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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Already?
![:trixieshiftright:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trixieshiftright.png)
I'll read it when I'll finish Nightmare Woon.
Wonderful :D
1612052 no i'll read this before reading NMW![:coolphoto:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/coolphoto.png)
![:pinkiesmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiesmile.png)
come on soren you can make it just hold onto who YOU are if you need to wright stuff down but you'll pull through i have faith in you
What?
“You’re turning into a pony, Lyra!” I snivel weakly. “My body is turning into a pony...” <----- SO CONFUSED.
1612146 He was informing Lyra that his human was shapeshifting into that of a pony. Go back through the chapters since he arrived in Equestria, and you'll see more than a few hints in his observances of her that hints to that.
OOOOHHHHH! Soren's body changing into a pony *takes in deep breath
*
Totally saw that coming.
Next time something serious like that comes along, could it be a little bit more subtle
?
Nice job everywhere else, especially Soren's reaction to the responsibility and the situational irony.![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
Good luck with the next bit.
Really great chapter. It had good emotion, an epiphany, a promise made and kept, an expression of repentance, a break-down, and a revelation. Good job.
Hoo boy, did the tags just change with this update, or have I been asleep again?
1612165
Nnnnnnnnnnnhhh...
Insufficient foreshadowing. Recommend going back and making it more clear as a story telling element. I'm only really picking up on it in the chapter right before this one. The whole thing with the lighting doesn't really come off as important enough to pay attention too, in my opinion. And on that note, it seems EXTREMELY unlikely that enough hair to cause such an effect would grow and nobody would notice.
1612187 Considering I was purposely being blatant about it through the hints in the previous chapters, it wasn't intended to come as a shock. It's just another piece of the building problem.
I adjusted the tags in the fic after I realized where this was ultimately going. While the beginning was all humor and chaos, I found them building in a way that better suited a tragedy. In the end, his body becoming a pony is just another jutting edge on the mountainside from which he tumbles.
1612241 They actually changed a few updates ago. I hope it doesn't bother you too much.
1612261 As far as hair goes, I assume you're referring to the silver Soren keeps seeing emanating off of Lyra's skin? It's not actually fur he's seeing. I'm not so foolish as to do that. It's not even anything the ponies around Lyra are really attuned to enough to pick up on, never having been around humans before. You'll just have to wait for the next chapter to find out more on that subject.![:raritywink:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/raritywink.png)
1612320
Nah, I like the "early warning system" they provide. I just noticed them before reading the chapter, then read the chapter...
1612320
NNNNNNNNHHHHHHH
Disagree with your technique but okay fine. Mrgl.![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
Well, I suppose boobs are boobs in the end, there's no fighting that.
Losing his mind and his body. Guy can't catch a break. Soon they'll tell him that getting home might be impossible.
Ut oh. Soren's body is turning into a pony?
And he can't even enjoy it?
Well, shit.
Wait.
Silver-dusted face, I got that one.
Alrighty, then. Lyra is turning into a girl pony Soren and Soren is turning into a girl pony Lyra. Now they can be best buddies that have the same memories.
And then she died.
And so did he.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hee hee hee hee.
Some fan poetry about your fic. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png The loss of the Self I think for some arbitrary reason is far more fearful than the loss of Life, metaphysics or none, even if the net result is the same or similar. If it weren't for the obligation to safeguard Lyra's body, in Soren's place, I'd say "buck it" and make Cupcakes with Pinkie.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png
Yay update!!!![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
Also kind of figured that his body was turning into a pony!
Go to Equestria, turn into a pony. That sound about right to me. It's like going to the Kingdom of the Cats, in 'The Cat Returns' and turning into a cat. You are where you are.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
Wait what? Really? So... not only is his mind slowly slipping away, but his body... the one that Lyra is inhabiting... is physically transforming into a pony as well?![:rainbowhuh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowhuh.png)
This story just took a confusing turn. I only figured this out by reading the comments, actually.
There really wasn't much of any foreshadowing or anything suggesting that this was happening. Or if there was it was a little bit TOO subtle.
