• Member Since 19th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen April 15th

Crono411


I'm going to finish this FoE fic!

T
Source

After countless efforts, Celestia and Luna have been pushed into a deal from a foreign leader. Trial by combat, each leader chooses a champion to fight to the death. Should Celestia and Luna win the land across the sea will cease their invasion attempts, should they win half of Equestria will be theirs.

This story was inspired and created for the "The Luna (is BEST pone) Contest.". The prompt I used was Luna, the combatant.

Cover art belong to NivRozs.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

Interesting.... That is all.

Oooh yeah, the violence. I am a fan :heart:

Wish I'd read this sooner!

This was some really neat magic and entertaining combat. I like the reanimating body, especially how it reforms around the club.

Luna bit down on a smirk. “At least now something resides between your ears.”

👌 :ajsmug:

The details of Cypress were also a great touch, especially the line:

Cypress scowled, some of the bark on his face flaking off from the rarely used expression.

Makes me wonder how a troll would fit into FoE's universe... it would be quite a formidable challenge. :trixieshiftleft:

Nice. I think this was a good setup for an extended fight scene. Some thoughts as I was reading:

I liked the dialogue in the first several paragraphs. It played well at the start to help establish the relationship between Cypress and Celestia, but I think a little less quipping would have given it more emotional weight.

I like that you set the stakes right away, too, though it was a little to expotion-y. Good job getting right to the meat of the story, though.

"Celestia gave a polite nod." Nice! :rainbowlaugh:

When Luna takes flight, I can hear the battle music playing in my head. Nicely done!

Similar to above, I think with some tweaks you can give it a little more emotional weight besides intensity, but maybe that's not what you were going for.

Good job overall. It was very exciting to read. There's something thrilling about watching Luna lay waste to a lesser opponent in creative ways.

Nice to see two alicorns in their natural element

This is delightful. Really solid action set piece, but more than that, you portrayed the interplay between the sisters very well. The world building aspect is also very much appreciated.

I like it. Some reasonable fighting, she had to work for her victory, but still with the impression that she was holding back for her own amusement.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

This whole thing was great, though I must admit being a little disappointed Celestia just burned the leader of another country to ash. Deserved or not, it's far more satisfying to let someone live with the knowledge that you bested them at every turn.

Oh hey. This story.

...oh.

This was great. In serious need of a proofreader - there was a grammar or spelling mistake almost every paragraph - but very satisfying to read nonetheless.

I'm not entirely sure why Luna's wings being unbound allowed her to do more airborne attacks. She could have been levitating the swords or the shadow magic to attack from above even while she was still earthbound, surely?

Nitpicks aside, this was solid fun and well characterised, a great blend of action and snarky commentary, with even a twist or two along the way. Thank you!

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