself in a lie, one that she could feel was quickly spinning out of control. First of all, she wasn’t seeing a therapist. Sunset’s entire body felt like jelly every time the girls asked her about that, even in the face of the most innocent of questions. She’d given a few vague answers and more half-truths, just enough to placate their curiosity. In the end, the girls had accepted her excuse for not hanging out with them far too easily. She hated to admit it, and her stomach churned at the very thought, but it was just too convenient a lie to not take advantage of.
Secondly, Sunset still had to eventually come clean to the girls. She knew Adagio wouldn’t make her choose between her friends or her girlfriend, but the redhead still felt absolutely terrible for being the cause of so many arguments between Adagio and her. Plus, she knew deep down that her friends deserved to know who she was dating, and that Adagio and the Dazzlings did deserve a second chance.
Sunset Shimmer knew exactly what she needed to do, but she had no idea how to do it.
The former unicorn took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before breathing out through her mouth. The action stopped the jitters and tremors she had been experiencing for the last hour, but did little to calm her stomach or ease her troubled mind. Especially since today was now Friday, and she still hadn’t told the girls.
What in Celestia’s name am I gonna do, Sunset worried, her heart and mind racing.
“-all with us this weekend?” The sound of Pinkie Pie’s soprano tone broke the spell over Sunset’s mind. After the initial jolt of surprise, she realized that the party planner’s voice had stopped, and that everyone was now looking at her.
“So what d’you say, Sunny? Didja wanna come with us this Saturday? It’ll be fuuuuuuun,” the bubbly voice came again, Pinkie’s face the picture of excitement. Now is your chance! Tell them now! Her conscience bellowed.
“S-saturday?” Sunset muttered, still dazed, “Sorry girls, my next appointment with my therapist is that day,” Pinkie’s face fell slightly. “But maybe if I finish early I’ll meet up with you. Just uh, text me where you girls are and I’ll see what I can do, ‘kay?” she added quickly, causing all of her friends to smile. The six girls returned to their work, the occasional bit of chatter or laughter punctuating the sound of pencils on paper.
Sunset Shimmer took a deep breath, repeating her adoptive mother’s anti-anxiety technique yet again.
Wait… Did they say they were going to the mall on Saturday? Sunset’s mouth widened into a silent scream, face twitching in horror.
Sunset Shimmer panted, her lungs heaving. Every breath felt like she was inhaling fire, and her whole body was covered in bruises and bumps. Her signature leather jacket was torn across one sleeve, and a huge chunk was missing from the left breast. Planting her feet firmly on the marbled floor of the once-busy shopping mall, Sunset raised her fists to cover her face. Standing five feet in front of her, in a similarly disheveled state, stood her girlfriend, blood running down her chin from a cut on her mouth.
Adagio let out a sinister laugh, her mouth twisting into a wide, toothy smile. "You thought our love meant something, Red? Wrong! I was just waiting for you to be vulnerable so I could strike at your pathetic, little heart.” Adagio leapt forward, hanging in the air awkwardly before kicking out and upwards wildly. Sunset raised her arms up to block, but her reflexes were too slow. At the end of an upswing, she struck Sunset on the chin with the very tip of her foot, somehow causing the other girl’s head to snap backwards as her entire body rose into the air. With a lengthy cry of agony, Sunset fell back, landing hard on the polished tile floor of the mall. Adagio revelled in the resounding crack that rang out as her girlfriend’s body slammed to the ground. Sunset groaned, unable to move.
The words “Game Over” flashed on the screen of the arcade cabinet as Adagio let go of the joystick and placed her right hand on her hips. She watched as Sunset’s face flickered with recognition of her defeat, the redhead chuckling sheepishly after a few seconds had passed. Something was wrong, and Adagio knew it. There was something about Sunset’s posture, the way she slouched just a little bit more than usual, and the glazed look she’d had on her face all day. That, and one other thing.
“Sunset Shimmer, what has gotten into you?” The siren demanded. Sporting a vexed expression, she pointed at the header of the cabinet, which read “Super Beat Fighter V” in bold, bubble letters. “This is our favorite game in the whole arcade, Red. And you and I both know that I am absolutely terrible at it, but that’s the second time in a row I’ve beaten you. Plus, you’ve been acting like a zombie all morning. It doesn’t take a thousand-year old siren to know that something is wrong.” Adagio’s brows furrowed, her mouth sinking into a frown, “Please, talk to me, Red… What’s bothering you today?” When the girl didn’t respond after ten seconds, Adagio prodded her shoulder with a finger. “You didn’t even call out my cheesy acting this time…” the orange haired girl pouted playfully, inwardly just hoping to get some reaction out of the girl.
Looking around as if in a trance, Sunset finally reacted to her girlfriend’s touch, whipping her head around to look at Adagio. Now that Adagio could see Sunset face to face, she couldn’t help but notice the bags under her companion’s eyes for the fifth time today.
“S-sorry Adagio,” Sunset murmured, barely audible over the sounds of children playing and gaudy sound effects. “I didn’t really sleep that well last night. Been studying for exams.” Eyeing the taller girl suspiciously, Adagio grabbed a small white purse before taking her by the arm and leading the frazzled girl out into the air-conditioned halls of the mall. The smell of soft pretzels, chocolate chip cookies, and designer perfume hit both girls almost immediately. The arcade sat at the exact center of the indoor mall, which meant all manner of stores surrounded it. Sunset found herself tugged along by the arm in the direction of the food court. A small sea of people moved about the crowded mall, the tide of bodies ebbing and flowing as shops found new customers to whisk away.
“Studying at the last minute again, Red?” Seeing the look of confusion on her girlfriend’s face, Adagio giggled slightly, “my airhead of a sister Sonata still goes to CHS, remember? She told me all about the exams weeks ago.” Sunset vaguely recalled her girlfriend saying as much months ago, but the blue-haired siren had always seemed conspicuously absent in every class she was registered for. Adagio stopped suddenly, catching the redhead off balance before pulling her close. Using her free hand, Adagio traced a solitary finger from the base of Sunset’s neck to the tip of her chin in a slow, seductive motion. Despite her apparent exhaustion, Sunset reacted with a shiver as her cheeks turned bright red. When her finger finally reached its apex, the siren pounced, pushing up on the tips of her toes until her lips met Sunset’s in a fervent kiss.
