The resident German wannabe politician.
Jackson 'Call me Wolfgang' Amadeus has been put asleep in a Sarcophagus for the last three thousand years as a punishment for a crime he didn't commit. He would've been asleep for three thousand more had his... containment facility... not been disturbed.
Now the might of one very confused Human has been unleashed onto an Equestria, were nothing is as it should be and worse.
Warning: Story does not include Gandalf
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I most have more to this wondrous story!
9103513
OMNI:We agree with you! Author please continue!!!
A couple of grammatical errors - an occasional dropped letter at the end of a word, a missed apostrophe, full stop, or space here and there - but nothing major.
Otherwise, very well written! I can't wait to see more!
I have no idea what is going on... how did a German composer end up mummified in a sarcophagus somewhere in Equestria? What kind of staff is that? Where did he ever experience pizza? Was the pizza good?
Who Told You This Was A Good Idea?!
9105545
Now you have confused me! Why would you think He was a composer?
9105552
Allow me to present Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, a composer of some small repute who lived during the 1700s.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1e/Wolfgang-amadeus-mozart_1.jpg
I know it's probably not him, (though that would really elevate this story to new heights of WTF), but that name was uniquely striking.
Have you heard his music? It's quite lovely.
9105561
Yes, I have had the pleasure to listen to some of his pieces and no It is not Mozart, while I do agree that if he were this story would achieve a new peek of WTF its just not planned and I don't really think it would fit well, Jackson 'Call me Wolfgang' Amadeus is purely coincidental and has nothing to do with him
9105581
.
.
.
Now how did I manage to miss that? I suppose I should begin to think about getting some sleep then if I've gotten this fuzzy. I admit to being just a bit bummed though, I was having fun trying to think of any series of events that could have gotten Mozart here, pining for pizza. My mind seizes on the strangest things sometimes.
Is BlueBlood getting bashed in this????
9105843
No he has yet to appear.
9105868
ah, chapter three has failed to load, too much weirdness perhaps?
While this story is definitely a hoot, it is also in dire need of an editor. Seriously. Liking the character though.
9110919
seconded
How'd you come up with the story's title?
9115011
Oh, it just sort of popped up in my head.
How does his phone still have charge?
9117053
It barely does. But that will be dressed later
Should be "fate", no?
9115948
indeed
Balck? Black
Nicely written, though it could use a going over by an editor to clean up the spelling and grammar mistakes.
Hey, are you looking for an editor? I'd be willing to go through this story and fix any mistakes I see.
hmmmm
Holds phone to eye "hello taco bell"
9241846
😂😂👌
I'll fix it ASAP
9232855
Agreed.
9241846
*dying of laughter*
9115948
9154716
More 'n likely.
Yeah this is where I get off. An interesting premise to be sure, but the grammar is just full of errors to the point of being hard to read at quite a few parts.
Hold up, this guy was from canon (or close) Equestria?
Is this a sequel to something? Seems like a human wizard in Equestria deserves some explanation.
That is a lot of spelling mistakes. Gonna need to sic an editor on this ASAP.
Also, it’s very strange. While this isn’t the first time I’ve seen forced comedy in an introduction, it’s confusing. I came into this thinking this would be a story about Gandalf in Equestria if I’m to be honest, because of the cover art, and the description seemed to support that. But here I am with - looters? A pyramid hidden away by destroyed runes and triggered traps? A mummy? And not just any mummy, but a wizard mummy? It’s honestly confusing to the extreme because everything’s just thrown right out there alongside forced comedy and spelling/grammar errors.
Okay I’m even more confused.
First off, he’s German? Secondly, he doesn’t know how to use his staff or his magic in general? Thirdly, he speaks as if he knows of Equestria like he’d lived in it long ago?
What in the world..?
Honestly before continuing the story go back and spellcheck because this is getting ridiculous. There are so many errors it’s actually making it annoying to read as you trip up on every single one.
Aside from the frustrating errors, the premise for this story is interesting but it’s executed all wrong. I’m incredibly confused as to what is happening because it’s going so fast and nothing is really explained. German wizard mummy wakes up with knowledge of a supposedly past Equestria and starts beating up slavers that just happened to take refuge in the pyramid with a menagerie of slaves amongst deactivated traps and destroyed runes.
We know nothing about the slavers except for the fact they’re there and have slaves. We know nothing about the MC other than his name and that he knows nothing about his own abilities. We know nothing about the world at large except for that Equestria is not run by Celestia but rather five unknown Alicorns.
You need to slow down. First thing on the agenda being spellcheck. Edit the hell out of these chapters. The second thing will be to slow down your pace, you’re going way too fast. Employ show not tell. The third thing will be establishing exactly what the hell is happening. You don’t have to introduce everything at once but have the characters react more, there’s no emotion in anything here! Give hints, give emotion, this is a story not a recollection of events!
9397285
Yes indeed. Perhaps that is what I will do. Let rest the next chapter and focus more on actually editing my chapters. As to the cover art, that was more of a Meme than anything else really, since I usually write Crack and this is my attempt at a moderately serious fic, but I don't plan on removing that.
I appreciate your critique and will strive to better the story. Eventually... Probably...
How did his shield not save him.
9466595
I did plan to explain that, but I have yet to reach the part where Wolfgang sits down for five minutes without getting into a fight and actually learns Magic. I am currently rewriting the story so that might take a while. Fear not however as this story is at the back of my mind, always.
9472635
Hows that rewrite going?