This chapter, I like it. ANOTHER!
1613913 1612261
Actualllly..... this has been a plot twist in the making for quite a few chapters now, as well as the climatic outcome being given room if you were looking for it. I wasn't sure how Soren's original form would become a pony, but with the small physical mentions through the previous chapters along with Lyra's ears looking too pointy at the start of the last chapter the final piece fell into place. All that's left is some magic based explanation for what's happening to his old body. Or in internet terms: "Wat dafaq Lyra? Meh Body!"
Haha... I actually complimented the author on being able to foreshadow properly last chapter. Most fanfic authors have a blunt or confusing delivery, while foreshadowing is meant to be a subtle and very planned element to a story. If this was too subtle, it's likely you've gotten used to the former while the latter should be encouraged.
1614543
I suppose? I will concede that a lot of the fics I like aren't trying to work with foreshadowing so much as characterization, so they tend to be rather blunt.
On the other hand (or hoof), I'm really just not a big fan of the way its executed. In hindsight, there's not much else it COULD be, I agree, but the initial read-through didn't raise any red flags. I would have expected something like itchy feet (even though Soren never had athlete's foot) or soreness in the limbs (even though nothing strenuous has been happening) rather than weird lighting effects. Additionally, such observations regarding changes in appearance given lighting aren't, I feel, beyond the bounds of Standard Soren Behavior. Given his desire to be female and a certain amount of OCD regarding his body, it doesn't seem unlikely that he'd be keeping an eye, even unconsciously, on what he considers "his". Weird lighting effects can thus be chalked up to standard lighting effects that were previously unnoticed.
Characterization aside, I've also observed authors use descriptions of the way the light plays off an object or an individual as a way to set the mood of the setting. In chapter 17, the two sentences that Seven Fates uses to describe the light striking Lyra doesn't really give me much of a "hmmmmm" feeling, as there's not enough input from Soren on how the lighting effect makes him go "dafuq?". The situation in chapter 16 happens in a situation where it's really easy to see weird things that are ultimately irrelevant and can be dismissed by the reader as easily as Soren does. As a result, the only event that really makes me go "hmmmmm" is the pointy-ears in chapter 18, and since that's the first time that's a real "hmmm" moment, I flagged the event but didn't draw any conclusions off of it. Even if I had picked up on the moment in chapter 16, two events spaced out over four chapters isn't a very high frequency of events, and so while it's an interesting point, it doesn't feel like its building toward an event in chapter 20.
I feel that if you're about to pull off a reveal, there should be more detailed description of the issues OR there should be a heightened frequency of events. I'm not sure if that's me projecting my own beliefs onto a story I'm reading, or if that's an expectation I've built up based on the fics and published works I've read, but yeah.
1614543
I suppose in hindsight a few quick things make sense, though it doesn't help that every single one of those things is a 'blink-and-you'll-miss-it' bit. It still feels incredibly sudden because the things that were mentioned were only mentioned for like half a second and were all seemingly relatively benign things that didn't raise any red flags. As I said, there really wasn't much of any way to pick up on them except in hindsight if you're just reading casually. Frankly, going back, I don't know whether this is brilliant or annoying or both.![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
1614786>>1615290
Fair points. To that I say usually the really early foreshadowing is of an almost unnoticeable subtly and then it becomes more obvious the closer it gets to the reveal. The more obvious factor here was the ear thing last chapter.
An example of insane subtlety would be in the books of Lord of the Rings where some of the characters noticed that Saruman had Hobbit tobacco in his room. Then at the end of the series they found out he'd been having dealings with the shires, hence where he got his tobacco from, and had managed to assault them with his forces after the Ring was destroyed.
Possible Foreshadowing Spoilers!! Read this if you want to avoid possible DUFAQ moments ahead with a possible story direction theory that formed for me a couple chapters ago while reading between the lines since I'm a foreshadowing technique lover:
The character has gender dysphoria, it was pointed out that Lyra wants a "daughter" (if they said foal it'd have been gender neutral and more about character development, but the author made it very gender specific), Bon Bon wants Lyra to take responsibility for Soren and happens to like him for being polite and thoughtful, Soren's mind is being wiped and his main body is now becoming a pony.