Sunset Shimmer stood there numb for a few seconds. Part of her wanted to stop, since they were in the middle of a crowded mall during the busiest time of the day. The other part of her just wanted to enjoy her amazing, wonderful Adagio’s embrace. Eventually, with a dopey expression on her face, Sunset reacted, her eyes falling lazily as she enjoyed the pleasant feeling of her girlfriend’s mouth on hers, their tongues intertwining. Adagio leaned further into the kiss, wrapping both arms around the taller girl’s waist. The siren could smell the other girl’s strawberry shampoo as her velvety red lips pressed up against Sunset’s.
“Ah!” Sunset broke the kiss with a sudden yelp, jumping slightly as Adagio’s hands squeezed the fiery girl’s rear. Jolting awake, Sunset felt several pairs of eyes focus on her. A few passerby wore disapproving stares. “Adagio! What in Tartarus!? We’re in public for Celestia’s sake!” Glaring down at the shorter woman, Sunset was unsurprised to find a lascivious expression on the siren’s face.
“Sorry, babe,” Adagio replied, licking her lips lewdly. “But it got your attention, didn’t it? That’s the most awake I’ve seen you all day.” Sunset’s blushed increased, but she couldn’t find the words to respond. “Now come on. We’re getting you a coffee and something to eat for lunch. We should have time to eat and do a little window shopping before it’s time to go see that movie you’ve been raving about.” Adagio paused, humming softly. “What was it called again? Daring Do and…”
“Daring Do and the Mask of Shadows,” Sunset finished as Adagio began to trail off, “and yeah, that sounds good.” Some of the pep seemed to returned to Sunset’s step, Adagio noted, “I think you’ll really love this one, ‘Dagi. Princess Twilight had Mom send a copy through portal after I told her the movie and the book were being released on the same day here.” Sunset and Adagio continued along towards the food court, hand in hand. “I wasn’t expecting too much, to be honest. But then I started reading, and I couldn’t put it down ‘til I was done! It, uh... “ the taller girl paused, contemplating her words, “honestly? It reminded me of home.” Both girls pulled each other slightly closer, genuine smiles on their faces.
“I think I’d love to see it then, Red.” Adagio hummed pleasantly, the smell of her perfume causing Sunset to sigh happily. “I love you,” they both murmured, giggling as they realized their timing.
Their tranquility was interrupted when, over the cacophony of the mall, several sharp gasps were followed by a familiar, raspy voice hollered out in disbelief.
“Sunset Shimmer?!”
Those two words that made the former unicorn’s blood run cold.
“Sunset Shimmer?!”
Rainbow “Danger” Dash had been surprised many times in her life. She’d been surprised by stray soccer balls hitting her in the face, she’d been surprised by exams that were scheduled the next day, and she’d been surprised by three of her classmates turning into magical winged demons and throwing fireballs at her and her friends. But Rainbow had never felt more surprised than when she saw one of her best friends, Sunset Shimmer, holding hands with a Dazzling. Laughing. Smiling. Leaning up against each other.
“H-hey, girls,” Sunset stammered.
If there was one thing Rainbow knew about herself, it’s that she often took action without thinking. Rainbow couldn’t always help it. Her friends were usually fast enough to stop her from doing anything stupid. But that was before they had uncovered seven magical geodes that gave them supernatural abilities.
Geode glowing to life, Rainbow Dash sprinted to the Dazzling, travelling some forty feet in an instant. Fire in her belly, Dash roared as the siren blinked in surprise at her sudden appearance. Without thinking, Rainbow reached out with both hands, grabbing the small girl by the collar of her purple jacket. She wrenched the girl up into the air, forcing Adagio to let go of Sunset’s hand. Adagio’s feet dangled a few inches above the floor as Rainbow began to scream in her shocked face.
“Get the fuck away from her!” the athlete all but spit in the siren’s face. “Don’t think I don’t know what you did, you fucking monster! I don’t know how you got your magic back, but you let my friend the fuck go!” Rainbow shook the girl, who could only gape at what was happening. A few people stopped to watch the commotion, phones out.
“R-rainbow, don’t!” Sunset protested. The blood pumping in the leaner girl’s ears drowned out her friend’s voice and ragged breathing.
Suddenly, Rainbow felt a pair of powerful arms around clasp her biceps, dragging her arms down. Adagio’s feet connected with solid ground again, the sudden shift causing her to stumble. Her pupils shrank as she took in what Rainbow had said to her. Meanwhile, Rainbow was vaguely aware of Applejack forcing her arms to her sides before the farmer dragged both of them a few feet backwards.
“S-sunset? What’s going on? Who is she?” Twilight’s shaky voice called out from Dash’s right. Looking over, Rainbow saw the confused look on the other girl’s face. Rarity and Fluttershy stepped in front of the glasses-wearing girl, shielding her protectively while Pinkie Pie appeared to Dash’s left. Looking back at the siren, the athlete saw an unreadable expression on her face.
“I’ll tell you who she is,” Dash spat, “She’s Adagio fucking Dazzle. She and the Dazzlings tried to brainwash the whole school!” Adagio looked to each of the Rainbooms assembled before her, then back at Sunset. The redhead trembled and took a small step back.
“Yeah!” Pinkie shouted, “Last time she was at CHS, she was a huge meanie face!” Twilight took a step back, look of betrayal on her face. Adagio lingered on Sunset’s shaking form, and for a moment Rainbow thought she saw flashes of confusion, hurt, and resignation flicker on the Siren’s face before the girl threw her head back and let out a maniacal laugh.
“You think I used magic to seduce your poor friend? I guess all I’ll ever be to you girls is a villain, after all.” The whole group glared, Rainbow Dash adding in a feral growl. “But you’ve got it all wrong, Rainbrats. I have Red wrapped around my finger,” she placed an open hand on her breast, drawing attention to her bare neck. “And you know what? I didn’t need any magic to do it! She came to me, desperate for a way out!” All seven girls around Adagio, Dash included, flinched at the last sentence. The siren tittered at their pained expressions.
“Don’t you get it? She only stuck with you losers because that ‘pretty purple pony princess’ friend of yours was keeping tabs on her. The moment she knew she wasn’t getting thrown in some dungeon, she came begging for my help. And after all the shit you put her through last winter break? Oh,” Adagio shot the Rainbooms a venomous glare, “Sunset told me all about that little incident. That’s when she decided to drop you like the hot garbage you are.” Sunset shrunk further down to her knees.
“Sunset Shimmer would never do that to us, we’re her friends! I know we made our mistakes, but we love her,” Rarity chimed in, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie sounding an agreement. Twilight nodded her head weakly, a blush on her face.
