• Published 15th Feb 2018
  • 1,772 Views, 158 Comments

Dadonequus Discord, But It's The MLP Movie (And still doesn't have Discord) - CrazedLaughter

The "Hero Colt" Anon finds himself within the events of the MLP movie and tries to win the day in his own way. Of course, like everything else he does, this doesn't go at all like he plans

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“Almost, allllmost. HA! Got it!” You say proudly to yourself as you hang the stoned head of the Storm King on your wall using your magic. Not the best use of a charge, but hot damn the mantle looked badass with all that shiny gold. This was a testament that you were capable of saving this Equestria too…sorta...mostly...it was mostly you, right? Yeah, it was.

It had been about a week since the Storm King was defeated. Everything had returned back to normal and everyone was back to their usual happy selves. Discord, however, had not returned from his vacation yet. You wondered where he OH SHIT!

Your thoughts are broken when you hear a gigantic crash down in the living room, causing the stone head of the Storm King to come off the wall and smash into your face. “Nggg-ghhh...DAMMIT!”

After throwing the head to the side, you rush over to your floor door and very slowly open it. You peer downward to see some sort of fiery pod covered in lava resting on the living room floor. “What the fuck?”

You hold your horn close to your chest as your slowly go down your gravity stairs. The pod was circular in nature, and had a rectangular door on its front. It looked almost like a saiyen space pod. And if somehow that’s what it was, you’d be fucking ready to blast that space monkey to bits.

But, once again, your pop cultural thoughts were a little too over the top as the door bursts forward, detaching from the pod and nearly hitting your face. “Holy shit!” You yelped as you ducked. But some of the lava dripped from the flying door and singed your tail. “GoddGODDWSSFADF” You quickly flick it left and right until you got the burning droplets off. But your poor tail, the top half of the hairs was singed off.

“Ahhhh! Finally!” Said a familiar voice.

Oh goddammit, there he was. No, of course he had to make a ridiculous entrance that scared you half to death. You take a few steps back as the lava began to slowly approach, and then stop as it starts to sink through a hole at the bottom of the pod. “Discord? That you?”

“Indeed it is!” Discord hops out of the pod, dressed in a scorched hawaiian tourist shirt and cap. His body had several burns and boils on it as well. Obviously that pod did him no good in actually protecting him, but it also looked like he didn’t care. “Back from my vacation and…” He takes a look around, then looks at you with a disgruntled frown “Anon, no welcome back party? Seriously?”


“So that’s a no on the party then, well, that’s a shame.” Discord says as he snaps his paws, causing the lava to drain down through the house like a toilet flush. Even the pod goes down with it. “Speaking of which, how did that festival go? Did it crash and burn after Fluttershy’s bird choir show? Ahh, I wish I could have been there for that, but the rest of the festival sounded so dreadful that I’m sure without more of Fluttershy’s soothing songs that everypony went mental and burned Canterlot down.” Discord said with a light chuckle.

You just sigh and slump onto the floor. “You really are an asshole sometimes, y’know? I get hurt, I get burned, BY YOU, and you don’t care. Hell, I bet you don’t even care that Equestria was nearly conquered last week.”

“Well, I of course don’t care for that last part.” Discord picks you up gently and licks his talons. After doing so, he drags the tips through your tail. As he passes by the singed skin, it starts to regrow your tail hair like new. “Equestria is nearly doomed every other month, but Twilight and her friends always find a way to fix things somehow.” He puts you down gently and gives you a head pat. “Come now,Anon, don’t be angry with me. Look!” He makes a small bag appear and reaches inside. He rummages a bit and then pulls out a very round sphere, it was glowing a bunch of crazy dark colors, with blackness being near the center. “I got this for you”

You look to your tail and sigh. It was fixed, he didn’t apologize, but he did fix it. Dammit Anon, you were just spooked, that’s all. He’s just being himself, just let it slide. Well, most of it. If he tries anything else, you’ll use that last charge of yours to just pepper spray him. He’ll never see it coming, the dick.

You then look to the sphere. It did look rather intriguing. “What is it?”

“The remains of the core of a planet that was super condensed by a black hole. Not very useful, but I thought somepony like you would appreciate something like this. I’d say I risked my life for it, but black holes are something even I could conjure if I so willed it.” He holds it closer to you “Here, take it. Once you touch it, it will teleport straight into your dresser for safe keeping. It will also mean that you acknowledge that this is one amazing gift from one amazing Draconequus.”

Dammit, you didn’t really want to give him the satisfaction. But the thing looked like a ominous evil crystal straight out of Diablo. Fiiiiine, whatever, you touch it, causing it to disappear into your dresser. “Ok,ok, I admit, it looks cool. Where did you even go?”

“A collapsing planet near a collapsing star. Not anyplace a pony would want to go. But for me? A true cavalcade of chaos I couldn’t pass up. Oh, Anon, my vacation was truly one of my better ones. I surfed the waves of magma, rode the erupting geysers, skateboarded the GNARLY walls of the planet’s upper crust that were generated through the constant earthquakes, and even did the conga with the every expanding flames of true impending doom! That dance went on for three days, Anon, I was on fire!” Discord said as he did a small jig, right there and then.