End result: Lyra messages his family about what happened, lots of grief all around, and they realize it'll be a better life for him there since he's now a pony. Lyra and Bon Bon take in and raise a possibly filly (or at least young mare) Soren after his mind goes kaput. At least, as far as foreshadowing goes this is the picture I've been picking up. I wasn't sure how his main body would become a pony/filly, but that'll be explained soon looks like.
1617644
Nononononononononononononononononono.
Please no. That would be like making Conversion Bureau into an accident that can't be reversed. This is definitely not THAT sort of fic, and such a twist would be a complete blindside, as it's not in the tone at ALL.
1617644
To be fair, I agree with you when you say that's how foreshadowing should be presented; that it should be incredibly subtle at first and then become more obvious as time goes by. But still, I'm a little dubious as to whether it ever got to the 'obvious' foreshadowing level. Like I said, if you're just casually reading it, then throwing in a single line about how an ear is a little pointier than you remember it isn't going to raise many eyebrows. In hindsight, though, yeah. I can see what's going on.
Put it like that and it makes sense, I guess. I for one am hoping that there will be a good end to all of this rather than a tragic one, but I can see that making sense.
1617691>>1617671
Quoted from the author in above comments in relation to story tone and direction and as far as it having a possibly tragic ending (or bittersweet at least, depending on your world view and personal philosophies). Like I said when I posted that theory a bit ago, it's just a theory that started to form for me after 13 or so chapters. It's just been continually reinforced since then though leading me to think it's very likely.
Also, I wouldn't call it a blindside, the signs were all there. Maybe the difference for us here is that I just found the story a week ago, so I read 16 of the chapters in one sitting so I saw it all unfolding. That is one major downside for foreshadowing in fanfics; the fact that your reader base usually sees each chapter with large gaps of time between them.
1617752
Ahhhh, that would explain it. *nods* Since I've been going via multiple sittings, I may not have connected the strings. Still disagree with the whole turning-into-a-pony-and-staying-in-equestria storyline.
OY. SEVEN FATES. PLEASE NO FORCED PERMANENT TRANSFORMATION.
1617752
Well... I must have missed that comment.![:trixieshiftright:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trixieshiftright.png)
I think ultimately, the problem is what 1617763 said. When you read the story in multiple sittings, you don't connect the dots as well. You tend to forget things in the gaps in time between chapters. As a result, I guess I didn't see the foreshadowing, nor did I see where this was ultimately leading. I can't say I really like that it is seemingly leading there with no hope whatsoever.
I am utterly dense then. What were the hints that Soren's human body was turning into a pony?
1621693 Not all of them. Lice are ancient. For example, our modern head-lice are direct desendants of the full-body lice (since full-body fur) that we had when he had a full body of fur.... except for pubic lice. Those are direct descendants of the ancient full body lice (and cousin of the modern lice) of..... gorillas.
I shit you not, and draw your own interpertations of what it means that human pube lice specifically came from gorillas, notably well after the speciation split, after losing the body hair in between.
tragedy/comedy.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
1612540
I would go on a killing spree.
FOR THE LULZS.
Huh, here I thought his body was becoming elven. Silly me.
I loved it all this was a sweet chapter and I'm happy that they finely find what happening to![:fluttercry:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/fluttercry.png)
![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
Cutie Mark Crusaders Siege Engineers YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*****************20 minutes later*********************
"Princess! Canterlot has fallen!"
"WHAT!!!!!!!! Who could have-"
"These three" *guard holds up CMC pictures*
"Mother of Me... I want them recruited in the guard. Now."
"As you wish Princess"
10 years later, Equestria completed its global conquest.
No more siege weapons!!! 7 Fates you irredeemable evil monster!!!! Next, you'll be saying giving little dragons plasma rifles is a bad idea. But seriously now, it's good to finale put minor dent in your bookshelf.