“Yeah! Y-you’re wrong! You’ve gotta be wrong,” Applejack cried, looking the fiery-haired girl in the eyes. “Tell us she’s wrong, Sunset. Please?” Applejack’s grip loosened, enough for Dash to slip her arms out. Still, they hung limp at her sides. Sunset whispered something inaudible.
“Really now? I bet she’s been giving plenty of excuses as to why she couldn’t hang out with you for the last six months, hmmm?” Adagio’s jab was rewarded with six looks of discomfort. “What did she tell you? That she had meetings with Principal Celestia? What about having to feed her pet, Ray? That Vice Principal Luna wanted her to write an article for the Yearbook about CHS history? Oh, what about doctor’s appointments? Hm… No, she seems like the type who’d say she was seeing a therapist. Am I right?” With every sentence, a new seed of doubt visibly wormed its way into the Rainboom’s expressions. As if barbed with poison, the last of Adagio’s sentences sent a pain in each of their hearts as the six girls’ eyes widened in realization.
“You’re… Y-you’re lying,” Rainbow managed weakly, “You have to be…” Her arms and legs felt like collapsing right there.
“I’m afraid not, Rainbow Crash,” the siren smirked. “Turns out Sunset Shimmer is almost as much of a massive bitch as I am. Tell you what though, Rainbrats. You can have her back.” At that, Sunset twitched, if only slightly, so that she could look at Adagio with teary eyes. “I only planned to keep her around long enough to hurt you like you hurt me,” Adagio showed a sharp-toothed grin, “But I can see that’s no longer necessary. I just got everything I wanted, and more.” With an ominous cackle, Adagio twirled around on her heel, bending down to whisper something in Sunset’s ear before sauntering towards the nearest exit.
“See you ‘round, Red,” Adagio sang. No one noticed Adagio’s face, features bathed in despair, as she weaved through the crowds towards the exit. As soon as she was out of sight, a flood of tears poured down the ancient siren's face. She wandered out of the mall and off into the city.
Meanwhile, back at the mall, Sunset Shimmer lay on the floor, hyperventilating as tears flowed down her face. Around her, the Rainbooms held each other, choking back tears as they tried pull themselves together.
“How could you?” Adagio’s whispered words played over and over again in Sunset’s mind.
Over an hour had passed since the scene at the mall, though most of it was a blur. The first thing she could remember was the Rainbooms helping her stand. After that, she had apologized to her friends, told them everything. Puffy eyed, Sunset started at the beginning. She recounted over six months of her life to them, letting every single lie unravel. How she had ran into the sirens after the start of the Anon-A-Miss incident. How she’d listened to the Dazzlings’ story of their banishment and their struggle to survive in an unfamiliar world. Sunset told the girls how her new friends needed to use their magic to survive.
She explained to the girls that, despite what happened, the sirens took her into their home. Fed her. She described the lengths to which they went to help Sunset overcome the pain from all the terrible things she’d done. How they had helped her stay sane that Winter Break.
Sunset told them when she’d realized she was falling for Adagio. She’d squirmed in her seat as she recounted how nervous she was asking the older girl out. The former unicorn recounted her first date with Adagio, and how happy the two of them had grown together since.
Finally, she told the Rainbooms about her fears. That they wouldn’t accept the pair, that they wouldn’t forgive the Dazzlings. That her friends would make her choose. Sunset revealed every lie she had told as a result, shame burning on her face the entire time. After she finished, Sunset apologized for each and every one.
The whole time, the six girls sat silent. After she finished, five arduous minutes of silence passed before any of them spoke; Applejack asked Sunset to let them speak in private. So Sunset spent the next ten minutes wandering the food court, her stomach so tempestuous she nearly threw up. When the girls finally called her back, Sunset had to calm herself down again before she could sit. Hope in her eyes, she awaited her friends’ verdict.
It was Applejack who spoke first.
“So the girls an’ I talked, an’ we all made a decision. But first, we wanted to know that we’re disappointed in you, Sugarcube. You lied to us, Sunset. For almost a year, no less, living a double life, an’ that hurts.” she held up a hand to silence Sunset, “I understand you were scared, Sugarcube, but that ain't an excuse. You had plenty of opportunity to talk to any of us, but instead we had to find out this way.” The girl paused, glancing at the others, “I hate t'say this, sugarcube, but we think you got what was comin’ to you. We have every right to be mad at you, and if we’re honest we still are mad.”
Sunset’s expression fell.
“However,” Rarity's voice drew the redhead's attention, “We also understand that we were, to be frank, terrible friends during the Anon-A-Miss incident. As much as I hate to admit it, we realize that our actions last Winter Break didn't give you much reason to trust us. You were falsely accused, and none of us gave you a chance to prove your innocence.” All of the girls shifted uneasily. “So we understand why you might be afraid to tell us, darling... What I mean to say is that we forgive you, Sunset. We all made mistakes that led us to where we are now, but none of us want that to be the end of our friendship.”
Sunset managed a small smile, “T-thank you. I don't know if I deserve it this time, but thank you for giving me another chance.” She paused, glancing at Rainbow Dash. The girl had worn a stubborn pout the whole conversation. “R-rainbow? I'm sorry for not saying anything… I shouldn't have lied to you about seeing a therapist. I know how hard it was for you to admit that.”
The athlete sighed, “Yeah well, let's just say I know a thing or two about doing dumb things when you're in love. What you did wasn't cool, Shimmer,” her expression softened, “but I don't wanna lose you as a friend because of it.” The two exchanged a fist bump, Dash giving the girl a smile. Sunset turned to speak to Twilight, whose smile seemed melancholic, only for Rarity to interrupt her.
“Pardon me, Darling. While I think we all appreciate the chance to clear the air, I do believe you have someone very special who you still need to apologize to.”
Sunset’s eyes never left the bespectacled girl. She knew something was wrong; she had seen the look Twilight gave her and Adagio. The former unicorn opened her mouth to protest, only for Twilight to speak first.
“It's okay, Sunny. We'll be okay,” I'll be okay, came Twilight's unspoken thoughts, loud and clear in Sunset's mind. The meek girl's eyes flared with determination, like a certain pony princess’ did. Sunset wondered when this world's Twilight had grown so much. “Go find Adagio,” the newest Rainboom commanded. Sunset nodded, a more genuine smile on her face now. Hugging them, she thanked her friends, before running off after her girlfriend.
Sunset Shimmer knew exactly where she needed to go.
