• Published 15th Feb 2018
  • 1,894 Views, 162 Comments

Dadonequus Discord, But It's The MLP Movie (And still doesn't have Discord) - CrazedLaughter



The "Hero Colt" Anon finds himself within the events of the MLP movie and tries to win the day in his own way. Of course, like everything else he does, this doesn't go at all like he plans

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Chapter 4: Traversing Klugetown

You had to cover your eyes from the bright sunlight that breached the hole that your cage was being brought up through. When you were brought on deck, you could see some shabby looking port town ahead. Hell, looking back? All you could see was near endless desert. Where the fuck were you?

You could see Tempest walk past your cage, Grubber close behind. She commands one of the storm soldiers to attach the cage to a long metal rod and carry you around. She commanded only two of them to follow, the one holding your cage and one other as just an extra precaution.

Tempest then looks up at you as you’re hoisted over the shoulder of the Storm Guard. “I’m going to give you one last chance. You’re a smart colt, much smarter than most. All I want is the princess.” Her tone was still hardened. You’d think she’d try speaking in a more gentle way.

You just look away from her, looking into the horizon, god...she was a dick “Nope. And besides, whether I agree or not. Your victory is also dependant on IF you can even catch her. And good luck with that.” You look upon the town once more “Why would Twilight even come here?”

“No clue” Tempest looks upon the town herself, then slowly smirks “But this is where the reports said she was headed. And that’s where you come in. We just hoist you around town to make you visible in case she’s still walking around. Or, to force her to give up should we find her ourselves….You know.” For a moment, Tempest seems to sound a little confused “You seem unusually calm about all this.”

You take a glance back at her, a little confused yourself “What? You care about how I’m feeling?”

“Not particularly. It’s just something to note. In anycase, I’d suggest not poking your legs outside that cage. The people around here aren’t like your typical pony.” She warns you.

“What does that mean?” What? What kind of ponies are in this town then?

“What she means is you really are bait at the end of the hook. You’re gonna attract more than just princesses.” Grubber says with a nasty little chuckle.

Egh “No one asked you you little shitstain.”

“Shitstain? Is t-that an insult? U-ummm…I-I mean..no one needed to a-ask” Grubber looked down, feeling rather defeated. For some reason, that kind of insult felt more hurtful than what he was used to. He then looked to Tempest with begging eyes.

Tempest stares at him for a moment before looking up with a sigh “Fine….Grubber, what is he?”

Grubber lets out a “Hah!” As he hops to face you, pointing his claw at you with an evil grin “He’s bait at the end of the hook! Hah...hmm” He sticks his tongue out at you “See? Someone asked.”

You couldn’t tell if that was adorable or just really fucking annoying.

Tempest then led the small force of four into this town. Klugetown she mentioned it was as she spoke to the guard holding the rod about making sure you were secure in his fists.

As for you. Holy shit. These weren’t ponies. These were anthro beings and tons of fucking fish people. Shark people even. And as you all began to pass by, a lot of them started staring at you. They all had hungry and rather creepy expressions on their face. “U-uhhh...what’s with them?”

“They are looking to buy you. The people of Kluget-” But as Tempest spoke, you suddenly had a freakout.

“BUY ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?! THEY LOOK LIKE THEY WANT TO RA-AHHHEHEEY!” But you yourself are interrupted as a mob suddenly rushes towards the group after they heard the words “Buy” from you. They were all holding up strange looking currency as they started to yell buying prices.

“25 storm bucks for the colt!”
“40! 50 even! I need someone who can reach in those hard to reach spots!”
“70! I need someone to taste test my swamp rat stews!”

Tempest,Grubber, and the guards started to step back as the crowd surrounded them. Tempest yelled at them to step back. But they just wouldn’t listen and kept coming in in droves.

Then suddenly, you let out a yelp as the cage is detached from the rod and is being carried off by a surprisingly small yet strong and nimble little rat shark looking thing. “Nyahaha! I got him! He’s mine! I got him! I got him!”

You could see you were moving quite quickly. In fact, this could probably be your escape! HAHA! What luck! Though, looking back. You could see Tempest jumping around like an acrobat and smashing everyone that came close to her. She was nearly flying and letting out skull shattering kicks in mid air. It was like nothing you ever seen before. Woah...Not even Applejack was that fierce.

You then start talking to your little abductor. “Hey, little guy. You mind dropping me off here? I’ll make it worth your while.”

“No! No! In pot! Colt soup! Yum Yum!” He says in a near psychotic wheeze.

…...wut?

“...Colt soup? As in me colt soup?” You gulped

“Yes Yes! With some salt too! Oh yummy!” He exclaims as he begins to make a turn.

NOPE! You’d rather take your chances with Tempest. “HELLLLLLP! TEMPEST! HELP! ANYONE! HEEEELLPP!”

Goddammit! How do you end up in these messes?! This bastard was going to probably dump the entire cage into his pot! GODDAMMIT!

The little shit made another turn, and when he did? Well, amazingly. He didn’t last long after that. Tempest jumped down from the top of one of the houses and kicked down on the top of the cage. The sudden weight and momentum crushed the little creature for a moment, causing him to let go. Tempest lands in front of him and slides her hoof under his chin and holds him up against a wall, choking him as she smirked. “Going somewhere?”