A failing planet as a vacation spot? Only he would find enjoyment in something so ridiculous. Though, surfing waves of magma did sound pretty cool, like something out of a video game. “Oh, I’m sure. Oh wait, hold on…” So, did the planet blow up? Was he on it when it blew?! “Ok, did you seriously stay on the planet until it blew up? Because that would actually be really fucking rad. I’ve played a ton of video games and seen a lot of movies that just make it look fucking ridiculous.”

Discord smirked at you as he stretched “Anon, that pod I rode on? It’s launch was generated by the planet’s explosion itself, right into a supernova gone black hole! Had I known you were into something like that, I’d have taken you. I do have a few snapshots if you’re interested.” Discord holds up a small camera and squeezes it like an orange, causing a film reel to ooze out. “Or not…Oh dear, this is a mess”

Awww…”So, did the black hole turn the film to ooze or something? Ugh, that sucks, I really wanted to see it.”

“Oh no, the film was always a bit goopy. It’s just I had my thumb accidently cover the lens on every shot. Silly me…” Discord said with seemingly shocked surprise

...Dammit, now you were annoyed with him again. “Figures, welp, welcome back, Dad. I’m going up stairs now.”

“Wait! I told you what I had done for my vacation!” Discord gave you a pout “Aren’t you going to tell me about what happened?”

You roll your eyes at him “You said you didn’t care.”

“I don’t...except for the parts concerning you and Fluttershy. But since you seem ok, I assume the ponies emerged victorious once again...or maybe.” He looks at you with some fatherly pride “Perhaps you saved the day instead! Ohhh! Now I gotta know. I bet Twilight and the other princesses nearly lost their marbles when they realized their only salvation was the son of chaos! Or would you prefer ‘hero colt’?”

Oh? Heh, you forget sometimes that he does also have a lot of pride in you, especially if it meant showing up Twilight. “Well, it’s a long story, but…”

And so you explained the story, from beginning to end, in your own special sort of detail. When it was over however, you noticed Discord giving you a rather dark look. “Discord? Uhhh...why are you looking at me like that? I thought you’d be happy that I pretty much saved the day, I mean, with help...but mostly me.”

Discord’s eyes started to flare up with horrid flames as he tapped his paw and talons together. His tone however, was low and cold “I am...But the mention of him nearly ending yours and Fluttershy’s life doesn’t sit well with me. No, not at all.”

Wow, you didn’t expect him to react like this. That look, you knew now that if he was around during the whole thing with the Storm King, he would have ended him in seconds the moment he even attempted to hurt you or Fluttershy in any serious manner. “Discord...Can I ask you a question?”

“I would tear the reality from their existence, Anon. They would cease to exist in space, then time, and it would alternate from there. A truly horrific form of chaos I abhor using due to it’s lack of fun... But yes, something I’d use if I ever personally witnessed such a threat for myself.” Discord sighs, and calms himself. “Anon, I apologize. I should have been there for the both of you. But I was just-”

But you interrupt him. Woah, that sounded worse than just killing someone, but at least you knew, that for sure, he wouldn’t truly hesitate to save your life if the situation called for it. It gave you more respect for him then you already did. But your question? It wasn’t anything about that. Rather, it was a classic form of father-son bonding. “Woah! Relax there, big guy. I-I appreciate the sentiment, trust me, I really do. It lets me know that deep down, you really do care about me. But I was just gonna ask that if you’re that bothered by it, then why don’t we reanimate his head, make it invincible, and go play baseball or something. You know, just me and you. I think it’d be fun! Then we can put his head in a jar and stick him in the closet, sound fun?”

Discord snickered, then chortled, then laughed out loud as he stood up and gave you a big hug! “MY BOY! Now that sounds like an absolutely splendid idea! You get the head, I’ll grab the gear, and we’ll both make a grand day out of it!”

Ahhh Discord. He was your true blue pal. A huge asshole, but his heart was in the right place. Besides, being left to rot in a closet sounded more than fitting than being stuck sleeping in stone. Was it an evil thought? Sure. But like Discord, you really didn’t like that evil fuck and felt that the rated Y ending for him was too good for a guy like that. No, as a human, you’d get your petty vengeance over a fun father son outing.

And the future? Well, only time would tell what would be in store for you.

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Comments ( 12 )

Yay, wish fulfilled!:yay:

Or he could toss his head out the window. Give the poor X-Captain a buddy.


But, once again, your pop cultural thoughts were once again a little too over the top

"Once again " used twice here. Just looks odd.

How is the X-Captain by the way? Will we hear more about him?

Isn't this supposed to be complete now?

yeah, i will fix it when i get home

Loved it!

Maybe they could invite the pirates to play bowling with the head.

and finally up to date!
shame we didnt get queen nova or songbird (someone has to make her interesting). also it seems like skystar was just written off at the end. strange.

I hope tempest shows up more in future stories. its also awesome to see anon have a smug victory look. those are too rare.

they weren't important, they aren't even in the tags.

Yep. I enjoyed every chapter

then why don’t we reanimate his head, make it invincible, and go play baseball or something. You know, just me and you. I think it’d be fun! Then we can put his head in a jar and stick him in the closet, sound fun?

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