A slow, simple guitar solo filled the air of the karaoke box as a single, slurring voice sang along with the somber melody. About a dozen empty bottles littered the room, their contents long since consumed. A single, solitary bottle on the table stood upright, filled with a clear liquid. The entire room reeked of alcohol; a few dark spots on the plush carpet were especially pungent. As the first verse came to a close, a sharp clink rang out as a now empty shot glass hit the table. After a few seconds, a hand fumbled at the last bottle, eventually managing to fill the glass again. The same voice sang out the next line.
As the instrumental resumed, the shot glass landed again, empty. Again, the sound of sloshing liquid echoed before the lyrics continued, the next stanza forcing itself out of the girl on the floor.
Adagio stopped mid-verse, and the melody vanished as her chest and throat erupted in pain. She coughed, bringing the drink to her lips, only to sputter and cough even harder as she tried to force it down her throat. She forced the liquid back into the glass, her lungs still burning. The alcohol she’d expelled tinged with a dark red hue. Raspy and still fighting back the coughs, Adagio sang out the first full chorus.
Sunset Shimmer burst through the door, followed by a smartly dressed, if overweight, man with a large ring of keys in his hand. The girl ran to the siren, who lay sprawled out by the table. Crouching down, the former unicorn looked back at the man with a glare as she noticed all of the empty bottles.
“I cut her off as soon as I realized she’d snuck in her own stash,” he explained. “It’s just me tonight, or else I would have caught it sooner. I was about to call the police. She’s never had this much before…” he trailed off, standing there awkwardly as Sunset grabbed the woman’s hands.
“‘Dagi, what happened?” Sunset stammered, fighting back tears as another coughing fit consumed the siren.
“You lied Red,” Adagio managed in between scratchy, heaving breaths. “You said you told them.” Sunset’s heart dropped.
“I know, ‘Dagi, I know… I’m so so sorry. I have no excuse. I lied to you, and my friends. I know that was wrong. I did such a horrible thing to you, I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” the former unicorn cried, tears running down her cheeks. “But I love you, Adagio. And I want to make it up to you. I want to be better. I promise I’ll be better. Just, please… Tell me what’s happening to you.” Adagio looked up at Sunset, coughing as she stared into her girlfriend’s wet eyes. Taking her hand away from her mouth, Adagio went to touch the redhead’s cheek, only to freeze as she noticed splotches of glistening red on her hand. Sunset spotted it too, grasping Adagio’s wrist to get a better look.
“I tried to sing, Red. I knew what would happen if I did, but I tried to sing anyway.” Sunset cut Adagio off, bringing her into a tight embrace. The geode around the girl’s neck lit with a dim glow. Voice scratchy and melancholic, the former unicorn did the only thing that felt right. Clinging to Adagio, Sunset let her tears fall as she sang a somber love song. Slowly and with every line, her voice grew from a tiny swell to a wave of passion. By the second chorus, Sunset was pouring out her heart, giving the woman next to her everything she could. Unbeknownst to both of them, the air crackled with magic. A pair of fiery, shimmering wings formed around the pair, springing from Sunset’s back. The siren’s tired eyes widened, as the magical projections wreathed her body in a soothing warmth. With every passing moment, she could feel the pain in her lungs and throat disappear. Sighing, Adagio relaxed into Sunset’s loving arms.
Next to her, Sunset’s eyes lit up with pure white light.
Suddenly, Sunset found herself back at the Siren’s home. She lay in bed, the sleeping form of Adagio at her side, clad in matching pajamas. Looking around, Sunset saw a familiar nightstand. On it were two framed photographs. The first Sunset knew well; it was an old and yellowed picture of the Sirens, many many years ago. They stood close to one another, only the barest hint of emotion on their faces. Still, Sunset could tell by their posture, and by the tiniest trace of a smirk worn by Sonata, that the Dazzlings loved each other. It was a photograph that Adagio had showed her many times before.
The other picture, however, was completely new. Sunset gasped as she realized who it depicted.
Standing together, with the widest smiles she’d ever seen on their faces, were Adagio and her. They both looked older, she realized, but it was what she and her girlfriend were wearing that made her breath catch in her throat. Draped over her like a Greek goddess’ attire was a long dress made of beautiful blue fabric. It flowed like ocean waves, bringing out every aspect of the siren’s gorgeous form. Around her neck she wore a golden chain necklace, a large, radiant red gemstone mounted on it. Her orange curls tumbling down her back like waves of grain.
Beside Adagio, Sunset Shimmer saw herself dressed in a marvelously handsome tuxedo, the pants and jacket matching Adagio’s dress in color. Her orange geode shone brilliantly in the lighting, somehow pinned to her bowtie in a most fetching way. Sunset’s hair was drawn back into a neat ponytail that reached the small of her back. Both girls had their fingers intertwined together, a pair of simple golden bands on their ring fingers.
Back in the bedroom, Adagio stirred, bringing her arms around Sunset in a warm embrace. Her hot breath tickled Sunset’s neck as the shorter girl spoke.
“I love you, Sunset Shimmer,” that was all Sunset heard before she suddenly found herself back in the karaoke box, Adagio’s form still propped up against the couch. Sunset quickly realized what had happened. Willing her mind back to the present, Sunset opened her mouth to speak.
“I promise you, Adagio, that I’ll be a better friend to you. A better girlfriend. You’ve done so much for me… kept me alive. I owe you that much.” Sunset sobbed, her tears sliding down Adagio’s neck. “Please, I know I don’t deserve it, but give me another chance. I… I love you Adagio. More than anything. I don’t want to lose you…” Adagio’s cough faded. With her other hand, the thousand year-old siren stroked Sunset’s crimson hair.
“I-I love you too, Sunset Shimmer. And I think I always will…” Sunset let out one last strangled cry before looking Adagio in the eyes. For a long moment the two did nothing but stare into each other’s souls. The world fell away, leaving only a feeling of peace.
“D-do you mean that,” Sunset started, unsure even as she broke their silent tryst.
“Y’know, Red,” the siren replied, a small, exhausted smirk on her face, “For the ‘Element of Empathy’, you sure are shit at reading me sometimes.” Adagio started to giggle, the other woman joining her after a few seconds. The giggle grew into a hysterical laugh before it finally died. Both girls gulped softly, before Sunset leaned forward to press her lips against Adagio’s, locking them into a kiss.
Eventually, after what felt like a blissful eternity, both women let go of the kiss. Standing to her feet, Sunset scooped Adagio up into her arms, cradling her between them. Silently, she walked out of the karaoke box; the attendant had long since left to give them privacy.
“Let’s go home, ‘Dagi,” Sunset murmured, carrying her girlfriend into the crisp night air.