“No! No! Nowhere! He’s yours! Sorry! I thogNGH!” Tempest stops him midspeech with a press of her hooves.

“You thought what?” She looked at him with a menacing stare

“NOTHING I THOUGHT NOTHING! PLEASE!” He screamed for his life.

“Good enough.If I see you again…” Her horn started to sparkle with magical electricity “I won’t be seeing you a third time. I promise you that, understand?”

“YES! GYAH! YES! NO SOUP! SORRY, BYE!” Screamed the little monster as he scurried away as far as he could.

Tempest herself didn’t seem to take any joy or pride in what she did. She didn’t even insult the little rat shark thing as it ran off. Instead she just looked at you with a deadpan stare “So that’s when you chose to panic, hm?”

You did feel rather embarrassed about that. Until you remembered she wasn’t your friend in the first place. “Eh...I..look, whatever. I was almost eaten by a chimera once. Bad memories is all”

Tempest was silent for a moment, she then shot up a small bolt of lightning into the air to let the rest of the group know where she was. “Interesting….It was terrifying, wasn’t it?”

Why even mention that? You give her an unfriendly glare at the mention of those words “Are you trying to bring me down now? Going to tell me something along the lines of “You’ll know true terror soon?”, or some crap like that?”

“No..” Tempest turns away from you as she sees Grubber lead the two storm creatures over to her location. “I was just curious…” Her words there, you could sense a melancholy to them. What did it mean?

There has to be something there. Ponies aren’t inherently evil. They never are. Starlight wasn’t, even Trixie wasn’t. And despite Tempest’s cold demeanor, she seemed to be being troubled by something. And given what you knew already. It had to be about her horn.

You had to shift gears. You had to get over your own anger with her and try to figure it out. Once you figure out what her problem is. Then maybe...you could fix it.

“Curious because…” You decide not to continue that thought “Tempest” You sigh, here you go. Give it your all Anon, don’t fuck this up. “Look, I know I should be hating you and spouting stuff about how you’ll never win and stuff. But, y’know...thanks for saving me and stuff. And yes, before you say it, I’m aware i’m your bait and that’s probably the main reason you saved me. But, y’know. Thanks all the same.”

Tempest just looks back at you for a moment before facing her comrades. She once again looked confused. She’s never seen a child like you. She had dealt with children before in other places she had conquered for the Storm King. They always yelled the same thing, they always cried, they always hated her, they always saw her as a monster. But you? You were being used to explicitly draw out the princess and you didn’t seem to be worried about it at all. And to thank her? She found that strange most of all. She thought that surely you weren’t that clever to use that as some ploy, no colt is that crafty.

“Tempest, woooah.Yeah! And this is why you’re the coolest, you never let anything escape. The best of the best, right?” Grubber says as he nudges one of the guards, who just respond with a grunt. “...hmmm, eh. It was cool to me anyway. Oh, by the way. Since you were busy being awesome, I did some questioning on those guys you roughed up. And guess what?” Grubber looks at her with an evil grin “They sawwww ponies.”

Tempest eyes went wide, she was close. “Where?”

“Some guy named Capper took em or something. I dunno, but he apparently lives right over there. At that old tower thingy with the spinner thing” Of course, he meant that broken down looking windmill just a few yards ahead.

You say nothing, which actually catches the attention of Tempest as she has your cage reattached to the rod. “Nothing to say?”

No, you were thinking. If Twilight and the others were there. You really REALLY had to hope that Twilight didn’t sperg and try to save you. Fluttershy would…so hopefully Twilight can handle that too.

Actually, you did have one last thing to say. But it was unrelated to what was going on. “Actually, I do.” And this would be just a bit of praise, it might upset her...but..let’s see how she reacts. “I think what you can do with your horn is cool.”

She stops once again, and when she looks at you, she has a menacing glare that even worries you some. “Are you mocking me?”

You gulp “No..I just mean it’s really cool that you can blast super powerful lightning like that. I mean, I think you could have given Tirek a run for his money with your magic and your moves. I-I was just saying is all”

“Don’t listen to him Tempest, he’s just trying to get under your skin….I think? I mean, he’s praising you, and you are pretty awesome but. Oh wait! I get it! He’s just stalling us! He has to be, we’re this close to the princess!” Grubber thought he figured it out. But you were being rather genuine with your words. The mane 6 usually jobbed when they fought a group. And she took them all out on her lonesome and still managed to crush the little creep who nearly turned you to soup.

“...Right. Alright, let’s not waste any more time. And you, hero colt, I don’t want to hear another word out of you.” Tempest gives you a death glare before marching towards this “Capper’s” home.

Dammit, if that little hedgehog kept his big mouth fucking shut. Well, whatever. This place is a dump anyway. You’ll get your chance after this all turns out to be a farce.

Tempest wastes no time with the door and kicks it open. From the gasps you heard from inside however…...oh no….dammit.

They were in there alright. And they didn’t look too pleased already as this anthropomorphic cat seemed to had been trying to sell them to this shrew or whatever he was. Though, at the same time, he didn’t seem to have wanted to do that either.

It didn’t matter anyway. The little rat got what was coming to him when he approached Tempest thinking she was available for purchase. Tempest zapped him, and zapped him good.

Ahh, fuck. Here we go….

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