Sunset let the air she had been holding in her lungs escape with a low sigh. A week had passed since she'd apologized to Adagio and the others. She checked her phone again, for the third time in the last minute. Beside her, Adagio chuckled, signature smirk on her face. The two girls stood in the hallway of a drab, spartan-looking house. Though family photos lined the walls, only a single figure smiled in any of them.
“Nervous, Red?” Sunset snapped her vision to her girlfriend's caring eyes. Holding out her arm, Adagio took Sunset's empty hand. Their fingers wove together and squeezed on each other lightly.
“Not anymore, ‘Dagi. Not when I have you at my side.” Both women smiled before gently swinging open the large, colorful door that led to Pinkie Pie's bedroom.
Stepping inside, Sunset beamed as she saw the menagerie of friends before her.
As per usual, the former unicorn spotted Pinkie Pie bouncing off the walls, a tray of cookies and cupcakes inexplicably balanced on top of her hair. On the bed, Rarity and Fluttershy chatted happily over a few of the amateur designer's newest designs. The usually demure girl seemed more vibrant as she questioned the other girl about her technique.
Twilight Sparkle sat next to another Twilight Sparkle, almost causing Sunset and Adagio to do a double take before they realized one wore glasses and a ponytail. The Princess looked eager, if a bit concerned, as her counterpart issued a barrage of questions while scribbling furiously away on a notepad. Still, Sunset mused, the two seemed to be getting along just fine.
The last bunch of people in the room was the most surprising, however. All two pairs of girls huddled around Pinkie Pie's modest television, a controller in each of their hands. Both Adagio and Sunset chuckled as they realized that their favorite game, “Beat Fighter V” danced across the flat screen. One pair, Rainbow Dash and Applejack, shouted encouragement to one another as their characters flew across the screen, almost in sync. Meanwhile, across from them sat Sonata Dusk and her sister, Aria Blaze. Both sirens had a look of total concentration on their faces. The intensity of their expressions was almost scary, ruined only by their tongues comically sticking out the sides of their mouths. True to their nature, the Dazzlings appeared to be in total harmony with one another.
Suddenly, AJ and Rainbow Dash cried out in anguish together, their characters falling limply to the floor. Sonata and Aria simply grinned at them hungrily.
“How did you two do that? Applejack and I are the best two players in the school!” Rainbow demanded, a smile on her face.
“It helps when you've lived long enough to have played every fighting game in existence, Dashie,” came the blue-haired siren's response. “Plus, have you seen Aria? She may as well have Mountain Dew for blood at this point!”
“Hey, not my fault they challenged an expert martial artist and the reigning ‘Beat Fighter’ international tag team champions three years running, ‘Nata,” the more muscular of the sirens replied.
“Wait,” Rainbow gasped in disbelief as Applejack looked at her in confusion, “you two are SonicFish and Soundwave? That. Is. Awesome!” Rainbow leapt to her feet in excitement.
“Well duh! Aria and I need some kind of hobby when we're not following ‘Dagi's schemes. And real life blood sports aren’t nearly as easy or profitable as they used to be.” After a moment, all four girls laughed, Sonata clapping both Rainbooms on the shoulder. “That was fun! Let's play again!”
It was at this moment that Pinkie Pie noticed her new guests, and waved at them furiously.
“Hey Sunny! Wanna introduce your guest?” All eyes turned to stare at the newly arrived couple. For a few seconds, silence reigned, before Aria let out a wolf whistle.
“Damn, ‘Dagi. She cleans up nice. I'm almost sad you caught her first,” Sunset and all of the Rainbooms turned to stare at Aria. “What? Obviously ‘Dagi thinks she's hot too, or we wouldn't even be here.” Both Twilight's shuffled awkwardly.
Sunset suddenly felt self conscious of herself. She and Adagio had just come from a date, the elder siren still clad in a modest but sexy little black dress and a pair of black high heels. Instead of her normal makeup, she wore a smoky eye look with lipstick that matched her eyes. Sunset had spent most of the night staring at her, mesmerized.
Meanwhile, Sunset wore a beautiful flowing red strapless dress. It fell to her ankles, but a slit ran from one side all the way up to the middle of her thigh, allowing the girl to show off her golden heels. Rarity had helped the girl with her makeup, choosing warm colors for her eyeshadow and lipstick to complement the dress and her skin tone. Shaking out her nervousness, Sunset spoke.
“Hey, everyone. I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Adagio Dazzle.”After a moment of trepidation, the Rainbooms and Dazzling alike converged on Sunset and Adagio, cheering happily. Eventually, after a long night of games and celebration, all ten girls fell asleep on Pinkie Pie’s floor together, smiles on their faces.
“Is this some kind of joke, Shimmer? ‘Cuz I ain’t laughing.” Sunset and Adagio led the other two Dazzlings into the small, soundproofed room. Aria had a scowl on her face, while Sonata simply wore a look of confusion.
“What is this place, ‘Dagi?” Sonata asked curiously, poking at the plush walls for a few moments before diving onto one of the couches. “It looks like fun!”
“It’s a karaoke box, dumbass,” Aria replied gruffly. “Y’know, for singing? That thing we can’t do anymore thanks to someone’s genius plan?” Adagio rolled her eyes at her taller sister’s jab, opting to sashay over to the table where a small tablet waited. Plucking it up into her hands, Adagio began to type in her information to get the device working.
“It’s not a joke, Ari’,” Sunset assured the siren, “Adagio and I just wanted to show you two something.” She sat down on one of the couches, patting the spot beside her. Reluctantly, Aria took the seat, crossing her arms with a huff as her more energetic sister rolled around on the couch with a smile on her face.
“Okay, fine. I’m waiting then, Shimmer.” The former unicorn turned to the shorter girl, smiling. She watched as Adagio tapped on the tablet in a familiar pattern before setting it down. Handing her girlfriend a microphone, Sunset leaned back appreciatively.
“Ready to show them what they’ve been missing, ‘Dagi?” Music began to fill the room as the television screen flashed on. Nodding, Adagio planted her feet firmly, holding the mic up. With a flourish, she spun once before grinning. Death metal blared to life in the speakers, and Adagio Dazzle began to sing.
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I really enjoyed this! Which was a super pleasant surprise, because I’ve not actually found many SunDagio stories I like recently
I didn’t enjoy everything about it--there were lots of little tics, like “Red” as a nickname for Sunset, and people calling each other by their full names (Especially “Adagio Dazzle” felt really awkward, whenever Sunset said it), that I wasn’t such a fan of, and I think that early scene of the Rainbooms talking about Sunset ditching them could’ve been cut down a bit. There were also more instances of, like, “the farmer” for Applejack and “the scientist” for Sci-Twi and so on--my own approach to stuff like that is “kill it with fire unless it is absolutely necessary,” so I would’ve tried to cut basically all of that out. That’s partially a matter of preference, though.
And there were also some moments like this:
Which, while presumably true and accurate, doesn’t really evoke a strong image, so it’s a little weak. It’s fine, just not ideal.
And the songs, eh... didn’t really work for me? I liked the choices you made, but I don’t know that linking to them directly did much that the descriptions of them didn’t already do. I can’t usually listen to music while reading, so I didn’t here and it seemed to work out fine. Personally, I’d have cut out the links, removing a potential immersion-breaker, and then, like, listed the songs I’d pictured in the author’s notes or something.
And I’ll admit, I tensed a bit when Sunset brought up Anon-A-Miss, and probably wouldn’t have read the story if I’d known in advance that it’d be mentioned.
But I’m glad I did, because I really appreciated how the context of Anon-A-Miss neatly justified Sunset’s reluctance to tell her friends. And I loved how Sunset couldn’t stop lying--that was a super nice way to make her keep a bit of her old self, which was a nice treat.
And then there’s Adagio. Firstly, I was so very very happy that she refused to apologize for what she did
And that she and Sunset’s first scene has both of them singing was a great way to introduce them. Sunset being stunned speechless by the spectacle was great, and Adagio having discovered a way to happily sing again does wonders for making her ending to this seem like a happy one. I really enjoyed their relationship and dynamic, although I did at times find all the “I love you” bits a little tiring.
I don’t think this was perfect, though. The relationship drama felt a bit binary and abrupt, like it was either Sunset and Adagio screaming at each other or hugging and making out and not much in between. Adagio’s first outburst came a bit out of nowhere, although it’s totally understandable. Her second big outburst was much better, I think, in that sense, but then dealing with the fallout, both with Adagio and with the rest of Sunset’s friends just felt a bit too easy. I think I might’ve liked to see this expanded a bit, fleshed out more and the characters given a bit more time to process.
Another thing that bugs me a bit is that Adagio didn’t bring Aria and Sonata in on the singing thing earlier. I can see her being embarrassed about it or something, I guess, but these are people she’s spent a looong time with, loves dearly, and presumably she knows how important singing was to them, so it just feels a bit off to me that Sunset’s the first person she’s shared that with.
Sorry, I’m looking over this comment and realizing that there’s a lot more critique than there is praise. I hope this doesn’t feel too harsh--this is probably the most fun I’ve had reading a SunDagio story in a long time, to the point where I realized most of the parts that didn’t quite sit right with me only after I’d finished reading. There was plenty to keep me interested and invested, and several emotional moments hit their mark well.
Thanks for writing this! Been far too long since I’ve found an actually good SunDagio story
9161266
Thank you for taking the time to make such an in depth critique! And don't worry, I totally don't mind there being more criticism than praise; I knew going into this that the work wasn't anywhere near perfect and I really appreciate your honest input. I'm replying while I'm out of the house right now, but I'll try to write a more detailed response acknowledging everything later. Just wanted to thank you for reading the story! Glad you enjoyed it for the most part!
Wow. The wrong SunDagio story is in the feature box!
I really liked this. Not entirely without faults, but it was a very positive reading experience!
So I should start by pointing out that Adagio is my favourite character by a country mile, and SunDagio stories almost inevitably disappoint. Far too often it's Adagio bending to Sunset's way of thinking, with no exchange in the other direction. And there was none of that here, which was so very refreshing to see. It didn't dwell on what their pasts meant to them too much, or the changes they had to make to keep together. But nor did it skimp out on the detail and leave them as surface-only personalities rather than characters. Adagio had more to her character than just the word 'sexy'!
Most importantly, Adagio's music was a big part of the story. It wasn't overlooked in favour of treating her like any other antagonist. I'm not at all a fan of embedding links to songs in the body of stories - either we have to take three minutes out of reading to sit and listen to a song (and nothing makes a song more tedious than having to listen to it when you'd rather be getting on with something else) or try to listen and read at the same time. I certainly don't think many are able to listen to and appreciate the lyrics of a song on hearing it for the first time while also reading a story and disappearing into the characters. I personally can't concentrate on reading when there's any music on at all, but I could imagine maybe some could with Plastic Man? Arch Enemy, though, I think are pushing it on the not-being-too-invasive-to-read-over front!
Quite a few bits of the story leapt out at me as being great, or very good omens for the rest of it, and quite a few other bits did exactly the opposite. The songs, for example: that first one for Sunset
(I can see her singing it, totally, but I still cringed), Arch Enemy 
(the most boring of death metal bands, but, still, death metal! I always saw Arch Enemy as more Sonata's approach to it, incidentally, with Adagio being more In This Moment in her vocal stylings). So to then see Seether - and not just Broken - was delightful! 
Plastic Man is a sublime song, and a great fit for Adagio's mood in the scene. I wasn't sure about Sunset just breaking into song there, not when Rainbow Rocks tries so very hard not to be a musical with songs out of context. Death metal Adagio is a wonderful thing, and Sunset's reaction was the best bit of the story - the main competition coming from this line:
Rainbow going on about her game until everyone else got bored of it was great. Spitfire and Fleetfoot being in the opening scene was proven right as a very good sign of things to come! The nicknames ('Red') and full-name-addresses in speech, especially for Adagio, I thought totally unnecessary. Including the disappointed Sci-Twi subplot was an amazing decision
The karaoke booth was a great choice of date setting, too; it's different to others, and feels uniquely 'them.'
If I had one bigger criticism of the story, it would be that Adagio kind of just puts up with stuff from Sunset? It mentions all the nice things the sirens did to help Sunset after the Anon-A-Miss thing, and sells how Sunset fell for Adagio. But the reverse isn't shown so much, of what Adagio sees in Sunset, why she puts up with being treated sometimes as a dirty little secret, and why she's that cut up about Sunset not telling her friends (I know it does explain, that Sunset's friends are important to her, but I could also see Adagio being quite content doing her own thing with Aria and Sonata and happily not integrating with the Rainbooms). It might also be nice for Sunset to consider that if her friends made her choose, then she'd choose Adagio.
And also, when the revelation came out, and Adagio twisted it to make Sunset look really bad, it would have been nice to allow a scene of that working, with the Rainbooms believing her and distrusting Sunset. That amidst all the heartbreak there'd still be some form of victory for Adagio, even if she wished otherwise.
However, this was the most enjoyable not-deliberately-subversive SunDagio story I've read in an awfully long time, perhaps ever! So thank you very much for writing it, it was a thoroughly pleasant surprise It was also a very, very strong first story for you!
Also, you should definitely enter it into the Sunset shipping contest
9161266
Okay now that I'm home, lemme take a crack at responding.
I can see what you mean regarding the awkwardness of using full names and whatnot. It's not something I'd normally do but it felt in line with the way the show writes their dialogue. I will probably drop that kind of stuff in the future if/when i write new material. There was an intent behind using Adagio's full name with Sunset but looking back it's a really niche/personal reference and probably not one that has wider cultural significance.
Yeah I'm not... 100% a fan of these sort of descriptive pronouns. I was trying them out because I also really don't like constant use of she/he/they, and using a character's name constantly also sounds jarring in my mind. I definitely want to keep experimenting with different techniques.
Yup 100% fair and accurate. If I were to go through and do re-writes, this is one thing I would have changed.
I have to admit that they were originally just optional accompaniments I was going to drop in the author's notes, and I was going to transcribe their lyrics to break up the descriptions of the song and of what the characters were doing during the songs. However, I re-read the site's submission rules and realized that wasn't going to work. I don't think I'd do what I did here again, as you have a point that listening to music while reading isn't always easy.
I'm glad that I was able to do Anon-A-Miss correctly. I really didn't want that story to be a major focus of the fic, as I know it's been done over and over again.
I also tried to model Sunset and Adagio's relationship after real life relationships that I have been a part of, but I can see how the "i love you" moments would get to be a bit much.
I completely agree. It was something I wish I had explored more when I was brainstorming/outlining this, and definitely something I'd want to add in if I were to ever do more significant edits or rewrites. I don't really have the time at the moment, however, and all things considered I'm happy enough with the current version so that I probably won't go back and change it anytime soon.
As for the part about Sonata and Aria, you're probably right. Ideally I would come up with a much stronger reason for Adagio not wanting to tell them, as I really wanted this to be something really intimate and special between them. Also, to be honest the anime Aggressive Retsuko partially inspired me to write this piece, and Adagio's refusal to tell her sisters loosely corresponds to the main character's behavior there.
In any case, I'm really glad you found this one enjoyable. I've never actually written anything that wasn't action/violence-oriented so writing something more mellow was great fun for a change.
9161435
Thank you! As I mentioned in another comment, I tried to base their dynamic on relationships I've been a part of, and I have been fortunate enough to have had really positive experiences as a whole thus far.
I mentioned this already but yeah it is rather clunky in retrospect. It was a last minute change to conform to the site submission rules and it definitely shows.
I pretty much agree with you regarding the song choice comments. Arch Enemy really wasn't my ideal choice for Adagio but I've been out of the scene for so long when it comes to Metal that I was at a loss. I'd never heard of In This Moment prior to your comment, and from the brief listen I gave them I agree it suits Adagio better.
I'll definitely look into changing that if I ever write more for this franchise, it was more experimentation than anything. I'm glad you liked the Sci-Twi subplot though. I was worried it might seem too tacked on or insignificant to really be worth including.
Yeah I agree 100%. I wish I had had a chance to put more effort and time into Adagio's side of things, but sadly I wasn't. I would definitely want to sell Adagio's attachment to Sunset better if I ever do substantial edits or re-writes to this piece. That's probably not going to happen anytime soon, sadly.
That's an idea I played around with but sadly couldn't come up with a satisfactory result for during the week I wrote this. Another thing I'd want to put more time and effort towards if future edits are made.
Thank you so much for your review and all the time and effort you put towards writing it! I'm glad I was able to write something enjoyable. Sundagio is one of my favorite pairings in the whole franchise so I'm glad at least some people think I did them justice.
9161761
Sorry, this got awfully long
I can see that, but I think it works better with some names than with others? Sunset was addressed by her full name for a while, and I think it’s not so bad with hers, but Adagio Dazzle is a bit of a mouthful (And I think a bit of a departure from canon, since Aria at least only addresses her as Adagio), and, while we’re slipping into personal preference here, I think Adagio’s first name is just so very pretty, so much more so than Dazzle is, that I’d be hesitant to distract from it by slipping Dazzle in there often.
But, out of curiosity, what was the intent behind the usage of Adagio’s full name? It’s not ringing any bells for me, I’m afraid, but that just makes me wonder what you did have in mind.
Ah, so, I completely agree with the problem, but, at least to me, swapping out the character’s name for an epithet of some kind is... technically a solution, but not a very elegant one, and introduces a new problem--there’s an extra leap of logic that has to be made the realize that, say, “the farmer” is meant to be Applejack. If you had, like, a lot of different characters, maybe this would be more helpful, but here I just don’t think it adds very much. Applejack being a farmer isn’t really relevant at all throughout this story, for instance, so referring to her as one just feels unecessarily obfuscating.
One thing you could give a try is rejiggering the sentence a bit instead of just swapping out words. So, for instance:
Well, here, I’d honestly say that saying Applejack instead of “the farmer” would be fine. But, if you wanted to avoid repeating Applejack’s name, maybe you could make the action about Rainbow Dash instead? So you could try something like, “Perhaps to everyone’s relief, Rainbow gave a start at the mention of the band.”
Music’s a tricky thing, I think. I can only think of two stories I’ve read where an accompanying music link really solidly helped it--in one case, the author wrote and produced the music herself, so it fit the story and scene exactly, and in the other, the entire story was built around and for a particular song that was meant to be played on loop while reading. So while I can understand the temptation to include lyrics and stuff, I think my own finding is that it’s usually more effective to concentrate on how the music makes the character feel than delve deeply into the details of the song.
I don’t think Anon-A-Miss is a problem because it’s overdone (I mean, it is), but more because it’s done badly often. Feels like every Anon-A-Miss story I see is a fixfic/rewrite, meant to make a bad story better instead of just coming up with a good standalone story. But, here, it was actually referenced in a way that helped sell the story’s narrative, which I think was a lovely choice
Fair enough, then! I’m certainly not going to deny that people might sound like that in real life. What I think makes it drag a bit in writing is that it comes across as the story feeling a need to make sure that, yes, I know they’re still in love, whereas the ideal outcome is me realizing that they love each other without the speaking of it out loud being a necessity.
Yep, totally fair
This one came out pretty well, so I’m glad you’re happy with it 
There is definitely something to be said for switching things up now and then! I would not at all mind seeing more from you, so I’m hoping you’ll keep writing fanfiction
9161857
No worries! I am super long-winded when I write so I get it.
My ex-girlfriend-slash-best-friend and I used to call each other by our nicknames/pet names about 90% of the time we talked to each other. We might occasionally use our first names when we really needed to get each other's attention, or when the situation meant pet names would be frowned upon, but only if necessary. On top of that, we'd only break out our full names if what we were saying to each other was really important, ie. when we argued, when one of us was having a depressive episode and needed support, or when we were trying to convey that whatever we said immediately before or after (like, "I love you") held a large amount of mental or emotional significance.
So yeah, in retrospect that's pretty niche/probably just a thing I picked up in my own microcosm that I exist in; I still do that in my current relationship despite the fact that it's been 3-4 years since she and I dated.
Yeah, that's a good idea. I think I'll try working with that kind of sentence structure in the future.
Glad you think so! I think I mentioned this already but I really didn't want Anon-A-Miss to be the main focus but I did feel like it was worth including in some form.
I agree that that's the ideal, and I'll try working on that if I ever get around to writing in this genre again. The verbal confirmation/reassurance of love is just something that has historically helped me (and my partners through the years) overcome insecurities when I felt vulnerable or hurt, so that was the idea I had in mind when making these instances as prominent as they were. Still, I get where you're coming from and I'll think harder about when this is necessary in the future.
We'll see how life goes but if I am able to I would love to keep writing and improving upon what I know.
9162045
I like to think it’s a good thing when someone finds this much to say about a story
Ah, right, okay. Knowing that bits of the SunDagio dynamic comes from personal experience on your part probably makes them feel a bit nicer--I’d have to re-read it to be sure, but I think they’re probably fine, then. “Write what you know,” and all that. My impression is that kind of thing would start to feel more natural if you wrote that way consistently and people read a lot of your work, but at first glance it was a bit jarring.
But, y’know. This is fanfiction. If that’s how you want to write, I think you should absolutely keep writing that way
That is good to hear! Feel free to hit me up sometime if you find more space for ponyfiction in your future--it’s been lovely talking about storythings with you, so I’d be happy to preread/edit/bounce ideas with you sometime, if that sounds like it might be helpful.
I’m happy to see that you decided to make this an official entry, by the way! I hope the judges like it
9161793
It sounds really silly to say it, but I think in this area that's something SunDagio writers very often overlook
Not many of us have been in relationships where partners demanded we changed everything about ourselves in order to be worth loving. At least I really hope not. Yet that's how it's written a lot, so having the experience to say, "Nope, that's not normal," does wonders for how pleasant the story is to read.
I completely sympathise with how restrictive the site rules are there
I think if approaching that again, maybe just describing the songs would be more effective - that way it doesn't matter too much if people don't guess the exact song, and can even substitute it for one of their choice ('Sunset danced to some Country-Pop anthem of female empowerment, the kind of thing that was mostly just an excuse to throw on a leopard print jacket and cowgirl hat and go out partying. She did love the swagger of it, though, and the lyrics just racy enough to be suggestive but leave Adagio wanting a lot more').
I think we all have pretty long lists of songs that would suit characters, stories that could be built around them and so on (my latest wish is a post-apocalyptic pony tale of My Name is Ruin, by Gary Numan, with Adagio or Chrysalis tearing a world down), but overall that site rule probably saves us from an awful lot of mopey My Chemical Romance Anon-A-Miss stories
Totally fair about Arch Enemy, yeah; they're definitely a good go-to for female-fronted death metal (and Avalanche is a great song
). In This Moment have some really good moments - who knew nu metal could make a comeback ten years on? I can't hear their song Whore without picturing SunDagio.
I think that's a good attitude towards changing stuff - it's very strange to go back to a story and change it once it's complete, because each part of it shapes the rest, and you often can't change one thing without then having to tweak other bits too. Also I think once things are published it's like they're mentally compartmentalised into 'done,' and it's time to move onto the next thing.
So I think most of the time the best we can do with feedback is keep it in mind for the next thing we write. It means self-improvement is a never-ending journey, but at least you get better with each step.
I think it did a lot to break up the homogenity of the Rainbooms as a group, so it wasn't just six of them vs Sunset, with them all sharing the same perspective. Plus, you know, the image of the quiet little nerd girl thinking she has a chance with Sunset and then realising the kind of league she's been aiming at when Adagio enters the picture and how she's been hopelessly outclassed; that's rather sweet, especially given Sci-Twi's heavy focus in the show itself.
There's nothing like a deadline to motivate you into actually writing something. But there's also nothing like a deadline to stifle your vision with time constraints
And I don't know how it could have been done without feeling like unnecessary angst, because it'd be obvious that sooner or later the Rainbooms would forgive Sunset 
You are most welcome! Thanks for writing the story, and for responding so affirmingly to feedback, this was so encouraging to read
And it's great to see this entered into the contest for real 
I'm surprised you didn't go the full drama-bomb and have everyone leave her. :/ That's what started Anon-a-Miss in the first place, and that's how these stories tend to go, in my experience.
You could cut the entire second scene and lose nothing.
Absolutely loved this story! Great presentations!
9334054
Having read your full(?) review on your big fic rec blog post, I see where you're coming from. If/when I ever find the time to write new things I'll be sure to work on the stuff you mentioned. I'll be the first to admit this story doesn't have a great plot lol, but I'm glad that you felt, despite the many issues you had, it was at least sometimes well-written. I haven't written narrative fiction before so the honesty is appreciated.
If it's not too much trouble, are there any other specific recommendations you have to help me improve my writing? Aside from omitting the character referentials, i mean.
9369601
Well, move away from Anon-a-Miss, but that's a personal hangup.
It's been long enough that I don't recall anything specific not pointed out in my review. That said, if you're just starting out and able to take negative criticism with this much aplomb, I think you'll do well. :) Just keep on writing, and reading, it's all any writer really needs to do.
As others have pointed out, you did some really nice work here. Hopefully there'll be some more stories from you.
9588540
If i'm honest that's pretty unlikely. My interest in writing for MLP/EqG has waned pretty heavily, even though I still watch the shows. But thanks for the comment and for your appreciation and whatnot.
9588975
That's understandable in the waning original run of the show and all. But, if you write for other fandoms/write in general there's always some people who might want to take a look. <:
Well written, both from a story and the technical point of view.
Story is good as well.
Not bad at all.